


submission

by Spooky1980



Category: Magnus Martinson fandom, Wallander (UK TV)
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Blood As Lube, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub, Dominant Kurt Wallander, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Submissive Tom Hiddleston, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 45
Words: 108,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spooky1980/pseuds/Spooky1980
Relationships: Martinsson | Jan Martinsson | Magnus Martinsson/Kurt Wallander, Martinsson | Jan Martinsson | Magnus Martinsson/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 187
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

Magnus couldn't believe his eyes as he leaned against the wall in the dimly lit club, licking his lip almost nervously as his eyes met those of his superior officer across the crowded dance floor. Lowering his eyes almost shyly Magnus felt himself responding to the sight. They all knew that he'd been having trouble with his wife and that she'd filed for divorce, but Magnus never imagined that he'd find the older man in a bar like this. Let alone dressed in tight black pants and a matching shirt that was open revealing a hint of chest hair. When Magnus lifted his eyes Kurt was standing mere inches away from him. He looked at the older man questioningly and as he went to open his mouth to speak he felt Kurt press one finger against his lips. "Shhh." He whispered, while stepping closer still, effectively pinning Magnus in place against the wall. Taking a deep albeit shakey breath Magnus nodded and remained silent. He had so many questions but he knew that Kurt was pulling the strings here. Moving his hand up, Kurt cradled Magnus' cheek in his palm, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth across his high cheekbone. Moving closer still Magnus looked up into the darkened eyes, as he felt the warmth coming off the other man. Kurt slid his hand from Magnus' cheek and into the mass of golden curls. Fisting them tightly he tugged on them, using them as leverage to bare the younger man's throat.  
"Kurt..." he let out in a breathy moan as he felt the brush of lips against the side of his throat, his eyes fell closed when Kurt's strong palm pressed against his crotch, rubbing over the heavy swell of his arousal.  
"Come." Kurt murmured as he gave a firm squeeze to the firm cock against his hand. Before letting him go and turning on his heel to stalk across the dance floor towards the exit. Magnus didn't think twice before following, his soft blond curls bouncing as he hurried to catch up. Stopping beside the car, Magnus licked his lower lip as he felt Kurt press up against him while he reached around him to open the door. "Get in. Mouth shut."  
Magnus nodded and did as he was instructed, sliding into the passenger seat, he buckled the seat belt and glanced over at the older man as he started the car. He watched the play of the street lights as they flickered across Kurt's face as he drove in silence. His jaw was firmly set and he seemed distant, more so than when he was working. He had no idea what was going on in his mind, but right now he wasn't going to jeopardise the relative calm as he knew first hand how volatile Kurt's temper could be. Nervously Magnus ran his hand through his soft curls while looking out into the darkness. Getting lost in his own thoughts he hadn't realised that they'd arrived, until he felt Kurt's arm brush against his stomach as he leaned across to release the seat belt. He felt his stomach flutter in anticipation as Kurt brushed his fingers against the zip of his fly, before tracing the outline of his cock where it rested against his thigh. Kurt's touch was gone before Magnus had chance to fully appreciate it. The car door opening broke the silence and Magnus let out a shakey breath.  
"Inside, shoes off and kneel in the lounge." Kurt commanded as he opened the passenger door. Magnus nodded and followed, licking his lower lip as his eyes took in the way the tight black pants hugged the swell of his superiors buttocks. 'He really does have a nice arse.' Magnus thought as he entered the house, stopping just inside the door to toe off his boots and socks before making his way through into the lounge. He bit his lower lip as he crossed to the center of the room and immediately sank down onto his knees, his hands automatically going behind his back and clasped together. He lowered his head, eyes drifting almost closed as he heard the deep chuckle as Kurt sat before him in a chair. Pouring himself a bourbon he watched Magnus closely, seeing him so still was a novelty and one he was greatly enjoying. Downing the bourbon in one he got up and crossed to Magnus, sliding his hand lightly through the soft curls. Tightening his hold he pulled the younger man's hair, drawing his head backwards exposing the long lines of his throat. Hearing the whimper of surprise ge leaned down, capturing Magnus' lips in a searing and bruising kiss. Biting at his lower lip and tugging it with his teeth causing Magnus to moan.  
"Good Boy, I know how hard it is for you to keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut." Whispered as he ran one hand along Magnus' cheek, caressing the high cheekbone gently before sliding his callused fingers down the long pale throat. Brushing against his addams apple as it bobbed in response to the teasing touches. "How long I've wanted to do this." Kurt said as his fingers travelled further along the younger man's chest, down into the open neck of his crisp black button down shirt, teasing the light covering of chest hairs that were just visible. Flicking the buttons open, one after another before pressing his hands underneath, palms flat against Magnus' chest. He could feel the steady thump of the blonds heart. Pushing the shirt off of his chest and down his arms, trapping them behind him as he kept painfully still. " You're such a good boy." Kurt purred as he returned his hands to Magnus' chest, following the planes of his slight musculature, licking his lip as he brushed his fingers against the tiny nipples, smiling as he heard Magnus whimper. "Hmmm, you like it when I play with your nipples?" Taking the pebbled teats between finger and thumb, lightly tugging on them, causing Magnus to whine in response. His eyes fluttered closed as a blush rose high on his cheekbones and down his slender throat. "Mmm you respond so beautifully. Such a gorgeous boy." Letting his nipples free, Kurt reached for his belt, unfastening it and sliding it through the belt loops. He grinned at Magnus as he took slow even breaths, his eyes still closed. Brushing a loose curl back behind his left ear, before moving around behind him. Sliding the black leather of his belt beneath Magnus' arms, slipping it up to his biceps and carefully sliding the belt through itself, fastening his arms firmly in place behind him.  
"Kurt..." Magnus muttered as he felt his heart rate quicken.  
"Shhh, I won't hurt you. I promise." Kurt murmured as he leaned down and brushed his lips against the side of Magnus' throat, moving to nibble his right earlobe. "You've been such a good boy for Daddy."  
Magnus felt his cock twitch at the name. 'Fuck, how does he know what i needed to hear?' He'd trust Kurt with his life out in the field, but this was so different. He was trusting him with a part of him that no one at work knew about.  
"Be a good boy Magnus, let Daddy take care of you." Whispered as he moved slowly to stand in front of him again. "I'm going to take such good care of you." Hands sliding over his cheeks as he leaned down and brushed his lips against Magnus' gently, waiting for him to open up, to let him deepen the kiss. Tongue pushing inside tasting the bitter whisky in his mouth as his tongue caressed Magnus', teasing touches as he took control once more, nibbling on Magnus' lower lip. Ending the kiss, Kurt smiled at the Magnus, taking in the way his soft blue eyes shone with desire. He licked his lower lip as he lowered his eyes shyly. "Don't hide from me."  
"Sorry." Magnus mumbled opening his eyes and feeling himself blushing furiously as Kurt looked at him hungrily.  
"Shhh, let's put your pretty little mouth to good use. Hmmm I want you to suck Daddy's cock." Kurt purred as he unfastened his pants, reaching inside to grasp his thick prick, pulling it carefully from within. Brushing the crown against Magnus' cheek, smearing pre-cum over his high cheekbone. Opening his lips Magnus waited patiently as Kurt rubbed the mushroomed head of his cock over his bottom lip, teasing touches that only made him want to taste him more. "Such a good boy, can you take all of Daddy's cock?" Pushing between his lips, over his tongue as he relaxed his throat. Breathing in through his nose as he watched Kurt carefully as he pushed deeper into his mouth. Moaning around his erection, Magnus, rubbed his nose in the older man's wiry public hair, inhaling his musky scent. It was a heady smell, so masculine but with a hint of vanilla. "Good boy." Kurt groaned as he tangled his hands in Magnus' curls, using them to urge him to move, to let him fuck his pretty mouth. Magnus' eyes sparkled like sapphires in the lamp light as he began to thrust hard and deeply into the wet cavern of the younger man's mouth. "God, such a good boy, taking all of Daddy's cock."  
Magnus moaned as he took all of Kurt's silken shaft, tasting the saltiness of his pre-cum as he took him deeply. He whimpered as Kurt pulled his hair hard, as he slammed into his throat as he began to loose control. "That's enough." Kurt commanded as he pulled out of his mouth with a wet pop.  
"D...did i do something wrong?" Magnus asked softly, he could feel unshed tears folling his eyes as he looked up at Kurt questioningly.  
"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just don't want to come in your mouth our first time." Kurt whispered as he caressed Magnus' cheek gently. "I want us to come together. I want to watch you fall apart while my cock is buried deep inside your cute little arse." Growling his voice thick with desire, he grabbed Magnus by the arm and dragged him to his feet, guiding him towards the kitchen table. Pushing him down onto it, so his cheek pressed against the cool surface. Kicking his legs apart he pressed one knee between his thighs, rubbing his knee against the swell of Magnus' balls. Smiling as he heard the breathy moan as he reached around and unfastened the younger man's pants, pulling them down swiftly in one move. "No underwear, you're such a naughty boy." Kurt purred as he rubbed one hand over the tight swell of Magnus' buttocks. Stroking the silken flesh before bringing his hand down with a stinging slap.  
"Oh god, Daddy please?" Magnus moaned as he felt his cock harden more than ever, instantly at slap. He could feel the heat in his bottom and in his belly as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment as Kurt spanked him several more times before his fingers travelled between his cheeks in their quest to prepare him.  
"Oh so naughty. What have you been hiding from Daddy? Hmmm." Kurt murmured as he brushed his fingers against the black rubber stopper that peeked from Magnus' stretched hole. As he teased it he heard Magnus whimper as the toy rubbed deliciously against his prostate. "Do you make a habit of going out in public stretched incase someone takes a shine to your pretty face?"  
Magnus shook his head no, while his body screamed in pleasure as Kurt continued to tease him, sliding the slim butt plug from his body, only to push it deeply into him again. "How many men have fucked your tight little ass?"  
"Oh god Daddy please..." Magnus moaned as he felt his stomach flutter as his arousal built, he didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold out.  
"Magnus, you're not going to cum until you answer me." Kurt warned as he rubbed his hand over his buttocks that were still tinged pink for the spanking.  
Turning his head Magnus looked over his shoulder at Kurt, begging him with his eyes to end his torment. But seeing the quirk of a smile on the older man's lips he knew that nothing he did would end this unless he answered. Blushing furiously he closed his eyes sighing as he whispered his secret. "Daddy I'm sorry, There have been ten men."  
"Shhh, thank you for telling me the truth." He said gently removing the butt plug and setting it down on the table top. Stroking Magnus' arms gently her reached up and grasped the leather of his belt and pulled him up from the table top while pressing the head of his cock against Magnus' tight little hole. "From now on, you're mine. Do you understand me?" Kurt growled as he pushed into Magnus slowly, feeling the tightness of his body gripping him as he slid into the warmth of his body.  
"Yes Daddy," Magnus moaned as Kurt pulled him futher up off the table as he used the belt as leverage and thrust deeply into him. Letting out a keening moan as he was stretched deliciously by Kurt's thick shaft, his fingers flexed behind him as his hands lay against the hollow at the small of his back as he tried to gain some element of control.  
"Ohhh you're so tight, such a good boy taking all of Daddy's cock." Kurt groaned as he thrust harder, his balls slapping against Magnus as he raced quickly towards his release. The way the younger man's muscles clenched against his cock, was drawing him closer as he milked his cock. "I'm going to come. Can you cum for Daddy?"  
Magnus moaned as Kurt hit his prostate over and over as he raced towards his end. "Oh fuck, oh god..." Whimpering as Kurt pulled him up to his full height, causing his cock to sink further into him, trapping his arms against the older man's chest. Magnus cried out as Kurt nipped his earlobe and purred into his ear. "Cum for Daddy." As hot ribbons of come filled him completely, Magnus fell into his own orgasm, his vision blurred as he came so hard, his hot cum splattered over the kitchen table.  
"Such a good boy " Kurt whispered as he held Magnus close, nuzzling against his throat while inhaling the heady scent of his hair and that which was all him. Rubbing his arm lightly he freed him from the belt, unfastening it he threw it onto the table and gently caressed Magnus' arms making sure that the circulation returned to his tired limbs. Easing out of Magnus he placed a soft kiss to the back of his neck. Smiling as he heard the soft sigh escape the younger man before he turned to look at him. Biting his lower lip nervously Magnus ran one hand gently through his hair. "Thank you." He said softly, before looking away almost shyly. "Umm... I'll just grab my stuff and get out of your hair."  
"You don't have to leave if you don't want to." Cradling his cheek in one hand he rubbed his thumb against his cheekbone.  
"I probably should, it's not a good idea for me to stay." Magnus whispered as he closed his eyes and leaned into the caress. His heart was telling him to stay, but his mind was telling him how much of a bad idea it was incase someone found out about it.  
"Magnus, please stay." Kurt murmured as he looked deeply into the soft blue eyes of his companion. "You can take the spare room. If you're not comfortable sharing my bed."  
"Ok." He said softly. Glancing away almost shyly "Is this going to change anything at work between us?"  
"Look at me Magnus." Kurt said gently. "What happens outside of the office is our business, no one else's. We're both consenting adults and I will treat you no differently than before. If you can't handle that, then I suggest that you put in for a transfer."  
"I'm not leaving, not without a fight." Magnus said vehemently, his eyes a blaze as he looked at the older man, while his stomach twisted in knots at the suggestion that he might never see Kurt again.  
"I'm glad to hear that, after all Daddy needs his Good Boy close by." He purred while backing Magnus up against the table once more, causing him to let out a breathy moan as his ass hit the edge. "Can you go again for Daddy?"  
Magnus nodded, licking his lower lip as he sat on the table top, allowing Kurt to push him backwards until he lay against the cool surface. He could feel his cum in the table top, cool against his back as he breathed deeply, watching the older man closely.  
"You're such a good boy Magnus." Kurt murmured, smoothing his hands over Magnus' chest. Rubbing his tight little nipples as they peaked with his arousal. "Mmm such cute little nipples. Have you ever thought about a piercing?"  
"N..no, ohhh god." He moaned as Kurt leaned down and captured his nipple between his teeth, tugging on it gently, before caressing the hurt with his tongue. Lifting his head from the table top, Magnus watched as Kurt placed open mouthed kisses along his abdominal muscles, teasingly flicking his tongue into and around his navel. He whimpered as his stomach clenched in anticipation as Kurt ran his tongue along the line of hair beneath his belly button, following his treasure trail down towards his cock that already stood proudly from a nest of blond pubic hair. Arching up towards his stomach it bobbed of its own accord as the rosey hued crown peaked from underneath his foreskin. As Kurt's nose buried itself in his groin, "Fuck..." Magnus couldn't help but moan as he felt the older man's tongue run hotly along the length of his cock. Tracing the silken shaft, following the vein up towards the tip. Swiping over the crown and lapping up the pre-cum where he beaded at his slit. Kurt looked up at Magnus through hooded eyes, keeping them on him as he took the head of his cock between his lips, gently sucking on it, making Magnus gasp as his head dropped back onto the table top. His hands moved to Kurt's head, wrapping his fingers through his hair as he tried to arch his hips, in an attempt to get him to take him deeper.  
"Daddy please?" Magnus whined as he felt Kurt grasp his hands in his, pulling them out of his hair and down to press them firmly against the table top. Holding them down, he pulled off his cock with a wet pop. Looking up at him questioningly.  
"Shhh, just let Daddy take care of you." Smiling again he ran his tongue along the vein that throbbed on his velvety shaft. Taking Magnus' cock between his lips he sank down, relaxing his throat completely as he took him deeply, his nose rubbing again his pubic bone. Humming his appreciation he watched Magnus closely. Seeing his adams apple bob and his eyes dilate with pleasure, he swallowed back a moan as his head dropped back once more. Kurt knew that Magnus was close, he could hear it in his breathy moans and feel the way he flexed his fingers as he tried to ground himself. Bobbing his head up and down he hummed as he felt Magnus' cock throbing.  
"I'm so close." Magnus moaned, as he bucked his hips, forcing his cock deeper into Kurt's mouth. As he moaned at the action it sent a ripple of vibrations along Magnus' dick. "Ohhh... fuck, Daddy..." Magnus groaned wantonly, he was so close, it only took Kurt to bob his head down, once, "Ohhh.." twice, "Jesus.." three times "Cumming..." he whimpered out his release. Pulling off of the younger man's spent cock Kurt swallowed down all of Magnus' cum before standing up, he watched the rise and fall of his chest as he came down from the high of his orgasm. He smiled at Magnus in his post coital glow, his cheeks flushed with desire and his eyes blown with lust, so much so that only the barest hint of the blue of his irises showed. His blond curls framed his youthful face and stuck damply to his forehead and curled around his ears. He wet his bottom lip with his tongue and took a shakey breath before he pushed himself up so he was sat on the edge of the table. "You look so hot after you've cum. So fucking sexy." Kurt purred as he reached out to cradled Magnus' head in his hands, stroking his thumbs against his chiseled jaw before moving up to his high cheekbones. He smiled as he saw Magnus close his eyed, his lowered lashes caressing his cheeks. "My gorgeous boy. You've made Daddy so proud tonight."  
Magnus opened his eyes, wetting his bottom lip as he saw Kurt leaning in to brush his lips across his own. He let out a breathy moan as Kurt slid one hand into his hair, tightly wrapping his fingers through the soft curls before tugging his head backwards exposing his throat once more. Kurt hungrily kissed him, biting his lower lip before sliding his tongue deep inside. Fighting Magnus briefly for control of the kiss, before smiling against the pliant lips as Magnus relinquished control. They kissed for what seemed like an age, leaving the younger man breathless once more. But Kurt brushed his lips against Magnus' exposed throat, moving just beneath his jaw before sucking the skin firmly, making the younger man moan softly. Running his tongue over the area briefly to soothe the spot before adding pressure again. Once satisfied that Magnus would bare a decent love bite on his throat come morning he moved up and nipped at his earlobe gently. "I'm going to enjoy seeing my mark on you while we're at work. Knowing that you belong to me." He murmured into Magnus' ear, chuckling as he felt the other man shudder in response. "Next time I'll mark up your inner thighs and the curves of your ass."  
"Please don't tease. I don't think I have it in me to cum again tonight." Magnus whispered somewhat seriously, he knew that he was much younger than Kurt, but he wasn't a teenager anymore either. He knew though that if Kurt really wanted him again then he'd find it hard to resist the lure of the older man's attentions.  
"Shhh, don't fret. I'm not going to wear you out our first night. You should really think about getting rehydrated and then into bed. You've had a very intense night." Kurt said softly as he let Magnus' hair free before carefully moving away from him in search of the glasses. Before opening the fridge and retrieving a bottle of water.  
Magnus bristled slightly at Kurt's words, he really didn't like being treated like a child, but he just nodded his head and braced one hand on the table as he lifted one leg so he could remove his pants. There was no point in getting them any dirtier than they already were. Especially when he knew that what he'd been wearing at the club was going to be what he wore to the office in the morning. Easing them off his other leg he looked up and blushed as he saw the hungry look on Kurt's face as he took in his completely naked body. He ran one hand through his hair almost shyly as he brought his pants infront of him. Nibbling his lower lip he looked away from Kurt as he heard him approaching him. He looked up with surprised eyes when he felt Kurt's arm brush against his lower back, "Don't hide from me, Magnus you have a gorgeous body." Kurt told him as he set the bottle of water down before he reached out with his free hand and pulled Magnus' pants from his hands so he could drop them onto the table top. "If I could I would keep you naked at all times."  
"Thank you." Magnus whispered as he reached out for the bottle of water, and opened it before taking a long gulp of the cold liquid. "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now." He really wasn't used to this much attention after he'd cum. Most of the other guys he'd been with didn't want to know him once they'd found their release. Hell he was lucky if they cared enough about him during the encounter, that they made sure that he came aswell.  
"It's ok, we can take this as slowly as you need to." Kurt said as he watched Magnus' Adams apple bob as he took another drink. Magnus nodded suddenly uncharacteristically quite. Kurt had never known him to be at a loss for words. "It's been a long day. I think we should think about getting some sleep." Gently rubbing Magnus' hip he moved away from him and headed towards the hallway.  
"Kurt..." Magnus called after the other man, watching him closely as he stopped and turned to look at him questioningly. Blushing under the intense gaze, Magnus shifted slightly, pressing his lips tightly together, before he spoke quietly. "Did you mean what you said about the spare room?"  
"I did, it's the last door on the left. Bathroom is the one opposite." He said watching as Magnus nervously ran his hand through his hair. "And if you change your mind, I'm the first door on the right."  
"Thank you, I really appreciate you giving me time." Magnus said as he returned Kurt's smile before starting to follow him down the hall. "Most guys don't want anything to do with me after, um you know."  
"Then that is their loss and my gain. Now get to bed, unless you want Daddy to punish you." He said ending his words with a low growl. He chuckled as much to himself as for Magnus' benefit as he watched the younger man dart along the corridor towards the safety of the guest room. Grinning he noticed that Magnus was already hard once more as he fumbled for the door handle as he kept his eyes on him. "Good Boy." He purred as Magnus slipped into the guest room.  
Magnus closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against the cool surface of the wooden door. Taking a shakey breath as he realised just how much he liked the idea of having Kurt punish him. Maybe next time they played, he could push him to give him a thorough spanking. He listened at the door for a few minutes more and once he was sure that Kurt wasn't going to follow him into the privacy of the guest room. He crossed to the bed and got in, pulling the soft cotton sheets up over his warm body. It didn't take long for him to drift into a peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after the night before

Magnus woke early, just as the sun started to filter in through the curtains. He sighed as he sat up and stretched his arms above him as he made to work out his tired muscles, yawning as he did so. He felt the ache in his shoulders but he couldn't be upset with how the ache had started. Feeling himself blushing as he remembered how Kurt had restrained him and then fucked him against the table only a few short hours earlier.   
Slipping from the bed, he padded naked across the hall to the bathroom, idly scratching at the trail of hair on his stomach as he relieved himself. Flushing the toilet he moved to the sink and turned on the water, washing his hands. His thoughts were miles away as he went through his morning routine. Looking up at his reflection in the mirror he bit his lip as he saw the deep purple bruising of the love bite Kurt had left on the right hand side of his throat. He could already tell that there was no way that his shirts collar was going to hide that. Not that he really minded it being on show. After all he rarely left the office, as he was usually assigned more of the mundane and menial tasks around the station. He'd rather not have to explain himself to the others who wouldn't be able to help themselves from prying into its origin.   
Splashing some cold water on his face, he glanced over his shoulder at the stack of towels that Kurt had set out for him. He picked the top one up and dried his face briefly before climbing into the bathtub and turning the shower on. He sighed as the warm water hit his chest. Surprisingly it was the perfect temperature off the bat, unlike the temperamental one at his apartment. He stepped under the spray and braced one hand against the tiles, lowering his head and allowing the warm water to cascade through his soft curls. As the water ran down his tired body he was thankful that it had been Kurt that had taken him home last night, rather than some random guy who really didn't care out making sure that his needs were met aswell. Kurt had taken great care to make sure that he had enjoyed the evening also.   
Running one hand through his wet curls, Magnus shifted slightly into a more comfortable position, biting his lower lip he reached down nervously and took his morning erection into his hand. He held back the first whimper of desire as he lazily stroked his silken shaft, watching as the rosey hued crown peaked from underneath his foreskin, the bead of pre-cum clinging to the tip. Slowly he stroked up and down his length, watching as he became harder and longer as he became more aroused. The vein throbbed along the underside of his cock as it arched up towards his treasure trail, pre-cum painting over his abdominal muscles as he stroked himself with a leisurely pace. Loosing himself in the act he didn't hear the bathroom door open, he didn't even know that he wasn't alone until he felt one of Kurt's callused hands slide over his where it was wrapped around his cock. Magnus let out a breath as he arched up against Kurt's hand.  
"Hmmm, are you starting without Daddy?" Kurt growled low in his throat as he stroked his other hand along Magnus' hip and back to caress one of his tight buttocks. His lips pressed against the nape of his neck as he stepped closer to the younger man, letting Magnus feel his own arousal as it nestled perfectly between his pert buttocks. "Don't worry, I'm not angry with you. It was nice watching you playing with your beautiful cock, while you thought you were alone."  
"I wanted to get it out of my system before I got to the station." Magnus said groaning as Kurt moved his hand away from his, sliding it down between his slightly parted thighs to carress his pendulous balls. Tracing the fine hair that covered them with his strong fingers. "Oh god that feels so good."  
"Mmmm, you're such a good boy, so responsive to Daddy's touches." Kurt murmured as he rained soft kisses over Magnus' shoulders while he began the steady descent towards the curve of his pert bottom. Lapping up the water as it ran down his spine as it hit the little dip at the base of his back. Pressing his lips firmly against the curve of Magnus' right buttock he began to suck lovingly at the smooth flesh. "Lift your right foot up and rest it on the side of the tub."  
Magnus did as he was asked, he groaned as he felt Kurt's lips move across to his left hip before the soft pressure as he began to suck at his flesh. "I'm getting close." Whispered as he tightened his grip, trying to ease his pressing need to come before he'd been given permission.  
"It's ok, keep working you cock for Daddy." Kurt purred as he knelt down behind Magnus, caressing his thighs gently before moving to suck longingly at the soft skin of Magnus' scrotum.  
"Ohhh god..." Magnus moaned as he pumped his cock more firmly. He was so close now it wouldn't be too long before he came. "Daddy please may I cum?" He begged as he felt Kurt's tongue lapping against the spot he so thoroughly sucked. Before he ran his tongue slowly back along his prenium and up towards his furled entrance. "Oh god Daddy..." he whined as he felt his control slipping, his eyes began to roll back in his head as his cock hardened further. He couldn't help himself as he felt Kurt's tongue lapping at his tight asshole. "Ohhh f...fuck." Magnus cried as he came hard, thick ribbons of cum splashed hotly over his fist as he milked his cock.   
Kurt got to his feet and slid one hand around Magnus' waist, rubbing soothing circles over his stomach, teasing the light trail of hair with his fingertips.   
"I..." Magnus started to speak as Kurt's fingers slid lower running through the blond curls that surrounded his cock.  
"Shhh, it's ok. We can practice on improving your stamina. Right now I just want to bury my cock deep inside your cute arse." Kurt purred as he pressed some slick against Magnus' tight pucker, rubbing gently over the muscle, teasing him to allow him entrance. "Mmmm you're so tight for Daddy." Kurt murmured as he kissed along his right shoulder, listening to the hitch of the younger man's breathing as he pushed one finger inside him. Slowly in and out, hearing Magnus whimper as he brushed against his prostate. "I love listening to you moan for Daddy."  
Magnus braced both hands against the tiles as he took a deep shuddering breath as he felt Kurt slip a second finger into him, scissoring them gently as he stretched him. "Ohhh god..." Magnus moaned as Kurt curled his fingers just enough to tease his prostate, stroking it firmly causing his cock to harden once more. His heady whimpers filled the bathroom as Kurt continued to stretch him by adding a third finger. "Please... ohhh..." Magnus groaned as he pushed back on Kurt's fingers trying to get him to go deeper.   
"So hungry for Daddy's cock. Do you think you can take it all?" Kurt asked with a rumbling laugh as he heard Magnus whine as he removed his fingers.  
"Argh y...yes." Magnus moaned as he felt the head of Kurt's cock press against his arse, rubbing teasingly over his pucker. "P...please fuck me."  
"Magnus, you're so sexy when you beg." Kissing his shoulder as he moved closer to where it joined his throat. "Can you beg Daddy to fuck his good boy?" Kurt growled low in his throat as he dragged his teeth across the juncture of Magnus throat. Pushing his cock gently inside but only the tip before stopping. Waiting to hear the younger man pleading with him to take him.  
"Ohhh please d...don't stop." Magnus sobbed brokenly as he clawed at the tiles, feeling Kurt start to enter him but then stop. The teeth nipping at his throat. "Daddy please..."  
"Please what?" Kurt asked as he placed his hands on Magnus' lithe hips, stroking his thumbs back and forth over his hip bones. Smiling against his thoat as he heard the hitch of his breathing. "I want to hear you Magnus, I won't ask again."   
Magnus breathing heavily nodded his understanding, as he could tell from the hint of aggression in Kurt's voice, that he wasn't messing around. Trying to compose himself enough to speak, he tried to ease his breathing. "D...daddy fuck me p...please?"  
Pressing into Magnus slowly he groaned as he felt the tightness of the younger man's ass. The muscles clenched around him as he pushed himself deeper until his balls hit the curve of his buttocks. "God you're so tight." Pulling out slowly before pushing back inside, causing Magnus to moan as he pushed his bottom back against him attempting to get him deeper. "So fucking tight."   
Using Magnus' hips as leverage Kurt began to thrust deeply and firmly into him, digging his fingers tightly into his flesh, tugging Magnus towards him firmly. Magnus' incoherent moans filled the bathroom as he rode him harder and faster, his balls slapping against his buttocks as he raced towards his own orgasm. Hitting Magnus' prostate over and over as he fucked him harder, he felt the younger man's wall clenching rhythmically around him as he cried out as he came hard, deep inside him. Biting down on the juncture of Magnus' neck he heard him cry out as he came, his body shuddered as he spilled his release.  
"Such a good boy Magnus. " Kurt whispered as he reached up and caressed his fingers through Magnus' wet curls, smiling as they sprang back into place as soon as they were free of his digits.   
"Fuck, are you always this horny first thing in a morning?" Magnus asked trying to keep from laughing as he felt Kurt ease out of him.  
"Oh shush you." Kurt said smiling as Magnus put his leg back down into the bathtub before turning around. He smirked at him while raising one eyebrow questioningly. "If you want coffee before we head to the office then I suggest you get your cute butt washed and dressed in the next few minutes. Otherwise you will have to wait until we get to the station."  
"Excuse me, I would have already been dressed if someone hadn't just chosen to molest me in the shower." Magnus said indignantly, putting his hands on his hips in annoyance at being blamed.  
"I didn't hear you complaining. In fact I distinctly remember you begging me to fuck you." Kurt murmured as he stepped closer to Magnus, backing him up against the tiled wall. Running his hands along his hips, stroking his sides.   
"Kurt please..." Magnus started only to be cut off as Kurt's lips crashed over his in a hungry kiss. Biting his lower lip and tugging on it as he moaned into the kiss. His eyes fluttered closed as he gave up resisting as Kurt pushed his tongue into his mouth while he pressed against him,letting him feel how much just being in his proximity was turning him on. Kurt grasped Magnus' hair and pulled hard making him moan.   
"Fuck the coffee. Lift your leg, onto the edge of the tub. Now!" He growled as he pushed Magnus harder against the wall. Kurt grasped Magnus' leg as he lifted it and pulled it up onto the rolled edge of the tub, stepping into the space between his thighs and he pressed his cock up against Magnus' Letting him feel him as he wrapped his hand around both their dicks. Stroking firmly he coaxed Magnus back to life. Licking his lips as he watched the way Magnus' cock grew in his hand. The head peeking from under his foreskin and the pearlescent pre-cum began to bead at his slit.   
Magnus moaned, as he clung to Kurt's shoulders as he felt the older man grabbing his raised leg and forcing him to wrap it around his waist, effectively tilting his pelvis upwards so he could reach him.   
"Christ Kurt, take it easy." Magnus tried again as he felt the momentary relief as Kurt let his cock free. But it was short lived as he felt the blunt head of his superiors cock as he pressed it against his pucker once more. Gritting his teeth Magnus hissed as Kurt pushed into him in one sharp thrust, his hands grasping at his hips as he fucked him harder than ever. "Ohhh... f...fuck." Magnus moaned as he felt the stinging bite of Kurt's fingernails as he gripped him tightly. Fucking him with abandon. Magnus wasn't sure if his leg was going to support him as Kurt held his other firmly in place around his back. He could already feel himself trembling as Kurt repeatedly hit his prostate with each inward thrust, his balls slapping against him wetly as he fucked him harder. Magnus groaned as he felt his cock twitch, jumping towards his stomach as he came again. The hot ribbons of cum splashed against his stomach, catching in his treasure trail. He was breathing heavily as he felt Kurt come deep inside him, moments before he pulled out and kissed him softly once more. He dropped his foot down to the base of the bathtub and felt instantly steadier on his feet. Although he was still trying to process what had just happened.   
"One day you and your smart mouth are going to get you into trouble." Kurt murmured as he pulled away from the kiss and stepped back, giving the younger man some space. He watched as Magnus just turned his back on him to finish washing up. Kurt wasn't sure if he had hurt him or not, but his silence seemed to speak volumes. Sighing he climbed from the shower and quickly washed up in the sink before leaving Magnus alone to get himself ready to face the day.

*** 

By the time Kurt had finished dressing he came out of his room to see the door to the guest room open, poking his head inside he found the rumpled sheets still left on the unmade bed, but there was no sign of the other man. "Magnus..." he called as he moved down the hallway and into the lounge, still there was no sign of him. 'Fuck, I hope he's not having second thoughts.' Kurt thought as he moved into the kitchen, seeing a half drunk cup of coffee on the counter he sighed, it was then that he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Out the kitchen window he could see Magnus standing by car outside, his hands buried deeply into his pockets. His head down as he idly kicked at the ground in an almost childlike way.   
Grabbing a quick swig of the coffee, Kurt grabbed his keys and made his way outside. Biting his lip nervously Magnus looked up shyly as he heard Kurt's boots on the driveway.   
"I'm sorry if I hurt you. It was never my intention." Kurt whispered as he stepped up closer to Magnus, reaching out slowly he gently cradled the younger man's cheek in his palm. Running his thumb gently back and forth across his cheekbone. "I know that I can be an insufferable asshole at times and I really shouldn't take it out on you."   
"We should go." Magnus said shifting slightly, looking to the car, momentarily before Kurt gently turned him to face him once more.  
"Please, don't shut me out."  
"Kurt please, I don't want to talk about it." Magnus muttered as he moved away from him and went around to the passenger side door.   
"Fine." Kurt growled as he he pushed the button on the key fob that unlocked the car. He really didn't understand the younger man sometimes. His mood swings were worse than Linda's when she was a teenager. But then again he really didn't know much about Magnus outside of work. Hell he'd been as surprised as anything when he'd walked into the club last night and seen him standing there. He still couldn't quite believe that the younger man had willingly come home with him and fallen so easily into the submissive role.   
Getting into the drivers seat he glanced over to Magnus who had his head turned away from him as he leaned on one arm against the window, with his fingers curled into a fist near his kiss swollen lips, which noticed that he was biting. He could see the deep purple bruising of the love bite beneath his jaw, and another peeking out from under his collar. He idly rubbed his fingers along his pant leg in what Kurt knew to be a nervous habit. Kurt knew better than to push where the younger man was concerned, when he was ready he'd share. They drove to the station in silence. 

***  
As soon as Kurt had parked the car Magnus was already opening the door to leave, before he'd even had chance to turn off the ignition. "Magnus are we going to have a problem today?" Kurt asked with an exasperated sigh.   
"Not everything is about you Kurt." Magnus growled as he turned to look at him, his eyes were darker than he'd ever seen them and there was an edge to his voice he'd not heard before. "Leave it Alone." and with that he slammed the car door behind him as he made his way across the parking lot and into the station.   
Kurt gripped the steering wheel tightly as he took a last look at the retreating form of his lover. Taking a few minutes before he followed him into the station. Stopping to get some coffee he looked around the communal area seeing no sign of the young blond he sighed as he took a long drink of the bitter liquid, clearly it was going to be a long day. Taking another look around he sighed in frustration before making his way to his desk in his office.


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus sat at his desk holding his head in his hands, elbows resting on the hard wood, head down so his soft curls fell over his forehead. He closed his eyes as he took a few deep breaths. Running one hand through his hair he looked up as he heard the phone ringing. He knew better than to expect anyone else to answer it. Getting up he crossed the short distance between the desks and picked up the handset. "Ystad Police, Martinsson."  
Anne-Britt looked at him as he chewed on his bottom lip as he turned to sit on the edge of the desk, grabbing a pen and a notepad and begin to scribble notes as he nodded his head. She couldn't help but notice the dark bruising on his throat as he set the handset down and rubbed at his neck nervously. It wasn't the first time she'd seen him with love bites, but it had been a long time since the last time she'd seen any. He blushed as he caught her staring at him, getting up he disappeared back into the office, closing the door behind him.   
"Have you seen Magnus?" Kurt asked no one in particular as he stomped out of his office and over to the coffee machine, banging his mug on the surface as he put it down harder than intended. It had been almost three hours since they'd arrived at the station and he hadn't seen Magnus since he'd disappeared inside.   
"In the office, I suspect that he's had a late one out drinking with the ladies judging from the love bites on his neck. He got all embarrassed when he saw me looking at them a few minutes ago." Anne-Britt said as she nodded her head towards the back office where their colleague was ensconced.   
"Hmmm, did he say anything before he went into hiding?" Kurt asked intrigued to the younger man's reaction to having the love bites seen. Filling the mug with coffee he picked up a second mug and fixed it the way the younger man liked it. A peace offering if you will, in an attempt to get him to open up to him.  
"Nothing, he didn't even stop for coffee." She said a little puzzled by the obvious tension that hung in the air.  
Kurt looked towards Magnus' office and noticed that the wooden blinds were closed completely so he couldn't see anything inside the office. "Ok, thanks." He said as he crossed the short distance to the office, the two mugs clutched in one hand as he opened the door to the office and stepped inside.   
"Haven't you heard of fucking knocking?" Magnus growled as his head shot up, his blue eyes wide as he saw Kurt standing there, closing the door behind him. Taking a couple of deep breaths Magnus felt his stomach flip as he heard the familiar sound of the door locking. He pushed the chair away from the desk as he got to his feet.   
"You really should watch your language." Kurt said as he crossed the short distance between them and set the mugs onto Magnus' desk. He watched the younger man as he backed away from him, his eyes wildly searching for a way to escape. "Good boy's mind their manners when speaking to their Daddy's."  
Magnus felt his cock harden instantly as Kurt's rich voice carressed his ears as he stepped closer still until he felt his back hit the wall. "Kurt, please not here." Magnus begged as he felt the older man's hand against his crotch, rubbing over his cock firmly whilst he invaded his personal space.   
"Don't you want to please your Daddy?" Kurt asked as he continued to tease the younger man, watching as Magnus licked his lower lip while his eyes dilated with his heightened arousal.   
"Yes, but... oh fuck." Magnus groaned as his body betrayed him, he knew that he was giving Kurt mixed signals, but he really couldn't help himself. He pushed his groin against Kurt's hand while he bit back a moan when he felt Kurt's other hand unfastening his belt. The sound of his fly being unzipped seemed abnormally loud to his ears, his heart beat rapidly as he felt Kurt's hand slip inside his pants to wrap around his length.  
"But what?" Kurt asked as he stroked Magnus' cock carefully, long slow pulls as he watched the soft blue eyes dilate with pleasure.   
"We c... can't not h...h... here, ohhh Christ." Magnus moaned, his head falling back, bouncing off the wall as he balled his hands into fists at his side. His legs trembled as he felt Kurt pushing his jeans down past his knees. His eyes fluttered closed as Kurt slid his other hand between his thighs, cuping his balls in one large hand, gently squeezing them before, tugging them downwards.   
"Shut your mouth, unless you want them all to hear you." Kurt hissed, tugging on Magnus' balls hard. Making him grasp hold of Kurt's arms tightly as he tried to steady himself. Opening his mouth to object to the rough handling Magnus opened his eyes to stare into Kurt's moments before he crushed his lips against his, kissing him hard. The kiss was all teeth and tongues as he fought to dominate Magnus. Pushing his tongue deeply into Magnus mouth, swiping at his, mapping the inside of his mouth, before withdrawing, teeth sinking into his lower lip, tugging on it as he pulled away causing the younger man to whimper.   
"Turn around, brace your hands on the desk. I need to fuck you right fucking now!"  
Magnus looked at Kurt questioningly, he knew that they were risking everything fooling around in the office and he knew how these things went. It wouldn't be Kurt that they dismissed, it would be him as the rookie. "Kurt we can't." He said gently as he knew that the other man was wound tight. He had no idea just how far he'd take things knowing that only a thin partition wall separated them from their colleagues.   
"Fucking turn around now, before I make you." Kurt growled grabbing hold of the front of Magnus' shirt, forcefully pulling him away from the wall and shoving him towards the desk. Magnus stumbled over his pants as they pooled around his ankles, falling against the desk causing the coffee mugs to jostle.   
"Kurt have you gone fucking insane?" Magnus hissed looking over at his superior.  
"Magnus. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Kurt snarled as he moved so fast Magnus didn't have the chance to react as he was pushed down onto the desk, one of Kurt's hands around the back of his neck holding him down as his legs were kicked apart. Magnus struggled against the desk as he tried to get free, hissing as the hot coffee splashed over his bare foream as his actions knocked the mugs over him. Magnus used all the strength he possessed to force himself up, using his bodyweight and the desk to push himself up so he was standing, his head thrown backwards hit Kurt square in the face as he pressed himself over him. "Fucking cunt." Kurt spat as he felt the blood from his broken nose. As Kurt put his hands up to his nose Magnus shoved him out of the way, before he bent to pull his pants up.  
"You fucking ever touch me like that again and I won't just break your nose." Magnus snarled and he looked over his shoulder as he moved to the door, unlocking it he stormed out of the office and into the communal area. "What the fuck are you looking at!" He raged as he saw Anne-Britt and Svedburg looking at him, not waiting for them to answer him he disappeared out of the main office.

***

Magnus ran cold water over his forearm, hissing as it made contact with the burnt flesh. Looking up as his reflection he cursed under his breath, he looked tired with the dark rings around his eyes, then there was the dark purple bruising of the love bites that Kurt had left down his throat. His shirt did nothing to hide those ones, he was thankful that none of the others could see the mass of them that covered his body. Kurt had made sure to make good on his promise to litter his body with them. Running his hand through his hair he sighed as he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned slowly keeping his right arm under the cold water to make eye contact with Kurt who hovered by the bathroom door. Blood covered his face and part of his shirt.   
Watching as Magnus looked at him with wide eyes that almost begged to give him some kind of meaning as to what had just happened. "I'm sorry, can you forgive me?" Kurt asked as he approached slowly, he held his hands up, palms out and flat in the universal sign of a peace offering.   
"Do you even know what you're apologising for?" Magnus asked trying to hold his temper in check. Seeing Kurt's eyes flicker away momentarily, he knew that he was going to have to spell it out to him. "You of all people should know that you don't force yourself on someone. You almost raped me!" Magnus hissed, keeping his voice low as he knew that at any moment someone else could enter the bathroom. "I don't care who you are, I won't let anyone hurt me that way again." Magnus said feeling his stomach flip, as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Turning away from Kurt he bit his lower lip as he felt the tears begin to fill his eyes. He'd managed to keep that part of his life hidden away from his colleagues.   
"Magnus I'm sorry, I didn't know." Kurt murmured as he stepped closer and as he reached out to place his hands on the younger man's shoulders, he felt him flinch away from him.  
"Don't, not right now." Whispered as he looked up at Kurt in the mirrors reflection, seeing the tears as they fell down his cheeks, he reached up and angrily brushed them away. He didn't want to cry infront of Kurt, not over something that he couldn't change. It had been six months since he'd been raped, but it was still as fresh in his mind as if it had happened yesterday.  
"When?" Kurt asked as his eyes softened as he looked at the younger man.   
Magnus shook his head as he moved away from Kurt, "Please, not here." Magnus murmured as he turned off the tap and turned to see the horrified expression on Kurt's face, his eyes were full of pity as he searched his for answers.  
Nodding his understanding, he'd drop it for now, but they would talk about this later. "You should go and get that checked out." Kurt said softly as he pointed to Magnus' arm that was red from the hot coffee. Magnus cradled his arm against his chest as he bit his lower lip nervously. Tears filled his eyes, but had yet to fall as Kurt stepped closer, invading his personal space once more. He reached out gently and caressed Magnus' cheek, rubbing his thumb across his cheekbone, capturing his tears as they fell. "I'm an asshole and I'm sorry that I hurt you. Can you please forgive me?"  
Magnus nodded as he leaned into the touch. "I'm sorry that I broke your nose." Magnus said, trying hard not to smile as he regarded the older man.   
"It's ok. I deserved it for what I tried to do." Kurt said sincerely, taking his hand away from Magnus cheek. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but it was far too risky as he heard someone talking outside of the door. "Please can we talk about this later, tonight?"  
Magnus sighed as he shifted slightly from one foot to the other as he moved to lean against the sink, his head lowered as he looked at his feet. His soft curls fell over his forehead as he crossed his arms over his chest. Hissing as his left caught the burn on his right forearm. "I'd rather not, but I know you're not going to leave it alone."  
"After work at mine?" Kurt said hopefully as Magnus looked up with wide blue eyes that shone with so much sadness right now. Nodding his head yes, his soft blond curls bouncing slightly. "I'll get a takeaway and some beers in."  
"Alright but I'm not staying overnight. " Magnus said pushing away from the sink and making to leave the bathroom. As he came close to Kurt, he reached out and brushed his fingers lightly against Magnus'.  
"Ok." Kurt murmured as Magnus slipped away and out of the bathroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> contains graphic description of sexual abuse/rape

Magnus really wasn't looking forward to opening up to Kurt, but he knew that he'd not drop it. He would keep picking at it until he made him crack. Sighing as he finished the beer he had in his hand, he knew that it was going to take more than a couple of beers to take the edge off enough for him to want to discuss it. Rubbing the bridge of his nose as he tried to lessen the headache he could feel building, passing his hand through his soft blond curls nervously before opening the car door, getting to his feet he climbed from the car and glanced up at Kurt's home. His stomach was doing summersaults as his anxiety rose, one hand still on the car door he looked away briefly as he considered leaving.   
"Magnus, are you coming inside or what?" Kurt asked, as he stepped out into the driveway. He'd been watching Magnus as he sat in the car motionless for almost twenty minutes. Gripping the steering wheel tightly as he stared out into the darkness as the sun set.  
"I was considering if I could get away with going home without you noticing." Magnus whispered as he turned to look at the older man. Giving him a wry smile, knowing full well that there was no way that Kurt was going to let him drive after he'd been drinking. He could already see the look on Kurt's face that said 'You must be joking.' Closing the car door he nibbled his lower lip nervously as he made his way up to the house. Not looking at Kurt as he passed him and stopped just over the threshold and toed off his boots. Shrugging off his jacket he trudged silently into the lounge and sat down heavily on the well worn leather sofa.   
Kurt followed him in and silently handed him another beer, before setting the six pack down on the coffee table. Sitting down he picked up his tumbler and took a drink of the bourbon. Carefully regarding the younger man as he took a long drink of the cold beer. One hand nervously running through his curls before rubbing at his neck. Watching the way he chewed on his lower lip, worrying it between his teeth as he fidgets. His right leg bouncing slightly of its own accord.   
Looking up with glassy eyes, Magnus wet his lower lip and let out a breath he'd not realised he'd been holding. "It happened around six months ago, he was the last guy before you to pick me up in the bar." Whispered as he lowered his head, his soft curls falling onto his forehead. He couldn't bear to look at Kurt or see the pity in his eyes as he spoke. "He seemed so nice, bought me drinks and paid me all the usual compliments. Told me how beautiful I was, how much lovelier I was than all the other boys he'd taken home." Magnus continued closing his eyes slowly as he took a shakey breath. "He whispered the filthiest things that he wanted to do to me in my ear, all the while he stroked my cock through my jeans, while he got me more inebriated." Magnus looked up and felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as Kurt looked at him with such intensity, he couldn't help thinking that he was being silently judged by the older man. Draining the remainder of his beer, he set the empty bottle down before reaching for another.   
"You might want to slow down a little." Kurt said gently, he knew that he was treading on very thin ice here, as it wouldn't take much for Magnus to clam up and flee.  
"If I'm going to relive this I need to get drunk." Magnus said shifting slightly on the sofa, his legs spreading as they often did as he tried to relax. "He knew just what buttons to push to draw me in, and before I knew what was happening he had me begging to cum down his throat as he gave me the most incredible blow job in the bathroom at the bar, before he convinced me to go home with him."  
Kurt felt angry that another man had touched Magnus before him, even more sickening was the fact that this man had hurt his beautiful boy. Taking another long drink he watched Magnus rubbing at his thigh nervously, while he seemed to gaze off into the distance. "I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point he spiked my drinks. I must have passed out, because when I woke up he had me blindfolded and restrained. I.. I couldn't move." Magnus said his voice thick with emotion as he tried to calm himself down, taking deep slow breaths.  
"It's ok, take all the time you need." Kurt murmured as he got up and crossed the short distance between them, sitting down beside Magnus he reached out tentatively, his hand hovering over the younger man's. "Is this alright?" He asked before gently setting his hand over his. Seeing Magnus nod he carefully entwined their fingers as he gave his hand a light squeeze. Letting him know that he was right here for him.  
"He tied me down on some sort of table so my body was at his mercy. He f...fuck K...Kurt please don't make me tell you." Magnus said shifting so he was facing the older man. Tears shone bright in his soft blue eyes.   
"Magnus I know that this is really distressing for you, but if we're going to continue to sleep with one another then I need you to tell me exactly what he did to you so that we don't have a repeat of this morning. Fuck I don't ever want you to be scared of me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I hurt you like he did."  
Magnus pulled his hand away from Kurt and got to his feet, downing his beer, before snatching up another. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging on it firmly as he drank more. He began to pace back and forth like a caged animal. "He force a gag with a dildo down my throat and tightened it so tightly I thought I would pass out, I couldn't breathe but he didn't care." Magnus said as his breathing began to speed up, his heart raced in his chest as he remembered how helpless he had felt. "He forced himself into me without any prep, fuck... please." Magnus begged as he felt the sharp pains in his chest as the room started to spin. He was going to throw up, or pass out. He wasn't sure which. Clutching at his chest he sank down to the floor and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his long arms around his legs he began to rock back and forth, his breath coming far too fast. He couldn't catch his breath and his vision went black as he passed out when he'd begun to hyperventilate.   
"Bollocks," Kurt cursed as he got to his feet and went slowly over to Magnus, gently lifting him so his head lay in his lap. Slowly running his fingerd through his soft blond curls as he watched as the younger man's eyelids fluttered as he slowly came round. "Easy Magnus, you're ok. I've got you." He murmured as he continued to card his fingers through the fine hair. It took several minutes for Magnus to come back to himself completely. His breathing slowed as Kurt's gentle caresses seemed to soothe him. "It's ok, he can't hurt you anymore."  
Magnus licked his lower lip slowly as he came back into himself, he knew that he shouldn't have come here. Nothing good was going to come from him dragging it all back up again. He'd worked so hard to push it from his mind. For six months he'd been able to forget it while he was awake at least, that was until Kurt had been a little too rough with him in the shower that morning. That had stirred up the painful memories and then when he'd tried to overwhelm him at the station he'd cracked the floodgates and it had all come crashing down around him. Sitting up slowly Magnus put his head in his hands as he gently rocked back and forth, tears running freely down his face as the memories of the rape assaulted him. 

...He couldn't see anything, he couldn't breathe as he started to panic, the thick rubber dildo pressed so far down his throat that he could feel himself starting to choke. He couldn't move no matter how much he struggled. He'd tied him down, the thick leather cuffs kept him pinned to the bench, arms cuffed down near the floor, attached to the sturdy legs of the device. His cock had been passed through a hole in the bench along with his balls, they didn't want him to get any friction against him, even if he'd been able to get any pleasure from this. Tears fell down his cheeks as he started to hyperventilate as soon as he'd felt the pressure against his unprepared entrance, struggling as much as he could with his legs pinned either side of the bench, firmly restrained in place to the floor, keeping him spread.   
'No... ohhh Christ please no....' pain exploded through his body, so much pain. He tried to scream, but he couldn't, though he could hear it as he screamed inside his head...

Magnus screamed, as he rocked back and forth, hands fisted tightly in his hair. "Fuck," Kurt cursed as he reached out tentatively once more, feeling Magnus flinch away momentarily. The screams made way for keening wails, his body was trembling as he sobbed openly. Kurt tried again as he moved closer. He reached out again, placing his hand in the small of Magnus' back, rubbing his back gently in soft soothing circles as he sat beside his colleague. 'How the hell did he hide this trauma from us all for the last six months?' He idly wondered and then it struck him. Magnus had taken off three weeks with a mystery illness, his throat so sore he'd hardly been able to understand him when he'd phoned in sick.   
"It's ok Magnus, I've got you. No one's going to hurt you. Shhh I'm here." Kurt murmured softly as he continued to soothe the younger man, gently moving to wrap his arms around him as Magnus curled up on himself, long arms wrapped tightly around his knees. His head resting on his knees as the sobs made way to hitched breathing as he came back into himself him. "Shhh it's ok. I've got you." Whispered as he pulled him gently into a full hug. Kurt didn't know how long they sat entwined on the floor, as he listened to Magnus' breathing evening out as he started relax once more.   
Lifting his head Magnus looked up through watery eyes, running one hand through his curls before he gave! Kurt a soft smile. "As much as I want you to hold me right now. I really need a piss." He murmured as he carefully unwrapped his arms from around his long legs. Kurt couldn't help but smile as Magnus' words broke through the silence. Nodding Kurt removed his arms and got up, making his way back to his chair he refilled his tumbler and took a gulp. Watching as Magnus winced, as his muscles protested being unwrapped as he stretched out his long limbs, before pushing himself up onto his knees so he could get up. 'How could anyone want to hurt him, yeah he has a smart mouth at times and he drives me fucking insane. But to cause him so much pain when he's put his trust in you and laid himself bare was just barbaric.' Kurt thought as he watched Magnus as he got to his feet and slowly made his way out of the room, he weaved slightly from side to side as the effects of the alcohol made its presence known. 

***

Magnus rubbed the back of his neck tiredly as he came back into the room, noticing now for the first time that Kurt had turned on the lamp. He moved back to the sofa and sank down onto it, reaching out he picked up another beer. "Please don't look at me like I'm a victim. I.. I can't bare it." Magnus said as he looked up seeing the pain and was that pity in his superiors eyes.  
"Magnus, you know it's ok to not be ok."  
Magnus gave an incredulous laugh, shaking his head as he looked away momentarily, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Please, just don't ok." Knocking back the beer he tried not to maintain eye contact as he couldn't cope with the pitying look in the older man's eyes.  
"Why didn't you report it?"   
"You're not seriously asking me why." Magnus growled as he fixed Kurt with a heated stare. "I didn't want anyone to know. Fuck you know how bad we are for keeping secrets. I didn't want to be the subject of the gossip at the station. Will, You stop looking at me like that!" Getting to his feet he began pacing back and forth like a wild animal.   
Kurt could see that Magnus was clearly agitated. He was in pain and there was nothing that he could do to take away the hurt he'd been subjected to at the hands of another. Getting up as Magnus turned away to make another pass of the room, Kurt set the tumbler down before making his move. "Magnus stop!" Kurt said firmly as he caught him by the arms, holding him still as he tried to free himself. Pulling him against his chest, he held him tightly. "It's ok. Shhh."   
Magnus stilled after a few moments when he realised that Kurt wasn't going to let him free. Wrapping his arms around him, Magnus rest his head on the older man's shoulder and let out a shakey breath.


	5. Chapter  5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus continues to discuss the rape

Magnus opened his eyes slowly, blinking as they slowly became accustomed to the light shining in through the curtains. His head throbbed painfully and his mouth felt like something had died in there. He felt a warm arm wrapped around him, hand against his chest. He could feel the warmth of his companions body as they lay pressed up against his back. Glancing downwards he was relieved to see that he still had his jeans on at least. Gently reaching down he grasped the other man's wrist and gently lifted the muscular arm, biting his lower lip as he tried not to make a sound as slipped from the bed. As he stood he ran his hand lightly through his hair as he saw Kurt's sleeping form. He carefully regarded the older man's body, he was naked apart from a pair of black boxer shorts. Looking at all the delightful fur of his chest hair that met with a glorious furry treasure trail, he smiled softly as Kurt really wasn't his usual type, but there was just something about him that pushed all his buttons. Whether it was while they were at work or outside of it, he challenged him and he excited him in ways very few ever had. He couldn't remember them going to bed last night, but then alot of it was a blur. 

"Come back to bed." Kurt purred as he looked up at Magnus where he stood.   
"In a minute, I need a piss." Magnus said feeling a smile forming on his lips. Seeing Kurt nod as he moved to lay on his back. Biting his lower lip as he noticed the obvious signs of Kurt's morning arousal tenting the boxers. Blushing furiously he left the room and made his way to the bathroom. 

Magnus washed up after relieving himself, he looked up at his reflection and sighed, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted. He splashed some water in his face before drying off and making his way back to the guest bedroom. As he entered he smiled softened as he saw Kurt sitting up waiting for him. 

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked as Magnus returned to the bed, climbing onto it, he moved into Kurt's embrace, resting his head on his shoulder hd allowed himself to be held.  
"Like shit, but it's not surprising." Magnus whispered as he slowly began to run his fingers through Kurt's chest hair. "I lost count after the eighth beer."  
"I'm surprised that you're awake. I'm not judging, but you drank a lot last night." Kurt said as he ran his hand lightly along Magnus' side. He could get used to waking up with the younger man in his arms.   
"Can you blame me after what I told you last night?" Looking up with glassy eyes, he bit his lip nervously as he knew that there would be more questions. "I'd completely understand if you're angry with me for not saying anything before we slept together."  
"Please tell me that you got tested after. I'm not blaming you. What happened wasn't your fault. That bastard took advantage of you."   
"I was lucky that he didn't have anything." Magnus murmured as he lowered his eyes shyly. He knew that what he'd done was incredibly stupid, but then he'd been heavily under the influence at the time.   
"Had you been with him before that night?"   
"No, I'd seen him in the bar before though, but he was always with other young men." Magnus explained, nibbling on his lower lip as he brushed his fingers lightly over Kurt's pectoral muscles, teasingly drawing little circles around his nipple as he tried to distract himself from the reality of the conversation he was being forced to partake in.  
"Have you seen him there since?" Kurt asked seriously as his breath hitched as Magnus teased his nipple gently, looking down he saw that the soft blue eyes were blown with desire. He wet his bottom lip with his tongue as a blush rose high on his cheekbones.   
"The night you took me home was the first time I've been back in six months. I hadn't been there long enough to notice if he was there. I was kind of distracted by you."  
"Did you meet all ten of your lovers there?" Kurt asked biting back a groan as he felt Magnus tug his nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "Magnus this is serious, please can you concentrate for a moment." Kurt said as he covered the younger man's hands stopping them as he went to palm his erection through his shorts.  
"Everyone I've ever slept with I've met there. Its the only place besides on dating websites to meet other guys. At least in the bar there's guaranteed to be plenty of people around." Magnus said shifting slightly as he moved so he was kneeling beside Kurt. He looked up at him begging him silently to touch him. "Unlike what people would have you believe, I'm not stupid. I know how to look after myself."  
"Magnus I never said that." Kurt said gently as he reached up and slid his hand across his cheek, rubbing his thumb gently back and forth across his cheekbone. "You were spiked and then raped. That sick fucker probably stalked you for months before he made his move."  
"Will you help me to forget?" Magnus asked softly as he lowered his eyes shyly as he brought Kurt's other hand down to press against his semi. He wanted to forget, wanted to get back to the incredible sex that they'd shared before all this had come crashing back into his life. Turning his head he pressed soft kisses to Kurt's palm, before he took one of his fingers between his lips and began to suck it longingly.   
"Magnus, you can't keep avoiding this. You were raped. You need to face up to that."  
"Don't you think i fucking know that. It happened to me, he fucked me!" Magnus yelled as he pulled away from Kurt, frustrated he ran his hands through his hair as he scanned the room, looking for his shirt. Seeing it on the back of the chair near the dresser he crossed to it and snatched it up, pulling it on in a hurry. "He hurt me so badly I had to have stitches. I have night terrors if I don't go to bed stinking drunk."  
"Magnus, calm down. You don't have to go." Kurt said getting up and moving to block the way out of the guest bedroom. His mind reeling from the admissions that Magnus had just let slip. He'd recieved physical injuries that needed medical treatment.   
"If you can't bare to touch me now, I understand. I'm damaged goods. I'll never be your sweet boy. Its always going to be there simmering under the surface, waiting to overwhelm me." Magnus hissed as he watched Kurt blocking the door.   
"Magnus it's not that I don't want you. Fuck, I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my life. You'll always be my sweet, sweet boy." Kurt murmured as he captured Magnus' arms at his side as his hands balled into fists at his side. Gently rubbing his hands up and down, mindful of where he'd burnt his arm the day before.  
"Dont treat me like I'm a victim. Kurt please, I can't handle that." His heart ached as he saw pity in Kurt's eyes. His anger was still boiling under the surface, he refused to act like a victim. He was still the same man, he could still do his job just as well as he had before.   
"I'm sorry. Magnus I'm trying not to treat you differently. But its going to be hard. Please just give me some time to come to terms with what you've told me." Kurt murmured as he brought one hand up to cradled Magnus' cheek in his palm.   
"Kurt, please... I'm not going to break." Magnus said shifting slightly, stepping closer so he could feel Kurt's arousal against him as they brushed against one another. Leaning in he brushed his lips against Kurt's, softly swiping his tongue along his lower lip waiting for him to allow him entry before pressing his tongue inside as he deepened the kiss. Whimpering into the kiss as Kurt slid his hand across his cheek and into his hair, fingers tangling in his curls as he tugged on the golden strands, it was all the encouragement that Kurt needed to take control of the kiss. Tongue twining around Magnus' own while he carefully backed them up to the bed, stopping when he felt Magnus' hands come up to his waist, pushing them beneath the waistband of his boxer shorts, shoving them down over his hips.  
"Are you sure you're up to this?" Kurt asked as he broke the kiss, watching how Magnus breathed deeply, his blue eyes dilated with desire. Seeing Magnus nod, he gently pushed him down onto the bed, watching as he lay back. "Magnus promise me if it gets too much that you'll stop me. I don't want to hurt you."   
"I promise." He whispered as he breathed deeply, watching as Kurt stepped out of his shorts, and moved closer, his cock standing proud.   
Kurt reached out to unbuckle Magnus belt, gently rubbing his hand against his crotch, feeling his semi erect cock through the heavy denim. Unzipping them he reached inside and took his velvety shaft into his hand, lightly stroking him as he attempted to tease him to full arousal. Magnus moaned and arched his hips grasping at the bed sheets, it felt so good but he wasn't staying hard. He bit his lower lip nervously as Kurt looked at him questioningly as he pulled his jeans off leaving him laid bare. "Crawl up and lay on your side." Kurt murmured as he watched Magnus closely. 

Magnus did as Kurt asked, settling onto his left-hand side, he felt the bed dip as Kurt moved behind him, pressing himself tightly against his back. He could feel the heat of his body against his, the tickle of his body hair as it touched his back. Sliding his arm around Magnus, he reached up and gently rolled his nipples between his fingers, making the younger man grasp and press his hips backwards, rubbing so deliciously against his cock as it nestled perfectly between his pert buttocks. Pressing soft kisses along his shoulder and up his throat while Kurt's hand slid downwards, fingertips teasingly circling his navel before following the fine hairs beneath, down along his treasure trail. Stopping to gently stroke the blond curls that surrounded his cock, hearing Magnus' breath catch in his throat he wrapped his hand lightly around his thick shaft. "I've got you." Kurt murmured softly as he ran the tip of his tongue around the shell of Magnus ear teasingly. Slow strokes, up and down as he carefully played with Magnus' length. Although he could hear the breathy sighs coming from his young lover, his body failed him as he remained soft in his hand.   
"I.. I'm sorry." Magnus whimpered as he felt tears prickling in his eyes. He held his breath momentarily before he let out a shakey breath, as the tears began to fall. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip as he felt Kurt press a gentle kiss to the side of his throat, just below his left ear. "Shhh it's ok. I've got you. Just close your eyes and relax. I'll be right here until you fall asleep." Letting his cock free, he moved his hand up and wrapped it around his waist, his palm flat against his chest as he held him tightly. 

Kurt didn't know how long he lay there pressed up against Magnus' back, just listening to his soft breaths as they slowed, eventually evening out as he finally drifted off to sleep once more. He lay there for some time after he'd fallen asleep, wanting to make sure that he was sleeping deeply before he moved. Getting out of the bed, he padded out of the room and down the corridor, opening the linen closet and picked up a spare blanket. Returning to the guest bedroom he carefully covered Magnus with the soft blanket. Watching as he mumbled something unintelligible as he snuggled further into the pillows. He looked so young as his face relaxed, all signs of the trauma he'd been subjected to, gone for now at least. Kurt knew that it'd always be a part of the younger man's life, but in time it would fade. He knew that Magnus needed to have counselling to help him to deal with what had happened to him. But that was a conversation for another day, he knew how stubborn and determined the younger man was. His pride was getting in the way currently. He didn't want anyone to know what he'd gone through, his pride wouldn't allow it. He didn't want anyone to see him as weak or less of a man because of what happened.


	6. Chapter  6

Magnus opened his eyes slowly blinking back the last vestiges of sleep. Turning over he looked to see that Kurt had disappeared, reaching out he felt his side of the bed and found it cold to the touch, clearly he'd been gone some time. Sitting up he glanced at the nightstand and saw a pint glass filled with water and a blister pack of painkillers at its side. Popping two of the pills from the pack he swallowed them and then drank the water. He'd not realised just how thirsty he was until he had drained the glass. He drew his legs up towards his chest, wrapping his arms around them and laid his head against them as glanced at the window, it was daylight outside, but only just judging by the soft light shining through the curtains. But he had no idea what side of the day it was. Hearing his stomach growl, he got up and quickly pulled on his jeans. Running one hand through his soft curls as he padded barefoot out into the hall and towards the kitchen in search of something to eat and some coffee.   
He was relieved to see that there was a pot of coffee already on so he wouldn't have to wait for it to brew. He also noticed that there was a folded piece of paper with his name scrawled on it in Kurt's handwriting. Grabbing a mug off the drainer he poured himself a coffee and took a gulp of the bitter liquid. He leaned against the work surface, before picking up the note and opening it.

...Magnus,   
I couldn't bare to wake you when you looked so peaceful so I've left you to sleep. You needed your rest after everything you told me last night. I know how much strength it took for you to open up yo me. Don't worry about coming into the station today. I'll clear it with Lisa. But before you panic, don't roll your eyes at me, I know you. I'm not going to tell her. You're secrets safe with me. I'll just tell her that you need a few personal days.   
I hope that you're still here when I get in later. But if you need to leave it's ok. Just leave the keys under the matt when you go.   
Kurt...

Magnus took another drink as he set the letter down on the kitchen table. Feeling his cheeks flush as he remembered how Kurt had taken him on its surface only a couple of days ago. Before all his messed up shit had been brought to the surface. He really wished he could go back before everything had gone to shit. Fuck he'd never not been able to get hard when someone had touched him before, it was always something that he prided himself on. He recovered quickly too and his previous dalliances always complimented him on how quickly he was ready to go again. 

***

Magnus looked up from the paperback he'd been reading when he heard the door. He smiled as Kurt walked into the lounge, already pulling off his jacket and tossing it over the back of his chair. Seeing the older man's soft smile he closed the book and set it down on the side table.   
"Thank you for today, but you really shouldn't have. I'm perfectly capable of doing my job." Magnus said seriously as Kurt sank into his chair and reached for thd tumbler and the bottle of bourbon.   
"I know that, but it's ok to not be ok." Kurt said gently as he saw Magnus run his hand lightly through his hair. He knew it was a nervous habit of his. "How's your head?"  
"Better, thanks for the coffee."   
"Lisa said to take as many days as you need."   
'I'm not sick, what did he tell her was wrong. I can't handle being treated like a victim. It's my own fucking fault it happened in the first place. I let myself get picked up by him, I let him tie me up. I wanted him to fuck me, to own me.' Nibbling his lower lip he looked away momentarily as he tried to calm his thoughts.   
"I really think you should consider seeing a counsellor." Kurt said gently as he lay a pamphlet on the coffee table and slid it across towards the younger man. "It can help you to come to terms with what you've been through."  
"And have them judge me, judge who I am as a person." Magnus snapped as he looked at the pamphlet as it it had caused him physical harm.   
"Magnus, you know that no one is going to judge you for what happened. "  
Magnus let out an incredulous laugh as he got up and started to pace. "You don't know that though. They'll look at me differently because I was raped by another man. Not only that, but because I put myself in that position in the first place because I like to be fucked in the arse." He hissed as he turned to look at the older man. "I went looking for a guy to tie me up, to dominate me. To humiliate me. Because I'm so fucked in the head that woman doesn't cut it."  
"Magnus, it's not your fault that he hurt you. You weren't in control of yourself when he hurt you. You told me you were spiked." Kurt said as he got to his feet, rounding the coffee table he caught the younger man in his arms, puling him close to stop his frantic pacing. "Magnus, you aren't to blame." Kurt said firmly as he looked into his pain filled blue eyes. "He took away your choices when he spiked your drink and gagged and restrained you."   
"I don't need yours or anyone else's pity. Kurt let me go." Magnus growled as he struggled against Kurt's hold. His temper rising as the older man just held him tighter.   
"I won't. You need help."   
"Fucking let me go!" Magnus snarled as his tenuous hold on his temper snapped, bringing one foot down hard on top of Kurt's, before bringing his knee up sharply to connect with Kurt's groin. Causing him to grunt in pain, pitching forwards as the pain exploded through his body. His grip on Magnus faltered and he was able to shove him away.  
"Fuck, Magnus!" Kurt yelled as he lunged to grab the young blond, grabbing hold of his right arm, he heard him hiss as his hand made contact with the burn. Pulling him closer ge drew his arm up behind him a.most painfully as he struggled against him. Wrapping his other arm around his neck he drew him tightly against the front of his chest. "Magnus, calm the fuck down!" Applying some pressure to his throat as he knew it was probably the only way he was going to be able to restrain him. "I dont want to hurt you!"  
"Kurt for fucks sake get off me." Magnus spat, struggling even through the pain.   
Seeing Magnus drop his head fowards as he prepared to headbutt him once more, Kurt moved quickly kicking at the back of Magnus' calf, knocking his legs out from under him, the momentum of carrying them both down hard. Kurt grunted, falling heavily on top of Magnus as he hit the floor.   
"Magnus, please just let me help." Kurt murmured softly into Magnus' ear as he heard the heavy breathing as he continued to struggle beneath him trying to get him to let him up. Magnus could feel his heart beginning to race, his breathing coming quick and fast. He was starting to panic as Kurt pinned him down, using his bodyweight to hold him down while keeping his arm trapped between them.   
"Get off... get off... get off.!" Magnus cried, his voice getting more frantic with each utterance, shaking his head back and forth as he started to kick his legs wildy. His breathing coming quick and fast as he started to hyperventilate.   
"Shit, fuck, Bollocks." Kurt cursed as he quickly got off of the younger man, reaching out he went to pull him into his arms but he saw no sign of recognition as Magnus let out a sob as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees.   
"Magnus I'm so sorry." Kurt said sincerely as he tried again to reach out to the younger man. Only to see sheer terror on his face as he scrambled backwards, bumping into the table as he tried desperately to get some space between them. "Magnus wait!" Kurt called after him as the younger man stood quickly and ran from the room. "Bugger it to hell." He cursed as got to his feet, using the coffee table to get up. He wasn't quite quick enough as he rounded the corner to see the door swing shut as Magnus ran from the house. Shoving his feet into his boots, he flung the door open just in time to see Magnus stall his car, as he tried to get away. Kurt ran out in front of Magnus' car, slamming his hands down onto the bonnet. He looked up at Magnus through the windscreen and he felt his heart aching at the look of sheer terror on his face. Magnus turned his head to look out of the back window as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white, reversing hard, before turning so he was looking at Kurt once more as he spun the steering wheel and sweved around him. Taking off at considerable speed.   
"FUCK!!" Kurt yelled as he watched the dust settle as Magnus' car disappeared down the dirt track. He desperately wanted to follow him, but he didn't want to panic Magnus anymore than he already had by his stupid actions. Letting out a sigh of frustration Kurt made his way inside, grabbing his tumbler he downed the contents before refilling it. Sinking down into the chair he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Hissing at the contact, Magnus had a hard head and had got him good when he'd cornered him in the office. It was no less than he deserved and had he known about the assault he would never have put the younger man in that position again. He'd leave it an hour and then he'd try calling him, to check on him. There really wasn't much else he could do and he was not going to go to confront Magnus at his apartment, not today at least. He couldn't risk pushing him away completely.


	7. Chapter  7

Kurt ran his hand through his hair agitated that he'd not been able to get hold of Magnus, his phone just rang and rang before kicking into his voicemail. He really couldn't blame him if he didn't want to talk given the fucked up way they'd parted. But he just needed to know that he'd not ended up in a ditch at the side of the road somewhere. He'd been so upset when he left that anything could have happened.  
...You've reached the number of Magnus Martinsson, I'm not available right now, but if you want to leave your name and number, I'll get back to you... "Magnus, it's me, Kurt. Please can you let me know that you got home safely. I'm so sorry that I scared you. If you don't want to talk, I understand. Just please let me know that you are safe." Kurt sighed and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. 

***

Magnus got out of his car and shivered as the cold wind blew around him, glancing down he realised that he'd left his shirt somewhere in Kurt's house in his haste to get away. Locking the car, he wrapped his arms around himself as he made his way inside the building and up the stairs to his floor. Letting himself inside he moved the accumulated mail from the floor with his foot so he could shut the door. Most of it looked like junk anyway, plus he really wasn't in the right frame of mind to start looking through anything. He was mentally and physically exhausted. Closing the door behind him, he locked it and slid the security chain in place.  
Toeing off his boots he padded barefoot into the hall and made his way to the bathroom. He reached around the shower curtain and turned it on, drawing the curtain halfway along the bathtub and left it a few minutes to reach ambient temperature. He pulled off his jeans and tossed them towards the hamper before grabbing a towel from the closet. He set it down on the closed toilet lid and climbed into the bathtub, moving under the warm water. He sighed as he closed his eyes and tilted his head upwards so the water ran over his face and down his weary body. He scrubbed at his face before running his hands back over his head, fingers sliding through his curls.

***

...You've reached the number of Magnus Martinsson, I'm not available right now, but if you want to leave your name and number, I'll get back to you.. "Magnus, it's me, Kurt again, please just let me know that you've made it home at least." He practically begged as he paced back and forth in front of his bed. It had been hours since Magnus had taken off and he was starting to worry. Hanging up he set his phone on the nightstand and got undressed. He wasn't holding out much hope that the younger man was going to reach out to him. Magnus had a stubborn streak a mile high and if he didn't want to do something then there was little he or anyone else could do to make him.

***

Kurt made his way up the stairs to Magnus' floor, his heart pounding in his chest as he breathed deeply. 'Fuck I'm out of shape.' He thought as he made his way down the hallway to Magnus apartment. Knocking on the door he waited, hearing nothing from inside, he knocked again while he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Magnus' number. The phone just rang and rang. "Come on Magnus, answer your phone." He hissed before hanging up, he banged on the door harder. Another ten minutes passed with no sign of life from the apartment. He thumbed through his contacts list and hit the call button for a locksmith that he'd used before. Giving him the address, he hung up and waited for him to arrive. 'Where are you Magnus? I hope you're alright.' He thought as he leaned against the wall outside the other man's apartment. He hoped that the other man would call him and let him know that he was alright.  
The locksmith arrived nearly thirty minutes after Kurt had called them. He'd not heard from Magnus in more than twenty four hours and he was seriously worried. He watched as the the middle aged man got to work on the lock. While he waited Kurt pulled his mobile from his pocket and thumbed through his contacts to find Magnus' number so he could try the younger man once more. 

...You've reached the number of Magnus Martinsson, I'm not available right now, but if you want to leave your name and number, I'll get back to you.. "Fuck!" Kurt cursed as the phone went straight to voicemail this time. Surely he'd not turned his phone off, just so he didn't have to talk to him.  
As the locksmith tried opening the door Kurt cursed as the safety chain stopped the door from opening. "Is there anyway to get the door open? I'm a police officer and I'm really worried about my colleague. I really need to get inside." Kurt asked as he pulled out his badge, flashing it for the other man to see.  
"Gone awol have they?" The locksmith said as he nodded and knelt down and rummaged around in his tool box, pulling out a pair of bolt croppers he stood up. Sliding them through the gap between the door and the door jamb he lined them up with the security chain and applied pressure to cut the chain.  
"Something like that." Kurt muttered as he shoved his badge back into his jacket. He just wanted to get inside so he could check on Magnus. He could hear the water in the background through the door.  
"No problem." He said as he put his tools away and moved out of the way. "Right if there's nothing else, I'll leave you to it."  
"Thanks." Kurt said as the other man pushed the door open and stepped asside. Nodding he took a deep breath before entering the apartment. Noticing that the lights were still on despite it being the middle of the afternoon. He couldn't help the feeling of unease that tightened in his chest. "Magnus, it's Kurt are you alright?" He called as he headed towards the sound of running water.  
As he approached the bathroom door he knocked waiting a beat, before gently pushing it open. The shower was running but Kurt couldn't see any movement through the thin curtain. Holding jis breath he stepped closer, reaching out and grabbed the curtain in one hand. "Magnus, its me Kurt. Are you alright?" He asked softly as he pulled back the curtain. "Fuck, Magnus..." he cursed as he saw Magnus slumped in the bathtub, leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. "It's ok, I'm here." He whispered as he reached out and shut off the water before he tentatively reached out to touch the younger man's arm. "Fuck!" He hissed, Magnus was freezing. 'How long had he been sitting there under the cold water as the hot water had clearly run out some time ago.'  
His eyes fluttered open and he looked up slowly. "K... k.. kurt I.. i.. I'm c..c..cold." Magnus stuttered as he shivered, as recognition dawned in his face as he saw the older man.  
Nodding in response. "Can you stand?" Kurt asked as he leaned into the bathtub to give Magnus his arm in case he needed help to get up. Feeling Magnus' fingers shaking as he wrapped them around his arm. Kurt slid his arm around Magnus' waist and carefully helped pull him to his feet. "Careful, it's ok I've got you." He murmured as Magnus shivered, his teeth chattering as he clung to him like his life depended on it. "Easy, that's it. Come on, out you get." Reassuring him as he helped him out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel he wrapped the younger man in it. Leading Magnus carefully through into the lounge he sat him down on the battered sofa. Before he turned on the electric heater, cranking it up as he needed to warm Magnus up and soon. Going in search of a blanket, Kurt disappeared out into the hallway, passed the open bathroom door and down to the only other door in the corridor. He made his way inside Magnus' bedroom, not stopping more than a few seconds, just long enough to grab the duvet from the unmade bed.  
He returned to find Magnus shivering on the sofa, his teeth chattering. He looked so young as he sat there with just a towel wrapped around his naked body, his soft curls making tight ringlets around his face as the water dripped down his face. Crossing the distance Kurt set the duvet down before stripping to just his boxers. He reached out and began gently rubbing the towel over Magnus' body trying to dry as much of the water from his body. Taking care to rub each of his long limbs gently, making sure that he was extra careful of his right arm where he'd burnt it on the coffee. He heard Magnus hiss as the towel made contact with the tender skin. Although he stayed motionless, his teeth chattering as he shuddered under the cold. "Magnus, I'm just going to dry your groin. I promise that I'm not trying to start anything." He said softly as he brought the towel down to gently caress his privates. Kurt bit his lower lip as he tried not to let out any noise that might be misconstrued. He couldn't help noticing how beautiful Magnus looked right now, and how in other circumstances how he would love to map every inch of his alabaster flesh with his lips. He notice that Magnus' body had started to respond to the gentle strokes of the towel, but as soon as he moved away he'd remained semi aroused. 'I can only imagine what horrors are playing inside your beautiful mind. Magnus I swear to you I will find the bastard who broke your spirit, and I will make them pay for what they've done, if it's the ladt thing I do.' Kurt thought as he moved the towel up to dry his hair that was still dripping water onto his chest. Rubbing it firmly for several minutes before he was satisfied that it wasn't going to drip anymore. Kurt smiled softly as he revealed Magnus' ashen face, wide blue eyes staring off into the distance. He gently caressed his soft blond curls and saw the younger man's eyelids flutter closed, his long lashes brushed his cheeks like the kiss of a butterfly's wings. But still Magnus didn't acknowledge him, clearly lost inside his own head.  
Happy that he had dried the other man as much as he could, Kurt threw the towel away from the sofa, he'd worry about putting it in the hamper later. Right now he needed to concentrate on warming Magnus up. Climbing up onto the sofa he pulled the unresponsive Magnus close, moving so his head rest against the crook of his neck. Wrapping the duvet around them tightly, he shivered feeling the younger man's cold flesh against him.  
"It's ok Magnus, it's going to be alright I promise." Kurt murmured as he pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Rubbing his hands against his back as he tried to warm him up. Feeling his body trembling Kurt knew that he needed to lie down so that more of his body was in contact with the younger man's. He knew that the quickest way to warm Magnus was to share his body heat with him. Stretching his legs out he carefully manoeuvred Magnus' body so that he was pressed up against his chest, his long legs against his as they lay entwined on the sofa. He slid his arms around the younger man and pulled him closer, hugging him tightly as they lay wrapped tightly in the duvet while the heat from the electric heater warmed them both.  
"K...k...Kurt I..I'm s...s..sorry t..th..that I r...ran." Magnus stuttered as his whole body shook as he shivered, reaching down he wrapped his arms around Kurt's as he they pulled him closer to his chest.  
"Magnus it's alright. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, let alone forced you down and pinned you in place. I wasn't thinking and I'm so very sorry that I scared you." Kurt murmured softly as he felt Magnus shift slightly, rubbing his bottom against his crotch as he tried to get more contact with his body heat. 'Jesus, if he keeps that up we're going to have a problem.' Kurt thought as he tried to will his body not to respond to the very real, and very naked young man in his arms.  
"I..i..it's o...o..ok. N..not y..y..you're f..fault I'm s..so f..f..fucked u..u..up." Magnus said turning his head slightly so he could look at Kurt over his shoulder as he remained pressed up against his back.  
"You're not fucked up. Magnus anyone who went through what you did, will have issues." Kurt said gently rubbing his hand soothingly against Magnus' chest. Magnus was slowly starting to feel warmer against his body. "You're in a lot of emotional pain right now, if you'll let me i want to help you through it. I won't tell you that it's going to be easy or even pleasant. But I promise that I will be with you every step of the way. If you want me with you."  
"Y...y..you s...s...still w...want m..me?" Magnus asked, his soft blue eyes full of unshed tears searching Kurt's for any sign of deception. Licking lower lip, he took a deep shakey breath. Waiting for the older man to answer his question.  
"With every fiber of my being. I'd like you to be my Good Boy, when you're ready that is.." Kurt told him softly, watching as Magnus, smiled softly as he lowered his eyes shyly.  
"E..even k...k..knowing t..that I'm d...d...damaged?"  
"Yes, Magnus I still want you."  
Magnus moved silently and pressed his lips against Kurt's softly, feeling them open he ran his tongue teasingly over them, before capturing Kurt's bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugging on it, making Kurt moan. Swiping his tongue over the hurt, Magnus slid his tongue inside, closing his eyes slowly as he felt Kurt's hand slip into his hair. Tugging gently as he took control of the kiss, stroking his tongue against Magnus' own. Whimpering filled Magnus' ears, but he didn't know whether it was his or the older man's. The kiss ended leaving him wanting and he looked up at Kurt questioningly.  
"As much as I want you right now. We shouldn't not until you've spoken with someone. You need to get counselling to address your panic attacks." Kurt said gently, his voice thick with emotion as he watched Magnus closely, seeing the flicker of pain in his eyes.  
"O..o..ok." Magnus whispered as he nodded his head in defeat. Turning his head away from Kurt he let out a soft breath he'd not realised he'd been holding and lay his head on Kurt's shoulder. Closing his eyes he felt Kurt press a gentle kiss to the top of his head.  
"I'm with you till the end of the line." Kurt murmured. He knew that Magnus was a proud man and it went against everything in him to back down and accept the help.


	8. Chapter  8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not familiar with Swedish health care so I'm using a little artistic licence here and working with what I know of the UK's health care system and the counselling process. 
> 
> The clinic mentioned actually exists in Stockholm and is currently as far as I'm aware the first dedicated crisis Centre for male rape victims.

Kurt watched Magnus out of the corner of his eye, as he sat in the passenger seat, the younger man had his head bowed as he anxiously wrung his hands together, picking at his fingernails. Worrying his bottom lip with his teeth anxiously. Reaching out carefully with one hand Kurt placed it gently on one knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "It's ok Magnus. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. You aren't alone in this. I promise you."  
Magnus lifted his head and turned to look at him, his soft sapphire eyes shone wetly with unshed tears. He gave a gentle nod, unable to find words right now. Turning away once more as he continued to look out into the early morning sunrise as Kurt drove them to the Södersjukhuset hospital in Stockholm.   
'What's going on in his head right now?' Kurt thought idly as Magnus brought one hand up and began to run his fingers through his tight blond curls, before bringing his hand down to his face, fingers curled tightly into a fist, he began to nibble on the side of his thumb. Worrying the flesh with his teeth. 'I wish the clinic wasn't so far away, but they're the only ones who are specifically trained to deal with male rape "victims", i fucking hate that word. Magnus was a casualty of some twisted fuckers mind games and perverse sexual kinks. Magnus was far from a victim, but seeing him so broken by the attack was disconcerting.' 

***

Kurt yawned as he rubbed at the back of his neck ashe sat in traffic, waiting for the lights to change. He really could murder a coffee right about now. He'd slept very little the day before, catching the odd hour off and on while he'd held Magnus closely. They'd been driving through the night, over six hours now and there was about an hour yet to go before they arrived. Looking over at Magnus, he smiled softly as he watched him sleeping peaceful for now at least. The earlier broken sleep having passed. Soft blond curls hung on his forehead as his head lolled to one side as his head rests on his shoulder. His lips were parted slightly and a soft moan escaped. His eyes moved rapidly beneath his lids as he dreamed. 'I wonder what he's dreaming about?' Kurt wondered as he looked over the younger man's body, hands resting against his chest and thigh where they'd been when he dropped off. Biting his lower lip Kurt had to stifle the groan as he saw the impressive bulge in Magnus' jeans, "Oh god, Kurt..." Magnus moaned softly, yet he was still sleeping soundly. Clearly it was a good dream. Kurt shifted slightly in his seat as he felt himself responding to Magnus' soft sighs and whimpers. The sound going straight to his cock.   
The lights changed and Kurt took his eyes off Magnus and put them back on the road. Moving back into the traffic, Kurt was relieved to see a sign for the services, and made the exit to go in search of coffee and breakfast. A few minutes later Kurt pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine. Getting out of the car he crossed to the small catering truck. He knew that Magnus hadn't eaten in the last twenty-four hours, he'd just not been able to keep anything down. But he suspected that it had been much longer than that. Hopefully the smell of a bacon roll would tempt him to at least try something to eat. Putting in his order, Kurt turned to look at the car, watching as Magnus shifted slightly. Turning his head to look out of the window, his eyes fluttered open as he took in his surroundings. His lips were set in a hard line as he looked around, they softened into a smile as he caught sight of him where he stood.   
Taking their coffee and sandwiches, Kurt made his way back to the car. "Hey sleepy head. I got us some coffee and breakfast." He said opening the door, seeing Magnus looking at him questioningly.   
"Thanks." Magnus said blushing furiously as his stomach chose that moment to growl, he reached out for the Styrofoam cup and paper bag as Kurt offered they to him. "How much longer till we get there?" He asked as he set his coffee on the dashboard and opened the paper bag, the smell of the bacon made his stomach growl again.   
"When did you last eat?" Kurt asked as he got inside and took a long drink of the coffee. Turning to watch Magnus as he took a bite of the sandwich.   
"Umm couple of days I think." Magnus said softly after he'd swallowed the bite he'd just taken. Rolling his eyes at the other man. "I know, before you say anything."   
"I'm not..." Kurt started and then thought better of what he'd been going to say. Magnus really didn't need his criticism right now. "We should be arruving at Södersjukhuset hospital in the next hour, hour and a half depending on the traffic."  
"Ok, thanks for breakfast." Magnus mumbled around another mouthful of his sandwich.   
"Do you want another?" Kurt asked, smiling as he saw that the younger man had practically inhaled the sandwich. He was thankful that his appetite seemed to have returned.   
"As much as I would. I'm not sure it's a good idea until after the session." Magnus said seriously, before reaching for his coffee.   
They finished their breakfast in silence, Magnus seemingly lost inside his own head once more. The brief interlude normality of breakfast having long since disappeared the closer they got to the clinic.

***

"We'll be there soon." Kurt murmured softly. Seeing Magnus nod in response, was the only indication that he was even still taking any notice of his surroundings. 'I want to fucking kill the bastard that has reduced Magnus to this shell of his former self. ' Kurt thought as he watched Magnus' knee bouncing as the nervous energy threatened to overwhelm him. "I'm right here." Whispered as he touched Magnus' thigh stilling the movement as he gave it a gentle squeeze once more.   
They drove for another ten minutes while Kurt manoeuvred along the streets and into the car park outside the Södersjukhuset hospital. Turning off the ignition he unbuckled the seat belt and turned to look at Magnus, who was worrying his bottom lip once more. His face looked ashen as he turned to look at him. "I'm scared. Kurt." Magnus whispered so quietly that he wouldn't have heard him had the engine still been on.  
"I know, its ok to be. They're here to help you." Kurt told him softly. He'd phoned ahead to let them know that they would be a little late because of the traffic. "We should go inside. They're waiting for us."  
"Us?" Magnus asked as he unfastened his seat belt and then turned scared eyes on the entrance of the hospital.   
"I said that I would be with you to the end of the line. But if you don't want me to come into the session with you, that's fine. What ever you want and need. You just have to tell me." Kurt told him as he moved to get out of the car.   
"Thank you, for everything." Magnus said, taking a deep shuddering breath as he opened the door and got out. "Let's get the freak show on the road." Magnus said with a somewhat awkward laugh.   
"Magnus, you're not..." Kurt started only for Magnus to shake his head, indicating that he really didn't want him to finish that sentence. Kurt didn't like it when Magnus put himself down, but he knew that he often used sarcasm to cover his true feelings and his insecurities.   
As they made their way into the clinic he noticed that Magnus was looking around nervously at the other men in the waiting room. Most of them seemed to be around Magnus' age, or younger and all of them seemed to have that same haunted look on their faces. Some still bore bruises and other ailments that they'd recieved from their attackers.   
Reaching the desk Magnus bit his lower lip nervously as he waited for the blond receptionist to notice him. He could feel his palms starting to sweat as it started to get warm in the room. Rubbing his palms against his jeans he let out a shakey breath as he felt Kurt's hand gently placed upon his shoulder. Giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You're alright Magnus, I'm right here." Nodding he took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily as he tried to calm himself. His heartbeat pounding in his ears.   
"How can I help you today?" The young receptionist asked looking up at him with soft green eyes.   
"I have an appointment." Magnus said shifting nervously from foot to foot.   
"What name is it hun?"  
"Martinsson, Magnus." He said his voice sounded shakey to his own ears as he looked at Kurt, begging him silently to come closer. He was relieved as Kurt seemed to understand his silent pleas, when he felt him move his hand from his shoulder and wrap his arm around his waist as he moved closer.   
"I'm here Mags, I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." Kurt murmured softly into his ear as he pulled him gently into his arms.  
"Mr Martinsson, if you could please just fill in this questionnaire and take a seat, I'll let Rachel know that you're here." The young receptionist said as she handed him a clipboard.   
"Thanks." He said softly as he took it from her. Turning around he looked at Kurt and let out a shakey breath. He could feel his legs trembling as he moved on auto pilot as Kurt led him over to one of the chairs away from the bulk of the men sitting in the waiting room.   
"You're ok. I've got you." Kurt told him as he hugged him, rubbing his hands against his back. He could feel him shaking as his breaths came out brokenly. "Do you want some water while you fill those in?"  
"Please." Magnus said as he looked into Kurt's soft eyes. "Sorry I'm such a mess."  
"Mags, It's ok. I'd be worried if you weren't." He whispered as he let Magnus go. "Sit down and I'll be right back." Kissing his forehead gently he, brushed his fingers against his as he moved away.  
Magnus nodded and did as he said. Sitting down in one of the chairs he moved the clipboard so he could see it as he sat. He began to fill in his details, they were all the usual questions, name, address, ethnicity, religion. He paused momentarily as he reached the question about his sexuality. Biting his lower lip he looked up as he heard Kurt return to his side. "Thanks." Taking the offered cup of water, he took a drink. Before returning to the forms. It was mostly tick boxes so he finished them quickly.   
"Mr Martinsson?"   
Looking up he took in the fiery haired younger woman. He got to his feet slowly, glancing at Kurt. Watching as he got to his feet, so he could follow them.   
"If you'd like to follow me. My name's Rachel." She said as she looked at him and smiled. "Can I take that from you?"   
"Magnus," he said softly as he nodded and handed her the clipboard.   
Following her down the hallway they passed through a set of double doors and into a room off to the left. "Magnus if you'd like to take a seat wherever you're most comfortable." Rachel said as she closed the door behind her and clicked the lock in place. "It's ok. I've only locked it so we're not disturbed." She said as she saw the slight panic on Magnus' face at the sound.  
Magnus nodded and looked around the small room, seeing two arm chairs and a sofa. He went to the sofa and sat down, running one hand nervously through his hair as Kurt sat beside him and placed one hand on his thigh, gently squeezing it. Letting him know that he was right there. Magnus let out a shakey breath as he placed his hand over Kurt's, he needed the contact and the support that his presence gave him.   
Magnus watched as Rachel took up one of the chairs opposite them, sitting down she crossed legs, the action causing her black pencil skirt to move up her thigh, exposing a bit more of her creamy flesh. In other circumstances he might have found her extremely attractive, she was everything that he looked at in a woman when he fancied the attention of one. The burgundy shirt with a deep neckline clung in all the right places showing off her curves. Red hair hung around her face, and brushed against her shoulders. Her soft brown eyes hidden behind a pair of black framed glasses scanned his paperwork.   
"Magnus as I said on the way down, my name is Rachel and I'll be with you every step of the way. Can I ask who it is that's here with you?" She asked as she regarded them both.   
"This is Kurt, he's my boss and um..." Magnus said faltering as he looked at Kurt, he wasn't quite sure how he'd feel if he said that he was his boyfriend, lover, partner. They'd not talked labels or anything. Yes they'd slept together but that didn't mean that they were together in the eyes of anyone else.   
"I'm a good friend, shall we leave it there for now Mags?" Kurt said smiling softly as he felt Magnus slipping his fingers through his as he took his hand. "I'm a Detective Inspector and colleague of Magnus' at Ystad Police Station." Kurt explained.   
"Ok. Thank you Kurt. Magnus are you ok for Kurt to be present throughout your sessions? As you can imagine what we discuss here will be very personal and i don't want you to feel like you can't speak freely because your boss is here." Rachel said gently, giving him a soft smile.  
"It's ok, I want Kurt here. I don't want to hide anything from him." Magnus said shifting slightly on the sofa as he tried to get more comfortable, his legs naturally fell open as he crossed his feet at the ankles.  
"Magnus I see from your questionnaire that you've scored very highly on the anxiety scale and you are also quite high on the depression one. Would you say that was accurate?"   
" Yes."  
"Magnus, I want you to know that everything that we discuss here will remain confidential. No one other than the three of us will hear anything about what you tell me. Although I do have a duty of care to inform your health care professionals if you talk about harming yourself or have feelings about taking your own life."  
Magnus felt Kurt tighten his hold at the mention of suicide and self harm. He bit his lower lip nervously and nodded that he understood. Reaching down with his other hand he squeezed Kurt's thigh, hopefully in a reassuring manner. Those thoughts hadn't been present for some time now, but he knew that there was the very real danger of them bubbling up to the surface as he was forced to confront what had happened to him.  
"In the case of rape where a crime has been committed and you know the assailant or assailants I am obliged to inform the authorities. If you wish that to go through Kurt, I can do that."   
Magnus nodded his understanding and let out a soft breath. Rubbing his hand nervously through his hair again as he glanced briefly at Kurt, who gave him a soft smile in return. "Now Magnus i noticed that you have left your sexuality blank on the form. You do know that you will get no judgement from me in regards to whom you're sexually attracted to."  
"I guess if I have to put a label on it, I'd have to say then that I'm bisexual, but I lean more towards men." Magnus told her, feeling himself blush. "I've always felt like this. Ever since I was a teenager."  
"Was your first sexual experience with a man?"   
"No, that didn't happen until I was seventeen." Magnus said as he looked at her, he rubbed at his neck as he felt warm all of a sudden.   
"How many sexual partners have you had and have they all been men?" Rachel asked as she took notes.  
"Excuse me, but what the hell has that got to do with anything? I'm sure his sexual history has no barring on why we're here." Kurt exclaimed incredulously. "It's ok Mags, I'm here." Kurt murmured as he looked at Rachel, giving her one of his unimpressed stares.  
"I meant no offence. I'm just trying to establish a better understanding of Magnus' history prior to the incident that has brought him here today."  
"It's ok Kurt, I knew that there were going to be tough questions. I've had fourteen sexual partners to date. Twelve of which were prior to the to the attack. Ten of those were men, the thirteenth was a man and it was him that raped me." Magnus said, as he rubbed his hands against his thighs as he felt them starting to sweat. Licking his lower lip Magnus glanced across at Kurt, upon seeing him smile softly and nod his head he looked back at Rachel. "My fourteenth partner was a man and he came after I became damaged."   
"Magnus, why do you say that?" Rachel regarding him carefully, watching as he ran his hand nervously through his soft blond curls. Seeing him biting his lower lip as he looked at the older man.   
"Because it's true. He's made me weak, I'm less of a man because he forced me and I.. I couldn't fight him off me. I.. I couldn't stop him from hurting me." Magnus said the words coming so quickly he hardly had time to process what he was saying. His breathing started coming quicker, his vision blurred as the words continued to tumble from his lips. "I...I can't bare it when he's angry, or when he's holding me down, or I'm underneath his body. I...I c...can't get aroused when he touches me because all I see is the man who raped me. I...I can't breathe." he couldn't get enough air. The quicker his breaths came the less he seemed able to take in.   
Kurt got to his feet quickly and moved to kneel before Magnus, gently reaching out he brushed his hands over the younger man's, feeling them trembling as he lifted them carefully and entwined their fingers. Gently rubbing his thumbs against the inside of Magnus' wrists, slow strokes back and forth as he whispered softly. "Shhh, Magnus, it's me, it's Kurt. Look at me Magnus," he said softly waiting for Magnus to look up at him, seeing the tears shining in the soft blue orbs as he took panicked breaths. "that's a good boy, Magnus can you take some deep breaths with me?" Seeing him nod although his breathing was too fast, Kurt felt more reassured that he'd acknowledged him. "Ok, Mags. I've got you. With me now ok... Slowly now, nice and deep. Breathe In... two... three... out." Kurt breathed with Magnus, over and over, gently caressing the inside of his wrists while he kept eye contact with his young love, never wavering until he was breathing normally again.   
"Can I get you a sweet tea, coffee?" Rachel asked as she watched as Magnus continued to breathe in and out, his breathing slowing until she saw him give a soft smile as Kurt eased one hand away from Magnus' and gently caressed his cheek, stroking his thumb back and forth along his high cheekbone.  
"Coffee please, with three sugars." Magnus whispered as he leaned into the soft caress.  
"Would you like one Kurt? While we give Magnus a chance to compose himself before we continue with the session?"   
"Please if it's not too much trouble. I take it black with one sugar. Thank you."  
"It's no trouble at all. I'll be right back." Rachel said as she set the clipboard down on the small coffee table before she got to her feet and made her way across the room. The heels of her black patent stilettos clicked as they made contact with the floor as she left the two of them alone.


	9. Chapter  9

When Rachel returned from getting the coffee, she smiled softly as she watched Magnus laying curled up on his side with his head in Kurt's lap. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful. The older man was running his fingers gently through Magnus blond curls. Kurt continued what he was doing but looked at her as he heard the door open. He gave her a soft smile in return as she crossed the room, her stilettos clicked on the floor as she moved. Magnus slowly opened his eyes and watched her as set the coffee on the table. 

"Magnus yours is the one in the red mug." She said gently.  
Magnus moved so that he was sitting up, making sure that he was pressed against Kurt's side as he lay his arm along the back of the sofa. He fit snugly against the older man and he immediately felt much more at ease as he felt Kurt's figers gently teasing the soft curls at the nape of his neck. 

"Thank you. I'm sorry about falling apart like that. I'm not usually such a mess." He said softly, a blush staining his high cheekbones. He took the offered mug as Kurt handed it to him.  
"Magnus there's no need to apologise. It's all really normal given what you have been through to experience high levels of anxiety and panic attacks. With these sessions we'll take you through how to deal with them while you are alone and help you to process what happened." Rachel said as she sat closed the door to the room and locked it once more before crossing to take a seat. 

"Kurt did a good job of calming you and bringing you around from your panic just now and I'm confident that if required he'll be there to help you in the workplace." 

"As I have already told Magnus, I'm going to be with him every step of the way. I have no plans to leave him to face this alone." Kurt replied as he reached out to take Magnus' free hand, their fingers entwined as he held it in his lap while he picked up his coffee.

"Magnus is very lucky to have such a supportive partner and friend. Not all have this support network in place." Rachel said as she watched as Magnus drank his coffee, while he remained curled against Kurt's side "Magnus, I'd like you to tell me exactly what happened in your own words when you were attacked. Take as much time as you need." 

Magnus took a shakey breath as he set his coffee down on the table top, turning to look at Kurt with wide eyes, he searched Kurt's to check if he was ready to hear the ins and outs of his attack. Licking his lips he looked down at their joined hands and he felt Kurt gently squeeze his, before gently stroking his thumb along the inside of his wrist. He ran his free hand through his hair and along the back of his neck. Before he looked up at Rachel. 

"It was Friday night and I'd had a rough day at work, I'd spent the whole day hunting down paperwork in the old filing system as it was before we'd got the computer filing system up and running. So I was worn out and cranky. I just wanted to go blow off some steam. Have a few drinks and hopefully pick up a nice guy, or girl to have a little fun with. Or be picked up by a hot guy who wanted to make me his 'plaything', or 'good boy' for the evening, possibly longer if we clicked." Magnus said feeling her eyes on him as he looked away. He couldn't stand the thought of seeing the pity or judgement in her eyes. "I'd been to the club many times before, I was by the bar waiting for the waitstaff to come over to take my order when he approached me, he was a hot older guy, dark shoulder length straight hair with slight greying around the temples and I remember thinking that he had really kind green eyes. He was fucking hot too, with his tight black leather trousers, black fitted shirt open at the neck to reveal a black mesh top. He was everything that I wanted, or at least I thought so." Magnus said let out an involuntary laugh, shaking his head he pressed his hand against his throat, rubbing at it lightly, trying to get more air around his warm chest. 

"It's ok Mags, take all the time you need. There's no rush. Just tell us in your own time." Kurt murmured as he watched him closely, wanting to take note of any tells that he had that would let them know that he was struggling. Gently squeezing his hand he saw Magnus biting his lower lip momentarily before he let out a shakey breath. 

"He started to chat me up, telling me how beautiful I was, how I must have been sent down from heaven because I looked like cupid with my golden curls and my angelic lips. He told me that he wanted to do sinful things with me, to see if I was as angelic in bed. Buying me a drink he took me to one of the booths so we could talk more privately." 

Kurt felt a twist to his gut as he listened to Magnus, he couldn't help but feel jealous that the other man had drawn Magnus in like the proverbial moth to the flame. Gently giving his hand a squeeze, letting him know silently that he was still here. He'd be there always for his beautiful boy. 

"He said his name was Richard, as we continued to get to know one another he bought me more drinks. He was trying to get me drunk, I know that now. But at the time I didn't worry about it, because he was hot and also because he was pushing my buttons. Telling me in delicious detail what he wanted to do with me when he got me home." Magnus spoke softly and matter of factly. Rubbing his hand nervously through his hair, as he moved forwards so he could pick up his coffee. Taking a long drink, he took a couple of minutes to get himself together so he could continue with the worst parts of his story. He finished the remaining sweet liquid and set the cup down. 

"It's ok Magnus, take it easy. One step at a time. You're doing really well." Rachel said as she watched as Magnus curled up against Kurt once more. His fingers brushing against the other man's as he held his hand. 

Magnus felt his cheeks flush as he kept his eyes downcast as he began to talk once more. "I think I must have had about four or five pints and all the while Richard was rubbing his hand against my cock, giving it a gentle squeeze before caressing it through my pants. He unzipped my pants and slipped his hand inside and stroked me till I was hard." Licking his lower lip Magnus glanced at Kurt briefly before looking away. "He nibbled my earlobe as he gave me a hand job under the table in the booth. When he could tell that i was sufficiently aroused he took me through to the bathroom and pushed me inside one of the stalls. Pressing my back against the wall he gave me the best blow job of my life. Or at least it was the best I'd ever had at the time. After he made me cum, he took me back to the booth for another drink, he asked me what I wanted, why I was in the club. He listened intently as I told him my deepest and darkest fantasies. How I wanted him to make me submit to him, for him to t..t..tie me up and for him to f...f..fuck me." 

"Just breathe, it's ok, I've got you." Kurt murmured as he swapped the hand he held Magnus' with, so he could wrap his arm around Magnus' back rubbing his hand soothingly against the younger man's shoulder as he tried to keep himself calm as his young love recounted the worst day of his life. 'If I ever find that Richard I'm going to tear him a fucking new one. Then I'm going to toss his ass in jail for what he's done to my darling boy.' Kurt thought as he leaned down and brushed his lips gently against Magnus' forehead. "Just take your time, breathe deeply and slowly. In and out."

It took Magnus several minutes to get himself under control once more. He looked down at his hands as they held Kurt's, their fingers entwined. He looked up at Kurt, his eyes shone wetly with tears and he let out a shakey breath as he lowered his eyelids and the tears ran down his cheeks.  
"He must have spiked my drink that time, because after I got in his car I dont remember much in great detail. He was stroking my cock while he drove. That's the last thing I remember. Before..." Magnus whispered blinking back the tears he clung tightly to Kurt's hand. "I must have passed out on the drive, because when I don't remember arriving at the house, let alone going inside. When I came round I couldn't see anything thing, it was dark, so dark. H..he had me blindfolded and I... I was tied t..to a... oh god." Magnus said his voice thick with emotion as a broken sob escaped as he failed to finish the sentence. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he turned frightened eyes on Kurt's. "H..h..he t..t..tied me down on some sort of table so my body was at his mercy. He f...fuck K...Kurt, he forced a gag with a dildo down my throat, making me choke. He tightened it so tightly it made my face hurt. I had bruising there for several days after..." Magnus sobbed as his thoughts came out brokenly, the images filling his head swirled and began to overwhelm him. 

"Magnus you're doing really well. Take your time." Rachel said, making notes while she watched the tender interaction between the young man and his work colleague, who clearly cared alot more for him that mere friends. Kurt seemed to be the only thing keeping him together right now.   
"I thought I would pass out, I couldn't breathe but he didn't care. I c..couldn't move no matter how much I tried. I was t...t...tied down, the thick leather cuffs bit into my wrists and ankles, leaving me bruised and sore. H...h..he f...f..forced into m..m..me. o...oh g..God it h..h..hurts so much..." Magnus whimpered as his breathing came quicker and became more laboured as his emotions took hold of him, overwhelming him. 

"Magnus, look at me, shhh it's alright, I'm right here. Shhh..." Kurt whispered softly as he pulled him into his arms, wrapping his arms around him as he sobbed brokenly. Magnus clung to the front of Kurt's shirt, as he buried his head in his neck, his tears fell hotly, soaking his shirt. His body shook with the force of his emotional outpouring. "Shhh, it's over. He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here. Mags I'll never let anyone hurt you again. " Rubbing his palms against Magnus' back Kurt murmured softly, soothing him. Gently rocking him in his arms as her glanced over his head to see Rachel standing up, setting the clipboard down.

"I'll let you have a few moments alone while I go and get you both some more coffee." She said gently, bending down she picked up their coffee cups and made her way out of the room. He stilettos clicked on the floor as she moved.

"Thank you. Shhh it's ok Mags, I'm not going anywhere.." Kurt said gently as he ran the fingers of one hand through Magnus' golden curls. He knew that the younger man found it a soothing action, as he often played with his own hair when he was anxious.


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt held Magnus tightly, gently rocking him in his arms. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly. His gut was in knots at seeing the usually strong young man reduced to a trembling wreck, a shell of his former self. 'If I ever find the bastard that did this to him, then so help me god,' 

"K..kurt i..I'm tired." Magnus whispered, looking up at him with soft eyes, red rimmed from all the tears he'd shed. 

"I know, I hope that Rachel will leave it here for the session. You've been through enough for one day." Kurt said as he gently cradled his face in his hands, thumbs softly brushing against his cheekbones, wiping at the silvery tear tracks. He looked so young and fragile right now and it made Kurt's heart ache to see the pain in Magnus eyes. Looking up as he heard the sound of the door opening. He made eye contact with Rachel as she entered. 

Magnus moved silently away from Kurt's embrace as he heard the clicking of her heels as she approached them to hand over the fresh coffees. "Thank you." He whispered as he wrapped his hands around the mug. Holding it in both hands as he still trembled with the after effects of reliving the rape in front of her. He hadn't realised how cold he was until the warmth of the mug seeped into his hands. 

"Magnus you've been through so much and I appreciate you sharing what happened with me today. I know how hard this must have been for you." Rachel said, keeping her voice soft as she regarded him closely. She could see the haunted look on his face. "How long have you been keeping all this inside?"

"Six months now. I told Kurt a few days ago. When something happened that brought it all back up. Until then I had managed to keep it hidden from everyone." Magnus said before taking a drink of the sweet coffee. 

"Was it something at work that caused the flashbacks to start?"

"No, it was a private matter. But I've been having trouble sleeping since it happened. I wake up frequently reliving the rape." He said softly, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment. He hadn't wanted Kurt to know just how fucked up his life had become over the past six months. He'd thought he'd covered it well with the drinking. Kurt had always assumed that he was hungover and therefore cranky because of a sore head. That certainly hadn't helped, but at least he was able to sleep a little until the effects of the alcohol had worn off and he'd wake up covered in sweat, or screaming. He'd woken up screaming so many times in that first week that he'd had the neighbours call the landlord. 

"Mags why didn't you tell me? You let me dress you down in front of the others so often." Kurt asked as he remembered the heated confrontations. All of which had ended with the younger man telling him to go to hell. And yelling at him that he'd do what he wanted outside of work, that he wasn't his father so he had no right to tell him what he could and couldn't do. 

"How could I tell you about the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I put myself out there un the club. It's my fault that Richard raped me. I put those ideas in his head. I told him that was what I wanted." Magnus said shifting slightly on the sofa. His eyes watered again as he glanced at Kurt. "How would you have seen me if you knew that I slept with other men. Its been hard enough to get you to accept me as more than a glorified office boy. You've never treated me like an equal. I didn't want you to see me as less of a man because you knew that I liked to take it in the arse." Magnus voice was filled with emotion as the tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"Magnus no, don't think that. Jesus it's not your fault what he did to you was wrong. He just wanted an excuse to do that to you. He's probably done it to lots of others before you. " Kurt said hurt that Magnus didn't think he could trust him with his feelings, because he thought he didn't respect him. "Mags, I've never not been proud of you. You're a valuable asset to the team."

"You've never told me that, never told me good job. You're always so hard on me. More than any of the others." Magnus said running his hand lightly through his hair, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. "I've only ever wanted you to be proud of me."

"Magnus I've been an insufferable asshole. I know that now. I'm immensely proud of you and I'm only so hard on you because I know that you could be one hell of an officer. If you got yourself together. I never knew that you were drinking to deal with such a delicate trauma. I thought it was because you were young and that as soon as you were off the clock you went off the rails. I'm so sorry that I misjudged you."

"It's ok, you couldn't know. Even I didn't want to admit that it had happened. I hoped that if I ignored it, that it would go away."

"Magnus why didn't you report the attack to your colleagues? To Kurt as you two seem close."

"Because I couldn't deal with the pitying looks, the mollycoddling. I was embarrassed that I'd put myself in that position in the first place. Embarrassed that I couldn't protect myself. I didn't want to be the subject of office gossip. I don't want them to think of me as less of a man. I didn't want them to know that when he'd finished with me that he left me on the side of the road, just outside of town. Naked apart from my leather jacket and the contents of my pockets. Bleeding and disorientated." Magnus explained, his voice getting thicker as his emotions took over. "I'm not a victim. I put myself there and he only did what I told him that I wanted. He made my fantasy a reality."

Kurt felt angry that Magnus hadn't told him, but he knew that the other man didn't need that right now. He was suffering enough. Besides he wouldn't have wanted the others to know had their positions been reversed. 'I'm going to kill that bastard if I ever get my hands on him.' He watched Magnus closely as he shook from the the memories of the rape. "What that animal did to you wasn't what you wanted. You didn't want to leave bleeding and to be dumped in the street like garbage." Kurt growled, his anger simmering under the surface. "You never asked for that. He drugged you and abused you. Mags it's not your fault, not even for one second should you believe that it was. Men like him pray..."

"On what, men like me who want to be dominated, to be humiliated. Submissives like me? Is that what you were going to say? You're just the same as him. You get off on seeing me submit to you. Seeing me on my knees with your cock down my throat. You tied my arms behind my back and fucked me. You liked seeing me helpless." Magnus hissed cutting Kurt off, looking at the older man with pain filled eyes. 

"God no, Magnus I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth. Fuck Mags, you know we're nothing alike. I'd never hurt you." Kurt said incredulously as he got up from the sofa and began pacing back and forth. 

"Kurt, please sit down you're not helping Magnus right now. He needs you to be strong for him. He knows deep down that you are nothing like Richard. If he truly thought that then he wouldn't be here with you. He'd not trust you to be intimate with him."

Kurt looked at Magnus as he approached the sofa slowly, looking down at his frightened blue eyes. "Do you really think that I'm the same as him? You know I'd never hurt you. I feel things for you that I've never felt for another man. Mags, I'd walk through a burning building for you." He whispered as he sank down to his knees before the younger man. "Please don't push me out. I know that you're hurting right now."

"Why do you want me, I'm damaged goods. Hell I can't even get it up for you anymore. I have nothing to offer you in return." Magnus whispered as he drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on his knees.

"Mags there's more to you than your body and your sexual favours. You make me a better man, just by being you. No one else would have gotten away with breaking my nose." Kurt murmured as he watched the small smile cross Magnus lips, at the mention of the broken nose. "There's no one else like you Mags, you challenge me like no one else ever has. You have manage to find a way to melt this cold heart. To find a way inside these rock hard walls. Magnus you're the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night and the first thing when I wake. I can't stop thinking about you. I love you Magnus."


	11. Chapter 11

Magnus stared open mouthed as he looked at Kurt. He must be hearing things, he thought he'd heard Kurt tell him that he loved him. Running his hand through his soft curls, he watched Kurt closely, not sure what to say. He knew that he must look like a fish out of water, opening and closing his mouth, but nothing seemed to want to come out. What was he expected to say. They'd only been intimate for a little over fourty eight hours. How could Kurt possibly be in love with him. 

"Mags, It's ok, i don't expect you to say it back. I know it really isn't the best time. But I had to tell you how I feel." Kurt said gently as he reached out tentatively, brushing his fingertips across his cheek, letting out a breath he'd not realised he'd been holding, when Magnus leaned into the caress. Tears rolled gently down his cheek as he allowed his eyes to drift shut. 

Looking at Kurt with tear filled eyes Magnus smiled softly, "I'm a mess right now Kurt. I..I can't say it back. Not yet. I'd understand if that changes things between us and you don't want to be with me." Magnus whispered as he felt his tears. He so desperately wanted to tell Kurt that he felt the same way, but his heart ached. He couldn't bare to have it crushed again if he allowed himself to say the words too soon. He was a fucking mess right now and he couldn't even love himself so how should he expect Kurt to love him. He was up and down like a fucking yo-yo. 

"Magnus I meant what I said when I told you that I'd be with you to the end of the line. Mags, take all the time you need. I know that this, isn't just going to go away overnight."

Rachel watched them closely and smiled softly as she caught Magnus' eyes as he looked over Kurt's head. Seeing the blush rising high on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry that I ruined the moment. But our time for today is almost up."

Kurt looked over his shoulder and nodded as he got to his feet, he moved to sit beside Magnus, smiling when he felt his fingers brush against his lightly as he reached out for him. 

"Magnus I'd like to schedule your next appointment for two weeks time. Same day and time if that's suitable for you both? Sorry if I'm being presumptuous, but I assumed that Kurt will be attending with you again."

"That's fine, thank you." Magnus said as he looked at Kurt, seeing him nod that it was ok. "If Kurt still wants to come with me, I'm more than happy to have his support."

"I'm going to write you a prescription for some anxiety medication. They should help with the panic attacks and possibly your sleep. I want you to take two first thing in the morning and we'll see if you need to take anything else for your sleep next time I see you." Rachel said as she handed over the script. "I'd like you to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings while you're away from here, anything that causes you to lose yourself. That way I can help make a plan for how to best help you to process what causes the problems."

"Ok, can I still work on this medication?" Magnus asked as he rubbed his hand along his thigh, picking at the seam of his jeans. He held his breath as he saw Kurt glance from him to Rachel. He didn't know what he'd do if she said that he couldn't work. He'd go crazy without something to occupy his mind. 'Please don't take that away from me.'

"That should be fine, although don't drive or operate any machinery if you feel drowsy. Also you should be aware that some people in rare cases, can experience suicidal tendencies or psychotic episodes. So if you carry a firearm I suggest that you're not out on active duty, just incase you suffer from auditory or visual hallucinations. Don't hesitate to contact me if you start to experience anything out of the ordinary."

"Is there nothing that you can give me that doesn't have such extreme side effects?" Magnus asked as he didn't relish the idea that he could possibly lose himself more because of the medication. 

"I'm sorry but pretty much all of the antidepresants used to treat anxiety and depression have similar side effects. As i said these are rare side effects but its worth keeping them in mind. Kurt if you can also keep a record for anything out of the ordinary with Magnus' behaviour as he might not notice them all himself." Rachel said seriously as she wrote out the appointment card for them. 

"Alright. Thank you so much for taking the time to see us on such short notice." Kurt said as he took the offered card and slid it into his pocket. Getting up he felt Magnus slipping his hand lightly into his as his arm slid around his waist as he joined him. 

"Thank you, for everything. I really appreciate it." Magnus said shifting nervously from foot to foot. Covering his mouth with his hand as a yawn escaped. 

"Magnus, it'll get easier, I promise. It's not always this draining. You've already taken the biggest step in talking about what happened to you. Just remember that you are loved and what happened to you wasn't your fault. You can call me at any time if you need to talk."

"Thank you." Magnus said as he reached out to shake Rachel's hand. 

"I'll see you both in two weeks." She said as she led them to the door, smiling as he saw Magnus yawning again, the blush staining his cheeks was adorable. "Take care of yourself and don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

Magnus followed Kurt closely, his arm around his waist as he leaned into Kurt's side. He felt comfortable and at ease, secure in the other man's embrace as he wrapped his arm around his shoulder. They made their way down the hallway to the pharmacy to collect the medication. 

***

"Do you want to stop for something to eat before we get on the road?" Kurt asked watching as Magnus set the paper bag with his medication in, on the dashboard as he climbed into the passenger seat. Covering his mouth once more to stifle the yawn.

"I'm not really hungry at the moment. But don't let that stop you from grabbing something. I really do appreciate you doing this for me." Magnus said as he shifted slightly in his seat as he tried to get comfortable. "I'm so tired."

"I'm not surprised, you went through alot in there." Kurt said as he started the car. "Do you want me to grab you something for later?"

"Possibly another bacon sandwich and a bottle of water." Magnus said as he leaned back into the headrest, allowing his eyes to drift shut. "Doesn't matter if it goes cold, it'll still be edible. Thank you."

"No problem at all." Kurt murmured as he pulled out of the parking lot and into the busy traffic once more. As they sat in traffic, Kurt glanced across at Magnus smiling softly as he watched the younger man out of the corner of his eye as Magnus' face softened as he relaxed. His breathing slowed and evened out as he drifted off to sleep. He hoped that he'd be able to remain free of the night terrors that he'd mentioned. God knows he needed a good night's sleep. It had been such an emotional few days for them both. 

***

Kurt parked the car in the parking lot outside Magnus' apartment block and turned off the engine. The sun was setting as he looked out at the deserted street, he would have preferred to sleep in his own bed, but Magnus had insisted that he wanted to stay in his own bed. It had been a long day and all the driving combined with the emotions of the day were starting to take their toll on him. Gently reaching across he unbuckled Magnus' seat belt as he gently touched his arm. 

"Mmmm what time is it?" Magnus mumbled as his eyes fluttered open, shifting in his seat as he sat up fully. 

"Just gone 6pm." Kurt said smiling as he watched Magnus rubbing the sleep from his eyes with the heel of his hands. He looked adorable as he tousled his hair and looked out the window seeing that he was home.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep the whole way home. I only intended to rest my eyes." Magnus apologised as he looked at Kurt. 

"It's ok. You clearly needed the rest. How are you doing?" Kurt asked as he removed his own seat belt and made to get out of the car. 

"Better for being back home, and with you. Would you like to come up for some coffee?" Magnus asked as he climbed out of the car, stretching out his tired limbs. Hearing his muscles protest after so long cooped up in the car. He reached inside and picked up his medication and another paper bag that contained his bacon sandwich. 

"I should probably best be off. I've got work in the morning." Kurt murmured as he watched Magnus closely, seeing his eyes flicker nervously at his building and then away. "But I suppose one cup won't hurt. If you're sure you want me to come inside."

"I'd like that more than you know. I'd rather not be alone. I'm sorry if that makes me sound weak. But it's the truth." Magnus said shifting slightly, while rubbing at his neck nervously. 

"Magnus you could never be weak in my eyes. You're the strongest man I know." Kurt told him seriously as he came around to stand before the younger man. "I don't know if I would be as strong if our positions were reversed." He whispered as he caressed Magnus' cheek gently.   
"Kurt, take me inside, it's cold out." Magnus begged as he felt himself trembling at the touch. The cool evening air making his nipples pebble beneath his shirt as the lower temperature made itself known as a gust of wind caught him. 

Kurt followed Magnus up the stairs, admiring the younger man's ass as he walked, watching how the muscles moved beneath his jeans. He'd never get tired of that sight. The only thing better was seeing him naked, seeing the soft creamy globes of his ass with the light freckles that covered his back. His body was covered with them, from his throat, down his chest, over his thighs, legs and arms. He'd love to kiss and lick each and every one of them as he mapped their placement. Biting his lower lip Kurt felt himself responding to the mere thought of seeing the younger man unclothed once more. He tried to will his body not to respond. It wasn't what Magnus needed right now. Opening the door to his apartment Magnus turned to look at Kurt, blushing as he saw Kurt's erection. 

"See something you like?" He asked softly as he moved closer, slipping his hands over Kurt's shoulders and wrapping his arms around his neck. Stepping closer he gently teased the soft hairs at the nape of Kurt's neck. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?" He asked softly, his breath ghosting across Kurt's face as he stood so closely. Pressing his body closer still so that they touched from chest to hip. He could feel Kurt's arousal against him as he rocked his hips gently. 

"Yes, I did. I know that it might be too soon for you. But Mags, I truly do love you." Kurt murmured as he placed his arms around his waist, pulling his body closer, "That's all for you Mags, you do things to me that no other man ever has." Hearing the whimper escape Magnus' lips, he rocked his hips gently, letting him feel just how aroused he'd made him. "Magnus I want to do things with you that I've never done before. I want to watch you fall apart because of me. Shhh...." Kurt murmured as he placed one finger against Magnus' lips as he went to protest. "It's ok, you don't have to say it. I know you're worth waiting for. Mags, I'd wait a lifetime for you to be ready."

"Kurt I might never be the man I was before the attack." Magnus said softly, trying not to smile as his lips brushed against Kurt's finger. "I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"Magnus I've only ever known you after the fact. I don't think you could ever disappoint me. We can, and will explore your likes and dislikes together when you are ready." Kurt said as he moved his finger away, sliding his hand back down to rest against the other man's pert behind. "I want to kiss you so much right now." Kurt mumbled as he watched Magnus' soft blue eyes, darken with his heightened arousal. Hearing Magnus whimper Kurt flicked his eyes downwards to watch Magnus' tongue dart out to wet his lips. 

"What are you wait..." Magnus started, only to moan as Kurt's lips crashed against his, kissing him with every fiber of his being, tongue teasing the seam between his lips waiting for him to open his lips allowing him entry. Magnus' hands fisted in Kurt's hair as he clung on as he felt Kurt's tongue pushing into his mouth, stroking his own as he took control. Eyes fluttered shut as he allowed himself to be swept away in the kiss. Whimpering as Kurt pulled him close, his hands grasping at his bottom, squeezing his buttocks as he rubbed against him. Pulling out of the kiss Magnus threw his head back moaning as he felt Kurt's hardness rubbing against him. "Oh god... please." Magnus moaned as Kurt brought his lips down to kiss along the length of his exposed throat. Teeth grazing against his adams apple, as he moved upwards, nibbling on the side of his throat, before running his tongue over the vein that stood out in stark relief from his pale flesh. Flatterning his tongue against it he lapped the soft flesh as he followed it up to his jaw. Nipping at it tenderly with his teeth, before soothing it with his tongue. "Kurt please... don't tease me." Magnus begged as he felt his cock twitch in response to the older man's actions. 

Kurt moved his hands from Magnus' buttocks and grasped the bottom of his shirt, tugging it from the waistband of his jeans and upwards, uncovering the beautiful body below. Magnus lifted his arms as Kurt drew his shirt up and over his head, tugging it free from his body, before tossing it onto the floor beside them. Running his hands over Magnus back, he felt the hard muscles beneath his fingertips as he moved to his chest. Stroking them through the fine patch of hairs between his pectorals, fingers splayed out to brush the pebbled buds of his nipples. Causing him to let out a shakey breath as he tugged at Kurt's jacket. "You're wearing too many clothes."

"Hmmm, I could say the same about you." Kurt said smiling as he slid his hands down over the younger man's abdomen, feeling the muscles clench as his fingers toyed with the fine hairs of his treasure trail, following them downwards to where they disappeared into the waistband of Magnus' liw slung jeans. Pulling his belt free, he unbuckled it and slid it off, dropping it to the floor while he deftly slid the button free. Sinking down onto his knees before Magnus, he looked up through lust filled eyes, he took the tag of the zip between his teeth and gently tugged it down, revealing the lack of underwear. Sliding his hands down, he pushed the well worn denim out of his way, grasping it firmly in his hands so he could tug it down over Magnus' hips and over his muscular thighs. "So beautiful, I could stay here in my knees for you forever." Kurt murmured as he watched as Magnus' cock bobbed between his legs, the rosey hued crown peeked from beneath his foreskin. Pre-cum beading at the slit. Magnus moved his hands to Kurt's hair fisting the silken strands as he breathed deeply, watching him closely. His heart hammering in his chest as he felt Kurt's hands brushing against his thighs as he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the head of his cock. 

"Is this alright?" Kurt asked, looking up at Magnus for queues as to if he was OK with what was happening. Seeing Magnus nod his head the affirmative he opened his mouth and took the head of Magnus' shaft between his lips. Hearing him whimper in response Kurt took him deeper into his mouth, relaxing his throat completely so he could draw as much of the silken shaft into his mouth as he could. Humming around Magnus' cock he watched him through hooded eyes as he felt him tugging on his hair as he lost himself in the sensation as Kurt took him deeply before pulling almost all the way off. Over and over again. Moving his hands up Kurt slid them over his hips and around to grasp his buttocks, squeezing them firmly as he used them as leverage to tug him deeply into his throat. His nose buried in the soft blond thatch of Magnus' public hair as he took him completely. Humming around his shaft, Magnus groaned tugging on Kurt's hair firmly. 

"Fuck... Kurt please, i'm not going to last if you keep doing that." Magnus whimpered as the vibrations from Kurt's lips went straight to his cock, his stomach clenched as he felt his resolve crumbling. "Kurt please... oh shit I don't want to come in your mouth." Magnus moaned. 

Kurt pulled off of him with a wet pop, a thin string of saliva keeping them joined as he looked up at Magnus through desire filled eyes. "Tell me, what you want." Voice thick with emotion and slightly husky from having Magnus so far down his throat. "Tell me what you need."

Magnus' head swam with thoughts as he stared into Kurt's face, reaching down he wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking himself lazily. He didn't quite know what he wanted. All he knew was that he needed to cum, and it wouldn't be too long before he did. Kurt had done a good job bringing him close to the edge. He felt his heartbeat pounding in his chest as he watched Kurt licking his lips. 

"Mags you look so fucking hot standing over me stroking your cock." Kurt told him as he felt his cock harden further in his pants. He'd love nothing more than to have Magnus shoot his load over his face, to watch him come undone at his own hand. "Mmm Mags, you'd make Daddy so proud if you'd shoot your load, cum on my face." Groaning he reached down and palmed his cock through her pants timing his strokes with Magnus' own. "Fuck, Mags I want to see you on your knees begging me to cum on your pretty face. I want you to feel my cum splash hotly over you as you look up at me with kiss swollen lips."

Magnus felt his breath catch in his throat as his heatbeat thundered in his ears, he couldn't breathe as the room span, he strumbled as his legs felt weak and caught himself on the small side table as he hunched over breathing deeply, his vision blurred as tears started to fall as he struggled to breathe. 

"Fuck, Magnus." Kurt shouted as he got to his feet slowly and pulled Magnus into his arms, hugging him tightly as he sobbed. As soon as he had his arms around Magnus the younger man's legs gave way and he slumped to his knees. Kurt went with him, hugging him as his breathing came far to quickly. "Shhh... it's alright. I've got you." Kurt murmured as he rubbed the younger man's back gently. He had no idea what he'd done, one minute they were fine and then Magnus had panicked. "Shhh, that's it slow deep breaths. With me. In... one.. two.. out." Repeated over and over until Magnus had regained his control. 

"I'm so sorry." Magnus whispered as he clung to Kurt's waist tightly. 

"You don't need to apologise, it's not your fault. I don't want you to blame yourself." Kurt said as he looked at the younger man, seeing him shivering in his arms. "Would you like me to make you some sweet tea, so you can take your medication?"

"Please, if it's not too much trouble." Magnus said as he looked away from Kurt, he didn't want to see the deeply upset expression he was sure was on the older man's face. 'I wouldn't be surprised if he wants nothing to do with me. I'm nothing but a cock tease. I wouldn't want anything to do with me right now.'

"Nothing is too much trouble for you. Would you like any help to go through into the bedroom?" Kurt asked watching as Magnus turned tired eyes on him. "You've been through enough for one day. I should go. Leave you to your rest."

"Please don't leave me alone. I, um I sleep better with you near me." Magnus whispered so quietly, Kurt almost hadn't heard him. 

"Alright, why don't you go get ready for bed while I make the tea." He said gently as he got to his feet, helping Magnus up, kissing him lightly on the forehead. "I'll be through in a couple of minutes."

"Thanks." Magnus whispered, before he padded naked into his bedroom, going over to his drawers he tugged the top one open and pulled out a pair of black silk sleep pants. Tugging them on he looked at his reflection in the mirror of his wardrobe, the purple bruising from the love bites Kurt had left on his body over the last couple of days stood out in stark relief against his alabaster flesh. He pressed one finger against the one on his right hip and hissed at how tender the skin was. He smiled as he pressed two fingers against it firmly, biting his lip to stifle the moan as he pushed harder than ever, making tears fall from his eyes, as the pain threatened to overwhelm him. 'At least I can still feel something.' He thought as he moved back to the bed and pulled back the covers, climbing in he closed his eyes tiredly as he curled up on his side almost in the fetal position. Hearing the soft clink of the mugs as Kurt set them down on the nightstand. Magnus allowed his eyes to drift open, when the rustle of the paper bag broke through the silence. He felt the bed dip beside him, willing himself not to flinch away, he knew that it was only Kurt and that he was perfectly safe. 

"It's only me. Is it alright for me to hold you while you sleep?" 

"I'd like that." Magnus whispered, "I'm sorry that I'm such a mess right now." He said sitting up slowly so he could take the mug of tea and the medication. Setting the mug down briefly he opened the paper bag and took out the box of tablets, his fingers shook as he removed one of the blister packs and popped two of the pills out into his hand. 'They're so small. I hope they help' he thought as he popped them into his mouth before taking a drink of the tea and swallowed them down. 

"Magnus it's alright. I understand. Given what you've been through, I'm not surprised that you're struggling. You'd not be normal if it didn't effect you somehow." 

Magnus drank the rest of his tea in silence, his mind was far away from the here and now. As he thought back to the thrill of the pain as he pressed his fingers into the bruises. It was the first real thing he'd truly felt since he'd revealed that he'd been raped. Even the thrill of the impending orgasm didn't give him the same buzz of feelings that the bite of pain had illicited. He knew that Kurt would never understand what it felt like. He'd have to explore more when he was alone. Yawning he set the mug down on his nightstand and he lay down once more. 

Kurt lay down behind Magnus and gently slid his arm around Magnus' waist, his hand hovering over his stomach as he heard his breath catch in his throat as his chest made contact with the younger man's body. "If it's too much contact I'll back off. You only have to tell me." Kurt murmured as he placed a gentle kiss to Magnus' shoulder. 

"It's ok. I trust you not to hurt me." Magnus said shifting slightly, so he was pressed against Kurt's body. He could feel the hard body behind him. The soft fur on Kurt's chest lightly ticked his back as it made contact. Licking his lower lip, he took hold of Kurt's arm and gently eased it so his hand lightly rested on his stomach, just above the soft sleep pants he'd put on to sleep in. Feeling his body trembling as he could feel that Kurt was hard. He closed his eyes once more as he tried not to let the presence of Kurt's interest in his half naked body effect him. 

"Sorry, if it's too much I can go and take care of it before we try to sleep." 

"You don't have to do that. I know that you can't help reacting to being half naked in my bed and wrapped around me. I know you won't try to take advantage of me. I trust you." Magnus said softly. He knew that Kurt wore his boxer shorts, so there was a barrier between them. 

"I don't know how anyone could ever think of taking advantage of you." Kurt murmured as he softly kissed Magnus' bare shoulder as he relaxed against the younger man's body. "I can move my hips away from you so it's not so obvious that I'm attracted to you. I don't want you to feel any distress or make you uncomfortable." 

"If having you in my bed was going to make me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have asked you to stay." Magnus whispered as he ran his fingers lightly along Kurt's arm, feeling his soft hairs beneath his fingertips. "It may take some time before I'm ready, but I would like to try being intimate with you again, sometime."

"Mags, I'm willing to wait until you're ready. I won't ever force you to do anything that you're not comfortable with." Kurt said sincerely. "I love you and I don't ever want to hurt you."


	12. Chapter 12

Magnus woke early the next morning and slipped silently out of the bed, running his hand lightly through his hair he looked down at Kurt as he lay on his back, the covers thrown loosely across his hips as he snored softly. Magnus could feel the blush rising high on his cheeks as he looked at the older man, he still couldn't quite believe that Kurt was still willing to stick around after everything he'd heard over the last few days. But here he was. 

As he watched him, Magnus' stomach decided to growl, he smiled softly as he silently padded barefoot into the kitchen, filling the coffee machine, he put it on and leaned against the work surface, idly scratching at the soft hairs of his treasure trail where they disappeared into the waistband of his low slung sleep pants. Nibbling on his lower lip, his fingers dipped below the waistband to stroke through the nest of blond pubic curls. 

"Mags, you ok?" Kurt asked as he rubbed at his eyes, as he stopped just over the threshold of the kitchen.

"Mmm, yeah. Sorry if I woke you. It's still early." Magnus said shifting slightly, removing his fingers from inside his sleep pants, only to run them through his hair as he glanced over at the wall clock seeing that it was a little after 4am. 

"It's ok. I put your bacon sandwich in the fridge, if you're hungry." Kurt murmured as he noticed that the coffee was on. He knew that Magnus hadn't eaten since the journey to the clinic the morning before. He smiled as he heard Magnus' stomach rumbling. 

"Thanks. Don't let me keep you up. I probably won't be able to sleep again now before the alarm anyway. You need your rest." Magnus said, pushing away from the work surface and making his way to the fridge, opening it he pulled out the paper bag containing the sandwich. Setting it down on the table, he walked over to stand in front of Kurt, reaching out he placed his hand lightly on Kurt's hips. "Thank you for looking out for me."

Kurt smiled as he set his own hands on Magnus' lithe hips, stroking his thumbs back and forth against his obliques as they formed the deep v of his groin. The skin there was silky smooth and just touching Magnus there caused his breath to catch in his throat. He could see that Magnus was aroused, from the way he touched him. His cock jumped beneath the soft silk as he stroked lower towards the waistband of his pants. 

"Is this alright?" Kurt asked as he looked up into Magnus' soft blue eyes. Seeing him nod, he slid his fingers beneath the waistband and gently slid the silk pants downwards. As they pooled around Magnus ankles he stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. Magnus bit his lower lip as he took his hands from Kurts waist and leaned back against the kitchen table, arching his back slightly as braced himself with his hands behind him on the smooth wooden surface. The slight movement caused his cock bob between his thighs.

"You're so fucking hot, Mags." Kurt purred as he moved closer. His hands moving back to Magnus' hips, stroking along the lines of his body he followed the v downwards, fingertips ghosting across the tender flesh as he watched Magnus' face closely, looking for any sign of distress on his beautiful face. His eyelids fluttered closed as Kurt brushed his fingers lightly through his soft pubic hair as it covered his pubic bone. "So sexy." Fingers deftly traced the vein on the underside of his cock as it arched up towards his stomach, the rosey hued crown peaked from beneath his foreskin. Licking his lips, Kurt brushed one finger against the slit, smearing the pre-cum over the tip, causing Magnus to moan. "Tell me, if you need me to stop." Kurt murmured as he sank down onto his knees, sliding his hands down to caress Magnus' thighs. 

"I promise." Magnus said as he looked down to watch Kurt watching him closely as his hands ran up and down his thighs. His fingers teasing the soft flesh of his inner thighs, Magnus shifted slightly spreading his legs more and letting out a shakey breath as Kurt's fingers slid higher, towards his groin. 

"You're so fucking beautiful right now." Kurt told him as he brought one hand up and wrapped his callused fingers around his engorged prick. Stroking him lazily, up and down, causing Magnus to moan as his eyes fluttered closed. 

"Please don't tease me." Magnus begged, as his hips bucked up to meet Kurt's hand on his downward stroke, forcing him through his fist more firmly. "Ohhh... fuck." Magnus moaned as Kurt took his cock between his lips, sinking down fully as he relaxed his throat. Opening his eyes Magnus watched as Kurt bobbed his head up and down on this shaft, biting his lower lip, he watched his saliva slick length gliding effortlessly between the older man's lips. "Christ, That feels so fucking good." Magnus groaned as his eyes met Kurt's as he hummed around him, the vibrations travelling straight to his cock, making it jump in response. His abdominal muscles clenched as he felt his resolve crumbling. He knew he wasn't going to last, moving one hand away from the table, Magnus supported himself on one arm, feeling it in his muscles as he reached down with his free hand tangling his fingers into Kurt's hair as he guided him to take him deeper until he felt Kurt's nose buried in his pubic hair. As Kurt moaned around him, Magnus bucked his hips, making Kurt's eyes water as he forced himself down his throat once more. "Ohh... fuck... Kurt, I'm going to cum." Magnus moaned loudly as he bucked between Kurt's lips, feeling himself falling over the edge as he filled Kurt's mouth with ribbons of hot cum. Letting Kurt free he, breathed deeply as he lay back against the kitchen table, his chest heaving as he rode the high of his orgasm. 

Pulling off of Magnus with a wet pop, Kurt swallowed Magnus' release and got steadily to his feet, smiling as he watched Magnus as he came back into himself. His breathing evened out and a brilliant smile crossed his lips as he sat up slowly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't hold on longer."

"There's no need to apologise." Kurt murmured as he placed his hands gently on Magnus' face, cradling his head as he stroked his thumbs against his cheekbones. "You don't need to apologise for any of that. I'm just happy that I was able to give you some pleasure." Kurt told him as he moved to stand between Magnus' spread thighs. Pressing his lips softly against his, he smiled into the kiss as Magnus whimpered as he felt Kurt's tongue pushing into his mouth, caressing the roof of the mouth before stroking over his tongue. Sliding one of his hands back into the soft blond curls, fisting them tightly as he kissed him hungrily. Hearing the younger man's heady moans he felt his cock twitch in response. He rocked his hips gently against Magnus, as he groaned in response as he rubbed against him. Pressing himself closer to Magnus' body, rocking against him, feeling himself harden further as he urged Magnus down against the table top. Pressing him down as he followed him with the kiss, dominating the embrace. Magnus moaned into the kiss, but as he leaned into him further Kurt felt Magnus slipping away from him as he went rigid in his arms, one hand pressing firmly against his chest as he pushed at him. "No..." Magnus shouted as he pulled his mouth away from him. Tears shone wetly in his eyes as he pushed against Kurt's chest, "Kurt... stop... i.. I can't." his breathing coming quick and shallow as he tried to roll away from him. 

Hearing the impassioned pleas and wragged breathing combined with feeling the insistence in the force of Magnus' hands against his chest Kurt moved away and let Magnus up off the table, giving him the space he clearly needed. "I'm sorry. It's ok, you're ok. Breathe, no one's going to hurt you." Kurt murmured as he watched Magnus as he half stumbled as he tried to get some space between them, falling heavily into one of the chairs at the breakfast table he buried his head in his hands as his shoulders shook as he started to sob uncontrollably.

"Magnus, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pinned you down. I know that now. Please forgive me." Kurt said as he reached out tentatively, to touch Magnus' thigh only to see the younger man flinch away from him. 'You're a fucking idiot.' Kurt felt angry at himself as he realised that he had caused this when he'd pinned Magnus against the table, essentially taking away his control. 'You did the one thing that fucker did to him, taking away his control. You're an arsehole.' He felt like a monumental idiot. 

Kurt moved away from him, leaving the kitchen he went into the lounge, starting to pull on his clothes he shoved his feet angrily into his boots. Moving to the door he hovered just over the threshold on the precipice to the kitchen. He wanted nothing more than to go to Magnus, to wrap him in his arms. But he'd done this, he'd caused this pain. "Mags, I'm sorry. I'm going to go." Kurt said as he looked at the broken young man as he sat hunched over as he sobbed. Turning on his heel Kurt stalked across the lounge and opened the front door, giving one last lingering look over his shoulder he left. 

"Please, don't go." Magnus begged as he lifted his head, "I want you to stay." But it was too late, the door swung shut and he was all alone in his apartment and Kurt had left.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS 
> 
> Self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions. Blood

Kurt made his way straight to the station as there wasn't much point in going home only to come back again. As he was the first one in he put the coffee on before heading to his office. He pulled out the chair and sank into it slowly. Rubbing at the bridge of his nose he winced, it was still tender after Magnus had broken it. Pulling open the top desk drawer he pulled out the blister pack of painkillers, taking two he swallowed them dry.  
While he waited for the coffee to be ready he looked at the case file that lay on his desk, a yellow post it note stuck to the front of it. Opening it up he flicked through the papers inside, although he really wasn't taking anything in. Coffee, he needed that and then hopefully he would be able to concentrate. 

***

Magnus sat on the bed, his back pressed against the headboard. The razor blade gripped tightly in his hand as he stared down at his forearm. Biting his lower lip he drew the blade across the top of his arm, hissing as it bit into his flesh, he watched as the blood started to bead along the incision. Tears welled up in his eyes as he drew the blade again against his arm, a little bit further away from the first cut. 'Fuck, it hurts. But at least I can feel it.' He thought as he repeated the process eight more times. The silvery tear tracks ran down over his cheeks as the crimson dripped down his arm and onto his thigh. 'I need more. It not enough, Kurt's gone because of me, I chased him away. It was my fault that he'd left me alone. If i wasn'tsuch a fucking mess he'd still be here,' Magnus' thoughts spiralling out of his control as he moved the blade across the soft flesh of his inner thighs, whimpering as the pain came, just as quickly as the blood. 'He'd be better off without you, you're just ruining his life. You can't even keep it up, or hold it together long enough for him to get off.' The blood started running down his legs he pressed his fingers against the cuts, watching as his life blood seeped out quicker. Coating his fingers as he ran his fingers through it. Smearing it over his porcelain skin. He felt an uncontrolled laugh escape his lips as he noticed that he was hard. The pain was arousing him. Reaching down he wrapped his fingers slick with his blood around his length. 'What would he think if he saw you now, covered in your own blood, getting off on hurting yourself. You're sick Magnus, you're so fucked up. Kurt won't want anything to do with you. You're twisted, fucked in the head. Everyone would be better off without you, do them a favour. End it, no one wants you when you're like this. You're better off dead!' The little voice in his head was getting louder, and he had to agree with it. Yes he was fucked up. He had no idea what Kurt saw in him. 'Do it, do it, you know you want to. DO IT NOW!!' the voice roared inside his head. 

*** 

Kurt looked at his watch. It was going on for three thirty and there was still no sign of Magnus. He'd honestly thought that given his question to Rachel about him being able to work on the medication that he'd have come in. Then again it was possible that he'd just missed him. It's not as if Magnus stayed in the main communal area of the station. He had his own office after all. Getting up Kurt headed out to get another cup of coffee, he passed Anne-Britt and Svedburg who were milling around. 

"Have either of you seen Magnus today?" Kurt asked as he refilled his mug. 

"Not today. In fact I've not seen him since he broke your nose several days ago." Svedburg said as he looked at Kurt questioningly. "Lisa said he'd be taking a few personal days, but didn't elaborate further. After all you know what he's like. He's more tight lipped than a nun's vow of silence, especially when it comes to his personal life."

"What is it Kurt, you look worried." Anne-Britt said as she saw the look of concern flash across Kurt's face. "You know that Magnus is a tough nut, he can take care of himself." 

"Hmmm," Kurt mumbled noncomitally as he looked towards Magnus' office seeing the door was open. It was then that he saw Lisa and made his way across to her. "Can I have a word in private?" He asked softly, as ge really didn't need the rest of the team knowing his or Magnus' business. 

"Sure, come in. We'll use Magnus' office while he's not here." Lisa said motioning him inside the empty office. They stepped inside Magnus' office and Kurt closed the door behind him as he leaned heavily against it. He really didn't want any of the others walking in on them. "What is it Kurt? I assume this has something to do with Magnus not being here."

"I'm worried about him. Lisa, I can't get into the specifics. But he's not himself right now. It's why I needed yesterday off."

"Kurt, please if it's something that is going to affect him doing his job, or will endanger any of the team. You're duty bound to tell me what is going on."

"I can't betray the trust that he has put in me. Just know that he is getting help." 

"What sort of help?" 

"It's not my secret to tell. When he's ready he'll tell you. But for now can we keep him busy with more computer or evidence finding work. Less field work for the foreseeable future. " Kurt said as he ran a hand through his hair. 

"That can be arranged, we all know that he excels with the computers." Lisa said as she looked at him. "Go check on him, I can see that you're worried about him not being here."

"Thank you." Kurt said sincerely as he made to leave the office, stopping with his hand on the door handle, as Lisa's next words hit home. 

"Magnus could do a hell of a lot worse than you. He clearly makes you happy. Go to him, and let him know that if he needs anything, that I'm here."

"Is it that obvious?" Kurt asked turning to look at her once more.

"Kurt I've known you a long time, before Magnus joined you were heading towards ruin, with your actions. Have you not realised just why you're so hard on him? It's obvious for anyone to see that you care deeply about him, you want to make him the best damned officer this force has seen. You're a better man because of him. Now go to him." Lisa explained, seeing Kurt blush before he turned away from her. 

Kurt opened the door exited the office, his mind spinning. 'Had it really been so obvious for all to see, that he was attracted to Magnus? Was that why he was harder on him than any of the others. It wasn't just because he got under his skin with all his idiosyncrasies. That damned way he sat with his legs spread, more than was appropriate for the workplace. Or how he ran his fingers through his curls when he got flustered. Don't even get me started on the way he bites his bottom lip.' He thought he'd covered it well. Hidden his feelings under the harsh way he treated him when the others were around. 

Kurt rubbed at the back of his neck as he felt a headache coming on. He knew that he'd over reacted that morning. Unable to control his feelings for the younger man, hating himself for causing him emotional distress because he couldn't keep it in his pants. He needed to apologise again, to let Magnus know that he truly did care deeply about him, that he could and would wait till the end of time if it meant that he could hold him in his arms once more.  
Making his way out to the parking lot Kurt got into the car and made his way out into the early afternoon traffic. He was thankful that Magnus didn't live too far away from the station given the heavy traffic due to the school run.

***

Kurt still couldn't believe it had taken him over an hour to get to Magnus'. But he was here now and that was all that mattered. Making his way up the stairs he couldn't quite shake the uneasy feeling that filled him. Reaching Magnus apartment he knocked, and waited for the younger man to answer. He knew that he was home, as his car had been in the parking lot for the building. Knocking again he ran his hand through his hair. It really shouldn't take him this long to answer the door. 

Reaching out he tried the door and found it was unlocked. Stepping inside he called out to the younger man. He really didn't need to startle him, "Magnus, it's only me. Are you alright?" Listening for any sign of the other man he found the apartment eerily silent. He couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in his gut. Something was wrong. Crossing to the kitchen he stuck his head in and saw the untouched sandwich on the kitchen table and the coffee in the machine. Magnus always had coffee first thing in the morning and he surely would have had several by now. Crossing to the coffee machine, he saw that the mug was clean. Magnus hadn't used it, or eaten since he'd left. 

"Mags, are you alright?" He called again as he made his way into the hallway. He couldn't hear anything and it was concerning to say the least. The bathroom door stood open, sticking his head inside he sighed, no sign of him. Kurt's heart began to pound in his chest, Magnus had to be in his bedroom. Approaching carefully, Kurt saw that the door was closed. Reaching out he slowly began to open the door. "Magnus, it's me. I'm sorry I left the way I did this morning." He said gently as the door opened. 

Kurt felt the bottom fall out of his world as he saw Magnus, slumped over his side of the bed. There was so much blood, covering his deathly pale skin. "Magnus!" Kurt yelled as he ran to the bed, his hand flying up to check his throat for a pulse. He was relieved to find it, although it was weak. "Magnus what did you do? You fucking idiot!" Kurt cursed as he pulled his unconscious frame into his arms, dragging him off the bed. He couldn't wait for an ambulance, he needed to get Magnus to the hospital and quickly. "Magnus please, hold on. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." Carrying him down the stairs he made his way to the car, putting Magnus onto the backseat. Kurt knew that he was hanging on by a thread, he couldn't loose him.

Breaking several laws consecutively, Kurt sped through the early evening traffic, as if the hounds of hell were snapping at his heels. He didn't care if he got a ticket. Magnus needed help now and he'd be damned if he was going to lose him now. Pulling up out front of the emergency  
department, Kurt rushed to pick Magnus up, cradling him against his chest as he rushed inside.  
"Help me, please, he needs immediate medical treatment!" Kurt yelled as he saw that the waiting room was filled with people. "Someone help me, he's going to die!" He screamed, feeling like his legs were going to buckle under the combined weight of the younger man's body and what had happened. 

Kurt caught sight of two paramedics racing towards them, pushing a gurney. "Please help him, I.. I c..can't loose him." Kurt sobbed as the two men pulled Magnus from his arms carefully. 

"It's ok, we've got him. What's his name?" One of the two paramedics asked as they loaded Magnus onto the gurney. 

"Mags... h...h..his name's Magnus, Martinsson." Kurt murmured as he stared at his lovers pale face. 

"It's ok, we've got him. Can you give his details to the clerk and then you can make your way through." The taller of the two men said as they put their hand on his arm, causing Kurt to look at him.

Kurt nodded as his gaze flickered back to Magnus, as the other paramedic began to wheel the gurney towards the double doors into the emergency department. "Magnus needs you to be strong for him right now."

"Please don't let him die." Kurt begged as the tall paramedic let him go. 

"We're going to do everything in our power to prevent that." He said before taking hold of the other side of the gurney and disappearing through the double doors. 

Kurt didn't know how he managed to make it across to the reception desk, his legs felt like jelly. Dialling Lisa's number he prayed that she was there and could pull up Magnus' personal file. Because Kurt realised that he knew very little about the other man, let alone his medical history. 

"Lisa, thank god, can you pull up Magnus' file, his medical history. I know, it can't wait. His life depends on it. Fuck, Lisa he's tried to take his own life." Kurt blurted out as his legs gave out from under him. He collapsed into a heap by the reception desk. He knew he must look a sight, covered head to toe in Magnus' blood, while trembling as shock started kicking in. 

"Sir, are you alright?" A young blond nurse asked as she crouched down beside him. "Are you hurt?" 

"Its not my blood. M..m..my lover he's... oh fuck. He tried to kill himself." Kurt murmured as the reality hit him like a tonne of bricks. Magnus had tried to kill himself because he'd left him alone.

"Sir, let me help you up and give you the once over." She said as she took his arm gently. 

"I'm fine. I...I.. I need to get Magnus in the system so I can go to him. He needs me." Kurt hissed, angry that no one was listening to him. "I'm sorry, can you get him checked in please?" Kurt begged as he saw the shock on the young nurses face. "My colleague on the phone, she has all his details."

"Come with me, I'll get him booked in and then I'll take you through to him." She said softly as she helped Kurt to his feet, smiling gently she took him round to a small examination room and had him sit down. "Just give me a second to pull up the booking system."

"Thank you Wendy," Kurt whispered softly as he read her name badge while he tiredly rubbed at the nape of his neck. 

"Ok, if you'd like to give me your phone I'll get him into the system." Wendy said holding out her hand for his mobile. 

Handing it over, she pressed it to her ear and held it in the crook of her neck. Her fingers danced across the keyboard while inputting Magnus' vital statistics. Kurt didn't hear anything that was said as his heartbeat was pounding in his ears. He couldn't loose him, not now. Not when he'd finally been able to tell him how he felt about him.

"Kurt... Kurt can you hear me?" Wendy asked as she touched his arm. Breaking him from his trance. "Kurt, I can take you through to see Magnus now."

Kurt nodded and got to his feet. He still felt shakey but he had to see Magnus. Wendy led Kurt through the double doors and she paused momentarily as she checked the board for which cubicle he was in. Seeing Magnus' name she led Kurt to the third cubicle and she carefully opened the curtains. Kurt felt jis heart clench painfully in his chest. Magnus looked deathly pale, his lips tinged blue and his eyes were closed. His long eyelashes caressing his cheeks near streaks of blood from his fingers stood out in stark relief. There was machinery everywhere and the sound of beeping could be heard. 

"I...I.. is h..he g...going to be ok?" Kurt asked, his voice sounded alien to him as he watched the nurse, change over the iv bag. 

"Mr Martinsson's very sick right now. He's lost alot of blood and he suffering from hypovolemic shock. We're doing everything we can right now to replace his fluids, to stop him from deteriorating any further. He's going to need a blood transfusion." The Doctor said as she looked at Kurt, seeing the worry etched on his face. "He's very lucky that you found him when you did. He'd not have survived much longer. He's also exceptionally lucky that he didn't catch the femoral arteries in his legs."

Kurt nodded, as he couldn't tear his eyes away from the younger man, the oxygen mask over his face, the streaks of crimson on every part of his body be could seen around the dressings. Even in his hair. Kurt reached out tentatively for Magnus' left hand, brushing his fingers against the back of his hand. It was so cold beneath his fingertips. Looking up his vision blurred as tears fell hotly down his face. "Please can I stay with him?"

"Yes for the time being. If anything changes then I'm afraid you will have to wait in the waiting room. For now though he's responding well to the isotonic fluids. He's a very lucky man." The Doctor replied as he watched Kurt slide his fingers through Magnus' and curl them into his in a fist, sitting down in the offered seat. Kurt brought Magnus' finger's up to his lips, kissing them softly. 

"I'm sorry Mags, I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. I never wanted you to feel like I'd abandoned you." He whispered as he cradled his hand against his cheek. "Please stay with me. Mags I don't know what I'd do if you left me. Mags I love you so much it fucking hurts."


	14. Chapter 14

Kurt didn't know how long he sat there clutching Magnus' hand in his, lips pressed against his knuckles. The sounds of the machines having long since faded into background noise. He looked up when he felt someone touch his shoulder, blinking through red rimmed eyes he saw Wendy. 

"I'm going to need you to step out for a moment. They are going to transfer Magnus up onto one of the wards, now that he's stable." Wendy said softly, taking in his dishevelled appearance. 

"Can I go with him please?" Kurt asked, his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of having to leave Magnus again when he needed him.

"You can follow him up and get him settled in, but you'll have to obey the wards visiting hours."

"Thank you, for everything." 

"Mr Martinsson's partner is going to accompany him to get settled." Wendy said as the curtains were pulled open and two porters entered, unhooking the iv bag from its stand and attaching it to the one on Magnus' bed. 

Kurt got to his feet slowly, reluctantly letting go of Magnus' hand and setting it gently down on the covers. Stroking his fingers through his soft curls. "It's ok Mags, I'm not going anywhere. I coming with you." He said softly before moving out of the way so the porters could do their job. 

As he stood to the side, Kurt heard his mobile ring, pulling it from his pocket, he saw that it was Lisa. "Wallander," he answered by default, nodding his head as his eyes flicked over to the younger man who seemed a little less pale, although still not himself. "He's out of immediate danger, he's stable. They're just taking him up to a ward now. Yes, I will. When I know more, I'll let you know. Thank you, I appreciate it." Kurt said as he hung up and began to follow behind the porters as they wheeled Magnus out into the corridor. Down through another set of double doors and stopping briefly while they waited for the lift to arrive. 

The lift felt cramped as Kurt got in first and moved to the back, standing out of the way as Magnus was loaded into it. The porter on the left of his bed punched the button for the second floor and the doors slid shut. The journey was blessedly short and then they were on the move again, further down the corridor and through another set of double doors. Kurt noticed the sign for the psychiatric ward, when they stopped and waited for someone to admit them onto the ward. Buzzing them through a nurse met them on the other side of the doors, checking their identity badges. 

"Martinsson, Magnus. Sheena called up to book him in." The taller of the two men said as he regarded the young male nurse. 

"Alright, I've got him, take him through to room eight please. Excuse me who are you?" The nurse asked turning dark eyes to Kurt, regarding him with some contempt.

"Magnus is my partner." Kurt murmured, trying not to role his eyes as he saw the other man look to Magnus, before giving him the once over. He knew that getting pissed off at the judgmental asshole wouldn't help Magnus and he really didn't need anything to stop him from being able to get visitations. 

"Hmmm, alright. But visiting hours are over in two hours." 

"Alright." Kurt said as he followed the porters through to room eight. Moving into the room he moved to the window, looking out of it he saw that the sun was setting. Leaning against the window ledge he watched as the men set Magnus up and handed his chart over to the young nurse who even now was giving him the evil eye. Kurt felt the sense foreboding for their future interactions. 

"The Doctor will have questions in the morning when they do their rounds about any medication that Mr Martinsson's on, plus what led to this incident."

"What time are the rounds?" Kurt asked, his cheek twitching involuntarily as he felt the accusations in the young nurses words. "I want to be there, I can bring Magnus' current medication and the details of his therapist."

"They usually start their rounds at ten. Can i take your name and contact number so I can add it to Mr Martinsson's file. That way we know to let you back onto the ward come tomorrow. It's a secure unit, I'm sure that you can understand that given the nature of the patients illnesses."

"Sure, it's Kurt Wallander. I can be contacted via the Ystad Police Station or my mobile." Kurt said handing the young nurse who's name he saw was Klaus according to his name badge, one of his business cards. 

"I assume you have ID to back up your credentials Detective." Klaus said as he looked up at Kurt after inspecting the business card. 

"Of course." Kurt said as he pulled his badge out and held it up for the other man see. 

"Thank you. Visiting hours are over in..."

"Two hours, I know. Given that my partner just tried to take his own life. I would have thought that you'd have a little more compassion." Kurt said cutting the other man off. He really was sick of this homophobic prick. But he'd play nicely for now, for Magnus' sake.

"Um, well it's been a long day. I'll leave you to sit with your partner. " Klaus said and with that, he turned on his heel and left the room. 

"Prick." Kurt muttered as he pushed off of the window ledge and crossed the room and sat down heavily in the armchair beside Magnus' bed, rubbing at the back of his neck tiredly, he looked over at the bed. Magnus was so still, only the gentle rise and fall of his chest let him know that he was still with him. Reaching out Kurt brushed his fingers lightly against his cheek, tracing the blood smear. He wanted to wipe it off, to remove the traces of what the younger man had felt compelled to do to himself. "Mags, I'm so very sorry." He whispered as he saw the water jug on the top of the cabinet. Turning away briefly he searched his pocket for the handkerchief, pulling it out he poured a small amount of the water into the glass and dipped the corner of the hanky into it. He slowly passed the damp cloth against Magnus' cheek, wiping at the blood, carefully removing all trace of it on his porcelain skin. Moving on to his other cheek, tenderly caressing his cheekbone, rubbing his thumb against it once the blood no longer stained it. 

Dipping the hanky into the glass, watching as the water turned pink with Magnus' life blood. Tears rolled gently down Kurt's cheeks as he moved to clean the smear from Magnus' forehead, clearly from when he'd run his hands through his curls. As he caressed the soft flesh he bit his lip as he tried not to sob. His thoughts spiralling as he realised just how close he had come to loosing Magnus forever. 

Washing the blood from his long throat, he was careful to not press down to hard on the love bites he'd left earlier in the week. As he glanced up at Magnus' face he felt his resolve crumble as he saw those soft blue eyes sparkling, wet with his own tears. 

"K...k..Kurt y..y..you c...came b..b..back." Magnus stuttered as the emotions overwhelmed him.

"Of course I did. You'd not get rid of me so easily." Kurt said, trying for light, but failing as he saw the pained look cross Magnus' features. He looked haunted as he blinked back his tears, while he wet his bottom lip. 

"I..i..I'm s..so s...s..sorry. i..i ..I t.. t..thought you didn't want me." Magnus said, his lips trembling as he fell apart, tears falling freely as a sob broke free. 

"Magnus, you scared me. I... i t...t..thought I'd lost you." Kurt murmured as he reached down and clasped Magnus' hand tightly in his own as he reached for him. "Mags, I want you more than life itself. I... i shouldn't have left you the way I did."

"N..n..not y..your f..fault. I p..pushed y..you a..away." 

"Mags, there's a million reasons why we shouldn't be here right now. A million reasons why this is so fucked up. But I can't stay away from you. Mags, I love you so much, my heart aches. It broke me finding you like this. I know that you're sick, I know that you don't really want to die. Please I need you to fight this, I need you to fight for yourself, fight for us." Kurt begged, he knew that he was laying it all out in the open, laying his heart out there for all to see.

"Kurt I want to, b...but t..the v..voice's t..too l...loud." Magnus whimpered brokenly. 

"Mags, please give me a reason to stay."


	15. Chapter 15

"Kurt I want to, b...but t..the v..voice's t..too l...loud." Magnus whimpered brokenly.

"Mags, please give me a reason to stay."

'You know that he's only here because he feels guilty that you tried to end it. But you couldn't even fucking get that right.' The voice inside whispered as Magnus tried unsuccessfully to form words. He didn't know what he had to possibly offer Kurt right now. 

Kurt felt his heart clench as he watched Magnus closely, seeing him so vulnerable and clearly at war with his demons. "You don't have to say the words. I know that its far too soon for that. I understand, really I do." He said as he reached out and tentatively traced his fingers along Magnus' cheek, smiling softly as the younger man turned into the touch. 

"Kurt I wish i could tell you what you need to hear from me. But I... I'm broken and I'm only going to drag you under with me." Magnus said as he tried his best to ignore the voice. 'He's better off without you ruining his life aswell. You should let him go.'

"Mags, please don't let the sickness talk for you. Look inside yourself please, isn't there just a little hope for us in there." Kurt pleaded. He knew he wasn't being fair to Magnus, he was being selfish. He could see the pain in Magnus' eyes and it made his heart ache. "Mags, I need you to know that you make me a better man. You've got nothing to fear, I'm right here by your side. For the rest of my life, if you'll still have me. You've come so far, please just hold on."

Magnus sighed as he closed his eyes tiredly. "Kurt please, can we just not do this right now. I don't know what I want, ok. My head is all over the place."

"Alright, is there anything in particular you want me to bring back in the morning besides some clothes and your medication?" Kurt asked, biting back his need to lash out at how unfair this whole situation was. 

"I shouldn't need anything else, I'll be out in a day or so. It wasn't that bad." Magnus said looking at Kurt and down to the dressings that covered his arms. He really couldn't remember why he was here, he vaguely remembered cutting his arms, but that was all.

"Mags, you nearly died. If Lisa hadn't taken pity on me and let me leave early to check on you, you'd not be here. You sliced your thighs up and your wrists. They're not going to let you out overnight, baby. You tried to take your own life." Kurt told him softly, he tried to stay calm even though the parent in him wanted to yell and tell Magnus how stupid he was and selfish for his actions. 

'He's right you know, they're going to lock you up. Watch you every second of the day. You'll not even be able to piss without someone accompanying you and watching your every move. They'll take away anything that you hold dear. They're going to lock you up and throw away the key.' The voice whispered insidiously. "Kurt I don't remember cutting my thighs or wrists. I don't remember much after you left." Magnus said seriously. 

"Mags, its ok. It's normal in the circumstances. You're very sick, but the doctors are going to help you, help me to get you the treatment you need. I'll call Rachel and let her know what's happened when I get home." 

"Do you have to leave?" Magnus questioned, his eyes pleading Kurt to tell him that he'd not leave him again. 

"I don't want to, but I must. I will be back in a few hours, in time for visiting hours and the Doctor's rounds in the morning." Kurt said gently brushing the fresh wave of tears from the younger man's cheek. "If I could stay, believe me I would."

Biting his lower lip Magnus nodded his understanding. Words wouldn't come as he closed his eyes at the rhythmic caress of Kurt's thumb. Licking his lips, he opened his eyes. "I know but i don't have to like it. Can you bring the journal Rachel asked me to keep, possibly my ipod. Um I really don't know what you're allowed to bring people who've lost the plot and have to be sectioned for their own safety." Magnus said trying to keep the conversation light, he was outwardly smiling. Although inside he was freaking out. 'What if they can't fix whatever has broken inside me, what if they never let me out again.' 

Kurt tried not to let Magnus' self deprecating comment get to him, he knew how scared his lover must be right now and sarcasm had always been one of the younger man's more annoying habbits. It was often a cover for his frustration or uncertainty in a situation. It drove him up the wall when Magnus had first joined the team as he'd thought that Magnus wasn't taking his job as seriously as everyone else. But he'd soon learned that his mouth often ran away from him before he'd had a chance to process how others would respond to his comments. "Would you like me to bring the book you started reading at mine? It might help pass the time." 

"I'd like that. Thank you. You're going to visit me though, right?" Magnus asked as he sat up slowly. Wincing a little as moving hurt because of his self inflicted wounds. He pulled the covers back and started to swing his legs over the side of the bed. 

"Try and stop me. Mags you probably shouldn't stand right now, you lost a lot of blood and they had to give you a transfusion." Kurt said as he put his hand lightly on Magnus' shoulder. Halting any further movements. 'That robe really is hideous, but he does look better than he did when he came in.' Kurt thought as he watched Magnus spread his legs apart as he made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed. 

"Am I not allowed to stand, to hug my boyfriend goodbye?" Magnus asked, looking up at Kurt with wide blue eyes. 

"Boyfriend?" Kurt asked quirkiness one eyebrow as he reached out and took one of Magnus' hands in his, "Is that really how you see me?"

"I'd like to. I really don't think you or they'd appreciate me telling them that you're my Daddy." Magnus said, his voice becoming thick with emotion as he whispered the endearment.

Kurt moved his hands to Magnus' cheeks as he moved to stand between Magnus' thighs, he bent down and crushed his lips hungrily against Magnus', making him moan as his hands fisted in his shirt. Kurt kissed him like it was the last time he was ever going to see him. Tongues fighting to control the embrace as he lapped at the roof of his mouth. Stroking his tongue as he whimpered into the passionate embrace. One hand sliding into his soft curls, fisting the blond locks as he pulled Magnus' head backwards exposing his throat. Pulling out of the kiss, he rained kisses down over his parted lips as he breathed deeply, over his chin and down his throat. Stopping to graze his teeth against his adams apple, before flatterning his tongue and running it along his throat so he could nip at his bottom lip one more.

"K...k... Kurt please don't tease me." Magnus moaned as he pulled Kurt's hand from his cheek and pressed it down over the obvious tent in his hospital gown. Rubbing Kurt's palm over his erection, Magnus whimpered.

Kurt looked over towards the door and then back to the desire blown blud eyes as Magnus breathed deeply. Wetting his bottom lip, Magnus went to say something. Kurt pressed one finger against his lips, silencing him. "Are you sure you want this?" He asked softly, seeing Magnus nod his head as he pressed his hand more firmly against his heated cock. "Ok, but you have to be quite. Klaus already doesn't like me." Kurt whispered as he tugged the hem of the gown up onto Magnus' thighs, baring his silken shaft. Wrapping his hand around him he bent his head to cover his lips and kissed him hungrily as he skilfully stroked his hand along his cock, up, down, little twist of his wrist before sliding up again. Rubbing the pre-cum across the rosey hued crown as it slipped from beneath his foreskin. Over and over drawing little mewls of pleasure from Magnus lips. Kurt could feel Magnus throbbing in his hand as he raced towards his orgasm. Glancing over Magnus' shoulder at the door, Kurt saw movement outside and as he heard the hitch in Magnus' breathing signalling his imminent orgasm he purred, "Magnus, cum for Daddy." Huskilly against his lips, seconds before he pressed his tongue deeply inside his mouth, feeling him cumming hotly over his hand. 

Kurt ended the kiss with a quick peck to Magnus' lips as he took the handkerchief from the nightstand and wiped Magnus' cum from his fingers quickly. Folding the soiled fabric over and getting a clean area, dipping it into the water glass, wetting it. Kurt carefully washed Magnus clean before stuffing the hanky into his jacket pocket. 

Magnus breathed deeply as Kurt gently tugged the robe down, covering his modest from prying eyes. "I hope that helps you to sleep peacefully." Kurt murmured as he brushed Magnus' cheek tenderly. "Now into bed with you,"

"Thank you." Magnus said smiling as he shuffled back onto the centre of the bed, drawing his legs up, he stretched them out once more as he settled back against the pillows.

"That's a good boy." Kurt said, his voice soft as he carefully covered Magnus with the blanket once more. Leaning over the bed he brushed his lips softly over Magnus' one last time. Hearing someone clear their throat, Kurt stood up slowly and glared menacingly at Klaus as he stood just inside the door giving him a pointed look that let him know that his time was up. Feeling Magnus touch his arm lightly Kurt bit his tongue and held back his irritation at being so rudely interrupted. For Magnus' sake he wouldn't make scene. He plastered a fake smile on his lips. As he looked at the young nurse, before turning back to the bed. He was not going to be rushed. "Mags, I'm sorry but I have to leave. I love you so much, don't ever forget that." He said as he gently ran his hand lightly through Magnus' soft curls. 

"I know. " Magnus whispered as he reluctantly took his hand from Kurt's arm and lay it gently across his chest. Watching Kurt as he silently made his way over to the door.

Stopping momentarily with his hand on the door knob, he turned to look at Magnus one last time. Smiling at him as his blue eyes were fixed on him. "Goodnight Mags. I'll see you tomorrow morning." 

Magnus bit his lower lip as he tried so hard not to show how much the prospect of being separated from Kurt was affecting him. He nodded his head and gave a weak smile while biting down on his lip, to stop himself from begging the older man not to leave him behind.


	16. Chapter 16

Kurt made his way to up the stairs to Magnus' floor, if felt strange entering the apartment knowing that the other man was alone in the psychiatric ward. Magnus being alone with his demons was what had led to this and he really hadn't wanted to leave him again. Opening the door Kurt entered the apartment, turning the lights on as he pushed the door closed behind him. He crossed to the kitchen and emptied the coffee machine, rinsing it out before putting a freh pot on. He knew that he was going to need some before he faced the carnage of the bedroom. He sat down heavily at the kitchen table and idly ran his fingers along a pattern in the woodgrain. He saw Magnus' uneaten bacon sandwich and picked it up, opening the paper bag he sighed as he ate it slowly. He wasn't really hungry but he knew he had to eat. He rubbed at the back of his neck tiredly as his phone started to ring. Setting the sandwich down, Kurt pulled his phone from his pocket and answered it without looking at the display.   
"Wallander." He answered tiredly, getting up he crossed to the fridge and pulled out the bottle of milk, checking the date on the outside before setting it down on the counter. 

"Hi Kurt, it's Lisa. I just wanted to check how's Magnus is doing?" Lisa asked gently. 

"He's extremely lucky to be alive." Kurt said, even to him his voice sounded alien, he was exhausted both physically and mentally. "They said if it had been half an inch further in, he'd have hit the femoral arteries and he would have bled out in seconds. As it is, he had gone into hypovolemic shock, he'd lost so much blood, they had to give him a transfusion." He explained as he got up and poured himself a coffee, and added sugar then a splash of milk. He returned to the table and sat down, setting the coffee down before he rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Had I'd not arrived when I did, I'd have lost him." Kurt explained, his voice catching when he thought just how close he'd come to loosing Magnus. 

"Kurt are you ok?" Lisa asked her voice showing her concern. 

"Lisa, I'm fine." He said, although he knew that was a lie. He was far from fine. He couldn't get the image of Magnus unconscious and bleeding from his mind.

"Kurt I know you, how are you really?" 

Kurt gave a involuntary laugh. "How do you think I'm doing. For gods sake I found my lover unconscious and covered in blood after he'd tried to take his own life."

"Did Magnus leave a note, telling you why?" 

"I didn't stop to look, I was far too preoccupied with saving his life. However it's an ongoing issue which he's dealing with. We're dealing with together." Kurt said, correcting himself midway through. His voice sounded almost pained as he spoke without giving the details of Magnus' trauma. 

"Kurt while I fully, respect that you're dealing with a delicate matter here. Because you are personally involved with Magnus, both in a personal capacity, intimately and on as a team mate, I have to ask if this is going to get in the way of you both being able to perform your jobs. Without risking everyone else?"

Kurt bristled at the insinuation that he was emotionally compromised because of what happened. "Just because I'm sleeping with Magnus and trying to help him through some of the most traumatic shit I've ever heard during my career, doesn't mean that I can't do my job." He growled into the phone, before taking a drink of the coffee. 

"Kurt I wasn't saying that. I was asking if it will affect you both working with the rest of the team. I especially need to know if Magnus will be able to handle himself given the situation we find ourselves in right now." Lisa said trying to keep her voice calm.

"Magnus won't be a threat to anyone else on the team. I can assure you of that. Lisa he's in the psychiatric ward, he's been sectioned." Kurt said dejectedly as he thought back to the look on Magnus' face when he'd had to leave him alone again. He'd looked so scared and much younger than his years.

"Oh, Kurt I'm so sorry. I had no idea that he was..."

"What, so fucked up?" Kurt hissed as his tenuous hold on his temper slipped and he cut her off.   
"None of us did, because we all have our heads too far up our own arses to notice that he's been suffering in silence for months. Not one of us thought to ask what was wrong, just assuming that he'd had one too many the night before and was hungover. He's not been sleeping and he's been drinking more to try and cope."

"Kurt, please you know what he's like. He keeps to himself especially when it comes to his personal life." 

"You'd keep it to yourself too in his position. You know how hard it is to keep a secret at the station. He's a proud man and very private and he doesn't want everyone knowing his business." Kurt said, rubbing his neck tiredly. He really didn't want to be having this conversation right now.

"Be that as it may. His actions today not only directly affected his ability to carry out his job, but because of your involvement with him, it's stopping you from having your head fully in the game. Kurt you need to tell me what's going on with Magnus."

Kurt sighed, putting the coffee mug down and only now noticing the chip in the rim as he rested his head in his hand. "This is need to know basis only. I won't hesitate to rip anyone a new one if this gets out and I hear about it." 

"Kurt, just tell me what exactly is going on with Magnus, please?"

"I'm not prepared to go into all the gory details, its really not my story to tell." Kurt said running one finger around the rim of the mug, wincing slightly as he caught his fingertip on the chip. Turning his fingers over he saw a bead of blood forming. "Magnus was raped six months ago." 

"Oh Kurt, I'm so very sorry. Why didn't he report it?" 

"Because he's ashamed, embarrassed. Scared that he'll be thought of differently, as less of a man because he couldn't stop it from happening." Kurt murmured softly as he heard the pity in Lisa's voice. "He didn't want to be the subject of office gossip."

"I truly am sorry about what Magnus happened to him, for what you're both going through. Kurt take some time off on compassionate leave, be there for him as much as you can. But don't forget to look after yourself as well."

"What will you tell the others?"

"Let me worry about that. Just concentrate on helping Magnus on the road to recovery. He's in the best place to get the help and support that he needs."

"Thanks." Kurt sighed as he hung up, finishing his coffee, he made his way over to get a refill. Mentally he was trying to prepare himself for the phone call to Rachel. He had to let her know that Magnus was unlikely going to be able to make his appointment. 

***

Shifting slightly Magnus winced as pain shot through his legs, his body was tired, yet his mind wouldn't let him settle so he could attempt to sleep. It was eerily quiet in his room but the voice was as loud as it had ever been. Whispering its insidious thoughts. 

'You know that he's not coming back. That was goodbye kiss, that's why he gave you a hand job. You're pathetic, he's better off without a weak pussy like you. Grown men don't whimper and blubber like babies.'

"Shut up, shut up!" Magnus yelled clasping his hands tightly over his ears as he tried to block out the voice. But it just continued to laugh at him, mocking him. "Leave me alone!" He screamed, closing his eyes tightly, trying to turn onto his side to cover his ears more firmly. 

Magnus flinched away, his eyes flying open as a petite brunette nurse touched his hand gently "Shhh, its ok sweetheart. You're safe here."

"Please make it stop, make it leave me alone." Magnus begged as he looked at her. His soft blue eyes were filled with tears as he moved his hands away from his ears. "Please make the voices stop."

"It's ok sweetheart, Magnus is it?" She asked gently.

"Yes. Please can you make them stop so I can sleep? I don't want the dreams, the nightmares to come."

"Give me a few minutes, I'll see what I can give you. Do you need any pain meds?"

"Only if you have to give me them. The pain lets me know that I'm still alive and that this isn't just some horrible nightmare." 

"Magnus, sweetheart you just try and relax alright and I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For anyone interested Magnus cologne is Shay and Blue Blood Oranges. I read somewhere that Tom wears it.)

Kurt took a deep breath as he stood outside the bedroom. He really didn't want to go in there, but he had to, had to tidy up and then find Magnus some clothes. He couldn't bare to see him in that hospital gown. Yeah it was easy access to his beautiful boy, but it brought out the frailty of his current mental state and he really wasn't coping well with seeing the usually strong young man reduced to the frightened boy he'd been forced to leave behind in the psychiatric unit.

Exhaling shakily, the breath he'd not realised he'd been holding he stepped into the bedroom, and his gaze immediately turned to the bed. There was so much blood staining the sheets, so stark against the white of the linens. He moved on auto pilot over to the bed, tearing the linens from the bed and balling them up, stuffing them into the bin liner he held on one hand. He couldn't bare to look at Magnus' life blood as it covered the bed they'd shared only the night before. He dropped the bag to the floor as he removed the pillow slips and the cover for the duvet and stuffed them into the bag. He cursed lightly under his breath as he saw the staining on the mattress and the pillows. His heart ached as he knew that he was going to have to buy new ones. Because they'd never truly get rid of the blood. For now he flipped the matress over and discarded the other bedding into another bin liner. Sitting down heavily he took several deep breaths as he tried to calm himself. Magnus albeit more than a little worse for wear, was still blessedly alive. He'd not lost him. Some divine power was clearly looking out for him and had allowed him to reach him in time. He brushed his hands angrily over his cheeks as he felt the tears running freely once more. He'd shed so many over the last few days, more than he'd ever done, especially over a partner.

Getting up he crossed to the closet and opened it slowly, smiling at the disarray he found there. It was so unlike the other man. At the station he was so organised and tidy, everything had its place and he'd get irritated should someone not put something back where it lived. He was beyond a little OCD about his workspace. Yet here clothes seemed to have been haphazardly stuffed inside and in no particular order. Kurt rummaged around the bottom of the closet and pulled out Magnus' boots along with a couple of pairs of well worn jeans. Ones he'd seen Magnus wearing around the station over the years and had admired. He'd allowed himself to fantasise about the younger man on more than one occasion, the way he sat with his legs spread, so the tight denim stretched taught over his muscular thighs, over his crotch, doing little to hide his body below. Not to mention the way he leaned over the desks while examining the case files, the way he'd tousle his curls when he was anxious and the sinful way he bit his lower lip had all often featured in his sexual thoughts of the younger man. 'Had I made my attraction known earlier could I have prevented all this heartache?' He thought as he picked up a rucksack and packed the jeans inside, along with a couple of t-shirts, the black cardigan and that slate grey hooded sweater he'd always loved. Closing the closet doors he moved to the set of drawers and pulled out a couple of pairs of soft Jersey sleep pants. He felt a little guilty about invading Magnus' privacy as he pulled open the top drawer and came across any array of underwear, some bi-sexual and gay porn dvds. Plus the small selection of sex toys, condoms and lube. His cock twitched as he thought of Magnus laying alone in his bed, watching the adult movies while using the toys on himself. 'When he comes home, we'll have to explore these together. I'd love to see him coming apart at my hands.' He thought as he removed some boxer shorts and added them to the rucksack. 

Kurt put the rucksack into the bed and collected the journal from the side of the bed, he wouldn't look inside unless Magnus asked him to. This was for his private thoughts and feelings. Biting his lip Kurt felt a wave of nausea rise up into the throat as he saw the razor blade still covered in smears where Magnus had held it with bloodied fingers, sitting in a pool of blood beside his cell phone and his antidepressants. Picking up the phone and medication he set them into the bag before wrapping the blade in a tissue and sprinting towards the bathroom. He only just made it inside as he threw up into the toilet. Dropping the wrapped blade into the bowl, he wiped at his mouth before flushing it away. 

He rinsed his mouth out with water and then some of Magnus' mouthwash. Kurt rubbed at his eyes, as he stood at the sink in Magnus' bathroom. Looking at his reflection in thd small mirror he noted that his eyed were red rimmed and sore from the tears he'd shed over the last hour as he informed both his superior and Rachel of recent decline in Magnus' mental health. He felt guilty that he'd had to break his lovers trust, when he'd had to inform Lisa of his rape. But it really couldn't be helped, he needed her to understand that Magnus hadn't gone lightly with his attempt on his life. 

Washing his face, Kurt turned to pick up the towel that hung on the radiator. Bringing it up to his face he rubbed it tiredly across his flesh. He could smell Magnus' cologne on it, burying his face in it, he inhaled the familiar scent and had to bite back a sob. The soft musk with hints of leather, charred wood, and citrus scent of blood oranges. The scent was quintessentially Magnus and unlike anything Kurt had ever smelt before, other than in his presence. His legs went from under him and he dropped to his knees like a lead weight, clutching the towel to his face as he fell apart. Sobs wracked his body. How had everything gone so badly wrong in such a short space of time. 

***

Magnus had an uneasy nights sleep even though Macy had managed to get him a light sedative to help him sleep. But even that hadn't work for long when someone outside his room had been screaming at the top of their lungs at 3am. Then they'd smashed the fire door a few feet from his room. Setting the alarms off. Macy had come into his room to help calm him as he'd leapt from his bed, running instantly into the hallway, his body on high alert from his training to join the police force. The adrenaline coursing through his veins had overridden the pain of moving so quickly with his wounds. That combined with the voices that had returned to torment him the second he'd regained consciousness and his composure. 

Magnus sat huddled up against the headboard of his hospital bed, his knees drawn up against his chest. Using the blankets as a shield and his arms wrapped around his knees. He sat staring straight ahead, looking towards the door as he watched any and all signs of movement outside his room. Kurt had promised that he'd be back that morning, and he was trying so hard to ignore the voice that was trying to rock his trust that Kurt would break his word.

Seeing movement, Magnus lifted his head from atop his arms and watched expectantly as the door to his room opened. He felt his heart skip a beat as Kurt entered, stopping just inside the door, holding it open for someone else. 

"You came back." Magnus said, his heart pounding in his chest as he threw back the covers and moved to the edge of the bed while Kurt was occupied and distracted by the door. It took everything that Magnus possessed not to run to Kurt as he made his way over to the window and dropped his rucksack into the chair. Crossing to the bed Kurt found his arms full of a rather warm body, as Magnus stood quickly and threw his arms around his neck. 

"Of course I came. Mags you're my whole world." Kurt said gently as he leaned in and pressed his lips hungrily against Magnus'. He reached up and slid one hand against his cheek gently brushing his fingertips along his cheekbone while he let all the emotion of the past few hours pour out. His tongue pushed inside and mapped every centimetre of they younger man's mouth. Stroking his tongue languidly while he sild his other hand around his waist, feeling the warmth of his naked back between the sides of the gown, he started rubbing soothing circles over his back. Hearing him whimper Kurt moved his hand down to settle on the younger mans tight bottom as he pulled him tighter into the embrace. 

Ending the kiss, Kurt smiled brightly as he looked deeply into Magnus soft aqua eyes. Tears shone in them and as he rubbed his thumb against his cheekbone, his eyes fluttered closed and the tears rolled down his cheeks. Opening his eyes as he felt Kurt brush them away gently. Magnus blushed as he caught sight of the lady with the tea trolley standing beside the window. 

"Can I get you a drink sweetheart?" She asked smiling softly at him.

"Umm yes please, can I have a coffee with two sugars and a splash of milk." Magnus said feeling the heat rising in his cheeks at being caught kissing Kurt by a young lady.

"Of course. What about your handsome friend, can I get you anything love?"

"Black coffee, one sugar please. Thank you." Kurt said as he turned to look at the pretty red head smiling. "Come on you, back into bed, before that jackass from last night sees you. There's a good boy." Kurt murmured quietly into Magnus' ear, patting his bottom gently. 

Magnus nodded and sat down wincing as he moved back into the bed. Settling back against the pillows, he couldn't help but notice the way Kurt was regarding him as he pulled the covers up over his legs. "What is it?" He said raising one eyebrow questioningly.

"You're in pain, Mags you shouldn't have got out of bed, you need time to heal." Kurt said seriously as he moved the chair closer to the bed so he could sit down and hold Magnus' hand in his. Stroking his thumb lightly back and forth over the pulse point in his wrist between the bandage and his hand. "As much as I liked the reunion, I don't want you to cause yourself pain."

"It's not that bad, I'm ok." Magnus said, twining his fingers through Kurt's. Watching as the young girl moved the table so the tray rested over the end of the bed within reaching distance. "Thank you." He whispered as she placed their coffees onto the table then left the two of them alone once more. 

"Magnus, you don't have to put on a brave face. I can see that you're in pain. It doesn't make you weak to accept the meds." 

"Kurt, I need to be able to feel it. It lets me know that I'm still alive and that the voices didn't succeed. They're still there trying to make me doubt myself, to make me doubt us. To make me hurt myself again. The pain keeps the voices down, it's not so loud when I'm hurting." Magnus said, keeping his eyes down as he fiddled with the blanket in his lap. He couldn't look into Kurt's eyes while he admitted to hearing voices or that his thoughts that had led to him being here weren't completely his own. 

"Oh Mags, you should of told me." Kurt murmured as he placed two fingers beneath Magnus' chin and gently urged him to lift his head so he could look into his scared eyes. He was biting his lower lip as Kurt brushed his fingers lightly against his lip.

"The voices didn't start until after I'd pushed you away, after you'd left me." Magnus admitted quietly.


	18. Chapter 18

"Oh Mags, you should of told me." Kurt murmured as he placed two fingers beneath Magnus' chin and gently urged him to lift his head so he could look into his scared eyes. He was biting his lower lip as Kurt brushed his fingers lightly against his lip.

"The voices didn't start until after I'd pushed you away, after you'd left me." Magnus admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry that I left the way I did. When you flinched away from me after I'd scared you, I couldn't bare to see that look in your eyes. Especially when I had caused it. I was selfish leaving you like that I know." Kurt told him, feeling his gut clenching because of his actions, his beautiful boy had succumbed to the voices. He'd very nearly lost him because he couldn't face him knowing that he'd caused the fear.

"Don't blame yourself, please." Magnus said as he reached out to touch Kurt's cheek, brushing a tear from it. 

"Mags, seeing you like that, because of me..." Kurt started only for Magnus to shake his head and press his fingers to his lips.

"Don't. It's not your fault that I'm broken. I can't promise that it won't happen again. He did this to me when he raped me. He fucked with my mind, body and soul. I can't predict what will cause me to break down." 

Magnus looked away from Kurt as he heard the door open, he saw a beautiful red head, wearing a lanyard around her neck. She smiled softly as she entered the room. "Sorry to intrude gentlemen. Mr Martinsson, my name is Dr Lee. But you can call me Abigale, or Abby if it makes you more comfortable." She said as she approached the bed, her heels clicked on the linoleum as walked. 

"Please, call me Magnus, Mr Martinsson is my father and it makes me feel old." Magnus said as he felt Kurt's hand give his a comforting squeeze. 

"Alright. Are you happy for me to discuss what has brought you here, and your treatment in front of your friend?" Abigale asked as she regarded the young man and then looked at Kurt. 

"I'd like Kurt to stay. He's my boyfriend." Magnus said blushing furiously, he still couldn't quite believe it. That the other man loved him unconditionally even given his current situation. "I wouldn't be still be here, if it wasn't for Kurt." Magnus whispered softly as he turned to look at the older man, smiling as he knew that he wouldn't have survived had Kurt not come back to check on him when he did. He truly owed him his life and he didn't know if he'd ever be able to repay him.

"Magnus you're very lucky to have Kurt. Can you please give me a little background as to what happened in your life to bring you here?" She asked as she looked at his chart briefly. 

Magnus looked to Kurt momentarily as he nibbled on his lower lip. Seeing Kurt nod and smile softly, he took a deep breath. He knew this was the hardest part, admitting what had happened to him, and how he'd not been coping. He looked at their conjoined hands, feeling Kurt's fingers stroking his pulse point in a soothing manner, he let out the shakey breath.

"It's ok Mags, I'm right here. You've got nothing to be ashamed of." Kurt murmured as he put his other hand over Magnus'.

"Six months ago, I was raped by another man. He drugged me and forcibly restrained me." Magnus said his head lowered as he still wasn't comfortable seeing the looks of pity on others faces. Saying it out loud it sounded alien to his ears as he related the events as if he was detailing one of the many case files he'd done in the past. He sounded detached as he spoke, if he kept it this way it couldn't hurt him again. "He forced me for several hours, before I was left naked and bleeding on the side of the road. A member of the public found me and took me to the emergency room. I had to have stitches, but you'll see that in my file."

"You're doing really well Mags." Kurt reassured him, he knew just how hard it was for his lover to admit to what had happened to him. 

"I couldn't tell anyone what happened to me, you're the third person who I have told. I've been having trouble sleeping, night terrors keep me awake at night. I started to misuse alcohol and some substances." He mumbled the last bit as he knew that it would hurt Kurt to know about the drugs. Looking up at Kurt, he felt his tears pricking at his eyes as he saw the worry etched on his lovers face. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you."

"What substances have you been using?" Abigale asked gently as she regarded the two men. 

"Mostly cannabis, and cocaine. They worked for a while but not so much anymore, the alcohol always lasted longer. I know that I shouldn't have used any of it, but I couldn't turn off the memories, the flashbacks of being so helpless, of being in such pain."

"Magnus it's common place for men like yourself to go down this route to try to block out the memories. You're suffering from post traumatic stress. Again this is not uncommon. You've been through a life altering trauma and it will take time for you to come to terms with what you've been through." Abigale said as she made notes in his file, all the while watching how the two men reacted to one another's closeness. 

"I've been suffering from flashbacks when I've been intimate with Kurt over the past week. It has caused friction between us and it has triggered the doubts to surface again. Plus the thoughts haven't just stayed that way." He said as he looked away from Kurt to look at his lap, as the tears spilled down his cheeks. "I've started to hear voices, taunting me, mocking our relationship, telling me to do things. T..t.. telling m..m..me t..to h..hurt m..m..myself." 

Kurt got up from his chair and moved to sit on the side of the bed, pulling Magnus into a hug as he broke down. His body wracked with sobs. He rested his chin on the top of Magnus' curls as he curled up into the embrace. His body shaking as the emotions overwhelmed him. "It's ok baby, I'm not going anywhere ever again. Mags, you're safe now." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he rubbed his hand lightly over the younger man's back as he cradled him closely. "Magnus attempted to take his own life yesterday after we'd attempted to be intimate. I inadvertently brought back his feelings of having his control taken from him. He was upset when I left him to go to work. I had no idea that he'd been hearing voices." Kurt explained as he looked at Abigale while he continued to sooth Magnus. "I wouldn't have left him alone had I known."

"Kurt it's common for people who have experienced a sexual assault to have thoughts about self harm and often suicide. But the good news is that with treatment in the form of medication and counselling, Magnus should be able to lead a full and normal life. It will take time but he's already taken the hardest step. In admitting that he's not ok."

"Magnus has already started with a therapist at the Södersjukhuset hospital. At the male rape crisis center. He's only had one session with Dr. Rachel Hermes, but she had prescribed some antidepresants. I have them in the rucksack here with his belongings." Kurt explained as he soothingly rocked Magnus in his arms. "Mags, do you want to drink some of your coffee?" Feeling Magnus nod his head, he let one of his arm unfurl from around him so he could reach the mugs on the tray. Picking up Magnus' milky coffee he waited patiently as he sat up. "Here you go. It'll help."

"Thanks." Magnus whispered as he took the mug in both hands, relishing the feeling of the warmth against his palms. 

"Are you still hearing the voices now Magnus?" Abigale asked gently. 

"It's here constantly. It has been since the early hours of yesterday morning." He said quietly, before taking a drink of the coffee. "It's not so loud or overwhelming when I can feel the pain, but it's still there." 

"You're medication from Dr. Hermes, should help with the management of the voices. Though it will take a while for them to get into your system. Until then we can give you something to help you to sleep." She said as she looked at the box of anti depressants that Kurt handed to her. "Did you take one of these yesterday?" 

"No i didn't. I'd planned to after I'd eaten breakfast. But everything else is a blur after Kurt left." Magnus said shifting slightly as he pressed his body closer to Kurt's. 

"Take one of these now and I'll lock these away for you ready for the morning rounds. I know that you have said that the voices aren't as loud when you're in pain. We don't want you to be in pain. On a scale of one to ten. Ten being the worst pain you've ever experienced. Can you tell me how you're doing?" Abigale asked as she popped one of the nortriptyline out and handed it to Magnus. 

"About a six." Magnus said as he took the offered antidepresant, popping it into his mouth and taking a drink of the coffee to wash it down. 

"Ok, I'll let one of the ward nurses know and we can give you something to take the edge off it. Have you let Dr Hermes know what happened?" 

"I called her last night, she's asked me to give you her details so you can contact her, to discuss the plans regarding Magnus' therapy." Kurt said as he reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew Rachel's business card. "If possible I'd like to continue Magnus' treatment with her. Magnus seemed to have a good rapport with her." 

"I'd rather not have to go over everything that happened before again if it can be avoided. The more I have to discuss it, the worse the night terrors become. I already don't get much sleep as it is." Magnus said seriously as he handed Kurt his empty mug. "Although I've slept better this past week whilst Kurt has been staying with me. He keeps the nightmares away." Magnus said, feeling his cheeks flush as he remembered how Kurt had held him close as they slept together. He felt protected and he knew that he was loved, when he was in the other man's arms. "I wish you didn't have to leave at night."

"I will speak with Dr Hermes and see what can be arranged regarding your continued therapy sessions with her. In respect of Kurt staying, unfortunately that is very unorthodox and not something that we encourage. You need to learn to cope if Kurt has to go away for work. You can not be so co-dependant on him. It is not healthy and it will not help with your recovery. I'm sorry."

Kurt felt his heart clench as he watched the crest fallen look pass across Magnus' face moments before he turned his face away from him. Dropping it to gaze at his lap once more. Gently reaching out, he put two fingers beneath his chin and carefully lifted his head so he could see the pain in his soft blue eyes. "Mags, It's ok. I'll be here as much as I possibly can. I'm on compassionate leave, so I'll be here so much you and all the cute young nurses will get sick of me hanging around and cramping your style." Kurt said trying to lighten the mood.

"I'd rather you be here than any of them." Magnus said softly. 

"I know." Kurt said as he leaned across and gently kissed Magnus on the forehead. 

"Magnus if you or Kurt have no further questions. I'll go ahead and organise some pain medication and I'll see what we can do about your therapy."

"How long do I have to stay here?" Magnus asked, his voice soft as he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Depending on how you respond to the treatment and from consideration of Dr Hermes, you will be required to stay with us for a minimum of twenty eight days. Due to the danger you pose to yourself. I'm sorry."

Magnus bit his lower lip as he tried to keep himself calm, although inside his anger at the situation raged below the surface. 'You're stuck here forever. They're going to throw away the key. You're going to die in here.' The voice said loudly, before it began to laugh manically. He reached for Kurt's hand, grasping it firmly as he looked towards his lover, his soft blue eyes pleading him to do something, anything to let them allow him to take him home.

Seeing Magnus' pained look, Kurt pulled him close, wrapping his arm around him. He was numb inside as his mind reeled with the prospect of Magnus having to stay here alone for that length of time, possibly longer if he didn't respond to the treatment. "Thank you Dr." Kurt murmured, not wanting to discuss this anymore today. Right now he just wanted to wrap Magnus up and never let him go. 

"I'm sorry that wasn't what you wanted to hear. Someone will be in shortly with the pain meds." She said gently as she walked to the door and let herself out.

"Mags, are you alright?" Kurt asked, knowing that it really was a stupid question given the circumstances. But he needed to say something to break the eerie silence that had fallen over the room now that they were alone.

"No, I'm so tired. So very tired. Would you lie with me, can you hold me please? So I can shut out the voices, so I can sleep." Magnus whispered as he looked up at him, his eyes pleading with him to let him get a little respite.

"Of course I will. Do you want to change into your sleep pants and a t-shirt? It might help you to feel less of a patient and more yourself at least." Kurt asked, hoping that just that small thing might make him feel more at ease. 

"Please."

Kurt let Magnus free and climbed from the bed, picking up the rucksack he set it in the chair and rummaged around inside, pulling out a pair of soft grey fleece sleep pants, and one of his own t-shirts. He turned around and smiled softly as he saw Magnus perched on the edge of the bed. 

"Here you go. Let me help." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he bent down and helped Magnus to step into the pants. Carefully easing the pants up over Magnus' bandaged thighs. The pants were loose on his legs, but that would hopefully make him more comfortable. Magnus stood up, bracing his hands on Kurt's shoulders as he slid the pants up over his bottom, covering him completely. The pants hung low on Magnus' slender hips. Reaching around behind his neck Kurt tugged the ties at his neck so he could remove the hospital gown. "Put your hands on my waist so I can help you get this gown off." 

Magnus did as Kurt asked, biting his lip as he felt Kurt's fingers brushing against the back of his neck, as he carefully slid the gown over his shoulders and down his arms. Exposing his collar bones and the scattering of love bites along his throat. Kurt felt himself responding to seeing Magnus in a state of undress and he blushed as he saw Magnus staring at his crotch. "I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"Don't apologise. I'm flattered that even now in a mental ward, you're finding me attractive." Magnus said smirking as he ran one hand gently across the front of Kurt's pants. Slowly rubbing at his erection as he watched Kurt biting back a groan, while his hips bucked towards his palm.

"I've always found you attractive, even when you were covered head to toe in cow shit and mud, sitting on bin liners so you wouldn't get your car dirty. I always will do." Kurt said as he pulled the robe over Magnus' bandaged arms and over his hands, one at a time so he could toss it to the floor. "As much as I'd love for you to continue, we really shouldn't. Not now when anyone cold walk in. Sit down and I'll help you to put this on." Kurt said as he held up a red t-shirt. 

"Is that one of yours?" Magnus asked as he didn't recognise it. 

"Yes its one of mine. I thought it might help you to sleep better having a bit of me close by. I wore it last night to sleep in." Kurt told him as he watched as Magnus held his arms out in front of him as he perched on the edge of the bed once more. He smiled as Kurt eased the t-shirt over his hands and carefully up his arms, mindful not to catch it on his bandaged forearms. 

"I prefer you undressing me." Magnus said, trying to hold back the giggle as Kurt pulled the top over his head, before settling it down over his chest. Kurt's top was at least a size bigger, but Magnus really didn't mind. "I can smell you on it." He whispered as he lifted the hem up to his nose so he could inhale the soft musk with a hint of vanilla, that he associated with the older man. 

"Shhh you. Into bed with you. There's a good boy." Kurt murmured as he tousled Magnus' curls while he toed off his shoes and removed his jacket so he'd be more comfortable. He watched Magnus as he shuffled back onto the bed. Lying on his right hand side, so there was space behind him. He turned to look over his shoulder as Kurt returned his smile and moved to sit on the bed, lying down behind him, he pressed himself up against Magnus' back. Resting his head on his right arm, he slid his left arm around Magnus' waist, settling his hand against the younger man's stomach. Kurt heard the younger man sigh as he turned his head so he was resting against the pillow. Kurt pressed his lips against the back of Magnus' neck, burying his nose in his soft curls. He smiled softly as he could smell the soft citrus of his shampoo.   
"I wish you could stay here forever."

"I know Mags, I do too. Just relax and try and get some sleep while I'm here." Kurt said as he closed his eyes as he held Magnus close.


	19. Chapter 19

Magnus closed his eyes tiredly, but for the first time in almost twenty four hours, he felt at ease. He could feel the warmth of Kurt's breath on the back of his neck and the comfortable weight of his arm around his waist. He shuffled back a little, pressing his body against Kurt's so he fit snuggly in his arms, the curves of his own body seemed to be perfectly aligned to fit. 

"Mags, please stop wriggling, unless you want me to embarrassing us both." Kurt said gently as he bitting back a moan as Magnus rubbed his bottom against his cock.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to get comfortable." Magnus mumbled, hearing the door to his room open, he opened his eyes and tiredly looked towards the door. A young blond nurse stood just inside the door, he could see a blush staining her cheeks as she looked at the two of them. 

"Sorry to intrude, but I've got some pain medication for you." She said quietly as she walked across the room to hand Magnus a little paper cup with two pills inside. 

"Thank you." Magnus said as he pushed himself up onto one arm and took the offered meds. 

"Could you pass me some water please?" 

Kurt rolled away from him and sat up reaching for the water jug and the glass. He poured a little and handed it to Magnus as he watched the young nurse leave the room. Magnus took the pills and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them down with the water. Then he handed the glass back, before settling down once more. "Sleep well Mags." Kurt said as he put the glass back and lay back down. Pressing himself up against Magnus' body once more, sliding his arm around the younger man's waist. 

Listening to Magnus' breathing, Kurt smiled as he listened as it softened and evened out as he eventually succumbed to sleep. Placing a gentle kiss to the back of his lovers neck. Kurt closed his eyes and slowly slipped into a deep sleep. 

***

Kurt jerked awake when someone shoved at his shoulder, 'What the fuck!' Kurt thought as the force caused him to jostle Magnus who mumbled a protest but blessedly remained sleeping. Kurt turned his head to glare at whomever it was that had disturbed them so rudely. 'Oh it's nurse Prick' Kurt thought as he looked into the scowling face of Klaus the nurse from the day before. "Is there a problem?" Kurt asked, keeping his voice low as he didn't want to wake Magnus now that he was sleeping, but still with enough of an edge to it to make sure that the young nurse knew that he wasn't impressed. 

"Just because this is a private room and you're his boyfriend," Klaus started, his voice showing his distaste as he said 'boyfriend' nodding his head towards Magnus. "Doesn't give you the right to engage in any of your funny business."

"What funny business? Does it look like he's engaging in anything more than sleeping?" Kurt asked incredulously, trying to keep, his voice down and his anger contained. 'Fucking judgemental arsehole.' 

"Well, there's no telling what you were doing before. Fact of the matter is. You should, not, be, in his bed." Klaus said, pausing momentarily after each word as he attempted to get Kurt to understand. 

"Does it look like I'm causing him any harm?" Kurt asked as Magnus whimpered brokenly. Looking away from Klaus, he turned his attention back to Magnus, who's eyes moved rapidly beneath his lids. "Shhh, it's ok. I'm here." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he stroked his fingers lightly against the younger man's cheek. 

"Not while you have an audience, but there's no discounting that he's a very sick man and someone has been abusing him. Just look at all those bruises covering his body." Klaus said accusingly. 

"I'd be very careful about making accusations with no facts to back up your claims. I have not and never will lay a finger on him out of anger." Kurt said vehemently as he moved away from Magnus slowly. Getting to his feet, he stood tall as he pointed his finger at Klaus. "Not that I have to explain myself to you. But those are love bites, left during intimate moments between two consenting adults. Had you thought to Ask Magnus, himself about these, he will tell you the same."

"Oh and I bet your broken nose is just a love tap." Klaus said grinning at his own joke.  
Before Kurt had a chance to react the door opened and the woman who'd brought the tea that morning pushed the trolley inside. Smiling brightly as she looked at him.

"Can I get you both anything sweetheart?" She asked as Klaus smirked at him, before slipping silently from the room.

"Could I have a black coffee, one sugar please. Thanks." Kurt said, his anger subsiding now that the other man was out of his sight.

"What about Magnus. Does he want anything? They'll be around shortly with his dinner." She said as she glanced over at the sleeping man.

"Coffee with a splash of milk, with two sugars please." Kurt said as he reached out to take his offered mug. Turning he set it on the unit beside the bed. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome. I'm glad that he's been able to get some sleep. The poor love looked so tired this morning." She said as she handed Kurt, the other mug before she picked up the ones from her earlier round.

"Thank you. I'm glad too, he's been having a bit of a rough time of late." Kurt said looking wistfully at his young love. 

"He's taken the hardest step in admitting that he needs help. He's in the best place right now. I'll see you both, later."

Kurt nodded as he heard Magnus mumbling his name. Sitting down on the bed he reached out and tentatively touched Magnus' arm as his eyes fluttered open. "It's ok Mags, I'm here." He whispered as he watched recognition return to his lovers eyes.

"I'd hoped it was just a horrible dream. Not you being here, because that's the only thing making this even remotely easier to bare." Magnus said as he turned to lay on his back, looking up at Kurt he gave him a soft smile. "How are we going to mange twenty eight days?"

"We take it one day at a time. Just take it slowly. It won't be an easy fix. But know that I am here with you, every step of the way. Not a minute passes that I don't think of you." Kurt said sincerely, as he reached out and ran his fingers through Magnus' soft curls. "Did you sleep well?"

"Much better than last night. Feeling your arm around me and being wrapped up close helped to keep the dreams away. Plus it was nice being able to smell you." Magnus said blushing furiously as he realised how creepy and weird the last statement sounded.

"I'm glad I could help. I like having you in my arms while we're sleeping. I like being able to bury my nose in your hair, being able to smell your shampoo and your cologne." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he reached out with his other hand to caress Magnus' cheek. "You blush so prettily and freely. I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing you like this." 

"Kurt I..." Magnus started only to stop as he heard someone knocking on the door. He shuffled back up the bed, wincing slightly as he moved so he was sitting beside Kurt with his back against the pillows. He stared at the door as it swung open and Klaus walked in carrying a tray. 

"Here's your lunch Mr Martinsson." He said as took in the blush staining Magnus' cheeks. Crossing the short distance to the bed he set the tray down with Magnus meal. "What did I tell you about being in his bed? I'm not going to tell you again. Off now, that's why there's a chair provided." Klaus said his voice taking on a stern and almost menacing tone as he regarded Kurt.

Kurt just stared at him, what gave him the right to speak to him like this. Kurt knew only too well that other partner's were allowed to sit besides their loved ones. He'd seen them as he'd walked through the main ward to reach Magnus' room that morning. The only difference between them and him was that they were straight. "Your colleagues and even Magnus' Doctor have no issue with me sitting here. It's only you that seems to have issue with it." Kurt said, keeping his voice low, yet leaving no uncertainty that he wasn't amused by being told what he could and couldn't do. 

Magnus reached out and gently put his hand on Kurt's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He knew that he wasn't happy about the situation, but he didn't want Kurt to get into trouble because of him. He hoped that his action would help placate Kurt. He really didn't want Kurt to do anything that he might regret.

"Other loved ones are sitting on the beds in the ward and nothing is said to dissuade them. So unless Magnus tells me otherwise, while I am not causing him any distress or pain. I am going to continue to give my lover the comfort of having me at his side." Kurt said sincerely as he stood up and moved the overfed table into position so Magnus could comfortably reach his lunch. He picked up his coffee from the bedside cabinet and placed it on the table. Before picking his own up and sitting down on the chair as he knew that he'd only be in the way while Magnus ate. Lifting his coffee mug to his lips Kurt took a drink. Regarding Klaus over the rim of the mug. 

"I'll be watching you. The second I see any funny business, you'll be asked to leave." Klaus said, "Because I will not have any activities that will harm Mr Martinsson's recovery, taking place while I am on watch."

"What if I want and need Kurt here?" Magnus said as he could feel the tension between the two alpha males. He could see the flicker of darkness in Kurt's eyes and it made his skin prickle with both excitement and arousal. He'd seen that look on Kurt's face during interrogations and then seconds later, when he'd exploded with rage. He'd also fear him at the same time. 

"You are a very sick man, currently you might not be in the right frame of mind to make such decisions." Klaus said as he moved towards the door. Trying but not quite succeeding in hiding his smile as he saw that his words had struck the young man as if he'd physically slapped him. 

"Speak to me like that all you want, but don't you ever attack him like that." Kurt growled as he got to his feet, putting his mug down before he started to advance towards the young nurse.   
"You've been nothing but a homophobic prick since we had the unfortunate pleasure of making your acquaintance. But you should never, fucking use a patient's mental health as a tool to be vindictive or to score points." 

"Kurt please, don't hurt him. He's not worth it." Magnus begged as he saw Kurt loosing his hold on his temper. "Please, I need you here. He'll make you leave."

"You should listen to the wife. Seems that he was blessed with all the brains." Klaus said grinning as he left the room and fled to carry on with his task of distributing the meals.

"That arrogant fucking prick. I'll have him reprimanded for what he's just done." Kurt said as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he stalked back to the chair and sank into it. Letting out a deep breath he sighed as he rubbed at the back of his neck. Reaching out to pick up his coffee, he saw the look of concern on Magnus' face. "Mags, I'm sorry. He's been on my back since they transferred you to the ward from the emergency room. He's a homophobic fuck."

"Please don't do anything stupid. I don't know how I'll cope if they prevent me from seeing you. It's hard enough already with the voices and the darkness in the night. Just please don't jeopardise your visits because of his blatant dislike for you."

Kurt nodded his understanding, as he regarded the younger man seeing him twisting the hem of his t-shirt between his hands. "I'll let it slide for now. For your sake. But Mags if he ever speaks to you that way again. I will not be responsible for my actions."

"Thank you. I know how hard this is for you too." Magnus said as he reached for the table and pulled it a little closer so he could eat his lunch, although he wasn't overly hungry. "I'm sorry that we're here. If I could take it all back, I would."

"Magnus, don't you dare blame yourself. You're sick and you didn't know what you were doing. It's not your fault." Kurt told him firmly, he'd not let Magnus put himself down. He'd not listen to him berating himself for his actions. He knew that Magnus hadn't truly wanted to die. He was the strongest man he knew, he'd just lost himself in the struggle with his mental illness.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the day passed in relative silence, with Magnus curled up against him on the bed either sleeping or just lying in comfortable silence. Kurt was relieved that 'nurse prick' seemed to be giving them a wide berth as well. He'd not returned since the incident at lunchtime, but Kurt knew that wouldn't be the last time they'd encounter the insufferable arsehole. People like him were sadly far too common and the prejudice against his relationship with Magnus also wouldn't diminish just because he'd given him a dressing down. People like Klaus were too set in their ways. 

Kurt had slipped out of the room briefly when Magnus was eating his evening meal, to releave himself and to grab something quick to eat. Bringing it back to the room, they'd eaten together with Kurt catching Magnus on several occasions giving him the once over, causing the younger man to blush when he'd been caught staring. In those moments Kurt was able to forget for the briefest of moments why they were here. To be able to admire the beauty of his young lover and commit the shy glances to memory for when he had to leave. He'd not known Magnus to be this quiet before, at the station he was always offering some comment or another. Trying so desperately to impress him with his skills as an officer. But here he was lost inside his own head, just existing in the silence of the moment. 

Magnus was idly tracing patterns over the back of Kurt's hand where it rest against his stomach. When there was a soft knock on the door, his fingers stilled as the both turned to look at the door as it slowly opened. "I'm so sorry to intrude gentlemen, but visiting hours are over for the day." The young blond nurse from earlier said as she hovered just inside the door. 

"Ok, thank you." Kurt said watching her turn and leave so they could say goodbye in private, he heard Magnus sigh as he gently began to pull his arm from around his waist. He didn't want to leave any more than Magnus wanted him to. Placing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck he sat up slowly. Sitting on the edge of the bed Kurt bent to pick up his shoes so he could leave. He felt the bed move as he put his shoes on, when he sat up straight hd felt the warm arms slide around his waist, as Magnus pressed himself tightly up against his back. Soft lips pressed to the side of his throat briefly before Magnus whispered softly into his ear. "I don't want you to leave."

"I know. I wish I could stay." Kurt murmured as he turned his head so he could look at the younger man. "I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"Promise." 

"I promise. I'll be here as soon as visiting hours begin." Kurt told him sincerely, turning in Magnus' arms he brought his own up to wrap around him and placed a gentle kiss to his lips. Magnus relaxed into the kiss, and let out a needy little whimper as Kurt pulled away. "Mags, I've got to go. I'll be back tomorrow." Whispered as he brushed his thumb gently against Magnus' cheek. "Into bed with you. There's a good boy."

Seeing Magnus nod he let him go slowly. Moving away he winced slightly as he uncurled his legs from beneath him and moved to lay down. Kurt got to his feet and slid his jacket on once more, turning to look at Magnus, he felt himself blush as he saw the obvious signs of Magnus' arousal. Seeing the younger man's cock twitch beneath his soft sleep pants, sent a wave of excitement through Kurt's body, and his own body responded in kind. "You're not helping me to leave." Kurt said laughing softly as he leaned across the bed to kiss Magnus once more. "If it's any conciliation I'm also going home in the same predicament." Kurt told him as he reached down and tugged the blanket up and over Magnus, careful not to drag his hand across his arousal. He'd not torment him like that, not when he knew that Magnus wouldn't be able to relieve his arousal. Even with the private room, anyone could walk in unannounced. 

"At least you can do something about it." Magnus wined as he wriggled as he tried to get comfortable. 

"True, but I don't want to do it without you. Before I leave do you want me to pass you your journal and the paperback you'd started reading?" Kurt asked as he tried to ignore the way Magnus was pouting. He wanted nothing more than to take that full bottom lip between his teeth, nipping at it tenderly while he stroked Magnus to his release, but he knew that there just wasn't time. 'Nurse Prick' would make his presence known if he didn't leave shortly. 

"Yes please." Magnus said as he knew that Rachel would want to see his journal, to try to help him with his demons. The book would also help to pass the time when he was alone. 

"I brought your phone and ipod too." Kurt said as he handed the journal and items over. 

"The chargers too?" Magnus questioned as he smiled softly as he took his belongings from Kurt, he was a little shocked at how thoughtful Kurt had been. 

"The one for the phone yes. I couldn't find the one for your ipod. But if you tell me where it is I'll fetch it with me tomorrow." Kurt said as he returned Magnus' smile.

"It's um in the drawer where I keep my underwear and um..." Magnus started, his face coloured as blushed furiously. 

"It's ok Mags, you don't have to be embarrassed. I know which drawer and I look forward to watching you use your toys, and using them on you when you get out of here." Kurt purred as he leaned down and brushed his lips against Magnus' as they fell open on a breathy moan. Deepening the kiss Kurt's fingers tugged gently on his curls, while his tongue pushed inside and caressed his tongue while he took control of the embrace. 

"You're a cruel man, Kurt Wallander." Magnus groaned as Kurt ended the kiss, leaving him breathing hard and so very aroused. 

"But you wouldn't want me any other way." Kurt said laughing softly as he smiled at his young love. Teasing his curls one last time, he brushed his fingers lightly against Magnus' cheekbones. "Mags, I love you so much baby boy. Don't ever forget that."

"I know. I'll see you tomorrow." Magnus said giving Kurt a weak smile, 'I can't say the words, not yet. It's too soon.' He thought as he watched Kurt cross to the door, he stopped momentarily and turned to look at him. Smiling brightly as he opened the door and left him alone with his thoughts. 

Sighing as he watched the door swing closed behind Kurt. Magnus knew that it would only be a matter of time before the voices decided to start taunting him. For now though he was horny as hell and he needed to do something about it. Reaching down he tugged the hem of Kurt's t-shirt up baring his stomach, biting his lower lip Magnus ran his fingers lightly through the soft hairs of his treasure trail, following the line of hair down from his navel and to his waistband. Dipping his fingers beneath, feeling the thatch of pubic hair as he reached inside to wrap his fingers around his engorged prick. He gave it a few light pulls, feeling the rosey hued crown slip from beneath his foreskin as he worked himself steadily. Letting himself free momentarily, Magnus lifted his hips slightly so he could push his sleep pants down to mid thigh. Revealing his throbbing cock, that arched up towards his stomach, pre-cum beading at the slit and painting a silvery trail over his stomach as it twitched. Relaxing back down onto the mattress, he wrapped his fingers around himself. Stoking his length, up, down and then the twist. Whimpering Magnus bit down harder on his lip, as his hips bucked up towards his fist, forcing his silken shaft through his fingers. Closing his eyes Magnus, lost himself to the sensation of his hand as it passed through his fingers. The more aroused he became the more he struggled to try to stay quiet. 

"Oh god..." Magnus moaned softly as his breathing quickened, he could feel the way his stomach tightened as he approached his release, he knew it wouldn't be too long. "O..oh g..God." Magnus groaned as he pictured Kurt above him, bracing himself against the matress, his other hand wrapped tightly around both their dicks, stoking them languidly up and down, over and over as he panted in his ear. 'Mags, fuck, I'm going to cum.' Moaned into his ear as he pressed his lips against the side of his throat. Over and over his hands moved, up and down, a little flick of his wrist. "Jesus, Kurt I'm so close, I'm not going to last." Whimpered as his hips bucked so he fucked himself through the older man's hand. Feeling the heat of Kurt's cock as it moved against his. 

Opening the door silently Klaus stopped just inside, staring directly at Magnus as he continued to pleasure himself, completely oblivious to his audience. Licking his lower lip Klaus watched as the pre-cum oozed from the younger man's impressive cock. He'd not seen a guy as well equipped in real life, but he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass him by. Rubbing his hand against his own aching prick, he moved it in time with the younger man's hand. Hearing Magnus' breath quicken as his heady whimpers went straight to his cock. Biting down on his lip he felt his cock harden more, stopping himself from alerting the younger man to his presence. 'Fuck he's fucking beautiful. What I wouldn't do to have that pretty little mouth wrapped around my dick. Hearing him whimper as I finger fuck his cute little arse.' 

"Ohhh Daddy please let me cum." Magnus moaned loudly as he felt his stomach flutter, he was so close he knew it would only take a couple more strokes. 

'Kinky fucker.' Klaus thought as he watched Magnus tugging on his cock as he panted, his eyes still closed tightly, as he arched his back as he cried out his release. 'So fucking hot.' As his cock jerked and the hot ribbons of his cum splashed hotly over his stomach. Clinging like dew drops in the soft hairs of his treasure trail. 'He's divine.' Klaus thought as he realised that he wouldn't be getting off with him tonight. Pulling his hands from his pants, he quietly opened the door and slipped out. Making sure that it made no sound as it shut behind him. 

Magnus slowly opened his eyes, breathing deeply as he came down from the high of his orgasm. Glancing over towards the bedside cabinet he saw a box of tissues that Kurt must have brought with him. Reaching out he grasped the box and pulled it close. Taking several of the tissues, he cleaned his rapidly cooling cum from his stomach, before taking a few more tissues to clean himself up. Wadding them up into a ball he tossed them towards the wastepaper bin that sat beside the chair. 'Fuck.' He muttered under his breath as they bounced off the rim and onto the floor. Seeing signs of movement outside his door, he hastily reached down and tugged his sleep pants back up over his lithe hips. Then pulled Kurt's t-shirt back into place. He knew that he must be a little flushed, but as the door opened and Macy stepped inside she smiled at him brightly. 

"How are we doing tonight Magnus? Any pain?" Macy asked as she looked at his chart. 

"Not too bad, thank you." Magnus said blushing furiously at the prospect of almost getting caught masturbating. "The pain's about a four currently." 

"Ok. If it gets any worse just ring your bell and one of us will come back in and we can get you something for it."

"Thank you." Magnus said as Macy opened the door and left him to settle down for the night. Putting his phone on silent, as the last thing he needed was for someone to call and wake him up if he did manage to sleep. He then placed it with his journal and his ipod on the cabinet. Relaxing into the pillows Magnus pulled the blanket up over him and curled up on his side, facing the chair so his face was pressed against the pillow where he could still faintly smell Kurt. He inhaled deeply and then let out a shallow breath as he closed his eyes, wriggling down into the covers attempting to get comfortable. Once he had settled he tried to relax his breathing so he could attempt to get some sleep.


	21. Chapter  21

Kurt returned early the next morning and waited for someone to buzz him though onto the ward. As he waited, the young lady with the tea trolley came to stand beside him. "How are you doing sweetheart? It must be quite tough on you having to come here everyday."

"Knowing that Magnus is here getting the help that he needs is making it just that little bit more bearable. I'd visit the depths of hell, daily if it meant being here to support him. He needs me now more than ever." Kurt said seriously as he regarded the younger woman. 

"He's very lucky to have someone who cares as much as you do. Not everyone in this ward has loved ones who visit. In fact some of them, it was their own partners who had them committed." She told him sincerely as the door buzzed to allow them inside. 

Kurt pushed the door open so she could push the tea trolley through. "What's your name? I didn't catch it yesterday."

"Thank you Kurt, my name is Fauna. My parents were kind of old fashioned. I used to hate it when I was a kid, but I've learnt to appreciate it more as an adult. At least no one gets my name wrong." she said smiling as she saw Kurt raise an eyebrow questioningly. "Magnus told me. He talks about you a lot when you're not here." 

"I'll speak to you in a bit, I'm going to check in with Mags, see how he's doing today." Kurt said as he watched as she stopped the tea trolley at the end of the first bed.

"See you both soon." Fauna said as she started to make the tea for the patient in the first bed.

Kurt walked down the ward and came to stop outside Magnus' room, glancing quickly at the nurses station he was relieved not to see Klaus on the desk, where he'd been the two days previously. He knocked on Magnus' door softly and slowly opened the door. As he entered he felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw Magnus standing in just his t-shirt, as a young nurse carefully washed and then dressed his thighs. "Excuse me, can you wait outside for a few minutes please?" She said as she noticed him.

"It's ok, Kurt's my boyfriend." Magnus said as he turned his head to look at the door smiling as he saw Kurt giving him the once over. "See something you like?" He asked playfully, smirking as he took in the pointed glance towards his crotch, which currently Magnus hid behind his large hands as he clasped them over himself as he tried to cover his modesty.

"Always. Mags, every day I see something new that I adore about you. How are the cuts healing?" Kurt asked as he moved across the room to lean against the wall by the window, so he could observe how to dress Magnus' cuts. 

"They're healing well, although there will be scars when they have finished healing."

"At least I'll have a reminder of what I've overcome." Magnus said shifting slightly as the nurse rubbed the salve over his left leg, he winced slightly as it made contact with the cuts. He looked at Kurt and saw him watching the careful way the nurse rubbed the salve into his thigh, her fingers dancing higher as she made sure to get every one of the incisions. Magnus felt himself blushing as her fingers slipped over his inner thighs, her knuckles accidentally brushing against his scrotum. Magnus took a shakey breath as the touch caused his cock to twitch against his palms. It had been a very long time since he'd been touched so intimately by a woman. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to touch you there." The nurse murmured as she looked up at Magnus, who was biting his lower lip, whilst staring over at his partner. 

"It's ok. I know you didn't mean to." Magnus told her as he glanced down at her as she knelt before him as she began to carefully wrap his leg. Fixing the dressing in place with some surgical tape. 

"Ok, we're all done." The nurse said standing up as she eased Magnus' sleep pants back up his long legs, up over the swell of his buttocks and over his hands where they covered his modesty. Settling them onto his hips, she brushed her hands off on her skirt as she watched Magnus as he removed his hands from inside his pants. "I'll leave you to your company and I'll pop back shortly with your Nortriptyline and some pain meds." She told him as she left the room.

"Thank you." Magnus said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, he ran his hand through his soft blond curls as he looked at Kurt. "Did you remember the charger for my ipod?"

"I did." Kurt told him as he crossed the short distance to the bed and moved to stand between Magnus outspread thighs. Sliding his hands against the younger man's cheeks he brushed his thumbs lightly against his cheekbones. "I've dreamed about this since the moment I left you last night." Kurt said as he leaned down and brushed his lips against Magnus', nipping at his bottom lip. Tugging it gently between his lips, before letting it free. Soothing the hurt with his tongue, teasing the seam between his lips, pressing his tongue into Magnus' mouth as he whimpered. Sliding one hand into the soft curls, he fisted them, tugging on them with enough force to make the younger man tilt his head back, moaning as he gave into the teasing touches of his tongue as he mapped every inch of his mouth. 

Pulling out of the kiss, Kurt moved his lips to press against the side of Magnus' throat. Brushing his lips against his ear lobe he nipped at it with his lips as Magnus brought his hands up to fist his sweater. "I sent you a video on your phone. Something to keep you warm at night when I can't be here with you."

"What sort of video?" Magnus asked as he looked into Kurt's soft eyes as he moved to pick up the younger man's phone. Handing it to him he just smiled at him. 

"Why don't you get yourself comfortable and take a look." Kurt murmured as he caressed Magnus' cheek gently. 

"You'll have to move out of the way so I can get back into the bed." Magnus said smirking as he saw that the older man was blushing. 'Just what has he been up to?' He thought as Kurt stepped out from between his thighs. Shifting backwards, Magnus lifted his legs up onto the bed, turning he rearranged the pillows slightly so he could sit comfortably against the headboard. He shuffled back and began to settle on the bed, looking up at Kurt he gave him a questioning look as the other man was trying hard not to laugh. "What? You try getting comfortable when you're all strapped up. It's either wriggle up the bed or try and just sort of lunge into place. Wriggling is definitely the less painful of the two options."

"It's ok, I wasn't trying to make fun. It's cute that's all." Kurt said as he moved to sit on the bed beside Magnus now that he'd gotten comfortable. "I was just thinking that when you get out of here, we might try having you wriggle around while sat in my lap." He said softly, his voice taking on a slightly husky tone as the idea sent a wave of arousal straight to his cock.

"Are you suggesting that I give Daddy a lap dance?" Magnus asked, as he placed his hand against Kurt's thigh. Sliding it up towards his groin, but stopping just short of touching him.

"You're not telling me that you don't like that idea, hmm watching yourself in a full length mirror, watching the way my glistening cock disappears inside of you. Sliding in and out of your cute little arse." Kurt murmured against Magnus' ear as he pressed his hand lightly over the bulge in the other man's sleep pants, wrapping his fingers lightly around him and gently beginning to massage his length.

"Fuck, dont tease please." Magnus wined as he felt his cock harden at the images that Kurt was putting in his head. 

"I'm not teasing, Daddy can't wait to watch his good boy riding his cock. Your head thrown back exposing your glorious throat as you..." Kurt started only to stop as he heard the soft knock on the door, before it opened a second later.

"Good morning sweetheart, can I get you a coffee?" Fauna asked as she watched Magnus blushing furiously as he hastily covering his obvious signs of arousal with his free hand. 

"Yes please, splash of milk and two sugars." Magnus said, giving Kurt a pointed glance. 

"What about you Kurt?" Fauna asked as she handed Magnus his mug, smiling as he lowered his eyes shyly. 

"Please, can I get a black coffee with one sugar." Kurt said as he watched Magnus blushing. 'God he's cute when he blushes. It's good to see him smiling, really smiling the sort of smile that makes his eyes crinkle in the corners and sparkle. There's been too much sadness in his eyes of late. ' Kurt thought as he ruffled Magnus' curls as he looked at him over the top of his mug.

"You're popular this morning sweetheart." Fauna said smiling at Magnus as someone knocked on the door, and it began to open again. The young nurse who'd changed his dressings popped her head around the door. 

"Sorry to intrude. Magnus, I've got your Nortriptyline and some pain meds. She said as she approached the bed and handed Magnus the small paper cup, before leaving them alone once more. 

"Thanks." He said as he popped them into his mouth and washed them down with his coffee.   
Handing Kurt his coffee, Fauna turned to Magnus. "Look after yourself sweetheart and don't push this one away, he's one of the good ones." She said smiling as looked towards Kurt as ge brought his coffee too his lips.

"I'll try not to. Besides he's quite a tough nut to crack and he's got a wicked stubborn streak." Magnus said smirking as he saw Kurt raise his eyebrow questioningly. 

"I'm not the only one with a stubborn streak Mister." Kurt said ruffling Magnus golden curls playfully. "But I wouldn't change you for all the tea in China."

Magnus snorted. "You don't even like tea." He said giggling as Kurt leaned into him attempting to tickle him. "Kurt please..." he moaned as he giggled harder. "Oh god stop. I'm going to spill my coffee." He squealed as he tried to wriggle away from the older man's hands as he attacked his ribs mercilessly. "Oh god, please Kurt, I yield." He said as he struggled to catch his breath as Kurt let him free. 

"You boys play nicely now. Don't forget he's precious cargo." Fauna said smirking as Magnus blushed furiously once more. "I'll see you boys later." 

"See you later." Magnus said as he wriggled back into the pillows, getting comfortable again. He brought his mug to his lips and relaxed as he finished his coffee, savouring the sweet liquid. He watched as Kurt got up and went to hold the door open so that Fauna could push the tea trolley out into the main ward. 

"Kurt you look after him, he's going to need your support right now." Fauna said quietly as she turned to look at Kurt. 

"Don't worry, I will. I'm not going anywhere." Kurt said as he looked over his shoulder to watch Magnus, a soft smile gracing his lips. His eyes closed as he drank more of his coffee. "He means the absolute world to me and I couldn't bare to lose him."

"He's extremely lucky to have someone like you, looking out for him. Just remember that he cares a great deal about you. He just might not be able to tell you just yet. Just give him time to heal and you'll see just how much he cares." Fauna said smiling as she the hard edge to Kurt's face softening as he looked at his lover. 

"Thank you." Kurt said as looked at Fauna once more, seeing her nod. He turned to go back inside, sitting the door gently he made his way across the room, toeing off his shoes, he removed his keys and phone fromhis pants pockets and set them on the bedside cabinet. He sat down next to Magnus and smiled as his eyes fluttered open. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Pretty good right this moment." Magnus told him sincerely, and for the first time in days, he really meant it. The voice wasn't as loud today, at least not whole Kurt was here. But then he wasn't inside his own head while his lover was here. He was concentrating on being present in the here and now, rather than dwelling on the darkness simmering below the surface and the what ifs. 

"I'm glad to hear that. Now, where were we?" Kurt asked as he slid one hand against Magnus cheek, brushing his thumb lightly back and forth over his cheekbone as he leant in and pressed his lips against Magnus'. Feeling him open his lips, he pressed his tongue into his mouth, teasing his tongue lightly as he took control of the kiss. He slid his hand back into Magnus curls, tangling his fingers in them he tugged on them gently, making him moan into the embrace. Pulling away he caught Magnus' bottom lip between his teeth, gently tugging it, before swiping his tongue across it to soothe the hurt. Ending the kiss he pulled away, smiling as he saw Magnus with his eyes closed, lips parted as he breathed deeply. "You're so beautiful."

Eyes fluttered open and Magnus smiled as he looked at Kurt. "You're not too bad yourself. Now what were you saying about making me a video?" He asked playfully, draining the remainder of his coffee, before handing the mug to Kurt so he put it on the cabinet. 

"Get yourself nice and comfortable, and why don't you take a look at the surprise that Daddy has made for you." Kurt murmured as he placed soft kisses along the side of Magnus" throat.   
Magnus bit his lower lip trying to hold back the moan as Kurt's words shot straight to his cock, making him harden beneath the sleep pants. He sat back against the pillows as he thumbed through his phone and pulled up the messages, seeing the message from Kurt he clicked to open it, downloading the attachment he looked at Kurt momentarily as he relaxed against his side as he pushed the play button so he could watch the video on his phone. 

...Kurt was completely naked as he leaned back against the headboard, his knees bent with his legs spread. He was painfully erect, his cock arching up towards his stomach as he reached between his thighs and gently began to fondle his balls, rolling them gently in his hand. "Oh god Mags, I wish you were here, touching me." He whispered as he wrapped his fingers around his engorged prick and began to stroke himself languidly. Slowly rubbing himself up and down...

Magnus looked to Kurt momentarily as he listened to his breathy moans from the video footage. "You really did this for me?" He asked as his eyes went back to the screen as he heard Kurt's breathy moan. 

"Mags, I've only ever done this for you, baby boy." Kurt said sincerely as he watched the play of emotion across Magnus' face. Loving the blush that sat atop his cheeks, staining them a soft pink. His eyes so blue usually were now dark, his pupils blown with his desire. 

...Kurt's hips tilted slightly so that camera could see exactly what he was doing as he poured a little of the lube over his fingers. Rubbing his fingers lightly against the tight muscles of his entrance, biting his lip as he circled the ring coating himself with slick. Teasing himself slowly, groaning as he gently eased one finger inside himself. Pushing it deeply into his body before pulling it almost all the way out. In and out, over and over. His breathy moans filling the room...

"That's so fucking hot." Magnus whispered as he shifted slightly on the bed. Rubbing his hand across his arousal as it strained against the confines of his sleep pants. 

Kurt leaned into Magnus, nuzzling against his throat, his teeth grazing along his jaw as he moved up to trace the shell of his ear with the tip of his tongue. "Touch yourself for me." Kurt murmured Huskilly into Magnus' ear. Before nipping at his earlobe with his teeth. "Show Daddy how hot his video is making you."

"Ohhh... Christ you're going to make me cum." Magnus moaned as his cock jumped in excited response to feeling the sting of Kurt's teeth and the sound of his voice in his ear.

Kurt tugged Magnus' sleep pants down to mid-thigh and let out an involuntary groan as the younger man's cock jumped towards his stomach as it twitched of its own accord. Pre-cum beading at the slit, left a silvery trail against his abdomen. "So fucking sexy." He purred as Magnus wrapped his long fingers around his dick and slowly started to stroke himself in time with the video. 

...Slipping a second finger inside Kurt groaned and wrapped his hand lightly around his cock, stoking himself in time with his questing fingers. "Oh fuck Mags, feels so good." Hid voice thick with desire as he stretched his fingers, rhythmically scissoring inside himself as he prepared the way. Adding a third finger, he moaned longingly as he gripped his length more firmly, stroking himself quicker as more pearlescent pre-cum oozed from his slit to anoint the rosey hued crown as he pushed his foreskin back with his downward stroke...

"Mags, you're such a Good Boy playing with your dick for Daddy." Kurt murmured as he flicked the button on his fly and unzipped his pants, tugging his own erection out, wrapping his fingers around himself as he turned to watch Magnus, stroking himself in time with the younger man's movements. 

"Ohhh god, Daddy please..." Magnus moaned softly as his hips bucked up towards his fist, tightening his grip he bit his lip as his eyes remained glued to the video. 

"You getting close." Kurt said, his voice thick with desire as he saw Magnus' eyes darken further. His breath catching in his throat as his strokes faltered momentarily as his mouth fell open as he moaned at the video. 

...Kurt removed his fingers from his glistening ring. Momentarily reaching for something off camera as he continued to work his cock steadily. His breathy moans the only sound on the footage...

"Oh fuck... ohhh god, Daddy is that mine?" Magnus whimpered as he watched as Kurt brought a flesh coloured dildo onscreen. 

"Yes." Kurt purred as he reached across with his free hand, wrapping his hand around Magnus' so he could stroke him off at the same time as himself. He knew that he'd not last much longer.

...Kurt flicked the lid open on the lube and drizzled some of the it over the dildo, before closing it and tossing it to one side. Pushing up onto his knees he positioned the toy at his entrance and slowly sank down onto it groaning as bottomed out. "Oh Mags, I wish this was you, I want to feel you fucking me." He moaned, his head thrown back exposing his throat as he began to ride the toy. Stroking himself quicker as he bounced up and down, the toy glistening in the light as it disappeared in and out of Kurt's core. "Fuck me Mags. Fuck me so hard I'll not be able to walk straight." ...

"Cum for me Mags, cum for Daddy." Kurt growled as he felt his stomach tightening as he knew that he wouldn't last much longer, either in the room or on the footage he'd shot for Magnus. 

"Ohhh... f...fuck..." Magnus moaned loudly as he bucked his hips as he sot hot ribbons of cum over his and Kurt's hands as they worked him in tandem as he watch as Kurt spilled his cum on the video. 

"Oh god." Kurt moaned as he worked himself to orgasm. "Mags, you're such a Good boy." Kurt murmured as he reached up wanting to caress Magnus cheek.

"Let me..." Magnus whispered as he caught Kurt's wrist in his free hand, tugging it gently towards his lips. Magnus slowly began to flick his tongue across Kurt's knuckles, lapping up his cum as he watched the older man through lower eyes, watching him through his long lashes as he cleaned up every trace of Kurt's release. 

"Mmm you taste so good." Magnus said smiling as he let Kurt's hand free, instantly leaning into the caress when Kurt cradled his cheek in his palm.

"We should get ourselves in order, the Doctor's will be doing their rounds soon, and I'd rather they not see your pretty cock unless its absolutely necessary." Kurt said as he took his hand from Magnus' lap and grabbed the tissues, taking several before handing the box to Magnus. He began carefully cleaning his fingers and cock, before tucking himself back into his pants. He smiled softly as he watched Magnus clean himself up. The soft blush still staining his cheeks as he looked at the door as he saw movement outside. "Shhh it's ok." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he reached down and gently tugged Magnus' sleep pants back into place just as the knock came on the door.


	22. Chapter 22

Magnus reached for Kurt's hand as the door to his room opened and in walked Dr Lee. She smiled at him as she looked at the two of them as they sat together. "How are you feeling today Magnus, did you have a better night's sleep?"

"I'm having a better day today. The voice isn't as loud right now." Magnus said as he ran one hand nervously through his hair as he looked at Abigale. "I can still hear it, but its not so loud. I slept a little better last night, but I was exhausted and I think the last few days have finally caught up with me." Magnus explained as he felt Kurt give his hand a gentle squeeze. "I think being able to wear my own clothes and Kurt's t-shirt helped quite a lot too." 

"I'm glad to hear that. The familiar often helps in these situations. While we're away from our loved ones and familiar surroundings any little bit of normality can really help. I know that Kurt is here with you again and his presence is soothing to you." Abigale said as she noticed the blush staining Magnus' cheeks at the admission. "However there are things that you've been through that you need to learn how to move on from them on your own. To learn how to cope when he's not around. These issues will have to be dealt with whilst Kurt isn't present."

"Have you been able to get in touch with Rachel about Magnus' therapy sessions?" Kurt asked as he felt Magnus squeezing his hand tightly at the prospect of him not being allowed to be present for some of his treatment. 

"Dr Hermes thinks that it would be beneficial for Magnus to keep up his sessions with her via phone once a week. But that might need to be more often depending on how she feels you're progressing, but she will let you know when she speaks to you tomorrow." Abigale said as she all but ignored Kurt, addressing Magnus directly. "I'd also like you to work with one of our team to help you with your recent incident of self harm. We will have some one on one sessions and then I'd like you to meet with some of our other patients who have experienced the same urges that cause you to hurt yourself."

"I'd rather not have to discuss my private life or the fact that I am hearing voices or the rape with people I am not acquainted with, especially ones who aren't health care professionals." Magnus said, his voice thick with emotion as he was feeling anxious, it had been hard enough to open up to Kurt on his own, let alone Rachel and Abigale. Kurt being there had helped give him the strength to get it out there. But he felt like he was being backed into a corner.

"Magnus, we all have things that we don't want to discuss. But for you to heal completely you have to face what's happened and why you react the way you do." Abigale started to say.

"I've accepted that I was raped, I have to deal with it every fucking day, every time Kurt touches me, I have to try so hard not to freak out." Magnus snapped back as he saw her smile. "How do you think that makes me feel, I feel so guilty that I can't just give myself fully to him without the voices reminding me of what Richard did to me. I know that I'm hurting Kurt with my actions, ones I can't help. They're like muscle memories. If he touches me even remotely wrong, I go off like a firecracker."

"Mags, It's ok..." 

"No it's not. Kurt, I'm hurting you. I see it in your eyes, every time I flinch away from you. When I push you away. Its like I'm playing some sick game with your emotions. I work you up and then shove you away." Magnus cut in, the pain of his emotions cut through his words. "I want nothing more than to have you make love to me. But whenever you try, I... I c...can't. It hurts so damned much. My heart aches that I can't give you what you so desperately want, what I desperately crave. I want to love you, be loved by you. But the voices and the memories of what happened to me, they won't let me feel it. They won't let me experience your love, for what it is. I wish I could just give in to your touch, without the voice telling me that you're only here because I'm easy, that I'm damaged goods so you're giving me a mercy fuck. Because after all who'd want to fuck me after I've been desecrated in such a way."

"Mags, I've never thought of you that way." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he went to pull Magnus into his arms, only to have him wriggle free. 

"Please don't touch me." Magnus moaned as he moved away from Kurt, instantly regretting his words when he saw the hurt on his lovers face. Kurt looked like he'd visibly struck him. "I hate myself, because I want you to pin me down, to restrain me, to fuck me, to take away my control. I want you to remove the memories of him. But I just can't separate my fear, the pain he caused me." Magnus sobbed angrily as he couldn't stop the thoughts from coming out unhindered. "Part of me died that night, when he left me on the side of the road, bloodied and broken. He should of just killed me. I should have done everyone a favour and put myself out of my misery. Are you happy now, happy that I've spilled my deepest darkest secrets?" Magnus whimpered, finally allowing Kurt to pull him into his arms.

"Shhh, it's ok. I'm here." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he rubbed Magnus' back as he held him against his chest. Looking up at Abigale, he had to blink through his own tears as he comforted the younger man. "He asked you a question?" His voice was thick as he tried not to let his anger overcome him. 

"I'm sorry that this still causes you so much distress. However it's good for you to get it put in the open. To let your feelings out. To let your anger out." Abigale said as she looked at the two men.

"Letting my feelings out and listening to the voices is why I'm here now. I just didn't cut deeply enough to finish the job." Magnus said coldly, "I'd like you both to leave me alone."

"Mags, please you're upset." Kurt said as he looked down at his lover, feeling his heart clench at the pain that shone in his blood shot eyes. 

"Kurt, I want to be alone right now. I need to be on my own."

"Alright. Please, promise me that you're not going to hurt yourself again." Kurt said as he let Magnus free, so he could move away from him. Licking his bottom lip nervously Kurt reached out to touch Magnus' cheek tenderly. As his fingers made contact, Magnus turned to look at him sadly. 

"I promise. I just need some time." Magnus whispered, he was so tired. So tired of trying to keep it together. He just hoped that he'd not used the proverbial last straw.

"I'll call you later." Kurt murmured as he brushed his thumb against Magnus' cheek tenderly. "Mags, I love you so much." 

"I know you do. I'll talk to you tonight." Magnus told him sincerely, blinking through his tears. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'll be back first thing in the morning." Kurt told him gently as he leaned over the bed and pressed a tender kiss to Magnus' forehead. Trying to keep his tears in, as he really didn't want to fall apart in front of his love. Turning his back he shoved his shoes on and grabbed his keys and phone from the nightstand. Stuffing them into his pocket he made his way out of Magnus' room. Closing the door behind him, he stopped and looked through the window and watched as Magnus curled up on his side, clutching the pillow to his chest as he sobbed brokenly. Turning around Kurt looked at Abigale while she wrote something in Magnus' file. "Was that absolutely necessary?"

"Was what?" She asked looking up at him as the tears tracked down his face.

"You bloody well know what. Did you really have to be such a bitch to him? Backing him into a corner and pushing him over the edge like that?" 

"I'd watch your tone Detective Wallander, if you wish to be able to, keep visiting your partner. I'll have you know that if and when I'm required to act as you put it so delicately, like a bitch, you will both know it. Magnus needed to release his inner feelings and he was holding back. He was trying to spare your feelings and by doing so, he'd have never moved passed his assault." Abigale told him sternly. "Magnus is a very sick man, who clearly cares a great deal about you and what you think of him. However there are things that he won't feel comfortable sharing with you present." 

"That's why Rachel gave him the journal. To help get his thoughts and feelings out of his head so he doesn't have to dwell on them. So she can help him come up with a plan on how best to help him." Kurt said seriously, he couldn't understand how her methodology was so far apart from Rachel's. 

"Even so, he will hold back through the fear that you will read what he's written and he doesn't want to hurt you because you're all he has right now between him and the outside world." 

"I wouldn't ever betray his trust like that. If and only if he wants me to read it. Then I will. Until that time it's privately his." 

"Now if there's nothing else Detective, then I suggest you go home. I have rounds to do and Magnus requested that you leave." Abigale said, effectively putting an end to the conversation. 

Kurt just looked towards Magnus' room. As much as he didn't want to leave, he knew that it was for the best while Magnus was having a mini meltdown. Sighing he made his way from the ward. He knew that he was leaving a little of his heart behind him. Seeing Magnus so vulnerable after the good day he'd had previously hurt more than he ever thought it would. Magnus had become his whole world and it had hurt when he'd pushed him away. Especially when he'd bared his soul so completely and let out his darkest secrets. It pained him to know that he caused so much conflict inside his lover. He'd wanted to talk to him but he'd been asked to leave, and that hurt, especially when it was the other man who had told him to leave. He just hoped that being here, that he'd not be able to hurt himself any further.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS - RAPE

Magnus sighed as he ran his hands through his curls, tugging on them sharply as he tried unsuccessfully to cause himself some pain, trying to force the laughter from his mind. Tears still staining his cheeks as he looked over towards the nightstand. His phone now deathly silent, much like the rest of his room. 

Kurt had called as he said he would, but there was little he could tell him. Hell what was he supposed to say. He'd all but admitting that morning that he wanted nothing more than for Kurt to hurt him in the same manner as his rapist. Wanting him to replace the memories of his attacker with memories of being with him. Kurt would never understand that need, the need for him to cleanse his body and soul.

He'd cried brokenly when Kurt had called him, feeling every strike of the invisible knife. Every one of the whispered pleas for him to talk to him, to try and explain, had cut at him, much like the razors kiss. Only this time there was no physical blood. Eventually he'd given up asking him to talk to him. They'd spent several minutes just listening to each other breathing, and the odd broken sob, or sniffle as they couldn't bare to hang up the phone. Not wanting to leave the call incase it was the last time they'd ever speak to one another.  
Eventually Kurt had mumbled something about his battery and that he'd see him tomorrow. Just seconds before the phone had gone dead. 

***

Klaus smiled as he prepared the medication with Macy, tonight he might just get his opportunity, painkillers and a sedative to help Magnus sleep. Filling in the chart while Macy gave the young man his pills. He'd give it about forty five minutes for it to take effect. Most of the ward would be dark and the patients sleeping and then when Macy went out for her lunch, he'd check on him. 

***

Getting up Magnus had plugged his phone into the charger and the he'd made his way out of his room. Padding barefoot along the dark ward towards the bathroom. He passed the nurses station and instantly felt eyes on him. Looking up he saw Macy sat at the computer watching over the secured ward, she smiled softly as he went past and pushed the door to the bathroom open. Pressing the big button to turn on the lights, he squinted as the bright neon of the strip lights assaulted his eyes. He was so tired but he knew that was a combination of the sedative he'd asked for as he really needed to sleep and the emotional release of the day. 

He quickly relieved himself before flushing the toilet, washing his hands he glanced at his reflection in the mirror and sighed. He didn't recognise himself, his eyes looked haunted and the deep dark circles around them from lack of sleep, stood out in stark relief against his pale skin. He didn't know how anyone could find him remotely attractive in his current state. Running his hands through his curls in an attempt to tame them, although they only seemed to become more fluffy. He gave it up as a bad job. He'd see about being able to have a bath in the morning when they came in before breakfast to collect his chart. Making his way back to his room, he smiled softly at Macy as he passed the nurses station. 

Magnus climbed into bed and lay down, yawning as he tried to get comfortable. He wax still so tense from hearing the voices and the pent up emotions from the phone call with Kurt. He'd try touching himself to try and get some relief.

Magnus pushed his sleep pants down past his knees and allowed one leg to fall to the side, bent at the knee. Giving himself enough space so he could tease his balls whilst he stroked his cock. Biting his lip he tried not to make too much noise as he knew that if he was too loud then the noise would carry in the darkness of the ward. He whimpered as he continued to work his cock steadily, up and down, over and over as he rolled his balls gently. Letting his eyes drift shut he tried to picture Kurt's face from the video as he'd used his own dildo on himself. Kurt had looked so fucking hot as he'd fucked himself with the toy. Magnus groaned as he continued to work his cock steadily, although he was mentally aroused as all hell, he opened his eyes frustrated that he wasn't getting hard. "Fuck." He cursed as he let himself go. 'Maybe you're just too tired, the sedative it could be affecting that too. You're punishing yourself for pushing Kurt away.' 

Magnus sighed as he reached up and ran his hands through his hair, tugging on his curls, he closed his eyes and tried to let the frustrations of the day fade. Hopefully after he'd slept he'd feel better, more himself after all tomorrow was a new day and Kurt had promised that he'd come back. That he wouldn't leave him even after everything he'd revealed earlier when Abigale had pushed him to breaking point. Kurt would have so many questions he was sure but right now he couldn't think of that. He had to try and clear his mind so he could sleep. He'd need his mind clear for his session with Rachel and he wasn't looking forward to discussing the self harm and suicide attempt let alone the voices. But as long as Kurt was with him, he knew that he would be able to do anything. Kurt gave him the extra strength to face the terrors that he'd tried so hard to keep hidden from everyone for the last six months. He was so tired of trying to be strong. 

***

Klaus couldn't believe his luck as he glanced through the window of Magnus' room. The young blond lay spreadeagle on the bed, his beautiful cock, resting across his thigh and already weeping. Opening the door, silently he slipped inside and turned the lock on the door. He could hear the soft breathing as Magnus slept peacefully. Crossing to the bed Klaus licked his lips as he palmed his cock through his pants as he gazed upon the naked beauty before him, Magnus had his pants pushed down past his knees and the red t-shirt was pushed up on his chest, revealing the sweet little nipples that were hard like candy. Sliding two fingers between his lips, Klaus wet the fingers of his free hand before slowly reaching out and brushing the wet digits over the hard nubs. Holding his breath as he rolled the pebbled buds between finger and thumb. Biting back a groan as he watch Magnus' cock jump of its own accord with the sensation. Leaving a trail of pearlescent pre-cum against his thigh.

'Fuck, he's beautiful.' Klaus thought as he flicked the button in his pants and unzipped them, tugging himself out of his underwear he wrapped his fingers around his engorged prick and began to stroke himself languidly, while he trailed his fingers down Magnus' chest, tracing the slight musculature of his body, circling his navel a couple of times, before running his fingers through the fine hairs beneath it, following the treasure trail down over his pubic bone to tease his cock. The soft fur of his pubic hair surrounded the base of his dick. Licking his lips, Klaus wrapped his fingers around Magnus' length, slowly he began to move his hand, up and down, watching as the rosey hued crown slid from beneath his foreskin as he worked him in tandem with his own cock. 'So fucking hot, its such a shame that you have to be unconscious. So beautiful. I wish I had more time to enjoy you.' Stroking Magnus until he's solid as a rock, Klaus bit his lip as he rubbed his thumb against his slit, smearing the pre-cum over the tip. Bending down over the bed Klaus let his own dick free as he opened his lips and kissed the head of Magnus' cock, lapping at the slit. 'Fuck you taste so good.' Taking Magnus into his mouth he took him deeply, moving up and down. Relaxing his throat he took Magnus completely, his nose buried in his pubic hair, inhaling his musky scent as he worked himself steadily as his excitement grew. Bobbing his head up and down, over and over as he worked Magnus towards his release. His hand wrapped tightly around his own prick. Tugging himself in time with his heads movements, he could feel the tightening of his stomach as he approached his own release, groaning as he pulled Magnus, twice more before he filled his mouth with hot ribbons of cum. Sliding off with a wet pop, Klaus swallowed deeply as he stood up, moving closed to the edge of the bed, leaning over Magnus as he tugged his length several more times before he shot his load over the young blonds thigh and limp cock, hot ribbons splashed over him and clung like dew drops to his pubic hair. Standing up fully, he pulled several tissues from his pocket, Klaus cleaned himself up and tossed the tissues into the waste paper bin. Tucking himself back into his pants, he zipped up and moved to the head of the bed. Leaning over Magnus' sleeping frame, he pressed his lips to the unconscious man's. Kissing him gently before standing and running his fingers lightly through the soft curls. "Goodnight sweet prince." He whispered before caressing his cheekbone gently. 

Taking one last look at the unconscious blond, he turned and made his way back to the door, unlocking it and slipping silently back onto the ward and over to the nurses station. Sitting down heavily watched over the camera of the main ward. Seeing nothing of immediate attention he ran his hand through his hair gently.


	24. Chapter 24

Amy knocked softly on the door to room eight before walking into the room. She blushed furiously as she saw that the young man was laid spreadeagle, his hands up in his hair above his head and his clothes awry exposing the gifts he'd been blessed with by mother nature. She was surprised that he'd not moved or even acknowledged her as she entered his room. Crossing to the bed she looked down at him, seeing the dried semen over his thigh and on his soft cock. She gently tugged the sheet up over him to cover his modesty as she knew that he'd be mortified to think that anyone had seen him in such a vulnerable state. 

She looked him over, looking for any sign that anything else was amiss. Magnus was usually one of the first patients awake when she started her rounds so she was surprised to find him still asleep. She gave him the once over and thankfully she could see his chest rising and falling steadily. He was sleeping. "Magnus, Sweetheart can you hear me?" Amy asked gently as she stood beside the bed, she knew better than to touch the patients in the ward without a good reason. Waiting a minute she called out again. "Magnus, Sweetheart it's time to wake up." When he still didn't wake, she reached out and touched his shoulder lightly, shaking him gently she called his name again. Still she got no response. "Magnus, honey wake up." She said shaking him more firmly. 

Magnus moaned weakly as she shook him. "Magnus, that's it sweetheart. Can you hear me?" His eyelids fluttered slowly as he tried to open his eyes. 

"Mmm..." he mumbled as he turned his soft blue eyes towards her. Although his eyes never met hers as they wandered almost as quickly as she'd called his name. 

"Magnus Sweetheart, do you know where you are?" Amy asked as she gently caressed his cheek in an attempt to get him to focus on her.

Shaking his head from side to side weakly in the negative he murmured something that she didn't quite catch. "It's ok Magnus, you're in the hospital. You've been here for several days now." Magnus' eyes drifted shut once more. "Magnus, Sweetheart have you taken something?" Amy asked as she reached down to the remote for the bed, pressing the call button. Something wasn't right and she needed assistance.

***

Kurt made his way onto the ward with Fauna as she pushed her tea trolley, stopping at the end of the bed for the first patient on the ward. "Would you mind awfully if I took Magnus his coffee now?" Kurt asked smiling softly as Fauna looked at him. 

"Trying to keep your gorgeous boy all to yourself?" Fauna asked playfully.

"Maybe a little, we didn't part on good terms yesterday. I thought he'd be less angry if I took him coffee as a peace offering." Kurt said rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. He could feel himself blush at Fauna's words. 

"I'm sure it will all be forgiven today, he doesn't strike me as someone who holds a grudge."

"Believe me, he can. He can be very stubborn but then so can I. Please can I take his coffee in with me?" Kurt said seriously as he remembered some of their arguments before in the station. If he was honest though most of those were his fault. He'd always be more hard on Magnus than any of the others. 

"Sure, but I'll still pop my head in, if that's alright with you on my way down." Fauna said as she took two mugs and fixed the coffee the way the pair of them liked it.

"Thank you and that's fine, I'm sure that Mags will be pleased to see you." Kurt told her as he picked up the mugs and made his way down to Magnus' room.

Knocking softly, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. It was then that the bottom fell out of his world, the coffee mugs fell from his hands and shattered, splashing hot coffee up his legs. Though the pain didn't register. Magnus was hooked up to a drip, with an oxygen mask covering his face as he half sat, amongst a nest of pillows, he was so still, in the bed. Kurt stumbled towards the bed, only just making it to the chair before his legs gave out on him. He reached across the short distance and captured Magnus' hand in his, pulling it to his lips. Pressing them against his knuckles.

***

Brian had heard the glass shattering and had made his way quickly to room eight, pushing the door open he saw the remains of mugs and the spilt coffee on the floor. He looked across and saw Kurt clutching Magnus' hand. Tears running down his cheeks freely. 

"What happened to him?" Kurt asked, his voice thick with emotion as he kept his eyes on Magnus. 

Turning around briefly Brian searching for someone who could help clean up. Waving to Amy he beckoned her to come across. While he attended to the situation inside. "Mr Martinsson somehow received more sedation than prescribed last night and as a result was unresponsive this morning when my colleague came to wake him from breakfast." Brian explained as he looked away from Kurt momentarily. "Can you get someone to come and clean this up please Amy?"

"How does something like this happen and is he going to be alright?" Kurt asked as he watched Magnus' chest rise and fall slowly. 

"He will be with time, he's on IV fluids, to flush the sedative from his system, once removed he should become more lucid and its effects will ware off. The oxygen is there as a precaution because in some cases the patient can go into respiratory distress." Brian explained as he saw Kurt gently reaching out to caress Magnus' cheek tenderly around the oxygen mask. 

"How does something like this happen? I thought you kept careful records of what medication each patient was to receive." Kurt asked, his voice thick with emotion as he couldn't understand how in the space of a few hours his lover had deteriorated so far while he was in the hospital's care. 

"We do, his charts read the correct information for what he was given the night before and the night shift are adamant that all medication was double checked before being administered to the patient. It is believed that Mr Martinsson didn't take his sedative from the previous evening and then took double the dosage last night." 

"Why the hell would he do that to himself?" Kurt growled, irritated that the young nurse would try to blame Magnus for his current situation. 

"Mr Martinsson is very sick. People in his condition often do many things that are not rational. After all it says in his notes that he's been hearing voices and he has already attempted to take his own life once this week." Brian explained as he picked up Magnus' chart flipping through it.  
"You don't need to show me the bloody paperwork. I was the one who found him and brought him in. Magnus was not suicidal when I spoke to him last night." Kurt hissed, his anger boiling over at the gall of the nurse. 

"I'll wager that he wasn't the first time either. Suicidal individuals will tell you what they want you to hear."

"I want to be alone with my partner." Kurt snarled as he tried unsuccessfully to hold his tongue. How dare he blame Magnus for this. 

"Mr Wallander, I suggest that you calm down. You'll only upset Mr Martinsson further with your outburst."

"Just get out!" Kurt yelled unable to hold himself in check any longer. 

Brian looked at Magnus one last time as he put his file back in the holder at the end of the bed and then turned to leave. "We know that you are under a lot of stress right now and emotions are fraught. But I will tell you this just once. If you raise your voice again at any member of staff here you'll be escorted from the premises and your contact with Mr Martinsson will be revoked. Do I make myself clear?" Brian said, his voice taking on a commanding tone that meant that he was serious about the threat.

"Crystal." Kurt said as he closed his eyes, sighing he rubbed at the back of his neck in frustration. Hearing the door close he looked up seeing that they were now alone. "Mags, It's ok I'm here. I love you so much." Gently running his fingers through his soft curls. "Please tell me that you didn't do this to yourself."

Kurt really couldn't believe that this was happening to them. Yes Magnus had been upset when he'd left him the day before and he'd also been quite when he'd called him. But he wouldn't believe that he'd deliberately done this to himself. Hearing a soft knock on the door, he looked up and saw another nurse, she was holding a mop and bucket, with a big roll of tissue paper under her arm. 

"So sorry for the intrusion. I'll just clean this up and be out of your hair." Amy told him as she pointed to the broken coffee mugs. Putting the mop and bucket down she pulled the wastepaper bin closer as she tore off several sheets of the paper and used it to pick up the glass. The paper absorbing some of the coffee. "I'm so sorry about your friend." 

"Boyfriend," Kurt mumbled as he clutched Magnus' hand tightly in his, as he watched his eyes moving behind his lids.

"Excuse me, what did you say?" Amy asked gently as she hadn't quite heard what Kurt had said.   
"I said he's my boyfriend. He's not just a friend. He's my whole world."

"It's always hardest for those on the other side, the ones every ignores when they try to leave everything behind." Amy said gently, "Unlike some of the others, he never gave any indication that he would try again. He just wanted so desperately to sleep. He's always engaged with me when I've been in to check on him."

"Is it possible that someone made a mistake with the dosage?" Kurt asked gently as he watched her closely, trying to see any sign of deception on her face. 

"It's rare but it could happen. I think someone is starting to come round again." Amy said pointing to Magnus as she saw his eyelids fluttered open. 

Kurt turned to look at Magnus, he felt himself trembling as he reached out to touch his cheek gently, brushing his thumb lightly against his cheekbone. "Hey, you scared me there." Magnus just blinked slowly as he looked at Kurt questioningly. "Mags, you're in the hospital, don't you remember?" He asked softly as he watched as Magnus looked around the room slowly, before returning his gaze to meet Kurt's. Magnus moved his left arm slowly towards his face, reaching for the oxygen mask. "Is he alright to take his mask off? " Kurt asked as Magnus went to pull at it. 

"For a little while, but keep an eye on him, if he starts to get out of breath he'll have to put it back on."

"It's ok, Mags let me help." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he reached across and gently pulled the mask away from Magnus' face. Brushing his fingertips across his cheek, he smiled softly. "Welcome back."

Wetting his lips he returned Kurt's smile. "W..what h.. happened?" Magnus asked, his voice sounded hoarse. 

Kurt filled the small glass with some water and gently helped Magnus to take a drink. "Somehow you were over sedated. It's knocked you around. You'll be a bit off for a while until the sedative is out of your system." 

"I... I'm s... sorry f.. for w.. what I s... said." Magnus whispered, his eyes pleading as he looked at Kurt. He could see the worry etched on his lovers face. 

"Mags, It's ok. I might never completely understand but I don't want you to feel guilty for admitting what you want, to me. I'll try anything to help you to recover. I just won't ever hurt you the way he did. I couldn't live with myself if I caused you physical pain while we're intimate." Kurt told him sincerely, as Magnus leaned into his touch. 

"I k... know I h... hurt y... you y... yesterday w...when I push..." Magnus started, struggling to get his words out. His throat was so dry and his head was fuzzy and feltlike it was wrapped in cotton wool. Everything seemed so far away, even Kurt who he knew was only a few feet from him in the chair beside the bed. His eyes wandered over the worry lines etched on his lovers face, the dark circles around his eyes that he knew he'd caused. At least the bruising around his nose where he'd broken it was finally starting to fade, no longer the deep purple it was now fading into the yellowish bruises. Magnus sighed, his eyes felt heavy and he was struggling to keep them open.

"Shhh don't try to explain yourself now. It can wait until you're feeling more yourself. Mags, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that. You're stuck with me." Kurt said sincerely, seeing that Magnus was having trouble concentrating, he ran his fingers through his soft curls. "You shouldn't try to fight it. Sleep now, there's a good boy. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"What about visiting hours." Magnus mumbled as his eyes tried to stay closed, but he forced himself to keep them open. 

"If I have to handcuff myself to your bed and swallow the key, I'm not leaving you alone. Sleep now, I'm just going to slip your mask back on." Magnus smiled softly as he allowed himself to succumb to the sedative's effect once more. He carefully slid the oxygen mask back into place. Standing up, Kurt leaned down and placed a soft kiss to Magnus' forehead. Kurt felt his heart skip a beat as he stood and brushed the stray curls off Magnus' forehead tenderly as he looked at him. "Goodnight Mags, my sweet prince."


	25. Chapter 25

Kurt didn't realise that he'd fallen asleep in the chair beside Magnus' bed until the vibrations of the younger man's phone woke him as it buzzed close to his head on the top of the cabinet. Turning around he grabbed the phone and pulled it from the charger, glancing at it briefly he saw Rachel's name on the display and answered it. "Hi Rachel, it's Kurt." He said as he turned to look at Magnus as he slept on. 

"Is Magnus there?" Rachel asked softly as she could hear the tiredness in the older man's voice. But given the things they'd been through already this week it wasn't surprising.

"He is, but I don't know if he'll be up for talking. Rachel somehow he received more sedation than prescribed to help him sleep. He's been out of it most of the day. Sleeping and on oxygen as a precaution while they've been trying to flush his system with IV fluids. They've tried to blame Magnus for it." Kurt told her as he reached up and gently caressed Magnus' cheek in an attempt to bring him out of his slumber. 

"How has Magnus been?" 

"He's been exceptionally tired, he's not been sleeping well which is why he's been taking a sedative. But he's emotionally tired too. I've never seen him like this before, he's fighting an internal war with himself. Hearing voices and fighting against his need to come to terms with what happened to him. Rachel they pushed him to breaking point yesterday and he admitted that he wants me to hurt him in the same manner that Richard hurt him when he raped him." Kurt explained as he brushed Magnus' cheek tenderly, watching as Magnus' eyes fluttered open slowly.

"It's a natural response from victims of sexual assault to want to replace the painful memories with much more pleasant experiences. Magnus is hoping that you can help him cleanse the trauma out of his mind. He doesn't honestly want you to rape him, even though his words may have come across as that. He wants to be in control while giving up his control to you. He's trusting you to know what he can accept, to know how much he needs. It usually takes much longer for the victim to admit that." Rachel said seriously, she knew that she had to explain to Kurt what Magnus needed right now was a perfectly normal response. 

"Mags, It's ok. Shhh, I'm sorry to wake you. I know. It's Rachel, do you feel up to talking with her?" Kurt murmured reassuringly as he stroked Magnus' cheek slowly. Seeing Magnus nod that he'd try, he helped him to remove the oxygen mask. "I'm going to put Magnus on the phone and put you on speaker phone." Watching his young love wet his lips, sent a wave of excitement through his body going straight to his cock. 'Now is not the time to be thinking with your dick. He's in no state to do anything right now.' Mentally he chastised himself as he pressed the mobile phone to Magnus ear so he could hear. 

"How are you feeling Magnus? Kurt told me what has happened over the last few days." 

"So very tired. It's so loud inside my head right now." Magnus said softly, his voice sounded so far away. "They want me to hurt him. To punish myself. To hurt myself again. B..b..but I... I d... don't want to." Magnus said, closing his eyes as tears began to fall. 

"Magnus did you want to hurt yourself when you cut yourself?"

"Yes and no." Magnus whispered as he opened his eyes and tiredly looked towards Kurt. He could see the pain and worry etched on his face. "I needed to feel something and nothing else worked. The more it hurts, the more I bleed the quieter the voice becomes. I'm so tired, tired of having to listen to it taunting me, mocking our relationship." 

Kurt bit his lip as he tried to keep himself quite, he knew Magnus needed to get this out in the open. If he was ever going to be able to get past the attack. He didn't like what he was hearing but hd knew that it made sense to Magnus at the time, even though to everyone else it was it was completely irrational behaviour. 

"I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to be able to go back to my life. I want to feel loved, for me. Not just because I'm broken." Magnus said softly, his voice thick with emotion as he saw the tears running down Kurt's cheeks. 

"Magnus, I'm sure that I can speak for Kurt here. It is obvious to anyone who has seen you together exactly how much he cares for you. I don't think he's only with you because of what happened to you." Rachel said seriously as she listened to the younger man. 

"Mags, it breaks my heart seeing you like this. When I found you that day I honestly thought that I had lost you. I was so scared that I'd wasted our time together because I was too scared to make my feelings for you know. I was scared that you would think me an old fool, or just push me away because you wouldn't dream of dating a colleague, let alone another man. Mags, my heart knew how it felt about you long before I did." Kurt told him sincerely as he took his lovers hand in his and brought it up to his lips. Brushing them softly against his knuckles. "Mags, I'm here for the long run. I was scared when I found you this morning, when they tried to tell me that you'd been abusing your medication."

"Kurt please try not to assign blame here. It doesn't help with Magnus' mental state. I know that you are just concerned but please try to understand that he might not understand why he does some of the things ha has recently. With time he will be able to put a distance between his conscious thoughts and those of the voices." Rachel told him as she knew just now much pressure it would put on a victim like Magnus. 

"I only took what I was given." Magnus whispered as he started to drift again. "I promise, I didn't try anything. I'm so very tired, Daddy can I sleep now?" He mumbled as his eyes drifted shut.

"Shh Mags it's ok, Daddy's knows that you're a good boy. Sleep now baby." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he picked the phone up again too, it off speaker phone. Tucking it against his ear and thd crook of his neck, he carefully slid the oxygen mask back into place. Stroking his fingers through Magnus' soft curls. 

"Kurt how is Magnus getting on with Dr Lee?" 

"They clash terribly and I think she's too forceful with him. She wants to separate him from me and put him into a group therapy session for other suicidal individuals who have attempted to self harm. She's overly brusque with him and seems to have little patience with his needs." Kurt said, the frustration clearly showing in his voice. "Magnus although not happy with having to discuss what has happened to him, he's more comfortable with you and your methods. We'd prefer it if we could continue his treatment with you. You seem much better capable of assisting him with his needs. You treat him as an individual who although something terrible happened to him, you still respect his feelings. His need to go slowly to get him to open up about what happened. You also don't treat him differently because of his sexuality."

"Unfortunately not everyone in the psychiatric field are equipped equally with the specialists we have here. Rape still has the stigma attached that it only happens to women. Men because they are stronger are often not believed and if they were assaulted by a woman, society judges that how can that truly be rape when they are the one in most cases that are inside the woman. If they came they must have enjoyed it. Magnus will be suffering from all of those preconceived notions, along with people questioning his manhood. Plus there is always the stigma of victim blaming, that he must have brought it on himself by being in such an establishment and seeking to be dominated. He technically got what he wanted, but clearly he couldn't face it after the fact."

"Do you have an inpatient facility because I would rather have Magnus able to be treated where there are adequate specialists to help with his needs. Its already a delicate situation and Magnus really doesn't need the traumatic stress of people not believing him or blaming him for what happened. His mental health is already on tender hooks and i don't want to worry that Dr Lee or one of the nursing staff is going to tip him over while they force him through sessions he's not prepared for. Because of the nature of his injuries I had to bring him here otherwise I would have come to you." Kurt explained as he looked at the door as there was a soft knock and the door opened slowly. "Hold on a moment there's someone at the door."

"Sorry to intrude, do you boys want a drink?" Fauna asked softly, as she looked at Kurt and then to Magnus, her smile faltered as she saw that he was still unconscious. "Is he going to be alright?" She asked as she'd been told to miss him on the morning rounds because of an ongoing situation. 

"Luckily yes, he's just sleeping at the moment. Can I get my usual please. I don't know if he'll be awake again soon. But I'll take his usual but can I have an extra sugar incase he wants it when he wakes. Please."

"I hope he's feeling better soon. It doesn't seem right seeing him so still. I miss seeing his cheeky smile and the way he blushes when he gets caught staring at you. Or if i catch you two being intimate." Fauna said as she made the coffees. Bending down she rummaged around in the boxes under the cart, she pulled a packet of chocolate covered biscuits. "Can you make sure he gets these when he wakes up?" She said blushing as she handed them to Kurt as he took the offered mug.

"I will. Thank you." Kurt said as he put the biscuits on the cabinet along with Magnus' mug. He then got up and walked to the door and opened it for her. 

"I'll see you both later." Fauna said as she carefully made her way out of the room. 

"Sorry about that." Kurt murmured as he made his way back to the chair and sank into it. 

"It's alright Kurt. I'll see if I can arrange for a transfer for Magnus. I'm afraid that it may take a couple of days though. Spaces in the ward are tight at the moment, but I'll see what i can do. Until I can get him transferred over here, I think I should speak with him daily. It's clear from what you've said and from the brief conversation with him today that he's still struggling." Rachel explained.

"Thank you, I really appreciate everything that you've done and continue to do for Magnus." Kurt said, breathing a sigh of relief that he was going to get Magnus the helped so desperately needed. With people who understood what he was dealing with. 

"Look after yourself Kurt, he needs you to be strong for both of you right now." Rachel said seriously. "I'll speak to you both tomorrow when hopefully Magnus will be feeling more himself."

"I'll try and thank you again for everything."

"Goodbye Kurt."

"Goodbye." Kurt murmured as he hung up the phone and turned to return it to the charger. He sighed as he rubbed his hand against the back of his neck tiredly. Picking up his coffee, he took a drink of the bitter liquid. He watched Magnus closely, watching the way his eyes moved rapidly beneath his lids. 'I hope that it's a good dream.' Kurt thought as he reached for the paperback from the top of the cabinet.


	26. Chapter 26

Kurt looked over at the bed, seeing Magnus stirring. His soft blue eyes fluttered open and moved to meet his, causing him to smile that brilliant smile of his. He reached up again to pull at the oxygen mask. 

"Let me help." Kurt murmured as he reached out and helped his lover remove the mask. 

"How long have I been out for?" Magnus asked as he wet his bottom lip. 

"Most of the day. I was worried that you'd be still sleeping when they kick me out. How are you feeling?" Kurt asked as he watched as Magnus tried to move into a more comfortable position. Seeing Magnus grimace he knew that he must be in some pain. 

"I've been better. Could you help me please?" Magnus asked somewhat sheepishly. "I think my legs still asleep. It's been in the same place too long. I also might need escorting to the bathroom. I'm still feeling a bit fuzzy." He said feeling the blush rise high on his cheeks. 

Kurt got to his feet pulled back the blanket and instantly felt himself responding to seeing Magnus' state of partial undress. "Not that I'm complaining about the view, but how long have you been half dressed?" Kurt asked as he reached over and gently rubbed at Magnus' leg.

"I don't know. Must have fallen asleep last night after our phone call. Though I don't remember falling asleep, let alone covering myself." Magnus said his blush only intensified as he looked down at himself as he saw the dried semen on his thigh. "I certainly would've cleaned up first. I don't remember cumming last night." He said as he ran his hand through his hair gently.

"Maybe you just don't remember because of the sedative." Kurt suggested, although he couldn't ever recall a time that he had ever passed out with his dick out, not while sober at least. But who knew, the sedative's effect were still with his young love.

"Kurt can you please help me to pull my pants up?" Magnus asked as he reached down to grasp the waistband of his sleep pants, while he carefully stretched out his bent leg. Groaning as his muscles protested along with the movement. 

"Lift your hips up so I can get them over your cute butt." Kurt said as he took hold of Magnus waistband and got ready to pull them into place. Magnus nodded and braced his feet on the bed as lifted his hips upwards. 

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, um sorry I should have knocked." Macy said as she walked into the room, just as Magnus brought his hips up towards Kurt as he leant over the bed, his hands on Magnus' pants. 

"It's not what it looks like." Magnus and Kurt said at the same time, Magnus flushed crimson as he could only imagine what it must look like from the doorway, his crotch less than a foot away from Kurt's face.

"I'll come back, I'm so sorry." Macy mumbled as she covered her face with her hair as she blushed hotly as she turned and left the room.

"Well that could have gone better." Kurt said sincerely, causing Magnus to burst out laughing, as Kurt tugged the sleep pants over his bottom so they settled on his lithe hips. "She probably thinks I'm some kind of reprobate. In here molesting you while your sick."

Magnus just laughed harder, and it was music to Kurt's ears, he'd missed this, hearing the younger man's laughter. He didn't get to hear it often, but when he did it always made him smile. 

"Don't laugh, I'm serious. She probably thinks I've corrupted you."

"Oh wouldn't they like to know. I may have the face of an angel. But I'm definitely not one" Magnus said, managing to get himself back under control his laughter having passed. Although his smile remained as he regarded Kurt carefully. "I wouldn't mind you corrupting me."

"I can think of a multitude of ways for taking your innocence in all manner of filthy ways." Kurt murmured as he placed his hand against Magnus through the sleep pants, feeling him harden beneath his palm gently squeezing him.

"Please don't tease me. Can you help me to the bathroom please?" Magnus asked as he moved his legs slowly to the edge of the bed as he sat up. Hearing the soft knock on the door, he had to bite back a laugh as Macy stuck her head around the door, hand over her eyes.

"Are you boys decent?" She asked playfully.

"Yes." Magnus said as smiled at the sight she made. Slowly she moved her hand away and smiled at them.

"Where do you think you're going Mister?"

"The bathroom if it's alright with you. I desperately need to piss, um sorry, but I do and I could really use a bath. It feels like I've been in my own filth for days." Magnus said as he went to reach Dorset the IV stand. 

"Not unaccompanied you're not. Those sedative's are still in your system. I'll have someone come with you to help you. We can re-wrap your legs after you're clean." 

"Can't Kurt help me?" Magnus asked softly as he'd rather not be in such a vulnerable position with anyone else. 

"As much as I'd love to say yes, unfortunately he's not insured to help you in the event something goes wrong. Plus Kurt really needs to get going. Visiting hours are over for the day. He's already overstayed because the day shift told me that he didn't want to leave before you woke up." Macy explained gently. "I'm sorry sweetheart, but those are the rules." She said gently as she saw the crest fallen look on his face. 

"Mags, I'll be back first thing in the morning. I promise." Kurt said sincerely as he reached for his jacket and put it back on.

"Ok." 

"Can you hold on for the bathroom for a couple of minutes while i go find someone to help you?" Seeing Magnus nod she smiled softly and turned to leave them alone once more. "I'll be right back with someone to help. Don't go anywhere ok."

"I promise."

"Good. Now you say your goodbyes and shoo before anyone else sees you. I don't want to get in trouble." Macy said as she left them alone. 

Kurt moved around the bed and slid his hands gently around Magnus waist, as he stepped in between his thighs. He felt Magnus' hands come up to tenderly caress his cheeks. Opening his mouth to tell Magnus how much he loved him, the words died in his throat as Magnus' soft lips pressed against his softly brushing against his before he felt his tongue caress them and slip inside. Mapping out the inside as his hands came up to tangle in his hair. Hearing a whimper Kurt brought one hand up tangling his fingers in the soft blond curls. Magnus gently bit at his lower lip, tugging on it softly as he pulled out of the kiss. 

"You'd better go." He mumbled as he caressed Kurt's cheek, "I really wish you didn't have to." Thumb rubbing at his cheek while he lowered his eyes shyly as the blush rose up on his cheeks. "I'll miss you."

"I know. I'll miss you too." Kurt murmured against his lips as he pressed against them, kissing him gently one last time. "Mags, I love you so much, baby boy."

"I know." Magnus whispered as Kurt stepped away and moved to the door, seeing him smile once more when he looked over his shoulder at him made Magnus' heart skip a beat. Kurt slipped out of the room leaving him alone to wait for his assigned chaperone. 

There was a soft knock on the door and then Klaus entered, smiling as he looked Magnus over. "I'm here to help you take a bath. Do you have more pants to put on after? Or do you need me to get you a gown?" 

"There's more pants in the rucksack near the chair." Magnus said as he turned to look at the other man, running his hand through his hair. Magnus turned back to look at the IV there wasn't much left in the bag. 

Klaus rummaged around in the rucksack, finding a pair of soft black pants, he took them out before grabbing a plain white t-shirt. As he pulled them out he saw the boxer shorts, he grabbed a pair and tucked them into his pocket. Turning back to Magnus he smiled hungrily. He was going to enjoy this. "Right you all set?"

Magnus slid off the bed and took hold of the drip stand and carefully made his way towards the door. Klaus followed him closely, in to the bathroom. He shut the door behind them and locked it. Setting Magnus clothes on the edge of the bathtub, he went about drawing a bath for the younger man. Magnus relieved himself while Klaus had his pack to him, and carefully pushed his sleep pants down over his thighs, letting them fall down, pooling around his ankles he stepped out of them. But he sighed as he realised that he was going to need help to remove the t-shirt because of the fluids.

"Would you mind giving me a hand with this please?" Magnus asked as Klaus turned round. 

"Not a problem." Klaus said as he gave Magnus the once over, as he crossed the short distance between them. He wet his bottom lip as he took in the blonds half naked appearance. His cock hung heavily between his thighs, half of it peeking out from beneath the hem of the red t-shirt. Removing the IV bag from its stand, Klaus held it gently while he Magnus started to take his arm from the top. Sliding the fluids through the armhole he bit his lip as Magnus pulled the t-shirt up over his head with his other arm, baring his chest as he did. 'Fuck, me he's beautiful. What I wouldn't give to bite those sinful little tits. I bet he'd cry out if I pulled on them with my teeth.' Klaus thought as he put the drip back onto its stand. 

Magnus dropped the t-shirt onto the floor along with his pants, biting his lower lip he looked at his bandaged forearms and found the tape holding the one on his right arm in place and gently tugged it free, starting to unwind it slowly. "You should sit down on the edge of the tub, while I help you get these off." Klaus said, hanging back a little as Magnus turned his back on him and made his way to the bath. 'Jesus his arse is magnificent. Oh so he likes to be bitten, lover boys nibbled on those sweet cheeks of his. If he were mine I'd sink my teeth into those milky cheeks, bruise his hips as I grip him hard while bending him over so I could fuck him so hard he'll forget his own name. I bet his curls would bounce as I slam into him over and over.'

Unwrapping Magnus' forearms and thighs, Klaus bit at his lip, as he itched to touch the other man's cock, it was so close, yet it was far to risky currently. He'd just have to contend himself with looking. Watching as the younger man's hands covered himself briefly, a soft blush staining his cheeks as he looked away shyly. 'He really is beautiful, the face of an angel, with the body of a sex god. He wouldn't look out of place in any of the high gloss porn movies. He looks so innocent with those wide blue eyes. I'd love to fuck his pretty mouth and cover his face with my cum. He'd look fucking gorgeous with my cum dripping from his lips, clinging to those long eye lashes.'

"Thank you for helping me. I can manage to clean myself." Magnus said seriously as he climbed into the bathtub and sat down, sinking into the warm water. He winced slightly as some of the cuts weren't as healed as the others, the hot water causing a stinging sensation. 

"No worries, just give me a shout if you change your mind." Klaus told him as he put the toilet lid down and sat on it, he was quite content to sit and watch the naked beauty giving him his very own private show as he was soaping himself up. The way he let out the odd whimper as he washed his wounds, the soap causing them to sting. Klaus allowed his mind to wander as he watched him. 

"Fuck, um, would you mind washing my back and hair for me please? I can't reach without snagging the IV line." Asked, the blush rising high on his cheeks as he had to admit to needing help. 

"Its what we're here for, to help. I know that its embarrassing but you'll have the drip out in no time and then you'll be able to attend to your own needs." Klaus told him as he walked over to the tub, kneeling beside it he reached out for the wash cloth, feeling the spark as his fingers made contact with the younger man's. Pouring a little of the soap onto the cloth, he started rubbing it in slow circles over Magnus' back. Pressing down on the tired muscles of his shoulders, causing him to groan as he worked out the tight knots. 'He sounds so fucking hot when he groans, plus the way he pushes himself backwards against me, clearly lover boy isn't as attentive a lover as he'd have us all believe. If you were mine, you'd want for nothing. I'd make sure you never left our bed unsatisfied.' "Tip your head back, I don't want to get water or soap in your eyes." 

Tilting his head backwards Magnus bared his throat, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed a little nervously as he closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was in control here, he gripped the sides of the bathtub, his knuckles going white as he tried to breath out slowly. 

"Shhh it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." Klaus whispered as he leaned across the bath, filling the small jug with water so he could wash Magnus' hair. Klaus hummed softly as he tripped the water over the other man's hair, soaking the curls. Several more times he tipped the water over his head, before working some of the shampoo into a lather. He grinned as he heard Magnus moan as he worked his fingers through the curls, massaging his scalp. The sounds went straight to his cock, making him hard. Rinsing the shampoo out of his hair carefully to make sure none of the suds went into his eyes. "All done. You're back to your beautiful self."

Magnus opened his eyes and tiredly rubbed at them, he smiled softly at the other man. He feltmuch better for being clean. Although he knew that they'd cleaned him up when he came in, he couldn't help feeling dirty from the attempt on his life. "Thanks, I really appreciate it. I'm ready to get out now, I'm feeling a little tired still." Magnus looked away momentarily as he attempted to get up. Biting his lip he hung his head sadly as he knew that he couldn't do it alone.

"There's no shame in asking for help. It won't be this way all the time. Here, let me help you up." Klaus said as he slid his arm beneath Magnus' and around his waist. "Ok in three. One, two, three." He pulled Magnus to his feet, as he braced himself on his shoulder as he got up. Water ran down his body as he stepped out of the bathtub carefully. "Here you go. Take a seat while I help you dry off." Klaus said as he handed Magnus a towel. He wrapped it around his waist before taking a second and began to rub at his chest and hair. 

Magnus rubbed his hair vigorously as he tried to get the majority of the water out of it. He could feel his leg twitch as the strain of standing pulled at his wounds. Passing the towel over his chest he dried himself carefully, trying to avoid catching the IV line in his arm. He winced as he caught it, hissing in pain. The sensation made him feel nauseated and he dropped the towel to the floor as he sat heavily on the edge of the bath, a soft towel around his waist as Klaus rubbed another along his leg slowly, drying him carefully as he knelt before him. Soft languid passes of the fabric, paying careful attention to his inner thighs where the cuts were healing nicely. Magnus bit his lower as he tried not to whimper as the gentle brush of fingers against his thighs aroused him, causing his cock to harden and twitch of its own volition. Causing the towel covering his lap to tent across his groin.

Klaus hummed softly as he pushed his hands higher up Magnus' thighs, sliding them over the towel across his lap, rubbing one thigh thoroughly before moving on the the other. His eyes flicked to the way the younger man's cock caused the towel to tent over him. 'Fuck, he's so beautiful.' 

"If you're ready, I'll ask you to stand up so I can apply the salve and wrap your wounds." Klaus said as he set the towel to one side and unscrewed the cap on the antiseptic cream. Wetting his bottom lip he watched as Magnus stood slowly, the towel around his waist slipped to mid-thigh covering half of the cuts. 'Calm down, you don't want to rush this.' He thought as he took some of the cream into his hand and moved to rub it gently onto Magnus' thigh, starting at the knee, soft soothing circles moving upwards. He heard the soft hitch in the younger man's breathing as he moved further up. "Can you move the towel please?"

Klaus watched as Magnus dropped the towel and revealed his glorious treasure. His cock was semi erect and even now he was bigger than any one he'd ever been with. He tried not to stare as he continued to work the salve into one thigh thoroughly before moving to the other. As he worked the last of the cream into the top of his thigh his knuckles accidentally brushing against Magnus' balls. "Sorry." Klaus mumbled, hearing the soft groan escape Magnus lips. 'I wonder what other noises he makes, I bet he moans so prettily while he's being fucked. I wish I could find out, to see his face as he cums.'

"I'd normally expect you to buy me a drink first." Magnus said with a laugh, shifting slightly from one foot to another as he adjusted his stance to give Klaus more room to work as he washed the salve from his hands.

"I be more than happy to buy you a drink." Klaus said grinning as he started to wrap Magnus' legs. Passing the bandage around his thigh as he covered the angry incisions. 

"I'm not sure my boyfriend would like that." Magnus said, feeling his legs starting to tremble as he fought to stand as the residual effects of the sedative made there presence felt. 

"Hmm sounds like a controlling dick. It's just a drink." Klaus said as he passed the bandage high on his inner thigh, his hand caressing Magnus scrotum as he did. 

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to cop a feel." Magnus said as he felt the ghost of fingers against him. "He certainly wouldn't like that." 

"No, but I think you like that idea quite a lot." Klaus said as he watched as Magnus cock jumped as his breath caught it as he moved to wrap his other leg.

"Please, don't." Magnus whispered as he felt Klaus' fingers against him again with the last pass of the bandage. His stomach tightening as his anxiety started to make itself known. 

"All done. Do you need help with your pants?" He asked as he reached for the soft black sleep pants, holding them up he watched as Magnus stepped into them and reached to grasp the waistband as soon as he didn't have to bend to pull them the rest of the way up.

Magnus let out a shakey breath as he sat down on the edge of the bath, idly scratching at his treasure trail. "Thank you. Can you please help me back to my room. I'm feeling a little unsteady on my feet."

"That'll just be the sedative." Klaus said as he got to his feet and slid his arm around Magnus waist as he stood up, leaning into him as he reached out for his IV stand. "Come on let's get you into bed."

Magnus was relieved that his room was only a short walk from the bathroom, as his legs felt so heavy as he made the short walk, leaning heavily against the other man. "Thanks for your help, I feel more human now." Magnus said as he settled back against the pillows, while Klaus reattached the new IV fluids.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DESCRIPTIONS OF RAPE

"I'm going to get you some fresh water and I'll get your evening meds." Klaus said as he picked up the water jug, seeing that it was almost empty. 

"No more sedation tonight, I feel like all I've done today is sleep." Magnus said shifting slightly in the bed as he tried to get comfortable again. 

"It's just some painkillers." Klaus told him as he made his way out of the room. He took the water jug down to the sink where they replaced the drinking water. Emptying the last of the old jug out he rinsed it quickly before refilling the jug. Looking around nervously he saw that Macy was busy with another patient several beds down. Biting his lip he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial and quickly emptied the contents into the water, before mixing it quickly. Tossing the vial out with wad of tissues wrapped around it. He made his way over to Macy 

"I've just put Magnus back to bed. So if you want to do the meds and then go for your break. He's wanting some painkillers." 

"That's fine. I'll just finish up here and then I'll be right with you." Macy said as she glanced at him briefly. 

"Ok. I'll pop this back into Magnus and then meet you at the nurses station." Klaus said before leaving her. 

He softly knocked on Magnus door before stepping inside. Smiling brightly as he saw that the other man was still awake. Magnus looked up from his paperback and returned the smile. "Can I get some of that now please?"

Filling the glass he handed it to Magnus and watched as he drained it almost immediately.   
"Thirsty?" Klaus mumbled as he watched way the younger man's throat moved as he drank. 

"Yeah for some reason. Can I have some more please?" Magnus asked as he held the glass out for a refill. 

"Yeah, knock yourself out." Pouring a second glass, he couldn't believe his luck with getting the other man to drink the tainted water. Setting the jug down on the table beside the bed, he left it within easy reach incase Magnus wanted more. "I'll be back shortly with your painkillers." Klaus told him as he crossed to the door and left him alone with his book.

***

Kurt pulled up outside his house and sighed as he rubbed at the back of his neck tiredly. Getting out of the car he heard the gravel crunch under foot as he made his way inside. Kicking off his shoes he made his way into the lounge and headed down the corridor to the bathroom. Stripping tiredly he dropped his clothes on the floor and drew the shower curtain across. Turning the water on he crossed back to the toilet to relieve himself while the water heated up. He hoped that Rachel would be able to get Magnus moved soon, as he really needed to feel comfortable with his surroundings and the support and the treatment he was given. It wasn't that the hospital was bad per say. But they really weren't helping Magnus to come to terms with what happened to him without there prejudices coming to light. Dr Lee was almost cold and heartless with her approach. Forcing Magnus before he was ready to confront his demons. Not to mention that somehow Magnus had received more sedation than he should of. He wasn't happy about them trying to blame Magnus for it. Something else was going on in that hospital and he would find out what it was.

Kurt flushed the toilet and climbed into the bathtub, under the hot water, bracing his hands on the tiles as he looked down letting the water beat down upon his tired muscles. He didn't know how long he stood there, his mind a million miles away. He quickly washed his hair and body before getting out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he moved to pick up a second towel, drying his hair quickly he tossed the towel at the hamper before bending down to pick up his hastily discarded clothes. He pulled his phone from his pocket and cursed under his breath as he realised that he'd left his wallet at the hospital. It was a good job he'd not already ordered his dinner. He threw his clothes into the hamper and went into his bedroom in search of clothes so he could pop back to pick up his wallet, and grab something to eat on his way home. 

***

Kurt ran his hand nervously through his hair, as he waited for someone to buzz him though onto the ward. He knew it was outside visiting hours, but he just wanted to grab his wallet. Maybe give Magnus a quick kiss if he was still awake. If not he'd see him in the morning. He bit his lip as he tried the buzzer again. 

The intercom buzzed and a tired woman's voice spoke "Hang on, don't get your knickers in a twist. How can I help?"

"I know that visiting hours have ended. But I've left my wallet and keys in my partner's room. Could you please let me pop in to get them? It's Kurt, Magnus Martinsson boyfriend. He's in room eight." Kurt said into the intercom. 

"Ok, but just get your wallet and leave. Magnus needs his rest." The woman said as she buzzed the door, allowing him to open the door onto the ward. 

The ward seemed eerily quiet as he walked past the reception desk, seeing a young girl there, she just nodded at him as he carried on through the double doors near the bathroom. The ward was dark except for a couple of lamps and over the nurses station. The odd machine beeped in the silence as he walked further into the darkness. As he approached Magnus' room he thought he heard a muffled moan. Stopping he listened to see if it was anyone on the ward trying to get his attention at seeing him moving. He glanced around him and couldn't see any sign of movement. The noise came again but louder this time. Kurt felt a knot in his stomach, as he moved towards Magnus' room. Again the noise came, something was wrong with Magnus. He could feel it as he stopped outside the door, looking up at the window in the door he felt his heart skip a beat seconds before anger rolled up inside of him. Kurt saw red, as he could see the other man over Magnus on the bed, there was no mistaking what was happening inside. His pants pushed down past his knees, as he thrust hard and deep inside Magnus. Kurt grabbed the door handle and tried to get inside as he heard the keening cries of his lover. The door was locked, that sick fucker had clearly planned this perfectly waiting until he was the only one on Magnus ward. 

Kurt moved back and kicked the door hard, knocking it off its hinges. His anger boiling over and giving him the extra strength needed to rip the door open even though it was buckled from the force of his kick. He was across the room in seconds, just as Klaus turned his head. 

"What the fuck!" Klaus cried as he saw Kurt's blazing eyes, seconds before the fist made contact with his face, with a sickening crack. Pain exploded through his head as blood began to pour from his nose.

"What the fuck exactly." Kurt snapped as he pulled his hand back and punched the other man again. He fist connected with his jaw, snapping his head back toward Magnus who was sobbing beneath him. "If you ever touch him again I will fucking kill you, you sick son of a bitch." Kurt snarled as he grabbed Klaus roughly and hauled him off of Magnus and threw him to the ground. Pulling his handcuffs from his jacket, he grabbed Klaus roughly slapping one cuff around his wrist and pulled his arms around his back, and forcing the other cuff into place. "You sick mother fucker, how could you do this to another person, let alone a rape victim who's supposed to be safe in your care!" Shoving Klaus back against the wall Kurt pulled his gun from his waistband and he trained it on the other man as he half lay on the floor, his pants around his knees. Kurt was torn between kicking Klaus right in the bollocks for good measure and going to Magnus, hearing the younger man's sobs made his mind up for him. 

Kurt moved to the bed, keeping his gun trained on him, he looked at his lover. "Mags, you're safe now. I'm here." He told him sincerely as he reached out to touch Magnus arm gently, only to have him flinch away. Magnus moved away from him slowly, it was as if he hadn't got full control over his limbs, curling his naked body in on itself. "What did you give him?"

"Only what he wanted, he's been aching to be fucked since he got here." Klaus said nonchalantly, his eyes lingering on the naked blond. "I've seen the way he touches himself begging his Daddy to fuck him." He said smirking as his words hit home, causing Kurt's face to fall. "He begged me so prettily to fuck his tight little arsehole, even moaned your name when I pushed my dick into him."

"Shut your fucking mouth."

"Hurts doesn't it, knowing how much of a cock hungry little whore, he is." Klaus said grinning as he watched the conflict cross over the older man's face. Spitting blood onto the floor beside him as it gushed from his broken nose. "How prettily he begged his Daddy to fuck him."

"Don't say another word. I'm warning you." Kurt growled as he reached for his phone, pulling it out and punching the number for the station in. His eyes flicked from Klaus to the doorway as he heard heavy footsteps coming up the ward. The lights filled the doorway as the wards light came on and loud voices could be heard directing someone to Magnus' room. "Don't shoot, I'm Detective Inspector Kurt Wallander, with Ystad Police." Kurt said as he pressed the phone to his shoulder, while he raised his free hand up. "I'm going to reach for my ID." Kurt said as he looked towards the heavy set man in the security uniform who blocked the door to the room.

"I don't care who you think you are. You cannot be in here waving a gun around and assaulting members of staff." The security guard shouted as he had his own weapon raised towards Kurt who has his gun trained on Klaus.

"When that so called piece of shit is raping my partner, I don't give a fuck about rules and regulations." Kurt said indignantly. He couldn't believe that they automatically jumped to defend one of their own. Glancing over his shoulder he could see Magnus curled up on himself, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees as he huddled against the headboard. Tears streaming down his face. "Yes, it's Kurt I need you to get a unit over to the hospital now, I need you to bring a rape kit with you. I've got the assailant in my custody. So just get here as soon as you can. I'm on the psychiatric ward."

"Kindly lower your weapon Detective. I honestly don't think he's going anywhere." The guard said as he lowered his weapon and turned towards Klaus. 

"He's going to the lockup just as soon as the police arrive." Kurt said as he lowered his gun slowly, putting the safety back on he moved to put it back in to his holster. "He's not going to get away with what he's just done."


	28. Chapter 28

Kurt took his jacket off and carefully wrapped it around Magnus in an attempt to shield him from view. The last thing he wanted was for Klaus to be able to look at him while he sat smugly on the floor beside the door. If Kurt hadn't thought someone would let him free, he would have made them put him in another room until the backup arrived. 

Kurt desperately wanted to pull Magnus into his arms, to hold him, to soothe him. But he knew that for the charges to stick against Klaus they'd need to preserve any evidence he'd left on him. At least he'd settled now and was no longer sobbing, but as he turned to look at Magnus he saw that he had passed out. Kurt gently ran his fingers through Magnus' soft curls soothingly. It was as much a calming gesture for himself as it would be for the younger man should he wake up again. 

Kurt tried to ignore Klaus as he watched them from the corner of the room. Hearing a noise from outside the door Kurt looked over and felt a wave of relief pass over him, a breath he'd not realised he was holding escaped as he saw Lisa, closely followed by Anne-Britt, Svedburg and several uniformed officers. 

"Kurt, you said that the suspect was in custody." Lisa said as she looked at him and the over to the bed, her eyes caught sight of the mane of golden curls. 'Fuck, this was so much worse than I expected.'

"He's over there by the door." Kurt said as he pointed towards Klaus. He stepped closer to the bed, trying to block the view of Magnus as Svedburg moved into the room. He'd do everything in his power to protect him and if that meant stopping their colleagues from seeing Magnus so vulnerable then he'd do it. 

"Svedburg, Anne-Britt, take him to the station and get him booked in. The charge of sexual assault on a patient in his care." She said as she nodded towards Klaus. "Kurt, what happened?" Lisa asked as Svedburg took Klaus by the arm and hauled him to his feet. Dragged his pants up, he made sure that he was decent before nudging him out onto the ward. Anne-Britt took Klaus' other arm and they escorted him from the ward. 

"I forgot my wallet and when I came back, he had locked himself in the room. Magnus was being raped by that sick bastard." Kurt growled as he turned his back on her, his eyes going to Magnus. "I think he's given him something. I think he tampered with his sedative's last night too. So please can you get someone to stop this drip and once he's been checked over, he may need a new one to combat whatever he's unknowingly taken."

"Kurt, please I need you to wait outside." Lida said, seeing Kurt's look she held up her hand to stop him. "We have to do this by the book. Kurt you're too personally involved in this one. Whatever you think will be taken down in your statement. But right now you need to wait outside, while we attend to Magnus." Lisa explained as two of the uniformed officers walked into the room, one with a camera and the other had the rape kit. 

"Please try not to hurt him any further. He's been through so much already, I don't know how much more he's going to be able to take." Kurt said as he looked at Magnus again, his heart was breaking at seeing him so vulnerable once more.

"Kurt don't worry, I'll take good care of him. He will receive the same care and dignity as any other rape victim. Now please let me do my job. The sooner we get finished and take your statement, the sooner you'll be able to see him." Lisa said as she pushed him gently from the room.

***

Kurt paced back and forth outside Magnus' room as they conducted the rape examination. The only small blessing was that Magnus was unconscious while they examined him and collected their samples. Kurt had seen the repeated camera flash around the screen that had been pulled across the door to give a little privacy with the broken door, as they took photographs of every inch of his lovers body. At least Magnus would not have to endure the humiliation of his colleagues seeing him in the immediate aftermath. Although Kurt suspected that there was more than just the sedative from the night before in his system. If his suspicions proved right Magnus might not remember anything that had happened to him.

While Kurt paced he pulled his phone from his pocket and thumbed through the contacts, hitting the speed dial for Rachel. He didn't have to wait long for her to pickup. 

"Hi, Rachel, it's Kurt. I know that it's late but this really couldn't wait."

"What is it Kurt, what's wrong? You sound stressed."

"Fuck, this is so messed up." Kurt murmured as he ran his hand though his hair, turning to look at Magnus' room. "Magnus has been raped by one of the nurses." 

"Jesus, Kurt I'm so sorry. Is Magnus alright?" Rachel asked softly as she could hear the tiredness and pain in his voice.

"I honestly don't know. He was so out of it, I think the bastard drugged him. I caught him in the act. Jesus he may have done this more than once to him. When I found Mags this morning drugged up to the eyeballs on his sedative's, he was half naked and covered in semen." Kurt said, his mind racing as he thought back on the days activities, there was too much that felt off.

"I'll do my best to hurry up a room here for him." She said sincerely, the young man had already been through so much already and she knew that timing would be critical now for helping him.

"Thank you, but I'm not leaving him here alone." Kurt murmured as he saw Lisa standing in the doorway. "I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow to give you an update."

"Try not to blame yourself for what happened."

"I'll try." Kurt said as he hung up, he looked at Lisa as he shoved his phone back into his jacket. 

"Can I see him now?" 

"Kurt, please, just take a moment ok. He's been through a lot." She said regarding his haggard appearance. "You've both been through so much already this week."

"Lisa, please... I need to see him." Kurt begged, his heart was aching and he needed to hold Magnus if he'd let him.

"I know you do. I have to get your statement and ask you about some marks on his body." Lisa said as she reached out to touch his arm tenderly. "As soon as you've done that, then you can see him. I promise." Kurt let out a shakey breath and nodded his understanding. "The break room is free for us to take your statement. It's ok, he won't be alone." Lisa told him, seeing him look worriedly at Magnus' room. "There's an officer posted on the door."

***

Kurt felt completely drained, the interview had taken much longer than he'd expected and he was emotionally and physically tired. He'd had to go through every mark on Magnus' body, explaining how he'd recieved them. From every love bite, to the bruising on and around his hips. He had felt the tears before he realised that he was crying when Lisa had told him that there'd be anal bruising and a small tear to deal with in the coming days. 

Brushing the tears away angrily, Kurt couldn't understand what Magnus had possibly done to warrant this much trauma in his life. It was so cruelly unfair. Hesitating at the door, he took a deep breath as he stepped inside. His eyes flicked to the bed, seeing Magnus curled up on his side, clutching a pillow against his chest. Someone had helped him to dress in the black sleep pants and a tight white t-shirt. He also wore the jacket, that he'd covered him with, although it was too big on his lithe frame. It made Kurt smile as he went over to the bed, stopping in front of Magnus he itched to reach out to touch him. But he was hesitant because he didn't want to scare him.

"Mags, baby I'm so sorry." Kurt murmured as he knelt down beside the bed, so he was at eye level with his young love. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you from this." 

"Not your fault." Magnus whimpered as his eyes fluttered open and closed a couple of times before coming to settle on him. "A.. are y... you r...really h... here?" 

"It's me, I'm here baby. Mags, can I hold you?" Kurt asked as he saw the tears shining in the soft blue eyes. Seeing the soft smile gracing Magnus' lips as he nodded slowly. "Tell me if I hurt you." Kurt said as he got to his feet and moved around the bed and slid effortlessly behind the younger man. Sliding his arm around his waist, he felt Magnus stiffen at first. But then his hands came up and clutched his arm like it was a lifeline. "He won't ever be able to hurt you again." 

"I'm so very tired." Magnus whispered softly as he wriggled slightly on the bed, pressing his body against Kurt's, needing the contact between them. He just needed to know that he wasn't alone, that he was safe in his lovers arms.

"It's ok, you can sleep now, I've got you." Kurt told him softly as he felt Magnus slowly beginning to relax in his arms. He gently pressed his lips against Magnus neck in a soft kiss and allowed his eyes to fall shut. Kurt didn't know how long he lay there just listening to Magnus' soft breathing before he followed him into sleep. 

***

"Hmmm, where are you going?" Kurt murmured as he felt Magnus move, opening his eyes he watched him slipping silently from his arms.

"Bathroom." Magnus said softly as he stood up, and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'm a big boy, I think I can manage." Magnus said smirking as he turned to pad silently from the room. 

"That's not what I meant." Kurt said as he turned to watch Magnus leave the room. He seemed alright, but Kurt wasn't sure that he wasn't hiding his feelings away again. Time would tell. Lisa had promised to let him know if he'd been drugged, and if so what that bastard had used on him.

He'd just closed his eyes again when he felt the bed dip beside him, opening his eyes he watched as Magnus sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing at the back of his neck tiredly. "Mags, is everything alright?" 

"It's ok, go back to sleep." He whispered as he lay down and shuffled back up against him. 

"You can tell me anything Mags." Kurt said as he wrapped his arm around Magnus' waist once more, sliding his fingers through his gently. 

"I know. I'm ok. Just need some more sleep." Magnus mumbled as he brought their conjoined hands up to his lips. Pressing them softly against Kurt's knuckles. 

"Alright, just don't be afraid to tell me anything. What happened tonight changes nothing about how I feel for you. I love you so much Mags. If we'd been any where else I would of killed him for what he did." Kurt said sincerely as Magnus turned his head so he could look at him over his shoulder. His eyes, sparkled with unshed tears. 

"Kurt, I don't remember what happened." Magnus said, his eyes lowering as the tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"Shhh, it's ok. I'm here." Kurt said as he pressed his lips against Magnus' forehead softly. "It's ok baby, I'm here."

"Why does this keep happening to me?" Magnus questioned as he turned his head away, staring out at the wall. His breath hitched as he clung to Kurt's hand. 

"I don't know. But Mags, It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself. Klaus is a sick son of a bitch and if it wasn't you, he'd have done this to someone else. Hell given how organised he was. I'm sure that he's done this before. You're not his first victim." Kurt told him softly as he hugged him tighter.


	29. Chapter 29

It had taken two days before Rachel had been able to get Magnus moved to the crisis centre in Stockholm. But thankfully Magnus had his own room, and he was close to the nurses station. Kurt had been relieved to know that someone could see Magnus' room from the desk at every moment. Not that he wanted to worry about the younger man's safety, but given the events of the past week, he'd be forgiven if he didn't completely trust the care system not to fail his lover again. 

It had been a very long week and he'd not seen Magnus since he'd left the hospital in Ystad. He'd had so much to follow up with at the station in regards to the assault. Making sure that they'd had the evidence needed to make sure the conviction against Klaus went without a hitch. 

Kurt couldn't wait to see Magnus, it had been too long since he'd lain eyes on him, and although Rachel had assured him that his younger lover was doing well. He wanted to see for himself, he needed to hold him again. Magnus had been upset when he'd had to stay behind at the hospital in Ystad, he'd begged him not to leave him alone. Not that Kurt could blame him given what had happened the last time he'd been forced to leave him behind. It took a phone call everyday to reassure him that he'd not given up on him. Promising him that he'd be back to see him on Friday. Magnus had been counting down the days until his visit, although he'd tried not to let his excitement show in his voice. Kurt had heard the underlying uncertainty in his voice, that he was only telling him what he needed to hear so he would concentrate on his recovery. That he'd somehow let him down, and wouldn't actually be coming to visit him in the clinic.

It hurt hearing Magnus so unsure of what was the truth and what was lies. Even though he'd promised that he'd never lie to him about anything, Kurt knew that the voices weren't helping Magnus with his trust issues. He'd driven through the night to get to him in time for visiting hours, although given the distance between them when he wasn't at the clinic, he'd been granted leniency on the strict visiting hours. He couldn't wait to break the news of his surprise. He'd not told him yet that Rachel had authorised for him to be able to stay overnight for a couple of days.  
Kurt made his way into the clinic and he waited at the security doors, waiting for someone to buzz him through. He clutched a small suitcase in his hand. With more clothes for Magnus along with a change of clothing for himself. 

"How can I help you?" A softly spoken woman asked over the intercom.

"Kurt Wallander to see Magnus Martinsson, I'm his partner." He said as he pressed the speaker button. 

"Please come in and sign in at the nurses station."

"Thank you." He said as he was buzzed through the double doors. He looked around the clinic and he felt his heart ache, when he saw the badly beaten young men in their beds through the open doors to the private rooms off the main ward. He knew deep down that Magnus had been exceptionally lucky that he'd not been beaten aswell. Kurt shivered as he thought how bad it might have been had he not had to come back for his wallet. Magnus could easily have ended up like these men.

He couldn't dwell on that though, Magnus had been one of the luckier ones, and at least Klaus was in custody awaiting trial. Stopping at the nurses station he filled out the sign in sheet and then looked at the pretty brunette as she looked up at him. She smiled softly. 

"Magnus is in room six, just across from here. He's been looking forward to seeing you." She said as she pointed at the room opposite. 

"Thank you."

"It's Sally, if you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask. If you just knock and wait. Crystal is currently in with him. She shouldn't be but a minute or two." She told him gently, as she gave him a cursory once over. 

"Thank you Sally." Kurt said as he crossed the short distance between the nurses station and the door. He bit his lip nervously as he reached out tentatively and knocked gently on the door and patiently waited until the door opened slowly. He smiled softly as he saw Magnus sitting with his legs cross at the ankles, his black cardigan wrapped around him, the sleeves came down partially over his hands as he held the paperback in his lap. Magnus looked up from the book and smiled, as he saw him. He put the open book, down on the nightstand and wet his lips with his tongue, before running one hand through his soft blond curls. 

"You came." Magnus whispered, as he regarded his lover closely. It had been a week since he'd last seen Kurt. 

"Of course I did. The hounds of hell couldn't keep me away." Kurt told him as he watched as the young blond nurse nodded at him as she walked past him and gently closed the door behind her as she left them alone. "Mags, how are you feeling?" He asked as he crossed the room to the side of the bed. He set the small travel case down and reached for the chair. 

"I'm ok. It's quieter today. They're not so loud." Magnus said as he glanced down at his hands, where the rest in his lap. "Will you sit with me, please?" Looking up expectantly as he nibbled on his lower lip nervously. He shuffled across the bed slightly, making space for his lover. 

"Of course. You look better today, more yourself." Kurt murmured as he let the chair free and moved to sit on the bed beside Magnus. Sitting down he kicked off his shoes and moved back so he was leant against the headboard. He stretched his legs out on the bed and smiled as Magnus lifted his right arm so he could press himself snuggly against his side. Letting his arm rest around his back, his hand upon his shoulder. 

"I've missed you, missed this." Magnus said, his fingers idly tracing patterns upon Kurt's thigh. 

"Me too." Kurt murmured as he gently ran his fingers through Magnus' curls. "Have you been able to sleep better since coming here?" 

"A little, it's not as quiet as when you're with me. When you hold me I don't hear them at all. I think they're scared of you." Magnus said laughing softly. "But I think the medication is starting to help with the voices. Rachel has given me one to take at night, to help me to sleep. Not a sedative but it stops my mind from wandering quite so much. Slows my thoughts and keeps the voices down." 

"That's good news regarding the medication. Rachel tells me that you've opened up in your journal more this past week whilst I've been away." Kurt said as he slid his hand lightly over Magnus' feeling him twine his fingers through his, he smiled softly. 

"It helps to get my thoughts out of my head, most of it is insane ramblings, things the voices want me to believe, to do. Once it's on the page I don't have to think about it anymore, my mind eases untill the next onslaught. Rachel said that it's good for me to purge myself of negative thoughts." Magnus explained as he lifted his head from Kurt's chest, looking at him with soft blue eyes. "It's not all bad stuff. Some of it is good. It's good to look at my thoughts about you, about how you make me feel when you're with me, when I'm safe in your arms. Rachel said that I should read those when the voices are taunting me." 

"That's good that not everything is bad. Rachel tells me that you've opened up a little about what happened to you at the hospital, duringyourlast session." He said gently as he really didn't want to push too soon. 

"I don't remember what happened after I got back to my room from the bathroom. But he touched me when he helped me to bathe and change my dressings. At the time I let it pass as accidental touches, even though some of his comments were suggestive. He was flirting with me, I didn't lead him on. I told him that you were my boyfriend and wouldn't like him touching me. I told him to stop." Magnus whispered softly, his eyes lowering gently as he tried not to look at Kurt. 

"Don't be ashamed of what happened to you. Mags you didn't do anything to provoke him. I know you and you certainly didn't lead him on and you are certainly not to blame." Placing two fingers under Magnus' chin, he gently tilted his head up so he could look into his soft blue eyes. "He can't ever hurt you again and he's looking at a minimum of four years behind bars, for abusing his power and abusing you while you were in his care. He'll also never work in the care system ever again. He won't ever be able to hurt anyone like he did you."

"I don't remember what happened, but maybe that's a blessing in disguise. Rachel said that I might never remember what happened in the hospital." Magnus said seriously, his forehead crinkling up as he frowned.

"Hey it's alright, you don't need to talk about it. It's overwhelming I know and I hate seeing you not yourself. Seeing you struggling to try and remember and being unable to makes my heart ache, for your loss but also because I'd rather you never had to relive those events. I miss seeing your smile." Kurt told him as he tenderly caressed his hair with his fingers. 

"There's not been much reason to smile of late." Magnus murmured looking away momentarily as his face clouded with the trauma he'd suffered. 

"I hope you will be able to smile more soon. I have a surprise that I hope you will enjoy. Rachel has granted me leniency so I don't have to stick to the strict visiting hours when I visit, because of the distance I have to travel to be here with you. She's also granted me special permission to stay with you for the weekend." Kurt told him, smiling brightly as Magnus turned to look at him. 

Tears shone wetly in his eyes as he searched Kurt's face for any sign of deception, when he saw none he moved quickly to straddle Kurt's hips, capturing his face in his warm hands as he leaned down and brushed his lips softly against his lovers. Hearing Kurt groan, Magnus rocked his hips gently as he felt Kurt's arousal against him, whimpering he opened his lips and felt the older man take control of the kiss, tongue pressing between his lips languidly stroking his. Kurt wrapped his arms around him, hands sliding down his back to grasp at his firm buttocks, squeezing them gently while he pulled Magnus closer still. 

Magnus broke this kiss, breathing heavily as he ran his fingers through Kurt's hair. "I'm sorry, I want to, really I do, but I'm too sore to go further." Magnus said gently, giving him a weak smile. 

"It's ok Mags, I know. You know that I love you no matter what." Kurt murmured as he felt Magnus slowly move his hips, hearing him whimper as he gently squeezed his buttocks. Seeing Magnus grimace he knew that he needed to let his lover free.

"I'm so sorry." Magnus said as he moved so he was no longer kneeling astride Kurt, he bit his lower lip as he moved trying not to let out the sounds of his pain. He shuffled backwards so he was sat beside Kurt once more, his legs stretched out fully on the bed, his feet crossedat the ankles. 

"What on earth for? Hey, come on, dry those beautiful eyes." Kurt said turning to look at his love. He reached out tenderly and brushed the tears from Magnus cheeks gently with his thumbs. 

"I'm sorry that I got you worked you up. Only to flake out again." Magnus said as he blinked back his tears. "I'm a pretty shit boyfriend right now."

"Hey none of that, do you hear me. Don't you dare blame yourself Mags. Even if I only ever get to sleep with you in my arms and pressed against my chest for the rest of my life. I'd die a happy man knowing that you were my better half, my good boy."

"It's still pretty shit." Magnus said incredulously letting out an involuntary laugh. 

"Shhh, we're going to be alright. We'll get there. I promise you that I'm not leaving any time soon. I love you Mags, I always have and always will." Brushing more tears from Magnus' cheekbones he placed a soft kiss to his forehead. 

"I... I l...l.. love y... you t..too." Magnus stuttered as clung to Kurt tightly. 

"Shhhh, shhh. It's ok, Mags, I've got you. I've got you baby." Stroking his back tenderly, resting his head on top of Magnus' curls as he pressed up against his chest.


	30. Chapter 30

Kurt felt himself yawning and he tried not to jostle Magnus as he tried to cover his mouth. He knew how difficult it was for his young love to find peace without the nightmares coming. He smiled softly as he looked down at the younger man. His soft blond curls tousled from his nervous fingers were fluffy in places and stuck up at odd angles in others. Kurt heard the soft snores as Magnus' head rest upon his chest, one arm wrapped around his waist as he clung to him as he lay curled around him with one leg thrown across his as he was peaceful in his sleep.

Kurt watched the TV as it flickered annoyingly between stations as he attempted to find something to hold his interest while Magnus slept. Although there didn't seem to be anything that took his fancy. He turned the TV off and carefully set the remote on the cabinet. Hearing a soft whimper he carefully stroked his fingers through Magnus curls as he attempted to soothe him. Magnus mumbled something under his breath as he snuggled closer to Kurt's chest, moments before he lifted his head slowly, bringing his hand up to wipe at his mouth, grimacing as he wiped away the drool. Looking up at Kurt he smiled sheepishly, as he realised that he'd created a rather large wet spot in his, lover's sweater.

"Sorry about that." 

"What's a little drool between friends. We've shared far more bodily fluids." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he ruffled Magnus' hair. "I hope that we'll share much more."

"Kurt I want to share so much more with you." Magnus said as he gently took his free hand, wrapping his fingers through Kurt's callused digits. He brought their joined hands up to his lips so he could press his lips against his knuckles. "I want to thank you for everything you have done for me these past few weeks. I don't think I would have survived all of this without you by my side." Magnus whispered softly as he looked into Kurt's soft eyes. "I certainly would've died had you not come to find me. I can't thank you enough for doing what you did." 

"Mags, you really don't need to thank me for anything. I love you so much and I care deeply about you. Mags I'd be there for you even if I didn't. You're a valuable member of the team and I know that I can be hard on you, but it's only because I care so damned much." Kurt explained as he reached out and touched Magnus' cheek tenderly, sliding his palm against the pale flesh. His fingers lightly caressing his cheekbone. 

"Do the others know about what happened to me?" Magnus questioned as he turned his face into Kurt's palm. He bit his lip nervously as he saw a flash of pain in Kurt's eyes. "When did they find out?"

"Mags, I'm so sorry that we couldn't keep it between us. Lisa knew when you first cut yourself. But Svedburg and Anne-Britt they saw you when Klaus assaulted you. They were on the team that Lisa brought to the hospital." Kurt murmured as he gently rubbed his thumb against Magnus face. "If I could have kept it between us I promise you that I would have."

"Do they know about us?" Magnus questioned, as he shyly looked down at his lap. 

"Lisa, yes, but Svedburg and Anne-Britt not that I know of. They just know that I called in the assault. I'm not ashamed of them knowing about how I feel about you, or even them knowing why you're here. Mags, I love you unconditionally." Gently tilting the younger man's face up so he could look into his scared blue eyes. "I could never be ashamed of you or what you've been through these last six and a half months. Mags you really shouldn't be either, it's not your fault that you're sick. Anyone who had been through what you have and says they're not affected would be lying. The fact that you are still here and have been able to function for so long without the cracks showing, is a miracle in itself. Mags, you're the strongest man I have ever known." 

"Are you not worried about them knowing that you've been sleeping with me? That they're going to make remarks about us behind our backs. I don't want to become the subject of sordid office gossip, that they whisper about when they don't think I can hear." Magnus said as he felt his cheeks colour at the thought of becoming the office joke, his embarrassment evident on his face.

"I honestly don't care what anyone else thinks. It has got nothing to do with them who's bed you share. That's between you and I. But I do understand if you're not comfortable. I know how private you are about your home life."

"I certainly would've rather kept it between us for the time being at least. But I guess I'll have to learn how to cope with them knowing about that along with what happened in the hospital." Magnus told him seriously, "I'll have to bring it up with Rachel, as I think it's going to be something that will take some getting used to." Wriggling free, he moved to sit on the side of the bed. Looking over his shoulder briefly he gave Kurt a weak smile as he got to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asked, keeping his voice light as he didn't want to come off as the overbearing partner. He was just a little hesitant to let Magnus out of his sight for too long because of everything that had happened.

"Bathroom, I'll be right back, I promise. I won't be long." Magnus explained as he made his way out into the main ward leaving Kurt alone in the room. 

Kurt pulled his phone from his pocket and thumbed through his messages, seeing nothing of immediate urgency, he turned it off and put it on the cabinet as he waited for Magnus to return. Hearing a soft knock on the door, he looked up to see a dark haired young man smiling at him. 

"Hi, um, would you and Magnus like anything to drink?" He asked as he regarded Kurt carefully, his eyes lowered as he bit his lip nervously. 

"Yes please, black coffee, with one sugar for me, please. Coffee with two sugars and a splash of milk for Mags. Thank you."

The door opened slowly and Magnus came inside, smiling brightly as he saw the young man. "Hey, Toby how are you doing today?" Magnus asked as he stood beside the other man, a smile playing across his lips as he regarded the young man closely. 

"Not too bad thanks. I know that you said that your fella was hot, but you didn't tell me, that he was also cuddly." Toby said blushing furiously as he glanced over at Kurt before looked at Magnus. 

"Eheheh, I couldn't tell you everything in case you wanted to try and steal him away." Magnus said laughing softly as he ran one hand nervously through his hair as he looked at Kurt, blushing furiously as he saw the raised eyebrow. 

"Oh I don't think he'll be interested in a boy like me when he's with you Magnus. Very few men look at me the way he's looking at you. Besides he's a little too intense and surly for me." Toby said in a low voice as he tried not to stare as Magnus crossed his arms against his chest, tugging the sleeves of his cardigan down over his hands slightly. 

"Believe me, he's a big softie at heart." Magnus whispered as he watched as Kurt got up and walked over to him, sliding his arms around his waist. Gently pulling him flush against his chest. Magnus grinned as he touched Kurt's large hand as it rest gently across his stomach. Covering it with his own he rubbed his fingers soothingly against the back of his hand.

"Mags, don't go spoiling my reputation, not everyone needs to know that I'm not as scary as I appear. Hi Toby, I'm Kurt." He said as he reached out to shake hands, only to see the dark haired man flinch away from him. 

"Sorry, um sorry." Toby mumbled as he watched Kurt closely as he tentatively reached out and touched Kurt's hand, grasping it lightly as he shook his hand gently. 

"It's nice to meet you Toby, I'm so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable." Kurt said as Toby took his hand away and smiled.

"It's ok, it's not your fault, its really nothing personal. I'm a little skittish around other men, especially older, larger men. I'll just get your drinks Mags, and then I'll leave you two in peace. You're all he's talked about all week. Everyone in here should be as lucky to have a good guy like you on their side." Toby said as he turned towards the door, hesitating at the threshold he turned to look at Magnus and smiled before slipping out of the room.

"He seems nice. I'm glad that you've found someone to talk to while I've not been able to get here." Kurt murmured into Magnus' ear as he rubbed his stomach gently as he nipped at his earlobe. "Come on, back into bed with you. I want to be dreadfully selfish and hold you while keeping you all to myself."

"Eheheh, you wouldn't be jealous of Toby, would you Daddy." Magnus said laughing softly as he turned in Kurt's arms. Sliding his own hands around Kurt's waist, pushing his hands into the back pockets on Kurt's jeans. Gently squeezing his bottom as he leaned in and softly brushed his lips against the older man's. Hearing the door open, Magnus ended the kiss and laughed softly as he saw Toby setting the two mugs down on the nightstand, watching them.

"You didn't have to stop on my account." Toby mumbled as he gave Magnus a bright smile. "I'll see you later Magnus. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do." Winking as he looked at them, he smiled and slipped out of the room.

"He seems lovely, it's nice to see you making friends and coming out of yourself. I've not seen you so happy in a long time." Kurt remarked as he caressed Magnus' cheek tenderly. 

"He's been through so much. He's a kindred spirit." Magnus explained as he leaned into Kurt's hand. "It's nice to be just one of the boys for a little while, able to gush about my gorgeous boyfriend with someone who doesn't judge me for it." He felt himself blushing again as he rest his forehead against Kurt's as he was just held tenderly. 

"Come back to bed, I want to be selfish and cuddle with you." Kurt murmured as he looked into the soft blue eyes, seeing the first signs of true happiness again. 

Magnus nodded as he slipped from Kurt's arms, catching his hand in his own as he led him back towards the bed. "How do you want me?" He knew that was a loaded question but he really didn't care. Smirking as he saw the way Kurt quirked his eyebrow at the comment, he hadn't been this happy in a long time.

"Would it be too much for you to sit between my legs, pressed up against my chest so I could wrap you up in my arms while we just snuggle?" 

"I think I can manage that." 

Smiling brightly he allowed Kurt to adjust the pillows so that he'd be comfortable. Watching as he sat down and stretched out one leg on the bed, leaving his other on the floor so he could join him easily. Climbing onto the bed, Magnus shuffled back, so he was comfortable, sat up against Kurt, he closed his eyes as he lay back against him, sighing as the strong arms wrapped around him. In this moment he'd was happier than he'd been in a very long time.


	31. Chapter 31

Magnus clung to Kurt tightly, his arms looped around Kurt's neck as he bit his lower lip nervously as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest his head against the older man's forehead.   
"Hey, it's ok. I'll be back on Friday afternoon, for the weekend again." Kurt murmured as he gently squeezed Magnus buttocks while pulling him closer. 

"I know, I just wish you didn't have to go." Magnus whispered as he opened his eyes and moved away slightly so he could look into Kurt's. 

"You know that they say absence makes the heart grow fonder." Kurt bringing one hand up to cradle Magnus' cheek tenderly. 

"I'll miss you while you're away." Leaning to Kurt's caress as the callused digits brushed back and forth over his cheek. 

"I know baby, I'll miss you too. Mags you've got this, you're alot stronger than you think you are. I'm so proud of you, look how far you've come after everything you have been through." 

"Kurt..." Magnus started only for the other man to press his fingers against his lips, silencing him.

"Don't say another word. I won't hear you berate yourself. None of this was your fault and I won't let you blame yourself. Now come here, you, and give Daddy, a proper goodbye, for now, kiss." Kurt murmured, his voice thick with desire as he pulled Magnus closer with the hand still upon his cute behind. He groaned as he felt Magnus' erection brush against his own, where their groins met. His young love was as aroused as he. Kurt could tell, the way his lips were parted slightly as he breathed slowly, the healthy flush to his pale skin, stained his cheeks. Giving them a healthy pink glow. Kurt moved his hand from Magnus’ jaw, moving to bury it in his golden curls.

Slipping his other hand from Magnus jeans pocket he moved it so he could rest it on Magnus' hip while he leaned in and brushed his lips across the soft lips. His tongue ghosting over them as the younger man, let out a needy whimper when he moved his hand from his hip to settle over his right buttock, squeezing gently. Kurt slipped his tongue between Magnus’ lips, taking the opportunity to deepen the embrace. He smiled as the young blond became pliant in his arms, his lithe body pressing against his. 

Magnus moved his hand up to tangle them in Kurt's hair as he whimpered into the passionate embrace, the presence of his tongue teasing his own was turning him on more than usual, rocking his hips against the older man. Magnus knew that this last embrace was going to have to hold him over until Friday when his lover returned to visit. 

The sounds Magnus was making went straight to Kurt's dick, making it almost impossible to think of anything else but the feeling of his boy rutting against him. He knew what Magnus was doing and he couldn't help but smile as he moved his hand back to his hip, feeling his young lover rocking against him. Sliding his hand from his hip, he moved it between them as Magnus moved away minutely. Kurt pressed his palm against the heavy balls within and he heard the heady moan as Magnus' cock hardened further beneath his soft sleep pants. 

Throwing his head back Magnus broke the kiss as he gasped when he felt Kurt's hand squeeze him through his pants. "Fuck, Daddy please...." Magnus moaned loudly as Kurt nipped at his Adams apple with his teeth. 

"You're so fucking beautiful right now Mags, begging Daddy like this." Kurt purred as he pushed his hand beneath the waistband and wrapped his fingers around his engorged prick. "Tell me, what you want. Tell Daddy, what you need."

"Ohhh God, Daddy please..." Magnus whimpered brokenly as he bucked against Kurt's hand, forcing his cock through the tight grip of his lovers hand. 

Kurt trailed his lips up Magnus exposed throat, kissing along his chiseled jaw and up to his right earlobe, nipping it gently with his teeth, he heard the hitch in his lovers breathing. "Daddy wants to hear you ask for what you need." Voice low and seductive as he continued to stroke Magnus beneath the sleep pants. Sliding his hand down from Magnus' curls he wrapped his arm around his waist as he knew that the younger man might need the support. "Use your words Mags, be a Good Boy for Daddy. Daddy needs to hear you." His voice thick with desire as he growled into his ear. 

"Fuck, Daddy I... I need t... to c... cum." Magnus moaned weakly as he felt his legs trembling as Kurt worked his dick steadily inside his sleep pants. The way Kurt's voice growled low in his ear made his cock jump as his arousal mounted. "Daddy please...." Magnus moaned loudly as he clung to Kurt tightly, "Oh fuck me.... Daddy...." as he felt Kurt bite his earlobe and tug on it with his teeth.

"You know Daddy would love nothing more than to fuck his Good Boy. However it's too soon for that Mags, I won't hurt you." Kurt told him sincerely, he looked into Magnus' soft blue eyes as he lifted his head so he could look at him properly. He could see the slight hurt in his lovers eyes as he bit his lower lip nervously and blinked back the tears that were shining in the soft blue orbs. "Shhh, no tears. How about you lie back on the bed, let Daddy suck your beautiful cock." 

Magnus nodded gently as he lifted his head, he smiled softly as Kurt let his cock free momentarily, taking his hand in his so he could lead him the short distance between them and the bed. Magnus willing followed him and sat down on the edge of the bed biting his lip as laid back on the bed with his feet firmly in the floor.

"You're so fucking beautiful Mags," Kurt purred as he watched as Magnus curls spilled over the blanket around his head. "Take off your t-shirt baby, I want to see you all my beautiful boy."   
Magnus wet his bottom lip as he reached down and gripped the hem of the red t-shirt of Kurt's he'd taken to wearing. Slowly peeling it up over his head he dropped it onto the bed beside him. 

Kurt leaned down over him and gently circled his cute little nipples as they tightened and stood proudly from his chest. Nipping at them gently he laughed deep in his throat as Magnus bucked his hips as he whimpered at the sensation. "Easy baby, it's ok. I'm not going to make you wait. I'm not going to tease you." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he trailed kisses down the centre of Magnus' abdomen, circling his navel teasingly before softly tugging on the dark hair of his treasure trail while he gripped the waistband of his sleep pants and carefully began pulling it down slowly, following the fabric with his lips as he revealed every inch of his beautiful boys body. Dropping his sleep pants on the floor Kurt moved to stand between his thighs as he spread them without being asked to do so. 

Magnus closed his eyes and gripped the blankets tightly as he felt his lover’s strong hand slide up his thighs, strong callused fingers danced across his tender flesh making him whimper with need. Kurt moved his hands up so he could caress the silken flesh of Magnus’ stomach, before changing tact almost instantly, sliding lower to ghost his thighs gently. Fingers skimming over the deep red wounds that marred his pale flesh. These would fade in time, although they would remain as a permanent reminder of this time in his life. 

Kurt sighed softly as he moved, leaning over Magnus' body as he lay out for him on the sheets, he began to kiss the expanse of his lover’s throat as the young man whimpered in his underlying need to be loved and cherished. Kurt always knew how to make him feel worthy, and above all else loved.

Magnus arched his head back into the mattress as he felt the strong callused hands stroking up and down his inner thighs as Kurt moved downwards and kissed his navel softly. Looking down through half lowered eyes Magnus watched as he felt his cock swell as Kurt gently tugged on his legs drawing his buttocks to the edge of the bed, before lifting his legs up to rest his feet over his shoulders as he knelt beside the bed. Magnus whimpered as he saw the the older man's head lower between his legs, dipping between his thighs before feeling the warm wetness took his breath away as Kurt used his tongue.

“Daddy…” Magnus moaned as he felt the strong, deliberate strokes as Kurt circled the furled aperture, teasing the puckered flesh of his asshole with the tip of his tongue. His hands smoothing up and down the expanse of his thighs, mindful to avoid the worst on his wounds on his thighs.

“Shhh.” Kurt whispered, the feel of his breath against his moist entrance made Magnus moan and grip the blankets tightly.

Kurt lapped at the tight flesh, teasing his lover’s body open with slow deliberate strokes. He could hear the whimpers of desire as Magnus’ knuckles turned white where he clung to the blankets in the clasp of desire. Kurt reached up and brushed his fingers over Magnus’ knuckles easing his grip as he slid his tongue deeply into his body. 

"Ohhh fuck... Daddy please...." Magnus moaned as Kurt pulled his fingers from the blankets and twined his fingers with them, feeling the strength of the younger mans hands as he let out a drawn out moan. “Daddy please…” Magnus moaned his back arching as he tried to persuade Kurt to move on past his teasing.

Kurt smiled as he moved away from Magnus’ entrance, he leaned down and captured the younger man's weeping cock between his lips. Magnus let out a mewl of pleasure as he took him completely, his nose rubbing in the soft pubic curls. Taking in the heady scent that was purely Magnus, Kurt let a groan of pleasure. The vibrations rumbled around the swollen cock in his mouth. His head bobbed up and down between Magnus’ thighs while he stroked his fingers along his cuts upon his thighs. Kurt could feel his lover's cock throbbing as he pulled off and suckled the mushroomed head tasting the salty emission from the tip as he worked the young blond to the point of no return. As he eagerly swallowed his flesh. 

Toby stood there open mouthed as he watched as Kurt brought Magnus to a mind blowing orgasm, the way Magnus arched his back up off the bed as he cried out wantonly. 

"Daddy... I'm cumming." Magnus cried out as his warm seed spilled into Kurt’s mouth, he swallowed all he was given and groaned as he stood up looking at Magnus’ half lidded eyes as he came down from his orgasm.

Kurt rubbed Magnus’ thighs gently as he slowly lowered his legs and moved from between them. He stood up and leaned over Magnus to kiss him softly. His lips were pliant beneath his own as he cradled his face in his hands.

Toby was transfixed at the scene unfolding before him, one hand gripping the door tightly as he knew that he should leave. But he couldn't force himself to move incase he give himself away. Wetting his bottom lip, Toby blushed hotly as he saw that Magnus was staring at him, his blue eyes were wild with something and Toby felt his heart hammering in his chest. 

Turning to look up at Kurt, smiling brightly before he whispered softly "Toby, it's ok." As Magnus reached out with one hand. "You're not in trouble."

"I... I d... didn't m... mean t..to w...watch." Toby stuttered as he wrapped his arm tightly around himself as he slowly walked over to the bed. 

"I should have locked the door. You're not to blame." Kurt said as he watched as the dark haired boy kept himself held tightly as he approached them. His eyes remained on Magnus the whole time as if he was afraid to see the perceived anger in Kurt's eyes. Magnus sat up slowly and reached out for his sleep pants as Kurt picked them up and held them out to him. 

Magnus pulled them on slowly and moved so that he was sat on the bed with his legs crossed. A blush covered his cheeks as he watched as Kurt moved to sit in the chair away from the bed, so that he would appear less threatening to the other man. "Toby, come here please?" Magnus whispered softly, nibbling on his lower lip nervously as his own eyes flickered to a Kurt's looking for any sign that he wasn't OK with this. 

"I... I'm s... sorry M... Mags." Toby mumbled as he pulled his sweater down over his hands as he stopped beside Magnus on the bed, with his head bowed. 

Kurt looked at Magnus raising one eyebrow questioningly as he silently watched Magnus for any sign that he wanted or needed him to step in. Seeing his young love smile softly as he turned to look at Toby once more he sat back and watched with interest. 

"It's alright, please sit down." Magnus said and waited with baited breath as Toby gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. "Toby I honestly don't mind that you saw me. I... I actually like to be watched." Magnus said as he reached out and softly brushed his fingers lightly against the younger man's chin, before tilting his head up so he could look into the soft brown eyes. 

"Please don't tease me Magnus." Toby said a little breathless as his eyes flicked towards Kurt, who just sat there with his hands clasped in front of him as he watched with interest, before going back to look at the blond. 

"I'm not teasing, I promise you. Toby I find you incredibly attractive and with my Daddy's permission, I'd like it, if you would kiss me." Magnus said sincerely as he took one of Toby's hands in his and twined his fingers through his own. Looking at Kurt he nibbled his lip nervously as he waited for Kurt to let his feelings be known. 

"Magnus, don't tease the poor boy, it's not nice." Kurt murmured as he watched the way Magnus was looking at the dark haired young man. He could see the uncertainty on Magnus face with the way his forehead crinkled just above his nose, but he could also see the way that he looked at Toby, with the same warmth as when he looked into his own eyes. There was genuine love for the dark haired man shining through as he rubbed his fingers soothingly against the line of his jaw. 

"Daddy, I'm not teasing him. I promise. Daddy, I want him as much as i need and want you." Magnus said sincerely as he looked at Kurt, giving him his undivided attention. "Daddy, please may I kiss him?"

"Magnus I... I s... should g.. go." Toby said standing up, although not running just yet as he looked down at his hand that remained in Magnus'. "I... I d... don't want t.. to come between you." He stammered as he glanced over at Kurt and then lowered his eyes shyly. 

"Mags, if Toby feels the same way as you, you may kiss him." Kurt told him sincerely as he watched as Toby looked up, a soft smile causing his lips to curl up at the corners slightly. His blush stained cheeks took on a deeper shade as he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue. 

"Thank you Daddy." Magnus said shifting slightly as he watched Toby closely. 

"I'd never hurt him. I.. I h... have d... dreamnt of k... kissing Magnus w... while y... you watched. E... even b... before I m... met y... you." Toby admitted quietly as he looked at the older man.

Kurt smiled as he watched the nervous youth, as Magnus couldn't take his eyes away from him. There was something so genuine about Toby's soft admissions that tugged at his heart. He'd never dreamnt of having one young man in his life, left alone the very real prospect of having a second eager lover. Kurt felt his cock harden at the very real images of the two young men entwined naked in his bed, that assaulted his mind. 'Fuck, could he handle two damaged young men. Would he be man enough to satisfy both their needs. Would he be able to let them find their pleasure in one another’s arms without jealously rearing its head.' "Toby, I trust you not to hurt him."

"I promise, I'd never hurt him. I... I l.. love h..him." Toby admitted quietly, he looked up through wide brown eyes that reminded Kurt of a puppy. 

When Toby turned to look at Magnus he was greeted by the most intense gaze he had ever been subjected to, he felt his heart beat quicken as Magnus leaned in and brushed his lips softly against his own. Toby whimpered as he closed his eyes as the blond slid his tongue between his slightly parted lips, stroking his wet muscle with practised ease. Magnus snaked one hand beneath Toby's loose fitting pants, slipping his long fingers inside his boxer shorts. Magnus ran his fingers lightly over the mushroomed head of Toby's erection, feeling the pre-cum as it oozed from the slit, coating his fingers as he caressed the velvety flesh. Causing Toby to buck his hips, forcing his cock through his fist. Magnus deepened the kiss as Toby moaned and arched his head backwards baring his throat. Magnus smiled as he moved his lips away from Toby's bringing them down against his Adam's apple and kissing it lovingly before running his tongue along the bronzed flesh of his throat.

"Magnus that's enough, you'll get him in trouble." Kurt said seriously as he heard the breathless moans from the younger man. "You know that if he gets caught with you, that they'll force him to quit. Mags, you don't want to be the reason he's not allowed to work here." 

Magnus looked up and lowered his eyes shyly as he felt thoroughly chastised. "No Daddy, I don't want that." Removing his hand from within Toby's pants he looked up at him and blushed as he saw the raw desire in the dark eyes that regarded him closely. "I'm sorry Toby. I shouldn't have touched you like that."

"I wanted you to touch me like that. I... I w... want s... so m... much more. Mags I l... love y... you." Toby stuttered as he looked down shyly as he waited with baited breath for Magnus to respond to his confession. 

"Toby, I care so deeply for you. I... I just, Toby, I... I'm s... sorry." Magnus whimpered brokenly as he reached out and caressed the younger man's cheeks, rubbing his thumbs lightly against his cheekbones. "I... I'm s... sorry" pressing his forehead against his, he closed his eyes as tears started to fall down his pale cheeks. 

Toby heard the chair scrape against the floor and he felt himself flinch as Kurt gently placed one hand upon his back. "It's not your fault Toby, he just needs time. I can see from the way he looks at you, from the way he kisses and touches you that he does truly love you. It will just take him time to say the words. It took him time to tell me also."

"I'm sorry that I upset him." Toby said as Kurt sat down beside him and gently gathered Magnus up into his arms, letting him slip free. "Um do you want a drink, that's why I came in." Toby mumbled as he looked at the way Kurt held Magnus against him. He wanted nothing more than to have someone hold him and care for him the way that the older man clearly cared for Magnus. Biting his lower lip nervously Toby waited patiently. Kurt reached put with one hand and caressed his cheek gently. 

"You're such a Good Boy, Toby, you've made Daddy so proud today. Can you bring me my usual please, but put an extra sugar in for Mags."

Leaning into the caress, Toby blushed as his heart skipped a beat as the older man called him a good boy. He looked up at him with soft brown eyes. "Thank you, Daddy." He whispered as he tested the way the endearment felt as it rolled off his tongue. The way Kurt smiled at him upon hearing him using the term, made Toby's heart beat a little quicker as he climbed from the bed and returned the smile softly. He knew that his cheeks must be the colour of beets as he slipped silently from the room so he could go and prepare their drinks.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse and Violence

It had been a long four days since Kurt had last seen Magnus, but he knew from his conversations with Rachel that Magnus was starting to open up more during their sessions. That he was mentioning the voices less, which was a good sign that the medication was having a positive effect on his wellbeing. She was also happy to note that keeping the journal was also beneficial to helping him to get his thoughts, both unwelcome ones and his wants for the future out in the open so he could learn to process them without them overwhelming him when his mind refused to settle during the night. 

Kurt smiled as he walked into Magnus' room and saw the vision before him. Magnus lay asleep on his side, he had one arm wrapped around his bed mate, his hand lay pressed against Toby's stomach, where his pale blue t-shirt had ridden up exposing his bronzed flesh. Magnus' long fingers dipped beneath Toby's waistband as if he'd fallen asleep midway through his exploration. Toby's own hands were curled up against his chest, one lightly held Magnus' arm where it lay around him. 

Magnus was shirtless, yet still clothed as his soft black sleep pants were slung low on his hips. He was pressed up against Toby's back. His head resting against the pillows as his little snuffles and whimpers filled the silence of the room. Magnus was dreaming, and from the sounds he was having a pleasant one. 

Kurt looked at the soft brown eyes that stared at him from the bed. Toby was awake and he was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth as he regarded him closely. Kurt smiled as he silently made his way over to the bed and moved to kneel at the side of the bed, closest to the brown eyes boy. He reached out tentatively and traced his fingers lightly against Toby's cheek, smiling as he saw the way his lips parted slightly as his breath caught momentarily. 

"There's a good boy, go back to sleep." He murmured as he leaned in and brushed his lips softly against Toby's forehead before getting to his feet and moving around the bed once more to sit in the chair beside the bed. 

Kurt watched his young loves and felt his heart swell with pride at how at ease they seemed with one another. Given the things they'd both experienced it was a miracle that they were both willing to be naked around him, let alone let him touch them in an even remotely sexual way. He knew that Toby was skittish and he was certainly more at ease with Magnus, but that was to be expected, they'd known each other for almost two weeks now and they'd bonded over their own trauma. They were kindred spirit's and Kurt knew that it would take time for the brown eyed boy to come willingly to him. The fact that Toby trusted any man near him was a miracle, he'd spoken at length with Magnus over their separation about Toby and what he'd been through. 

Kurt couldn't even begin to understand what the sweet boy before him could ever have possibly done to warrant being beaten to within an inch of his life and brutally sodomised with a broom handle. It was a miracle that Toby had survived the attack at all, as he'd been left for dead in his flat, but had somehow managed to use what little strength he had left to crawl from the bedroom and out into the hallway, where he'd been found by his neighbour. Has she not regularly gone shopping on the same day each week he could easily have died in the hall.   
Toby had been just sixteen when he had been attacked by his lover, the man who had claimed to love him unconditionally and it had taken him five years to get to where he was now. 

***

Kurt woke up, hearing Magnus' guttural moan. He gripped the arm rests as he pushed himself up so he could see what had caused his lover to moan. Looking over at the bed he felt his breath catch in his throat as he watched Magnus, gloriously naked with his feet pressed firmly against the mattress, knees bent as he reclined on the bed, his back bowed as he moaned wantonly as he held himself up off the bed. His soft blue eyes fixed on Toby as he knelt between his outspread thighs. Magnus was achingly hard as his cock stood proudly between his legs, arching up towards his stomach slightly. 

Kurt couldn't help but notice that Toby was still fully clothed, his loose pants only pushed down far enough to expose his own engorged prick and his balls. He licked his lip as he took in the dark thatch of pubic hair that surrounded the younger man's long yet slender length, the tip shining wetly with pre-cum as Toby bit his bottom lip to stifle his own moans as he wrapped one of his hands around both his and Magnus' cocks, stroking them in tandem as he fisted the blanket with his free hand. 

Toby kept up the long slow strokes for several minutes, his eyes darkened as his cock throbbed almost painfully in his hand. "Oh god Mags..." Toby whimpered as he looked into Magnus' eyes, seeing their desire blown look. "Mags please, I'm not going to last."

"You don't need to wait for me. " Magnus groaned as he felt Toby buck his hips slightly, forcing his cock to glide against his as he forced his shaft through his hand. "Oh Christ, keep doing that and I'm going to cum." 

"Ohh God, ohhh Mags you feel so good." Toby moaned as he bucked his hips, fucking his hand and feeling the slip slide of his dick sliding against the young blonds. 

"Cum for me Tee, cum for me baby." Magnus moaned as he felt the familiar tightening in his stomach, as he watched as Toby's eyes fell to half mast as he groaned, his thrusts coming hard and fast. 

"Ohhh fuck Mags..." Toby cried out as hot ribbons of cum shot over his hand as he continued to pound into his fist, the presence of his release causing his cock to slip and slide against Magnus' own. Pushing Magnus over the edge and into his own orgasm, his cum coating the brown eyed youths hand as he continued to work their cocks. 

Magnus dropped himself down so he was lying on his back on the bed, his knees still bent as he breathed deeply, his chest rising and falling as he brought one hand up to brush his sweaty blond curls from his forehead. His cheeks were flushed with desire as he watched Toby as he licked their combined release from his fingers, kitten soft links as he cleaned every last drop from his long slender digits and his palm. 

"May I clean you Mags?" Toby asked softly, blushing furiously as he ran his hands gently up and down his lovers legs. He nibbled on his bottom lip while he watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Magnus' chest. 

"You really don't need to ask baby." Magnus said gently as he reached down to lay his hand over Toby's stilling its movements. "Tee, I know that you will never hurt me, or force me to do anything that I'm not comfortable with."

"Mags, I'm sorry if my uncertainty in taking the initiative makes you doubt my willingness, you know I ask because I was never asked permission and I was never given the choice to refuse." Toby explained, his eyes showing his vulnerability as he pulled his long sleeves down to partially cover his hands after he tugged his loose fitting pants up to cover his spent sex. 

"It's ok, I know baby. I understand what you went through and I'm sorry if I've made you feel insecure." Magnus whispered as he softly rubbed his thumb back and forth against Toby's hand. "If you truly want to clean me, you may. You know that I'd love to feel your tongue on me. But know that I'll never force you to, I'll never rush you into doing anything to me that you aren't fully ready or prepared to give freely. Tee, I want you to feel at ease around me and I know that Kurt would want that too."

"Mags is right." Kurt murmured softly as he didn't want to frighten the brown eyed boy. He cursed under his breath as he saw Toby whip his head round, to stare at him, his eyes were wide and he had a truly startled look on his face. 

Toby worried his bottom lip as he wrung his hands together in his lap as he lowered his head, taking on a very submissive position. "I'm s... sorry D... Daddy. I... I didn’t a... ask if I w... was a.. allowed to t... touch M... Mags."

"Toby you don't have to ask my permission. You don't belong to me, either of you. Yes I love Magnus and I care very deeply about you and your feelings for Mags. You're both my very good boys. But you are not owned and you never will be." Kurt explained gently as he got up slowly and made his way across to the bed. As he stopped at the bedside he could see the slight tremors as they shook Toby's body. "Toby, look at Daddy please." Toby lifted his head slowly, and looked at Kurt while worrying his lip with his teeth. His eyes were filled with unshed tears as he looked up at Kurt, glancing at his eyes before looking away momentarily. "Toby, you're a free man and you are allowed to have hopes and dreams. Needs and desires and I know from speaking to Magnus what you went through. I will never force you to do anything that you don't want to."

"D... daddy I.. I'm s... sorry, I... I j... just w... want M... Mags s... so m... much." Toby admitted as he leaned back on his heels as he tried to put a little distance between them. 

"Toby, it's alright to tell me what you desire. I'd never hurt you. Especially not for telling me what you want or need." His voice soft as he gently reached out to touch his cheek, feeling him pull away slightly as his fingers made contact with his bronzed flesh. "I'm sorry i should of asked first before I touched you." 

"It's ok, I'm sorry I pulled away." 

"There's no need to apologise, I overstepped my familiarity. Please tell me if you don't want me to touch you. I don't want you to worry about ever upsetting me because you don't want something." Kurt said as he moved his hand away and watched as Toby's eyes flicked towards Magnus as he stretched his legs out fully against the mattress. "I know that you're more attracted to Mags, and I know that you are more comfortable around him. That's ok, I understand you will need time to get used to me being around you and him especially when the two of you are playing. I want you to know that I love watching you two together. I love to see my beautiful boys enjoying one another's touch." 

"Daddy sorry to interrupt, but could you please pass me the wipes, I really need to clean up before I put my pants back on so I can go use the bathroom. Tee, I promise you can clean me up next time." Magnus said softly, he looked at Kurt and then to Toby. 

"It's ok Mags. Here you go." Kurt said as he handed over the wet wipes, he smiled softly as Magnus' fingers brushed against his lightly as he took them. 

"Thank you Daddy."

"Mags, I should probably get going too, don't need them to come in here to chuck me out. I'll see you tomorrow when I come in for my shift." Toby said as he got up off the bed, on the opposite side to Kurt. Moving up to stand beside Magnus, he leaned down and brushed his lips softly against Magnus'. He whimpered into the embrace as the slightly older blond reached up to tangle his hand in his soft brown hair, while pressing his tongue between his lips as he deepened the kiss. 

Kurt felt himself stirring to the vision before him as his young loves made out before him. He could get used to watching the two men kiss, Magnus was so confident and tender when he touched Toby, which was different to the way he had been with him. Though Kurt suspected that a lot of that was down to the trauma that Toby had suffered at the hands of his former partner. 

As the kiss ended it left Toby breathless, his cheeks flushed with colour. He lowered his eyes shyly as he reached up to brush his fingers lightly against his lips. "Thank you Mags for a lovely day." Turning to look at Kurt he smiled softly. "Thank you Daddy, for sharing Mags with me."

"You're more than welcome my sweet boy. You drive carefully now, the forecast for this evening wasn't good. I don't need both of my boys in hospital."

"I will, I promise." Toby said as he wrapped his arms around himself, as he shyly looked towards Kurt. It was such a long time since he'd felt any affection, let alone had anyone who cared about his wellbeing. 

"Good boy, have a good night and we'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you." Crossing to the door he looked back at them and blushed as he saw Magnus sitting against the pillows as he carefully cleaned his cock. Biting his lower lip, Toby turned away and slipped silently from the room, leaving them to enjoy their evening together.


	33. Chapter 33

Kurt lay in his bed worrying his bottom lip as he thought back on his weekend with Magnus. His young love had been restless, full of pent up energy and he only seemed to come out of his shell when Toby came to visit. 'Was Magnus regretting getting involved with him? Was Toby able to offer him something that he wasn't able to give him?' Kurt really didn't know. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing Magnus to the brown eyed boy. He really didn't know what to do, he didn't want to push Magnus with his insecurities. But he had to discuss the nature of their relationship and what had changed besides the obvious of them inviting the younger man into their bed. Not that he'd actually touched the doe eyed younger man beyond a kiss to the forehead. That and Magnus' rape at Klaus' hands, was the only thing to have changed between them. He knew that he loved Magnus unconditionally and that wasn't going to change any time soon. 

Kurt knew that he could look at the journal that Mags kept faithfully, but he really didn't want to betray his trust by going behind his back. Was Magnus picking up on Toby's insecurities about being around him, or had he truly fallen hard for the other man. Magnus had come to a blinding orgasm as they'd mutually stroked each other off, while they made out, laid on their sides naked in Magnus' bed in the early hours of Monday morning. 

He really would have to speak to him when he visited again. If only to relay his fears about their future. He'd always prided himself on the fact that they were honest with one another about all things. He'd never kept anything from Magnus and asside from his initial rape Magnus he was certain hadn't hidden anything either. 

Kurt closed his eyes tiredly and tried to get some sleep, he had a long drive ahead of him and the conversation that he had to have with Magnus he knew might be difficult one.   
Kurt had given up trying to sleep at around six am, it was clear that he wasn't going to be getting much sleep this night, having tossed and turn most of it already. He'd take the drive to the clinic extra carefully today, and make sure he stopped frequently for coffee. Because the last thing he wanted was to come off the road because he was tired. 

***

Kurt stopped just inside the room, his eyes drawn over to the bed as he watched the young lovers. Magnus gloriously naked atop, Toby's clothed one. Although his t-shirt had been pushed up exposing the lean and muscular chest, tight brown nipples peaked with the slight chill in the air, but mostly from his arousal. His slate grey pants sat upon his mid thigh, pushed down just enough to free his genitals. 

The soft and breathy moans and whimpers went straight to Kurt's dick, making him squirm as he reached down to palm himself through his loose fitting pants. Feeling himself responding to seeing the two young men entwined. 

Kurt bit his bottom lip as he watched as Magnus moved over Toby's body, watching the muscles ripple beneath his pale skin as he thrust gently against the brown eyed boy. Causing Toby to gasp and whimper as the slow deliberate thrust of Magnus' hips caused just enough friction against Toby's cock as it lay trapped against his stomach. 

Toby clung to Magnus his fingers digging into his flesh as he arched his head backwards into the pillows, baring his throat as he moaned wantonly. 

"Oh god Tee, I'm going to cum." Magnus groaned as he felt the familiar tightening in his stomach as he watched Toby's face as he came hotly over his stomach. Magnus bit his lip as he thrust harder, his own cock sliding against the younger man's, slipping effortlessly as Toby's release anointed his length. "Fuck Tee, you feel so good, ohh God, I'm cumming." Magnus moaned as he came hard, the hot ribbons of his cum splashed hotly over Toby's body, the warmth of his release starting to cool rapidly on the other boys body. 

Kurt palmed his erection firmly as he watched as Magnus moved backwards on the bed, kneeling between Toby's thighs as he leaned down and began gently lapping at their combined release. Long slow passes of his tongue as he reached out and slid his fingers through Toby's as he held his hand tightly. "Mmm you taste so good." Magnus murmured as he gently swiped his tongue against Toby's spent cock, tongue paying special attention to the mushroomed head as he took him between his lips and gently began to suck. 

"Ohh God Mags..." Toby moaned as he reached down with his free hand, tangling it in Magnus golden curls. Looking down his body he looked into Magnus desire filled blue eyes as he kept eye contact the whole time while he bobbed his head as he coaxed Toby's cock to life once more. As Magnus felt Toby responding he reached down with his free hand and wrapped his fingers around his own engorged prick and began to stroke himself in time with his movements. Moaning around Toby's length he felt the younger man's cock twitch between his lips as his excitement grew. "Mags, you're going to make me cum." Toby whined as he tugged on his hair as his breath caught in his throat. 

Kurt couldn't help himself as he pushed his hand beneath his pants and wrapped his hand around his cock, he moaned as he watched Magnus with Toby on the bed. He knew how talented Magnus' mouth was and he couldn't wait to feel his lips wrapped around his own prick. Toby's eyes flew to look at Kurt as he stood by the door, his eyes dropped down in embarrassment as he felt himself softening in response to being caught with Magnus. 

Magnus stopped what he was doing as he saw that Toby was no longer into it, his cock having softened despite his vest efforts. Pulling off with a wet pop he sat up, rubbing his hand gently against Toby's stomach. "Tee, was it something that I did?" He questioned as he tried to comfort the younger man. 

"Mags, it wasn't you." Kurt murmured as he pulled his hand from his pants and moved away from the door, crossing to sit in the chair beside the bed. "I'm sorry that I interrupted. Toby, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable."

Kurt watched as Toby wriggled up the bed, putting a little distance between himself and Magnus. Lifting his hips slightly he tugged his pants up,to cover himself, before he gripped the bottom of the t-shirt and began to pull it over him. Kurt felt his breath catch as he saw the scars covering Toby's stomach, briefly before the t-shirt was back in place as a barrier. 

"Mags, I'm sorry but I think I'm going to go. I shouldn't be here when Kurt is here." Toby said as he reached out and tentatively touched Magnus' fingers. "I had a lot of fun."

"Tee, please don't go, you don't have to leave." Magnus said as he looked at Toby as he worried his lower lip. "Daddy, please tell him he doesn't have to leave." Turning to look at Kurt with pleading eyes as he felt Toby climb from the bed. 

"Magnus, if Toby wants to stay he can, but I can't make him stay. If he's not comfortable around me then there's nothing else I can do." Kurt said seriously as he watched as Toby hovered beside the bed, his t-shirt sleeves pulled down over his hands as he shuffled from foot to foot beside Magnus. 

"Tee, please stay." Magnus said gently as he reached out and softly brushed his fingers against the younger mans.

"Mags, I wish I could, but I'm not ready to be so intimate and vulnerable around Kurt." Toby said as he gently touched Magnus' fingers and looked at him closely. He gave him a weak smile as he felt Magnus slide his arms around his waist, pulling him close as hugged him tightly. "Mags, please don't pout and give me the sad puppy dog eyes. You know what they do to me." 

Caressing Magnus' soft blond curls as he lay his head against his chest, Toby bit his lower lip as he looked down into his soft blue eyes. 

"Magnus you know better than that. Don't manipulate him that way just to get what you want. You need to learn to respect his wishes." Kurt said sternly as he watched his lover closely. Seeing him lower his eyes and reluctantly let Toby free. 

"I'm sorry Tee." He whispered softly. 

"It's ok Mags, I forgive you. I love you, never forget that. " Toby murmured as he leaned down and brushed his lips softly against Magnus', caressing his cheekbones gently with his thumbs before pulling away and smiling brightly at him. "I'll see you soon." Whispered as he moved away and headed towards the door. Looking over his shoulder he looked at Kurt where be sat regarding him. "Goodnight Daddy." 

"Goodnight Toby." Kurt said softly as Toby slipped silently from the room, leaving them alone once more. Turning to look at Magnus as he stretched out his limbs before relaxing on the bed. He idly scratched at the hair of his treasure trail while he looked at him with soft blue eyes. 'God was he beautiful.' Kurt thought as he watched his young lover. "Magnus, we need to talk about Toby." He said seriously as he regarded him closely.


	34. Chapter 34

"Magnus, we need to talk about Toby." Kurt said seriously as he regarded Magnus closely. 

"What about him?" Magnus asked as he moved to lay on his back, his eyes sliding closed as he ran his fingers through his pubic hair, teasing the root of his cock. 

"Magnus, please this is serious. Stop touching yourself and put your pants back on." Kurt told him, his voice clipped as he stood up and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He began to pace back and forth by the window tugging on his hair, he stopped and put his hands on the window frame, staring out into the darkness he watched as the snow started to fall. Taking deep breaths he listened to the sound of the bed creaking as Magnus moved from it to do as he'd asked. 

Several minutes later he felt Magnus slide his arms around his waist as he pressed himself up against his back. His soft lips pressing against the nape of his neck as Magnus hummed softly, the soft fingers skimming over the waistband of his pants before moving to tug the zipper down.

"Mags, don't. We need to talk." Kurt almost growled as his hands caught Magnus' tightly about the wrists. 

"Don't you want me? Daddy, don't you want your good boy to suck your cock. To make you..."

"Magnus! I said stop and I meant it." Kurt snapped as he forced his hands away from his crotch. Turning round he faced Magnus who had a dumbstruck look on his face, he was rubbing at his wrists while looking at him accusingly. 

"That hurt." Magnus said as he backed up towards the bed as he worried his lower lip. "I'm sorry Kurt." 

"I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Can you please just sit down on the bed. I need to talk to you about Toby." Kurt said seriously as he looked at Magnus, he looked so hot right now, with his black sleep pants hanging down off his slender hips, revealing the top of the delicious v of his obliques, he licked his lower lip as he glanced down, his gaze following the darker blond hair of his treasure trail into his sleep pants, seeing the hint of his dark pubic hair. He could see that the younger man was erect again judging from the way his sleep pants tented over his groin. 

"D... don't t... touch m... me." Magnus said as he continued to back up until his legs made contact with the bed and he sat down. Magnus scrambled backwards on the bed and wrapped his arms around his legs as he drew them up towards his chest to use them as a shield. 

Kurt held his hands up in the recognised symbol of peace. "I'm not going to hurt you Mags, I promise you that." He said as he moved slowly to the chair and he sank down into it. Running his hand over his face he let out a breath he hadn't realised that he'd been holding. Rubbing at the back of his neck tiredly he looked at his young lover. 

"What about Toby?" Magnus mumbled as he watched him closely with soft blue eyes. 

"When did you become intimate with him?" 

"What do you mean?" Magnus asked cocking his head to one side as he ran one hand nervously through his hair. 

"Magnus don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you. How long have you been fucking him?" Kurt growled as he rubbed his hands against his thighs. 

"I've never fucked him." Magnus said somewhat indignantly as he regarded his lover. 

"Magnus don't test my patience, I've seen you with him twice now, you've cum on both occasions, and you never once thought about my feelings. How it would feel for me to see you being touched so intimately by him. How it would make me feel to hear your breathless moans of passion, yet it be another man's name you cried out when you came."

"You never told me I couldn't sleep with him." Magnus cried as he looked up at Kurt, seeing the hurt in his eyes. 

"God damned it Mags, I shouldn't have had to say anything!" Kurt growled as he got to his feet and began pacing back and forth in front of the window. Pausing momentarily as he looked at the blond haired man. "Mags, I love you unconditionally but seeing you like that with him. It hurts my heart. Magnus it drives a steak through my heart to hear you moan his name. So I'll ask you again, how long have you been fucking Toby?"

"A little over two weeks. Since the night of the first kiss."

"How long after I left did you wait before taking him into your bed?" 

"Kurt please, don't torture yourself with this."

"How do you expect me to react?" 

"I thought you were alright with the two of us together. You called him your Good Boy, when he called you Daddy. Why has it suddenly changed?"

"Beacause I love you. Mags, I won't share you. I can't. Mags, you're the only man I want in my bed, in my heart. You're the only one I have ever wanted. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Seeing him on top of you, fucking you reminded me of the day I had to pull Klaus off of you. Only this time you were enjoying it." Kurt said as he crossed to the bed and reached out tentatively to touch Magnus' hands. When he didn't instantly pull away he rubbed his fingers lightly against the back of his hands. Looking up at his lovers face he felt his breath catch as he saw the way Magnus' eyes softened with unshed tears in them. "Mags, I know that you are still hurting, but screwing around isn't going to help you to deal with what happened to you. If you need to dominate someone, to help you to come to terms with what happened, I'm right here. Use me. Don't manipulate Toby, he's just as broken as you and he clearly hasn't dealt with all of his demons." 

"Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn’t think. I never meant to hurt you." Magnus said shifting slightly on the bed.

"Mags, you know that you can tell me anything. Ask anything of me. I don't want you to feel like I won't understand. No I've not been in the same position as you, or Toby. But Mags I die a little inside each and every time I see you with someone else. Willingly it hurts more, because you chose someone else to take comfort with. For whatever reason you felt that you couldn't come to me." Kurt said, his voice thick with emotion as he tried to hold back his tears. This had been building for a while now and he'd opened his emotional floodgates. "Mags, please don't do this to me, to us." He begged as the tears started to fall down his pale cheeks. Closing his eyes, Kurt lowered his head as he was overcome with emotion. 

Magnus bit his lower lip as he watched Kurt falling apart before his eyes. He felt his own tears starting to fall as he moved on the bed, coming to sit on the edge. He reached out tentatively and traced his fingers lightly against Kurt's cheek. His shoulders shook as he wept. "Kurt, I'm so, so sorry. I love you Kurt. Please believe me when I say that." 

"Mags, I want to believe you when you say that. Honestly I do, but I don't know if I can do this." Kurt murmured as he looked up into Magnus' tear filled blue eyes. Reaching out he cupped his cheek in his palm, rubbing his thumb softly back and forth over his cheekbone. 

"Please don't leave me Kurt. Please don't throw it all away. Kurt, I'll never touch Toby again, I promise, just please don't leave me on my own. I... I c... can't b... be o... on m... my o... own." Magnus sobbed brokenly, his tears falling freely down his cheeks as he grasped the front of Kurt's sweater. "I... I l... love y... you s... so m... much. P... please d... don't l... leave m... me d... daddy."

Sliding his hand back into Magnus' soft blond curls, he tightened his hand in them, tugging on them enough to pull his head backwards, bearing his neck as he forced him to look at him. Kurt couldn't stop himself from leaning down and pressing his lips softly against his. Hearing the hitch in Magnus' breathing and seeing the way he looked at him with desperation turned Kurt on. He heard the heady moans as his lips brushed against Magnus' and he took his ques from the younger man as he opened his lips, allowing him to slip inside, his tongue teasing the blonds as he clawed at his back, tugging on the sweater as he tried to pull it off over Kurt's head. Kurt broke the kiss, his breathing heavy as he allowed Magnus to remove his sweater, tossing it onto the bed behind him. 

"Fuck, Mags I love you so damned much it hurts." Kurt growled as he reached down and palmed Magnus' cock as it throbbed through the thin sleep pants. 

"Oh god Fuck me please?" Magnus begged as he tore Kurt's t-shirt off over his head bearing his chest. 

"Mags, I don't want to hurt you." Kurt said breathlessly as he pushed Magnus back against the bed, grasping the waistband of his sleep pants and tugging them down swiftly, he let out a desire filled moan as Magnus' cock sprang free, arching up towards his stomach as his chest rose and fell steadily with his breathing. "You're so fucking beautiful Mags." Unfastening his belt and hurriedly undoing his jeans, pushing them down along with his underwear. He wanted Magnus so badly. Kicking off his boots and socks he moved to stand between Magnus outspread thighs. 

"Kurt please..." Magnus moaned loudly as Kurt leaned over him, swirling his tongue around one pebbled nipple. He wrapped one hand around his cock and began to stroke him firmly. 

"Mags, you're mine. Do you understand? I won't share you with anyone else." Kurt growled as he regarded Magnus through his hair as it fell onto his forehead. 

"Yes. Oh... God please..." Magnus moaned as he buried his hands into Kurt's hair as he assaulted his other nipple, tugging on it gently with his teeth. "Kurt please don't tease. I ohhhh Christ..." head thrown back into the mattress as he arched his back as Kurt ran his tongue along his cock, before nuzzling the base of it while gently kneading his balls. 

"Mags, I want to feel you buried deep inside me when you cum. I need you to fuck me." Kurt murmured as he looked up at Magnus momentarily before he took the tip of his cock between his lips and sucked on it gently. 

"Fuck... daddy stop otherwise I'm going to cum down your throat. Let me fuck you please." Magnus moaned, his voice thick with desire as he looked down into Kurt's eyes as he pulled away from his cock with a wet pop, a line of saliva keeping them connected. 

"Get on the bed like a good boy, so Daddy can ride your big, beautiful cock." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he stood up and crossed to the door, flicking the lock into place. He wasn't willing to be interrupted right now. Turning to look at the bed, he watched as Magnus scrambled backwards on the bed making himself comfortable against the pillows. He stroked his cock slowly as he licked his lip nervously as he waited for Kurt to join him once more. 

Magnus watched Kurt closely as he crossed to the bed, reaching behind himself he let out a breathy moan as he eased the black rubber butt plug from his body. Dropping it onto the bed, Kurt climbed up onto the bed as swung one leg over him, moving to straddle his hips. Wrapping one hand around Magnus' rigid dick he rubbed the tip against his entrance, several times before he pressed down onto it. Groaning as he slid it deeper into his body. 

"Daddy you're so tight." Magnus moaned as he felt Kurt's body contracting around him. He brought his hands up to rest on Kurt's hips, to steady him as he sank down until he'd taken all of Magnus length into him. "Ohhh God." 

"Mags, you feel so fucking good." He breathed deeply as he slowly began to move up and down, causing the head of his loves cock to bump into his prostate every time he pushed down. Kurt leaned down and captured Magnus' lips in a heated embrace, he moaned into the kiss as he rolled his hips. Gasping as his prostate was stimulated by his movements. "Fuck, Mags I'm going to cum." Kurt groaned as he rode Magnus hard, he looked down into Magnus desire filled blue eyes as he clung to his hips, fingers digging into Kurt's flesh as he pulled him down onto his cock every time he eased off. Kurt breathed deeply as he felt Magnus' fingernails digging into his hips, hissing at the bite of pain he moved himself faster, pushing down hard to take Magnus' cock as deeply as possible. He groaned as the younger man's impassioned moans turned him on further.

"Cum with me Mags, come for daddy." Kurt murmured as he felt the familiar tightening in his stomach as he raced towards his own orgasm. He gasped as he came hard, the hot ribbons of his cum splashed hotly over Magnus' stomach. He groaned as he continued to ride Magnus hard, watching Magnus' face as he threw his head back into the pillows as he came. His hot seed filling Kurt's body as he slowed his movements rubbing his hands gently against Magnus' chest as he breathed deeply. "You're such a Good Boy, cumming for Daddy like that." Kurt murmured as he leaned down and brushed his lips softly against his lovers. Running his fingers through Magnus blond curls he smiled into the kiss as he felt his lovers hands come down to squeeze his buttocks gently. 

"Hmmm, I wish you could stay like this forever. I love the way you feel around my cock." Magnus whispered as massaged Kurt's buttocks gently as he nuzzled the side of his throat, capturing the soft skin at his collar bone between his lips, he sucked at the tender flesh marking Kurt as his. 

"Mags, as much as I want to stay here with you buried deep inside me, I'm going to have to move soon, we need to get dressed before they come around with your evening meal and right now they can't get inside. The last thing we need is for them to break the door down, because they can't open the door. I don't want them to feel they have to worry about your safety."

"Alright, but next time I want you to let me take you from behind, on your hands and knees. I want to hear you moan for me, as I pound into your tight asshole. While my balls slap against you." Magnus whispered huskily as he brought his lips up to Kurt's ear, trancing the shell of his ear with his tongue before moving to nibble on Kurt's earlobe, making him groan, squirming above him as his cock twitched at the idea. 

"Fuck, Mags you've got such a dirty mouth. But Daddy fucking loves it. Do you have any idea what you do to me?" 

"I've got a good idea. Don't get too dressed, I plan on using you again before the night is out." Magnus growled as he slid one hand down to tease Kurt's body where they were currently connected. Stroking the soft skin he heard Kurt moan wantonly as he pushed back against his fingers, causing two of the long slender digits to slip inside him along side his cock that had started to harned once more. 

"Mmmm that feels so good." Kurt murmured as he allowed himself to move on his lover's fingers. "Fuck, Mags if we don't stop now, I don't think I'll ever want to let you out of this bed. Then we're going to have to explain why we own the clinic a new door." Groaned as he rode Magnus digits, feeling the delicious burn as they stretched him further.

"I could think of worse things to threaten me with. Thank keeping me in bed." Magnus whispered softly as he leaned up to kiss Kurt's lips softly. 

"Mmm, Mags we need to stop." Kurt said seriously as his breath caught in his throat as Magnus nipped at his lower lip. 

"You're the one on top." Magnus said laughing softly as he lowered his head back into the pillows, easing his fingers from within Kurt, causing his cock to twitch at the way his fingers slid against it. 

"Later I promise." Kurt growled at the feeling, 'he's going to be the death of me.' He thought as he reluctantly eased himself from Magnus and got off of him. His knees starting to protest as he moved to stand beside the bed. 

"I'm going to hold you to that, promising that I can fuck you later. Daddy may I?" Magnus asked as he moved to the edge of the bed, clutching the butt plug in one hand.

Kurt turned around and smiled as he looked at Magnus, with his wayward curls, that stuck out at odd angles. Seeing the butt plug in his lovers hand he bit his lower lip as he glanced quickly over at the door before stepping back towards the bed, leaning down over it he pressed his hands onto the mattress and spread his legs. "Hurry, I don't know how much time we have and we still need to get dressed." 

Magnus got off the bed quickly and opened the small cabinet beside the bed and pulled out a small bottle of lubricant, quickly pumping some onto the toy, he coated it liberally and moved behind Kurt, teasing the gaping entrance he smiled as Kurt whimpered. He rubbed the plug around his lover's pink ring, before gently pressing it in to Kurt's body. Hearing his breathing catch Magnus knew that this was something that they would have to explore again at another time. When they weren't under pressure of being discovered. Pressing the plug deeply into Kurt's body, he heard him moan as it made contact with his prostate. Leaning down over him Magnus pressed himself up against his back, letting him feel just how hard he'd become from the intimate act. As soon as he felt Kurt press himself back against him he smiled, standing up he brushed his hand against Kurt's buttocks. "Next time I want to run my tongue around your tight little asshole. I bet I can make you come with just my tongue." Then he stepped away and picked up his discarded sleep pants and quickly pulled them on. Running his hand through his hair he smiled as he watched Kurt stand, seeing that he was already semi erect. 

"Mags you've got such a wicked tongue." Kurt said as he moved to pick up his own rucksack and quickly pulled out his own plaid sleep pants. He quickly pulled them on and turned to look at Magnus. 'God, he looks good enough to eat.' He thought as eyed his young lover's body. His tight little nipples stood proudly from his smooth chest. 

"You think it's wicked now, wait until it's teasing you open as I eat you out." Magnus purred as he slung his arms around Kurt's neck, rocking his pelvis up against Kurt's so he could feel just how hard he was already. 

"Mags, don't tease." Kurt said breathlessly as he wrapped his arms around Magnus waist, his hands coming down to squeeze his arse firmly before pulling him closer still. 

"Who said anything about teasing. I plan on carrying out every little thing I've said." Magnus murmured as he placed soft kisses and nips along Kurt's throat. "I fully intend on making you moan and beg for my tongue, my body, my cock, and best of all for me to let you cum."

"Fuck, Mags..." Kurt whimpered as the images assaulted his mind as his young lover rocked his hips gently against his, causing their covered dicks to rub against one another. Just as he started to speak there was a sharp knocking on the door. "Fuck." He cursed under his breath as Magnus slipped his arms from his neck and moved out of his arms. 

"You best unlock the door." Magnus said smirking as he climbed onto the bed and arranged himself in such a way that his erection was hidden from view. But at the same time would drive Kurt wild as he nibbled on his thumbnail as he watched him through half lowered eyes. 

Kurt crossed the room quickly and unlocked the door. Opening it he tried his best to use the door as a shield to hide the erection his sleep pants were doing a poor job of hiding. He smiled softly as Sally the pretty brunette nurse walked into the room.

"Sorry to intrude gentlemen, can I get you any painkillers Magnus?" She asked softly as she regarded him while Kurt continued to hide half behind the door. "Can you rate your pain from one to ten?"

"It's a one, so I'm alright for the moment, thank you though for checking." Magnus said as he returned her smile as she filled in his chart. 

"No problem sweetheart, that's why I'm here after all. Why don't you boys wash up, your dinner will be around shortly." Sally said winking at Magnus as she glanced down at his stomach. Seeing the way Magnus was blushing as he glanced down at the patch of drying cum on his abdomen. "Don't worry sweetheart your secrets safe with me." Whispered as she put his chart back into the holder at the end of the bed, and she turned on her heel and made her way out of the room, stopping briefly to look at Kurt as he too blushed as she winked at him.


	35. Chapter 35

Kurt woke up and reached out for Magnus, but found the other side of the bed empty. It was also cold to the touch, indicating that it had been some time since his young love had left its comfort. Turning his head he smiled softly as he saw that Magnus was curled up in the chair beside the window. Kurt wasn't quite sure how Magnus was able to sit sideways on in the chair, his feet up on the seat and his knees bent. He looked so small with one arm wrapped around his legs. Kurt couldn't help but notice just how much younger Magnus appeared, as his head rest upon his knees, blond curls sticking out in odd angles, from his anxious fingers running through them and most likely a restless sleep. 

The room was silent and Magnus seemed a million miles away as he regarded the winter's day outside. His fingers idly tracing patterns upon the glass as they chased the snowflakes as they melted upon contact with the warmth of the glass. 

"Mags, are you alright?" He asked softly as he didn't want to startle his young lover. 

Magnus turned his head towards the bed and just gave Kurt a weak smile. He really didn't trust his voice right now, closing his eyes he let out a shakey breath as he looked away again. 

"Mags, please don't shut me out." Kurt said as he got up and made his way across to the chair and sank down to his knees. Reaching out he wrapped one arm around Magnus as his shoulders shook. "Hey, baby. Shhh its ok I'm right here. Can you tell me what is wrong?" Asked gently as he knew that Magnus needed to tell him in his own time. 

"The voice, it's back." Magnus whispered as he turned to look at Kurt with tear streaked cheeks. "Why won't it let me be happy?" 

"Mags, we need to talk to Rachel, you may just need something stronger to manage the voices. But rest assured that I will be by your side every step of the way." Kurt told him sincerely as he caressed his cheek gently, his eyes searching Magnus' frightened blue eyes. "No matter what it tries to tell you. Mags, baby, you need to know that I'm not going anywhere."

"Kurt, I'm scared that the medication will make me loose part of myself. I don't want to be a shell of myself just to keep them away. But it's so loud right now. I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight them again."

"I know baby, I know." Whispered as he brushed his thumb softly back and forth over his cheekbone. "I don't want you to feel like that either. Will you be alright here on your own for a few minutes? While I go and speak to the nurses and see if we can get Rachel to come to speak to you."

"Please try not to be too long." Magnus said as he leaned into the caress and let his eyes fall shut. 

"I'll be as quick as I can. I promise." Leaning over Kurt captured Magnus' lips in a gentle kiss. He felt a slight pang in his heart as his young love seemed hesitant to return the kiss with his usual passion. But he'd try not to let it get under his skin, Magnus was struggling again and he really didn't want to add to his already fragile distress. Ending the kiss, he got to his feet and made his way over to the door. Looking over his shoulder at Magnus he saw that he was worrying his bottom lip. "Mags it'll be ok. I promise. I'll be back in a few minutes."

***

Kurt held Magnus as he sat curled up against his chest, his head resting on his shoulder while he attempted to keep his young lover calm. He gently held one of Magnus' hands in his lap, fingers entwined so he could rub his thumb back and forth over his palm whilst they waited for Rachel to come down to speak to them. Kurt's other arm was around his shoulders, his fingers idly playing with the soft blond curls at the nape of his neck. 

He heard a soft but breathy sigh as Magnus snuggled closer, his nose brushing against his throat as he tried to get more comfortable. He had his earbuds in as he listened to his ipod, anything to try to block out the sounds of the voices that seemed to have returned to haunt his waking moments. 

Hearing a soft knock on the door, Kurt looked over at the door and patiently waited as the door opened slowly and he felt his own heart sink as he saw Toby peeking around the door as he nervously stood just inside the room. This was the last thing Magnus needed today, what with everything else that he had going on. 

"Can I get you both anything to drink?" Toby asked softly as he glanced over at Kurt briefly before his eyes flicked to Magnus. 

"Just our usual thank you." Kurt said as he felt his jealously flare as he saw Toby's eyes raking over Magnus' body. Especially when the younger man's eyes lingered too long on his crotch and the obvious signs of his lovers arousal. 

"Is Mags alright?" Toby asked as he noticed the tear stained cheeks as he looked up at his face again. 

"He will be." Kurt said as he wet his lower lip somewhat nervously. He knew that what he had to do next was for the best, but at the same time he really didn't want to cause the younger man any distress. He knew that it was likely going to be hard for Toby to hear. But he had to nip it in the bud now, before it became more of an issue between him and Magnus. "Toby, I know that you have very strong feelings for Magnus and he cares a great deal for you too. But I need you to take a step back, I'm so sorry but I am not comfortable sharing him with you sexually."

Toby's eyes fell from Kurt's face to look at Magnus. "Does he feel the same way? Was this a mutual agreement?" He asked his voice thick with emotion. 

"Toby, you have to understand that Magnus and I are in a committed relationship, that he's going through so much right now. He feels a closeness to you because of the shared traumatic experiences that you've been through. He's vulnerable right now and he's really scared that he's not being seen as a real man because he was raped, because another man took his trust and abused him in most horrific ways possible."

"He came on to me, it was him that touched me first, he wanted me to touch him, to give him comfort when you weren't there for him." Toby said seriously, he wasn't willing to give Magnus up without a fight. "If you are so against him being sexually with me then why have you just watched us together? You've not intervened before now. What has changed between you, that makes you unable to allow him to be himself, for him to find his pleasure when you're not here to comfort and soothe him." 

"Toby I thought that I would be alright with the two of you being intimate, but I was wrong. I can't watch Magnus with another man, I can't listen to him moan when another touches him and I certainly cannot bare to hear him beg another to make him cum, to let him find his release," Kurt said seriously as he continued to stroke Magnus' curls gently. "I freely admit that you are closer to his age, that you have the stamina and strength of youth on your side. But Toby he's my whole world. I will not share him. I'm sorry to hurt you but I will ask you again to leave him alone." 

"He needs to tell me himself that he no longer wants me. You said he wasn't your possession so I won't believe it until he tells me." Toby said, his voice coming out the most confident that Kurt had ever heard him.

"Toby don't test my patience. Mags doesn't need any more shit, he's got enough going on right now. Plus you do know how inappropriate it is for you to be engaged in a sexual relationship with him, given that he's a patient here. Its a gross misuse of your position." Kurt said his voice taking an almost threatening timbre to it as he regarded the younger man. 

"You led me on, both of you. He kissed me first and you encouraged it." 

"Don't fight please." Magnus whispered as he pulled the earbuds from his ears. Looking up he bit his lower lip nervously, before wetting it with his tongue. "Toby I'm so sorry that I led you on, that I used your feelings for me to get you into my bed. I care for you deeply but it's hurting Kurt and I don't want to do that." Magnus looked up at Toby, his eyes shining wetly with unshed tears. 

"You told me that he was alright with me being with you, that he was ok with you being intimate with me when he wasn't here. Magnus please don't throw what we have away. I love you. I love you so much." Toby cried as his own tears started to fall, he couldn't believe that they were doing this to him. He couldn't believe that Magnus had used him for past few weeks and now he was just going to throw it all away after he'd had his fun. "I.. I t... thought y... you w... were d... different M... Mags. Y... you t... told m... me t...that I... it wasn't just about sex." Toby said brokenly, his emotions taking over as he stepped towards the bed, reaching out to touch Magnus. 

"Toby I think you should leave. You're upsetting Magnus." Kurt said as he put his hand out to halt his approach. 

"It wasn't just sex. Toby I do care very deeply about you. I just have to do what's right for me..."

"Magnus he caused you to slice your body open because you thought he'd left you. How is he what's best for you?" Toby spat as he pushed Kurt's hand away, he grabbed Magnus by the arm.

Magnus flinched instantly and tried to pull away. His breathing became heavy as he couldn't get away from the tight hold on his arm. His eyes wide and filled with fear. Kurt's tightly held restraint snapped as he saw how distressed Magnus was becoming. 

"Toby that is uncalled for. Let him go now. I won't tell you again. It's over between you. So get your hands off him, now." Kurt growled as he moved to put himself between the two young men. 

"Don't come crying to me when he leaves you. Magnus he will cause you nothing but heartache." Toby snarled as he let go of Magnus and made a hasty retreat towards the door. 

"Get the fuck out of here." Kurt snapped as he felt Magnus move behind him into the small space behind him, doing everything possible to get away from the other man. 

"Magnus I hope that you come to your senses before its too late. You've got too much life to give to someone like him. He'll chew you up and spit you out. I just hope it doesn't cost your life, before you realise that." 

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Kurt screamed as he launched himself up off the bed, he saw red as followed Toby, he needed to get him away from Magnus and now. Kurt reached the door just as it started to close, grabbing the door he slammed it shut and took a deep breath to try and calm himself down before he turned around and made his way back to the bed. Magnus was curled up on himself his head buried in his knees as he clung to them and gently rocked back and forth. 

Kurt wet his bottom lip as he stopped beside the bed. He sat down slowly, hearing the bed creaking under his weight. "Mags, it's ok he's gone." Kurt reached out tentatively to touch Magnus on the back and he felt his heart clench as Magnus flinched away. A muffled sound escaping as he was touched. "Shhh it's ok, Mags, it's me Kurt." He whispered soothingly as he tried again. "I'm sorry that I shouted, I didn’t mean to scare you." Gently touching his soft curls he held his breath as Magnus lifted his head, tears streaming down his face, he threw himself at Kurt, sliding his arms around his neck as he buried his head into his chest. "Shh it's ok Mags, I've got you." Rubbing his hands gently up and down his back as he tried to soothe him.


	36. Chapter 36

Kurt look up as he heard light tapping on the door. He felt a relieved breath escape as he saw Sally as the door opened. He really couldn't be dealing with Toby again so soon. She smiled softly as she crossed the room holding two mugs.

"How are you feeling this morning Magnus?" She asked softly as crossed to the bed, setting the mugs on the bedside table. "Yours is the black mug Kurt." She told him as she watched as Magnus lifted his head from Kurt's chest. He looked at her through red rimmed eyes as he tried to give her a weak smile. 

"Thank you Sally." Kurt said as he rubbed his hand gently against his lovers back. "It's ok Mags." 

"I don't know, I... I just feel so dead inside." Magnus whispered as he ran one hand nervously through his soft curls. "It's so loud. I'm just so tired of fighting the voices all the time." 

"I know sweetheart, but you know that you have people who care very deeply for you and want you to get better." 

Magnus just nodded his head as he looked towards her, his soft curls bouncing with the action. The silvery tear tracks ran down his cheeks as Kurt took his hand in his. Feeling Kurt gently squeezing his hand he looked down at where their fingers lay entwined. "I know. I just don't know if I'm strong enough." Magnus admitted quietly, as he watched the rhythmic way Kurt's fingers brushed against his knuckles lightly. 

Sliding his free hand against Magnus' cheek, Kurt tilted his face to look at him, wetting his lower lip he gave him the best smile he could as tears began to fall down his own cheeks. "Mags, you are the bravest and strongest man I know. I love you unconditionally and I will be here for you every step of the way. I hope that we can grow old together, I want to watch our beautiful blue eyed, blond curly haired children take their first steps. I want to see you become the over protective daddy when our daughter goes on her first date. Or our son because I know that you'll be just as protective over him. God forbid anyone hurts your babies." Kurt murmured as he rubbed his thumb softly back and forth over Magnus' cheek. "Magnus, baby all of this i want with you. I can't imagine having any of this without you by my side. Please baby, if you've got it in you to fight, for yourself, for us and please for our future." Kurt leaned his head against Magnus' his forehead pressed against his as he continued to whisper how much he loved him, over and over while his hands continued to caress his cheek and hand. 

"You do know that I can't get pregnant right?" Magnus said with a laugh, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"Hmmm, I know, it's such a pity because I think you'd look pretty hot, round with our child growing inside you." Kurt said smiling as he returned Magnus' smile. His heart skipped a beat as he heared the laughter. It had been such a long time since he'd heard that from his young love. "But seriously Mags, I want it all with you."

"Kurt I... I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be in the right place mentally to have kids. It's not that I don't want..."

"Shhh Mags, it's alright I understand. I don't ever want you to feel like I am pressuring you. One step at a time baby, we'll go as slow as you need." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he leaned in and brushed his lips softly against Magnus' waiting patiently for him to respond. When Magnus finally return the kiss it's so soft and tentative its almost as if it's his loves first time and he's unsure if he's going to get a thump for daring to kiss the boy he's attracted to. Kurt slides his hand into the soft curls, as Magnus kisses him softly before he just pulls away and rests his forehead against his once more, breathing shallow as his eyes fall shut. Hearing a soft knock on the door Magnus pulls away from Kurt and looks towards the door, seemingly holding his breath until he sees that its only Rachel. It's only then that he let's out a shakey breath before he moves so that he's sat back against the pillows, his side pressed against Kurt once more. 

"Thank you Sally, I'll take it from here if there's nothing else." Rachel said as she walked into the room and moved to sit in the chair beside the bed. 

"I'll see you later Magnus." Sally says as she leaves them alone for the time being. 

"Magnus, Kurt tells me that you've been having trouble with the voices again. Are you hearing them right now, and if so can you tell me what they're saying?" Rachel asked softly as she watched the way he seemed to shrink into himself. She'd not seen him act like this, not since he'd first been admitted to the clinic.

Magnus looked over at Kurt briefly, biting his lower lip nervously before turning away, his fingers idly playing with the cuff of his cardigan as he pulled it down over his hands. "That Kurt's going to leave me because I can't give him children..." Magnus started only for Kurt to call his name in an attempt to reassure him. 

"Kurt please I know how difficult it is for you to hear, but please let Magnus speak. It's important that he gets this out into the open." Rachel said seriously as she shook her head. 

"That Kurt is going to get jealous and over protective over me whenever I look at another man. That he's going to get tired of fighting for me when I can't anymore, because I'm so very tired. Everything is just such an effort and I... I just don't know if I'm strong enough to fight. I just don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to be a burden to anyone else, especially to Kurt." Magnus whispered as he massaged the back of his hand, rubbing at his inflamed knuckles. "I... I'm s... scared that the voices are going to win." He said as he looked up, tears falling freely down his cheeks as he closed his eyes. 

Kurt looked at Magnus and he could feel his heart clench, his young love was so fragile right now and there was nothing he could do about it. How was he supposed to fight what he couldn't see or hear. He knew that some of his fears had risen because of his reaction to Toby, but he couldn't help the way he felt. He couldn't even promise that he'd not over react the next time an attractive guy hit on Magnus, or even if Magnus himself had been a little flirtatious. He'd seen the younger man pull out the charm to get information on cases, a little flirting often went a long way to gaining trust and often information that often wasn't forthcoming with the more straightforward policing. 

Kurt was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to do to help Magnus with his current insecurities. He looked at Rachel, begging silently with his eyes fir her to say something, to offer any advice on how this was going to get better. How they were going to be able to bring Magnus down from the proverbial edge. Kurt knew that Magnus was on the precipice and he could so easily be lost to all of them. 

"Magnus I understand how hard it is right now, everything is so overwhelming to you. I'm going to suggest that we try increasing the dosage of your anti depressants and I think that for the time being that you should receive our personal one to one counselling sessions three times a week. I want you to keep using your journal and for the time being I think it would be in the best interest for your health and wellbeing that Kurt's visits be limited to once a month." Rachel said seriously holding her hand up to stop Kurt from speaking as she saw him bristle at the suggestion. "I know that will be hard for you both, however Kurt I don't think that right now your own insecurities about your relationship are helping with Magnus' mental wellbeing."

"Will I still be able to call him?" Kurt asked as he looked over at Magnus who was still toying with the cuffs of his cardigan. He knew it was just one of his nervous habits. Magnus looked so young right now as he hung his head, with his eyes lowered to watch his nervous fingers. 

"You can, however I think for the time being that you should keep the contact to once a week, while we attempt to adjust the medication and get Magnus onto a more even keel. As right now it seems that the current insecurities are feeding into Magnus' own." 

"Ok." Kurt murmured, he didn't like it, but he would have to accept it if it helped Magnus with his recovery. 

"Magnus I will authorise the increase in your medication and we'll get that started tonight. Now if there's no other questions. I'll leave you to the rest of your visit." Rachel said as she got up from the chair, moving to take Magnus' chart with her. 

"Thank you, for everything."

"We'll get there eventually Magnus, it'll just take us some time and some more counselling, but it will get easier to manage." Rachel said as she regarded him closely. 

"Thanks." Magnus whispered without looking up. He heard the sound of Rachel's heels clicking against the linoleum as she left them alone once more.

"Alright, Mags you do know that I love you unconditionally and I don't ever want to do anything that is going to hurt you. I'm so sorry that I've been making things worse. I didn’t mean to." Kurt said softly as he reached out to still his lovers restless hands. "I don't ever want to cause you any heartache."

"I know that you didn't mean to." Magnus whispered as he looked up at Kurt, his soft blue eyes were scared. "Please don't give up on me." He begged as he lowered his eyes, as he felt the tears come again.

"Mags, I never could. You mean too much for me to throw it all away. Mags, baby you're stuck with me through thick and thin. Sickness and in health and all that mushy stuff." Kurt said, his voice catching slightly as he felt the emotions taking over. "Magnus you're my special boy. I love you so damned much." Cradling Magnus face with one hand while he gently squeezed his hand. 

"I... I love you too." Magnus whispered as he closed his eyes and turned his face to lean into Kurt's palm. He wanted to make the most of the contact with Kurt as it would all too soon be time for Kurt to leave again.


	37. Chapter 37

It had been an emotional few days and both Kurt and Magnus were feeling a little delicate, their emotions high as they got ready to say their farewells. Magnus with his sleep tousled golden curls, stood barefoot and shirtless, his soft black sleep pants slung low on his hips as he stood before his older lover. Kurt was fully dressed which was a rarity during his visits of late but he knew that things had changed again, he just hoped that this time would be the one where the real breakthroughs would be made. Magnus deserved that, he'd already been through so much already. 

Kurt wrapped his arms around Magnus, his hands smoothing down the planes of his back, feeling the warmth from his skin against his palms while he stepped closer to him. He moved his hands downwards, slipping them into his sleep pants to gently cup his bum, giving it a teasing squeeze. 

"Don't tease me please." Magnus murmured as he brought his hands up to Kurt's chest, fisting his lover's navy sweater.

"I'm sorry, its not my intention, I just can't help wanting to feel your gorgeous arse one last time before I leave." Kurt murmured as he eased his hands from inside Magnus' sleep pants letting the settle on his hips, his thumbs stroking back and forth on the soft flesh. 

Magnus clung to Kurt tightly, his cheeks wet with tears as he looked into his soft eyes. "Promise me, that you'll come back. That you're not going to forget about me and leave me alone here indefinitely." Magnus begged softly. 

"Shhh, I'm coming back I promise you. Mags, baby I could never forget you." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he brushed one hand against his lover's cheek, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone. While he pulled him closer to him, their bodies touching as much as was humanly possible. "How could I ever forget my beautiful boy, my gorgeous boyfriend."

Magnus smiled softly at his lovers words, while he gripped his sweater tightly in his hands. "You really mean that. You're not just telling me what you think I want to hear?"

"Magnus look at me, wild horses couldn't stop me from returning to you. I meant everything I said. You are unforgettable and you're constantly on my mind. I promise you baby, I'm coming back." 

Lifting his head up Magnus looked at Kurt's face, trying to detect any falsehood in his words, but even as the voice told him differently, he could see nothing but love in the older man's eyes. It really was true what they said, love was visible in a man's eyes. Licking his lower lip Magnus let out a soft sigh as he felt Kurt lean in to press his forehead against his while be continued with his soothing caress upon his cheek and his lower back. 

"Mags, baby you're my whole world and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I need you in my life and not a moment goes by that you're not front and centre of my thoughts. You're the first thing I think of when I wake and you're the last thought before I sleep." Kurt said seriously as he could feel Magnus' hot breath, ghost against his lips as he brought his hand up from his lower back to tangle in the beautiful golden curls. "I love you Magnus, I love you so damned much. It's tearing me apart that I have to leave you here. But I know that you have to get better. You need to concentrate on you, you need to heal. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to waste any more time because I was being selfish." Brushing his lips against his gently, the softest of kisses placed against his lovers. "You need to let Rachel help you to heal. Please baby let her help you."

Kurt felt Magnus nod, as his eyes drifted shut. Exhaling softly he ran his hand through the curls, he brushed his fingers lightly over the nape of his neck. "I love you so much." Kissing Magnus with everything that he had, he knew in his heart that this was for the best. That although it would hurt to leave his lover here alone. That it was what he desperately needed to try to overcome the trauma he'd suffered. If he could of taken Magnus home with him and just kept him cocooned from the world, secure in the knowledge that it would solve all of his lovers problems then he would of. But Kurt knew that Magnus needed to let the professionals help him. He just prayed that his lover was strong enough to fight his demons. "I love you Mags, don't forget that."

"I love you too." Magnus whispered, his voice thick with emotion as tears streaked down his face. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. I'll see you soon." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he placed one last kiss to his young loves lips before moving to pick up his jacket from the chair. 

"Kurt, please can you leave me your sweater?" Magnus asked gently as he followed him with his eyes. Nibbling on his lower lip he knew that it might sound childish to ask that of his lover, but the scent of him on his clothes comforted him in the darkness when he was alone.

Kurt smiled softly as he pulled his sweater off without a second thought, and handed it to his lover. He watched as Magnus lifted it up to his face and buried his nose into the soft wool. Pulling on his coat, Kurt grabbed his bag and made his way across the room, he stopped at his lover's side and gently caressed his cheek once more. "Thank you. I guess this is goodbye." Magnus whispered as he looked up at Kurt. 

"Not goodbye, just see you later. Goodbye is too final." Kurt told him sincerely. 

Magnus wet his bottom lip as he watched Kurt cross to the door, as the older man stopped on the threshold of the room, holding the door open he turned to give one last look towards him, "I love you baby. I'll see you soon." 

Smiling softly Magnus nodded as didn't trust his own voice. Retuning his smile Kurt turned and left him, the door swinging closed behind him, clutching the navy sweater tightly he crossed to the bed and curled up on his side, his face buried in the soft garment. 

***

Kurt made his way out of the hospital and pulled his coat tighter around himself as the frigid winter air hit him. He made his way carefully across the car park, careful not to slip on the snow and ice. Stopping at the car he unlocked the door and tossed his bag into the footwear on the passenger side. He turned briefly to look up towards the third floor windows, hoping that he might get one last look at his lover before he left, but the window was sadly vacant. 

Getting into the car he sighed as he clutched the steering wheel tightly as he closed his eyes, feeling his own tears falling down his cheeks. He felt his chest aching already from what was going to be the longest few weeks of his life. 'Please, if you can hear me, if you're really out there listening. Take care of Magnus for me, give him the strength he needs to get through this.' He thought as he looked up into the heavens. 'Please don't take him away from me now that I've found him,' It couldn't hurt to ask for some divine intervention. 

Brushing the tears from his cheeks Kurt, took a deep breath and started on the long drive back to Ystad.


	38. Chapter 38

It had been two weeks since Kurt had last seen Magnus and he was stressed out with the current case, it seemed to be going nowhere. None of the leads had amounted to anything and all the witnesses were of very little help. Running his hand through his hair in irritation Kurt stared at the computer before him, hoping that by some magic something would show up, anything that meant he could escape from the four walls of his office and the close scrutiny of his colleagues. He really didn't know how much more he could take of their pitying looks and that was before they'd started to gossip amongst themselves about Magnus' absence of late. 

It had taken every ounce of his willpower not to go off on one of the young cadets when he'd overheard them bring up Magnus' assault at the hospital. He was absolutely pissed that his lover was the subject of office gossip and more so because of the jest that had gone with the innocuous question of asking if he was ill or on holiday from the petite brunette whom he'd seen flirting with his lover a few weeks before their lives had been changed irreparably. It was bad enough that Magnus' own colleagues talked about him in hushed tones, but knowing that his lovers private life was the subject of gossip for the whole station was really starting to grate on Kurt's fragile mind. 

***

Magnus sat on his bed, cross legged as he waited somewhat anxiously for one of the nursing staff to come to let him know that Rachel was ready for his appointment. He looked up when he heard a soft knock on his door and he gave a weak smile as Sally stuck her head around the door with her hand over her eyes.

"Magnus, are you decent?" She asked softly as she waited for him to answer her. 

"You're safe Sal, I'm fully clothed." He said laughing quietly as he moved to the edge of the bed and slipped on some soft canvas trainers. 

"Rachel's ready for you sweetheart. Have you got everything that you need?" Sally asked as she stepped into his room, removing her hand from her eyes. She smiled as she watched as Magnus moved to the chair beside the window and picked up his journal. Sally couldn't help noticing how sharp Magnus' cheekbones were, standing out much more prominent than how he'd looked from when she'd last seen him a couple of weeks before. "Have you lost weight?" 

"I guess." Magnus said shifting slightly from one floor to the other as he pulled the sleeves of his favourite black cardigan down over his hands, before pulling it closer to his chest as he wrapped his arms around himself. His notebook clutched against his chest. His soft grey sleep pants hung low on his hips. 

"He'd want you to stay healthy sweetheart. He loves you dearly." She told him as she held the door for him so he could follow her from the ward and to Rachel's office. 

"I know he would, I'm not doing it on purpose. But the medication makes me nauseous. I have trouble keeping things down." Magnus whispered as he ran one hand through his hair, his fingers idly playing with his curls as he followed Sally, trying to ignore the looks of other patients and their visitors as they walked passed him in the corridor. 

"Have a word with Rachel about the nausea, we can't have you wasting away now can we. I don't want your boyfriend complaining about us not feeding you properly. He looks like he can be quite scary when he wants to be." Sally said as she tried to lighten the mood. 

"He's not as scary as he looks, he's a Teddy bear at heart." Magnus said smiling as he thought about Kurt. But the smile quickly vanished as he saw Toby ahead of him in the corridor with the tea trolley. He'd not seen the other man since Kurt had confronted him about their relationship. 

Wetting his bottom lip, Magnus moved to the others idea of the corridor so Toby could pass by easily. His heart was hammering in his chest the closer Toby got to him. He could see the way his eyes raked over his body as he got nearer. The way he was looking at him, made Magnus feel uncomfortable. It was almost as if he'd not eaten in days and he'd just spotted a morsel of food. It made Magnus' skin crawl especially when he saw the way Toby's lips curled up into a salacious smile. Magnus really didn't want to have this confrontation in the hallway where anyone could see them. 

"If you don't mind me asking Magnus, where did you and Kurt meet?" Sally asked as she noticed the way his shoulders had tensed as he moved in front of her to avoid the tea trolley. 

"We work together, we're both police officers." Magnus said as he turned so his back was flat against the wall of the corridor as he looked at Sally. "Kurt is a detective inspector, so technically he's more senior in the force." Magnus said letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as Toby passed by with nothing more than a passing glance. 

"That must be pretty tough on a relationship, constantly worrying that one of you might get hurt in the line of duty." Sally said softly as she lightly touched his arm as she came to stand beside him now that they were alone as much as the main corridor allowed anyway. 

"It can be, but I don't get out in the field much, I'm usually manning the phones and doing the computer leg work, the technological side of things that Kurt and the rest of the team aren't as adept at. I just have an affinity for the grunt work some would say. I've got a good eye for the details Kurt tells me at least. Well when he's not got me searching through bins for incriminating documents that may have been tossed in a hurry." Magnus said with a smile as he recalled an incident where he'd had to climb into several dumpsters and he'd ended up covered in all manner of revolting detritus. It was one of the first times Kurt had told him that he'd been proud of him for just getting stuck in and it was because of the paperwork he'd discovered and painstakingly pieced back together that they'd apprehended the suspect. 

Feeling the light touch he glanced down to where Sally's hand was resting on the crook of his arm, he looked up and smiled softly as he stepped away from her and started to walk beside her once more. "Have you and Kurt been together long?" Sally asked gently as she saw him reach up and rub at his neck as he glanced at her again. "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I'm just being nosey."

"Um, it's not been that long, a little over a couple of months now. But we'd both had feelings for one another for a lot longer but were both too blind to see the others attraction." Running his fingers nervously through his soft curls, Magnus felt his cheeks flush as he recalled his and Kurt's first night together. 

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry if I've overstepped and made you uncomfortable." Sally said softly as she saw how pink his cheeks had become.

"It's alright, Rachel said that I needed to talk more about my feelings. Said it would help to vocalise the things that made me happy as a way to combat the negative voices." Biting his lower lip momentarily he glanced towards the window seeing the garden space outside with the trees heavy with snow. Wetting his lip he turned away and continued along the corridor. "Kurt actually picked me up in a bar, we've been together since." He said blushing as he turned away and wrapped his arms around himself once more. "I miss him so much." He murmured as he followed Sally towards Rachel's office. 

"I know sweetheart. He misses you too. He calls every day to check how you're doing you know. Even though Rachel has told him that we'd be in touch if anything changes. He loves you so much. That much I can tell, just from the way he speaks about you not to mention the way he looks at you when he thinks no ones looking. You've got a good one there honey."

"He really calls every day?" Magnus asked turning to look at Sally as they stopped outside Rachel's office. 

"Yes, he cares about you so much." Sally said as she felt her own heart clench at the uncertainty in they younger man's eyes, his eyes pleading with her to not lie to him. "Sweetheart if he hadn't been told to keep his contact to once weekly for calls and once a month for his visits. He'd call you and speak to you personally every day to check on you." 

"Thank you for telling me that, I do appreciate it. The voices don't help me to trust my feelings and I often question if he truly wants me when I'm so messed up. The voices tell me that he's staying with me out of pity, because no one else is going to want me after I've been violated, once people might forgive but it's not just the once." Magnus said, barely above a whisper as he knocked on Rachel's office door and waited patiently. 

"Oh sweetheart, anyone would be lucky to have someone like you in their lives, and it's obvious to anyone who has seen Kurt when he's with you that he loves you unconditionally." Sally told him sincerely. She knew that it was common for the young men she cared for in the clinic to experience the self doubt and the very real insecurities that came from being a rape survivor. Hearing Rachel call for Magnus to enter, she put her hand lightly in Magnus' elbow. "Go on in sweetheart, and just ask Rachel to call down to the ward when you're finished and I'll come back to get you. It's going to be alright, I promise."

"Thank you Sal." Magnus said as he gripped the door handle tightly, giving her one last look he let out a deep breath before he opened the door and stepped inside.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry they made me do it.
> 
> Toby pushes his luck and attempts to assault Mags

Kurt rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, his head was pounding from staring at the computer screen although the report he'd been trying to read for the past hour made about as much sense to him as a chocolate fireguard. Most of the details he didn't understand nore would he, computer related information was one of Magnus' areas of speciality. Had his lover been here he would have been able to make sense of the gobbledygook and put it into terms that he'd be able to understand. Essentially dumbing it down to layman's terms. But he wasn't here and Kurt didn't want to have to admit that he was loosing his mind slowly bit by bit every day that they were apart. He tugged on the hairs at the nape of his neck as he glanced up and out of the window, watching as the snow continued to fall, getting steadily heavier. 

He'd print out the information and take it home with him, to see if being away from all the chitter chatter of the colleagues would allow him to concentrate more. He doubted that it would make much difference but he had to try. Just as he clicked on the icon to print out the report, the computer screen went black, nothing happened, there was no signs of life as he moved the mouse frantically upon the mouse mat. "Damn it all to hell." Kurt growled as he shoved his chair back causing it to scrape across the floor. He got to his feet and stalked out of his office, headed straight to the coffee machine, rubbing tiredly at the back of his neck. 

Reaching the coffee machine Kurt felt his temper rise, the pot was empty. "For fucks sake how hard is it to refill the bloody machine when you empty it!" He snarled as he slammed his cup down on the surface. 

"Kurt?"

"What!" He snapped as he turned to look out into the communal area, seeing Lisa standing there, he felt himself flushing with slight embarrassment at his outburst. Seeing Anne-Britt and Svedburg looking at him with concerned faces he rubbed at the back of his neck tiredly while taking a deep breath. 

"Kurt, my office please." Lisa said softly, it wasn't an order, more of a request, but he knew better than to not follow her across the room and into the office. 

Kurt entered the office and sank down into one of the chairs rubbing at the bridge of his nose he sighed. Listening to the sound of the door closing behind Lisa, then the soft click clack of her heels on the linoleum as she rounded her desk and sat down opposite him.

"Kurt this has got to stop. You're a mess right now and you can't keep taking it out on everyone else. I know you're frustrated and hurting right now."

"Of course I'm frustrated, you would be too in my situation. I can't go anywhere in the station without overhearing people discussing Mags assault. If they're not doing that they're making derogatory comments about him." Kurt growled as he looked up and regarded Lisa closely. 

"Kurt you can't protect him, nor can you stop people from gossiping. I'll do what I can to try and stop the discussion of what happened to him and anything else. But Kurt you need to pull yourself together. You're a senior detective here, you need to act appropriately." Lisa said softly but seriously as she regarded her friend and colleague. She could see the dark circles around his eyes and the wrinkles in his shirt and jacket. She'd put money on him having slept in his clothes again and he was more than likely drinking again. 

"So I'm not allowed to be angry on his behalf? You know that he'd hate to know that everyone is talking about him and one of the most traumatic experiences anyone could ever go through. You know how private he is." Kurt said running his hand angrily through his hair. 

"That's not what I'm saying, and you know damned well know that Kurt. But you have a responsibility to your job, when you're in this building you have to be a good example to the others." Lisa said putting her hands on the desk in front of her, she let out a soft sigh as she watched her friend. "I know you're hurting and frustrated, but its for the best. You know that Magnus needs to be at the clinic, you have to let him heal in his own time. Kurt, I'm saying this as your friend, you really need to get some sleep and please go easy on the drink." Holding her hand up to halt his protests, as she saw him open his mouth. "Kurt, you're no good to anyone right now, least of all Magnus. You know that it would kill him to know that you were drinking again because of him. I putting you on compassionate leave, effective immediately. Go home and sort yourself out, Magnus is going to need you when he gets out."

Kurt rubbed at his face tiredly, pushing the chair back he stood up and made his way to the door. "I'm sorry. Oh someone needs to check on the computer in my office. The damned thing isn't working." Kurt murmured as he opened the office door and made his way to collect his coat and keys. 

***

Magnus' eyes fluttered open slowly as he woke from the first peaceful sleep he'd had in some time as he heard someone knocking on the door to his room Magnus looked over at the door, stifling a yawn as he looked through bleary eyes to see who it was that had disturbed his sleep. He pushed himself up so he was sitting with his back against the headboard, running one hand through his curls before rubbing at his tired eyes. The door opened slowly and Magnus felt his breath catch as he saw Toby enter carrying a mug. 

Magnus pulled his knees up close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, in an attempt to make himself appear as small as possible. He wet his bottom lip as he watched the younger man as if he were a cat was stalking his prey. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was certain that Toby must be able to hear it over the deathly silence in the room. 

"Mags I bought you some coffee how you like it." Toby said as he set the mug down onto the over bed table. "How are you doing? I've missed our visits." His eyes roamed up and down Magnus' body as he stood beside the bed. "I've missed us."

"Don't do this please. Tee there isn't an us any longer." Magnus said softly as he bit his lower lip as he watched the other man. 

"Mags, please we were so good together. He doesn't understand you the same way I do. He couldn't possibly understand what you went through." Toby moved closer to the bed causing Magnus to flinch as he wasn't sure what he was going to do. "Mags, baby its me. You know that I'd never hurt you. I love you."

"Tee, please I'm with Kurt. I'm sorry that you got hurt, you know that I never wanted to hurt you. But there isn't an us. We can't be together because I love Kurt." Magnus said firmly, he knew that he had to make Toby understand that this had to stop. 

"Mags you're such a cock tease, its no wonder you're in here. Men like you deserve everything that happens to you." Toby said, his voice low with a hint of bitterness to it as he reached out and grasped Magnus by the wrist, squeezing it tightly, his fingers digging in so he could feel the bones beneath his digits. 

"Tee please, don't do this, it's not you." Magnus begged as he felt his breath catching as he tried not to let his fear overwhelm him. He knew that he could physically overpower the other man, but the fear coursing through his veins kept him immobilised. "Tee, please stop this madness." 

"Shhh, you're going to be alright. You and me are so good together," Toby said as he brought his other hand up to caress Magnus' cheek tenderly, fingers teasingly caressing his jaw as Magnus tried to put his head away. Gripping his jaw tightly Toby smiled as he heard the startled whimper escape from Magnus' lips. "The way your breath hitches right before you cum. I can be your Daddy if that's what you need."

"Don't do this. Please..." Magnus whispered as he tried unsuccessfully to get free of Toby's grip. His eyes filled with tears as he couldn't get his body to react, he could only beg the other man and hope he came to his senses before he did something that he'd regret. "Tee please..."

Magnus started only to be cut off as Toby's lips crashed against his, Magnus tried to struggle to get free, but the brown haired man moved his hand from his jaw and wrapped it around his throat and began to squeeze firmly, making him panic. Magnus reached up with his free hand trying desperately to get Toby to let him free. He hit him across the back as he struggled, but he knew it was futile as Toby only squeezed tighter, until Magnus stopped struggling against him. 

Magnus felt the panic rising as his vision started to blur, he knew he was going to pass out, but he couldn't afford to let that happen because he didn't know what Toby was willing to do to him. Stealing a kiss was one thing, but would he be willing to do more. Magnus really wasn't keen on finding out how much further the other was willing to go. 

"P... p... please..."Magnus begged his voice strained as his windpipe was constricted. Tears ran down his cheeks as he dropped his hand down to the mattress beside him. Hoping that if he relaxed that Toby would ease up. Magnus couldn't hear anything over the pounding of his heart beat in his ears but he felt Toby's grip slacken and Magnus took his chance and used all the strength he had left to headbutt Toby hard. 

"You fucking bastard!" Toby snarled as his hands flew up to his face as he reached for his broken nose, blood pouring down his face. "You're going to wish you'd never met me."

Magnus scrambled backwards off the bed, falling hard onto the floor, he got up as quickly as he could, his breathing wragged as he used his height to his advantage as he ran for the door, yanking it hard, he screamed as Toby grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back into the room. Magnus put all his weight onto his left hip where it was pressed against the door and he kicked out with his right leg. His foot connected with Toby's knee with a sickening crunch, causing the brown hair man to fall to the ground, his agonizing moans filling the air as Magnus pulled the door open and fell into the floor in the ward. 

His breathing was heavy as he scrabbled backwards on the floor, his fear filled eyes, fixed on the open doorway to his room where he could see Toby staring at him with hate filled eyes. He couldn't hear anything over his heartbeat as he backed up, letting out a strangled moan as his back made contact with the curtain and the footboard of the bottom of the bed in the cubicle opposite his room. 

He didn't hear the sound of the curtain being pulled open in a hurry and Magnus flinched as he felt someone touch his shoulder, instantly pulling away he tried to get away from whomever it was that was trying to touch him. 

"Hey, shhh it's ok, I've got you, you're going to be OK." Sally said as she knelt down beside Magnus, pulling him into her arms. "Shhh it's ok sweetheart." She murmured as he clung to her tightly his eyes still firmly fixed on the figure in his room. Feet thundered down the corridor to stop beside them. Sally was relieved to see Brian and Nick, standing beside them. 

"What happened?" Brian asked as he looked down at Magnus whose face was covered in blood, although his skin was ashen, he was trembling in terror as he starred off into the distance. 

"I heard him scream and then he was out here, something happened in his room, Nick can you check out his room, I'm sure I heard someone else screaming." Sally said as she looked up at the dark haired nurse. "Brian give me a hand will you. I need to get him off the floor and we need to get him checked out. I'm pretty certain that its not his blood but we need to be sure. I think he's in shock."


	40. Chapter 40

Kurt could hear his phone ringing as he approached the door, he quickly unlocked the door and rushed inside to grab the phone. "Wallander." He said a little out of breath as he answered. He sat down heavily in the chair beside the desk. 

"Hi Kurt, it's Rachel..."

"Is he ok?" Kurt asked cutting her off as he felt his heart pounding in his chest, he closed his eyes and silently prayed. 'Please god let him be alright.'

"Kurt, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there was an incident and I'm really not one hundred percent sure what happened exactly but Magnus has had to be heavily sedated for his own safety." Rachel explained, her voice even and serious.

"Rachel please, is he alright?" Kurt asked as he felt his chest tightening and he gripped the phone tightly. 

"He's physically fine, but he's going to have some bruising to his throat..."

"Jesus, he didn't try..." Kurt started, his mind jumping to wild conclusions at hearing bruising around the throat. He bit back a sob as his mind was assaulted with thoughts of Magnus. 'He wouldn't try to take his own life, would he? Everything seemed to be getting back on track.'

"No, he didn't. He was assaulted by a member of the day staff. Magnus broke the guys nose and also tore the ligaments in his knee when he dislocated it while defending himself." Rachel explained as she heard Kurt struggling to hold it together. 

"I need to know that he's alright. Can I come to see him?" Kurt asked, unable to hide the fear in his voice. He knew that Magnus would need him now. 

"Kurt normally I'd say not right now, but I honestly have genuine fears about Magnus. He's in a very fragile state right now and I honestly think he would benefit from having you come to him, to let him know that he's not alone and that he can trust you at least not to hurt him." 

"Rachel, please tell me honestly, I need to know, did they rape him?" Kurt asked, biting his lower lip as he closed his eyes. 

"There's no signs of sexual assault, but I fear had Magnus not fought back then that would have been the outcome. Luckily it's just bruising. I'm so sorry Kurt, I don't know what happened, it's all so out of character for the member of staff involved. I really am so sorry." Rachel explained hearing the relieved breath as Kurt listened on the other end of the phone. 

"Please let Mags know that I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can." Kurt murmured as he ran his hand over his face tiredly, his eyes were filled with unshed tears, he was just relieved that they'd not raped his boy again. 

"I'll let him know, and I really am so sorry that this happened." Rachel said before hanging up. 

Kurt ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he made his way into his bedroom, hurriedly he changed out of his work clothes and pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Before he pulled open the closet in search of another sweater and his rucksack. He quickly shoved in a change of clothes and some fresh sleep pants and a t-shirt. Grabbing his phone charger he stuffed it into the bag along with the paperback and his glasses. He dropped the rucksack in the hall as he rushed into the bathroom to relieve himself. Once satisfied that he had everything he made his way out to the car so he could mske the long journey to the clinic. He knew he'd be driving all night, but he would do anything to make sure that he was there for Magnus. 

***

Kurt tried to stifle the yawn as he pulled into the parking space outside of the clinic, he was so tired but he wouldn't be able to sleep until he'd seen Magnus and assured himself that his lover was truly alright. Kurt made his way up to the third floor, the rucksack slung over one shoulder as he leaned heavily against the wall as he pressed the intercom and waited for someone to answer. 

"Hello, how can I help." A rich male voice asked through the speaker. 

"Kurt Wallander, I'm here to see my partner, Magnus Martinsson." Kurt said tiredly as he stood to his full height as he heard the door buzz, allowing him entrance. Kurt made his way on to the ward, he made his way slowly up to the nurses station to sign in. The soft lighting on the darkened ward was a little foreboding, but Kurt was used to the darkness that seemed to haunt him in both his career and also in his relationships. "How's he doing?" Kurt asked as he looked at the dark haired man behind the desk when he looked up at him as he signed the log.

"I'll be honest, he's been better. We've had to sedate him for his own safety as much as our own." Brian said sincerely. "Physically he's fine, although he's got some bruising to his right wrist and to his throat. It's mentally that has us worried. Sally's in with him at the moment. It was the only way that he'd go back in his room."

"Can you tell me who assaulted him?" Kurt asked, although he was certain that he already knew who it had been. He bit his lower lip as he waited. 

"I'm sorry to say that it was Toby, the young man who brings round the tea and coffee. He'd been really close to Magnus, so it came out of the blue, given his own past. He's under guard on another ward, there's no way that he's going to get back into this ward or to Magnus again." Brian explained as he looked at Kurt and could see just how tired the older man was. He could also see the worry etched on his face. 

Kurt just nodded, there really wasn't anything that he could say. They'd done everything that they had in their power to protect Magnus and he was secure in the knowledge that it would not be allowed to happen again to another patient. "Thank you for everything you have done for him. I truly appreciate it and I know that Mags appreciates it too. He might not be able to express that right now but I know that he'd want to thank you for being so quick to respond when he needed help. Now, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to go to him now." 

"No of course go on through. Sally is sitting with him. If you need anything, anythingat all don't hesitate to ask." Brian said seriously as Kurt set the pen down on the desk. 

"Would it be possible to get a strong black coffee? It's been a very long day."

"Sure, I'll have some get you one, and bring it through."

"Thank you." Kurt said running his hand through his hair before making his way across to Magnus' room. He knocked softly on the door before opening it. As he entered he saw Sally push herself up so she was sitting comfortably. 

"Sorry I must have dozed off. It's been a long day but I promised him that I'd stay with him until you got here." Sally said softly as she looked at Kurt. 

"It's ok, I appreciate you staying on after your shift to stay with him. How is he doing really?" Kurt asked as he looked at Magnus as he lay curled up on his side, he had his arms wrapped around a pillow that was hugged tightly against his chest. Kurt crossed to the bed and set his bag on the floor, he reached out tentatively and ran his fingers lightly through Magnus' curls. "Hey baby, you're safe now. I won't let anyone hurt you again." He murmured as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.

"He's not doing too good. Rachel gave him a heavy sedative, so he's going to be out for most of the night. Just don't be alarmed if he's a little stand offish when he comes round. He's physically fine besides the bruising, but mentally he's not good." Sally said softly as she got to her feet as she heard a soft knock on the door. She crossed to it and opened the door while Kurt continued to tenderly caress Magnus' cheek. "Thank you. Kurt here's your coffee. If there's nothing else I'm going to leave the two of you alone."

Kurt made his way to Sally and took his coffee mug. "Thank you again for everything." Kurt said sincerely, he watched Sally nod her head, she blushed a little as she looked over at Magnus' sleeping form. 

"I'm just sorry this happened to him. He's been through so much already." 

"It's not your fault. No one could possibly know that Toby would have attacked him. You should go home, you must be exhausted." Kurt murmured as he would allow Sally to blame herself for what had happened. If anyone was to blame it was him for allowing Magnus to become involved with Toby sexually. 

"Goodnight Kurt, look after him, he's going to need you now more than ever." Sally said as she stepped into the ward, giving Kurt a soft smile as she shut the door behind her.

Kurt went and picked up his rucksack and made his way Iver to the chair. Setting it on the chair he put his coffee down on the cabinet before quickly changing into his own sleep pants and t-shirt. He put his phone on silent and plugged the charger in, before picking up his coffee, he took a big drink of it as he watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Magnus' chest as he slept peacefully.

Finishing his coffee, Kurt pulled the blankets down and slipped into the bed behind Magnus, sliding his arm around his waist, his hand coming to rest over his lovers he twined his fingers through his lightly and pressed his lips softly against his cheek. "It's ok Mags, I'm here."  
Laying his head down against the pillow Kurt sighed as the stresses of the day finally started to ease as he lay with his lover in his arms. There was no where he'd rather be right now. Magnus needed him and he let out a breathy moan as he moved slightly in his sleep. The sedation keeping him in his slumber. "Shhh Baby, Daddy's here. No one's going to hurt you."


	41. Chapter 41

Magnus woke up and felt himself flinch as he felt the heavy arm slung around his waist. His heart was hammering in his chest as his thoughts began to race. Had he been dreaming that he'd escaped from Toby's intentions, biting his lower lip he turned his head slowly as he needed to know that he was safe. He felt the tears prickling at his eyes as he saw the familiar face of his lover, his features softened by sleep. Magnus felt a wave of emotions pass through him and he couldn't help the relieved sob that escaped as he moved his other arm so he was holding Kurt's arm against his stomach tightly. It hadn't just been some horrible nightmare that he'd been unable to wake from. If Kurt was here Toby really had tried to force himself on him. The tears ran freely as his mind raced through the broken memories of the night before. 

"Mags, its ok. I'm here now." Kurt murmured sleepily as he woke, feeling his heart constrict as he heard his lovers soft sobs. He felt the younger man's body shaking with the release of emotions. "Hey it's alright, I won't let anyone hurt you again." Magnus turned over and wrapped himself around Kurt, burying his head in Kurt's neck, as he completely fell apart. 

***

Kurt stayed with Magnus in his room for the the rest of the week, although he really wasn't sure if his presence really made that much difference as the younger man was so withdrawn and tired. He rarely smiled anymore and it hurt Kurt to know that he was partially to blame, if he'd not encouraged Magnus in his pursuit of Toby, then Magnus might not have withdrawn again. Not that he could blame him, the damage had already been done by Richard and then Klaus. Toby had just been the proverbial straw that had broken his beautiful boy down irreparably. 

In Magnus' most lucid moments he begged repeatedly for Kurt to take him home, to help him leave the clinic. He wanted the safety of being in his own space, where no one could intrude without his say so. Where no one would touch him or look at him with pity in their eyes whenever they entered his room. He didn't want to be a victim, he just wanted to be plain old Magnus again, he wanted to be useful and not such a burden on everyone around him. But most of all he just wanted to be home where no one existed but the two of them. 

The next four months passed by agonisingly slowly as Rachel had insisted on them having time apart to try and get Magnus adjusted to the medication, and being on his own again. She'd told them both that it was important for Magnus to get used to being apart as there would be days when Kurt would have to work late, or leave in the middle of the night because of work. 

***

Kurt was slightly anxious as he pulled into the car park of the clinic, Rachel had called him two days before his visit to tell him that she was happy that Magnus had progressed enough to spend Christmas at home with him, to give Magnus a little of his freedom back, a positive rewarding experience for all of his hard work over the past few months. Kurt smiled as he made his way into the clinic, for the first time in months he had a feeling of relief, that things were finally starting to look up. 

"Kurt Wallander, I'm here to see my partner Magnus Martinsson." He said as he spoke into the intercom, waiting to be buzzed into the secure unit. 

"Hi Kurt, come on through." Sally said brightly as her boiler came through the speaker before it buzzed, unlocking the door for him. 

Kurt made his way onto the ward and over to the nurses station. It was decorated with tinsel and a garland of greenery with red bows, gold baubles and silver bells. A few Christmas cards stood on the desks between the computer monitors. He couldn't believe that it was almost Christmas already Magnus had spent so much time in the hospital and the clinic that it felt at times like the year had come and gone in a blur of white walls and endless commutes to and from Ystad. 

Kurt smiled as he saw Sally wearing a Santa hat on her head, he couldn't help it. Christmas really hadn't been this important to him since Linda was a kid. "Hey Sally, how's he doing today?" Kurt ask as he pulled the sign in log towards him. 

"He's excited about being able to come home for Christmas. I've not seen him this happy in ages, he's not stopped talking about going home. I think he's a little nervous about it all. But he's covering it well with his nervous energy." Sally said smiling brightly. 

"I know how he feels, I've been getting everything ready for his return home. I wanted to make it a good experience for him, something that he's going to remember when he has to come back in the new year. Rachel said that if it all goes well he could be allowed home for Valentines too." Kurt said seriously, unable to hide his own excitement and his smile.

"This will be good for him, for you both. Letting you see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that it is possible to carry on after the trauma that Magnus has been through. That this doesn't have to define him." Sally said softly as she put her hand over Kurt's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you Sally for everything. I really appreciate it. I know that Mags does too." 

"It's what we're here for. Now go on and get your man." 

Kurt felt himself blushing as he turned to make his way over to Magnus' room. He knocked softly on the door before opening it slowly. As he stepped over the threshold into the room, the door still held in one hand he felt his face break into a full grin as he felt Magnus wrapping his arms around him. 

"Hey, baby." Kurt murmured as he brought his hands up to tangle in Magnus golden curls as he leaned in to brush his lips against his lovers gently. Magnus deepened the kiss, as he clung to him tightly. Magnus hadn't been this animated in months and Kurt groaned into the kiss as he felt his lover nip at his bottom lip as he pulled away breathing heavily. "I see someone's happy to see me." Kurt said as he rubbed his hands down his lover's back, his hands settling upon his perfect rear, gently pulling him closer. He could feel Magnus' arousal as he pressed against him.

"Hmm, I'm happy to see you too." Magnus said, his cheeks colouring slightly as he blushed furiously. "I'm a little over excited, um yeah. Sorry."

"Hey, none of that. You're allowed to be excited about coming home for Christmas." Kurt said as he brought one hand back up to cradle Magnus' cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb softly back and forth over his cheekbone. "Are you ready to go home?"

"I've been ready for hours." Magnus said with a grin, running his hand through his curls he bit his lower lip as he looked into Kurt's eyes, he blushed a new. "It's silly I know, but I feel like a kid at Christmas, so excited to get out of here for a few days."

"It's alright I completely understand. I've missed you so much. Do you have everything ready?"

"I'm just waiting for my meds." Magnus and looked away momentarily, biting his lower lip nervously, he looked back with uncertainty in his soft blue eyes. "It's just going to be us, at home for Christmas. You've not gone and organised a big get together have you? Because I.. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Shhh its ok. I know you're not. It's just the two of us. I promise." Soft brush of his lips against Magnus' a teasing nip at his bottom lip. "Besides I'm not ready to share you with anyone else just yet. It's just going to be you and me, a lovely big bed and pay per view movies, if you can bear to keep your hands off me." 

Magnus actually giggled at that, and Kurt thought it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. "It's going to be you that can't keep his hands to himself, I know how insatiable you are, and I plan on walking around naked." Magnus whispered as he brushed his nose against Kurt's, making his lover moan, Magnus smiled into the kiss before pressing his tongue inside Kurt's mouth, his tongue teasing Kurt's as he deepened the embrace. 

"Mags, baby I want you to know that we don't have to do anything if you're not ready. Just having you home and away from prying eyes and distractions. Without anyone walking in on us is more than I could ever want. I just want to spend time with you in my arms away from everything." Kurt said seriously a little breathless from the kiss. 

"You're going to have to let me go for a little while at first, I need to piss before we leave." Magnus said moved away from Kurt as he let him go. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

"Wild horses couldn't chase me away." Kurt said as he watched Magnus leave the room. He smiled as he went as it was the first time in a long time that he saw a hint of his lover from before. Kurt moved to sit in the chair as he waited for the younger man to return, he rubbed at his neck tiredly. He couldn't wait to see Magnus' face when he walked into his apartment and saw the Christmas tree and the presents beneath it. Or the new bed and linen in his room. 

Hearing a soft knock on the door Kurt looked up and smiled as Sally stuck her head around the door. She looked at Kurt and smiled. "Here's Magnus' medication, there's enough for a month, I know that he's not going to be staying that long at first, but in case the snow gets bad and its not safe to travel back right away its there if you need it. His anti depressants and some mild sedatives to help him sleep."

"Thank you so much Sally. I really do appreciate it."

"Now as soon as your boyfriend gets that cute butt of his back in here, you whisk him away for a Christmas he's not going to forget. God knows he deserves it. You both do after the year you've had." Sally said grinning as she saw the smile break out on Kurt's face. "You should really smile more, it's a good look."

"Hey Sal, does this mean I free to go now?" Magnus asked as he entered the room and saw her standing beside Kurt, he could help the smile that filled his face when he saw her nod.

"Yes sweetheart, you're free to go. Just remember what Rachel told you, little steps. You'll need your coat too, it looks cold out today." 

"Yes mum," Magnus said grinning as he moved to pick up his jacket and rucksack from the floor beside the bed. Dropping the bag on the bed he smiled as Kurt reached for it and put the medication inside while he shrugged on his worn green jacket. He knew that he'd need a warmer one if they were to spend any significant time outdoors, but with his favourite black cardigan and the heating in the car it would be more than enough to get them home.

"Less of that cheek, come here and give me a hug." Sally said as she moved towards Magnus who was a bundle of nerves, he reminded her of a puppy getting ready to go for its first walk. Wrapping her arms around him she gave him a gentle hug. "Go have a lovely Christmas and don't do anything I wouldn't do." She whispered into his ear as he hugged her tightly.

"You too. I hope that you get to have a little time off over the festive period." Magnus said as he reluctantly let her go. 

"Thanks, now you drive safely. You've got some pretty special and precious cargo on board." 

"Dont you worry. I'll get him home in one piece. Thanks again for everything. Have a wonderful Christmas and we'll see you in the new year." Kurt said seriously as he saw the blush staining Magnus' cheeks as he slid the rucksack onto his shoulder. "Come on baby lets get you home."


	42. Chapter 42

Magnus had been quite quiet on the long drive back to Ystad before he'd fallen asleep while he watched the snowflakes falling, but Kurt hadn't been too worried as he knew that Magnus could be at times. Plus it must have been quite overwhelming for him to see the outside world passing by once more after so long inside the clinic with only the one view over the parking lot and the city around it. Out here nature was able to flourish and reclaim parts of the country that had been abandoned. 

Pulling up outside Magnus' building, Kurt stopped the car and looked over at his lover's peaceful face as he slept, he really wisher he didn't have to wake him, but the sooner they got inside the sooner he could get comfortable in his own familiar surroundings. Getting out of the car, Kurt pulled Magnus' bag from the backseat and slung it over his shoulder before carefully closing his door. Coming round to the passenger side he reached for the door and opened it slowly. He reached out tentatively and touched his lover's shoulder lightly. "Mags, baby we're home."

"Hmmm, what time is it?" Magnus mumbled as his eyes fluttered open as he carefully sat up. He reached for the seat belt and fumbled with the release at first as he got his bearings.

"Its a little after seven. The snow had started to drift in a few places so it took a little longer than anticipated. Is there something in particular that you would like to eat?" Kurt asked as Magnus climbed out of the car and pulled his coat tighter around himself. He looked up at the night sky, seeing a few stars twinkling in the inky darkness. 

"Its so beautiful out here at night, so quiet and peaceful. If it wasn't so cold I'd love to sit a while." Magnus said almost wistfully as the snowflakes began to fall once more. Sticking his tongue out he tried to catch some of them on it, but failed as they seemed more intent on catching on his long eyelashes. "But its fucking freezing. Take me inside." He said laughing as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"Let's get you inside and warmed up, i don't want you catching a chill." Kurt couldn't help but laugh as he wrapped one arm around Magnus as he leaned into him as they walked towards his building. He loved seeing the younger man so at ease right now. "So any thoughts on what you're hungry for?"

Magnus snickered as he buried his head in Kurt's neck, placing a soft kiss to the side of his throat. "There's a few things, not least being able to suck Daddy's cock." Magnus whispered as he nipped at Kurt's ear lobe. 

"Fuck, Mags." Kurt groaned as he felt his cock twitch at the thought of Magnus taking him in his mouth. 

"Maybe later, I want to please you first." Magnus said as he gently tugged on Kurt's earlobe gently. 

"Mags, don't tease me too much, I don't know how long I'll last. It's been too long." Kurt murmured as they made their way into the building. 

"Oh they've finally fixed the lift." Magnus said in surprise as Kurt led them towards it. Noticing that the out of order sign was missing. 

"Yeah, they fixed it two months ago I think. Come on let's get you home and warmed up." Entering the lift Kurt smiled as he watched Magnus punch the button for his floor, before moving to lean against the back of the lift. Wetting his bottom lip as he watched the light illuminate the floors as the car steadily climbed. Magnus blushed as he caught him staring at him. But Kurt wouldn't ever apologise for checking him out. Especially now, when he seemed more like the younger man he'd fallen heads over heels with. 

"See something you like?" Magnus asked, cocking his head to one side, causing some of his soft golden curls to fall onto his face as he moved. 

"Always. You are so beautiful Mags. I will never get tired of looking at you. I've got a surprise for you when we get inside. So I want you to close your eyes before we go in." Kurt told him as he reached out gently to brush the stray curls from his loves forehead. Seeing the slight frown forming on Magnus' face he was quick to reassure him. "It's ok, it's not a surprise party. It's just us, I promise."

"Thank you, it's not that I don't trust you, because lord knows I do. You're the only one I'd trust with my life." Magnus said sincerely, leaning into the caress as Kurt's fingers brushed against his cheek. "I know you'd never hurt me intentionally."

"Come on," Kurt said as the lift stopped on Magnus' floor, the doors sliding open. Kurt smiled as Magnus followed him closely, wanting to give him chance to prepare himself Kurt fumbled with the keys on Magnus' key chain. 

"Anyone would think you were nervous about taking a boy home for the first time." Magnus whispered as he watched the way Kurt's hand trembled. 

"It feels like it is our first time over again." Kurt said as the key slid home finally, allowing him to unlock the door. "Ready when you are. Close your eyes baby and don't open them until I say." He reached for Magnus' hand, twining their fingers together as he watched as his eyes closed slowly, his tongue swept across his bottom lip before a soft sigh escaped his lips. Guiding his lover into the lounge Kurt stopped and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Keep them closed." 

Magnus nodded, his curls bouncing as he did. Kurt left his side and moved around the room getting the lights he turned on the lamp beside the sofa and he turned on the fairy lights. Before turning off the main light. Kurt turned and looked at his lover, he felt his heart skip a beat as he took in the sight before him. Magnus' face was bathed in a multitude of coloured lights from the Christmas tree. Magnus had never looked more beautiful than he did in that moment. Coming back to stand beside Magnus he smiled softly as he gently took his hand once more. "You can open your eyes now baby."

Magnus opened his eyes slowly, his soft blue eyes filling with wonder as he took in the sight before him, turning to look at Kurt he lowered his eyes shyly as he felt tears running down his cheeks. "You did all of this for me?" He said as he reached up and brushed the tears away almost angrily. "Bloody emotions are all over the place. They're happy tears I promise."

"Hey, it's alright." Kurt reassuringly murmured as he moved to stand behind Magnus, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head upon his shoulder. "I wanted it to be special for you, for us, our first Christmas together."

"Thank you, it's beautiful. Kurt please tell me that those presents aren't all for me."

"Not all of them, but a fair few of the are yours, there's a few from work, for both of us." 

"I ordered you something too, I just hope it arrives in time. I did pay for express delivery but, I didn't really have much notice for getting out of the clinic and I wasn't sure if you would be able to visit, or whether you were going to be going home for Christmas, to your family, or going to spend it with Linda." Magnus said, turning to face his lover as he was starting to ramble as his mind raced with everything that he wanted to say. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright. I'm right where I always planned to be. There is no place I'd rather be than right here with you. Mags you're my whole world." Kurt reassured as he cradled Magnus face in his hands, thumbs caressing his cheekbones tenderly. Leaning in he brushed his lips softly against Magnus', taking things steadily as he waited for Magnus to lead him in the familiar dance. As Magnus whimpered into the kiss, Kurt took the opportunity to deepen the embrace. Slipping his tongue into Magnus mouth, caressing his wet muscle teasingly before withdrawing. Magnus moaned into the kiss as he took over, kissing Kurt hungrily as he fisted his sweater in his hands, his hips rocking up against him, allowing to feel how aroused Kurt was. Sliding one hand downwards Magnus cupped him through the denim, giving him a playful squeeze.  
"Mags, baby we don't have to rush things." Kurt said, groaning as he heard his zipper being drawn down before Magnus deftly unfastened his jeans and slid his hand inside, into his boxers to wrap his fingers around his shaft. "Fuck, Mags..."

"Shhh, let me take care of you." Magnus murmured as he kissed along Kurt's throat, his hand stroking him leisurely pulling more moans from his lover's throat. 

Magnus sank down to his knees in front of Kurt and momentarily eased his hand from inside Kurt's jeans. Hurriedly he shrugged off his coat and pulled off his cardigan, leaving just the red t-shirt. Kurt took off his own coat and let it drop to the floor as he pulled off his own sweater, his heart was hammering in his chest as Magnus reached up and eased his jeans and boxers down. 

His boy looked absolutely ravishing as he wet his bottom lip before leaning in to kiss the tip of his cock, tongue flicking out to give kitten soft licks as he took the beads of pre-cum from the slit. "Fuck, Mags that feels so good." Kurt groaned as his hands settled on his shoulders, as he tried to steady himself. It had been too long since they'd last been intimate and even longer since he'd felt Magnus mouth. "Oh Baby, that's real good."

Magnus wrapped one hand around Kurt's cock and gave him a few leisurely strokes, before opening his mouth and taking the head between his lips. His soft blue eyes looking up at him through his long eyelashes as he moved up and down his rigid cock. Magnus hummed softly around him, the vibrations sending extra stimulation through Kurt's body. 

"Oh god Mags... uhhh baby, you're so good at this." Kurt moaned as he felt Magnus relaxing his throat as he took more of his length, watching his beautiful lover as he bobbed his head. He moved one hand to cradle Magnus'cheek gently as he tried not to buck his hips, he didn't want to choke him. "Ohhh fuck... uhhh Mags, I... I'm gonna cum. Uhhh fuck baby that's it. Uhhh..." Kurt groaned as he felt Magnus taking him completely, his nose buried in his pubic hair as he moaned wantonly around him, while he rubbed his fingers against Kurt's tight little pucker. 

Feeling the touch Kurt came hard, hot ribbons of cum filling his boys mouth as he came deep inside Magnus' throat. Magnus swallowed all he'd recieved and pulled off of Kurt with a wet pop. He looked up at Kurt with desire blown eyes.

"You taste so good Daddy. I've missed you so much." Magnus whispered as Kurt pulled him to his feet, his hand moving down to cup him through his own jeans. "Fuck, please..." he moaned as his hips bucked against Kurt's palm. 

"Mags, I had wanted to wait, but I don't think I can. I need to feel you inside me. Mags I need you to fuck me, I need to know that you're really here with me." Kurt said still slightly breathless from his orgasm. "Mags please, take me right here, right now under the lights from the Christmas tree."

"Do you have any lube, I don't want to hurt you." Magnus said sincerely, as it was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to make it good for Kurt.

"Wait here for me, I'll just grab some from the bedroom." Kurt murmured as he brushed his fingers lightly over Magnus' cheek. 

Nodding Magnus watched as Kurt left him momentarily. His heart was hammering in his chest as he pulled off the rest of his clothes before kneeling down infront of the tree. "Come here.” Magnus sighed as he reached out to the older man taking Kurt's hand as he returned to his side. Kurt was gloriously naked, having removed his clothes in the bedroom, he took Magnus' hand and allowed himself to be pulled down to the floor settling himself upon his lap. Kurt looked up into Magnus' eyes and sighed as he felt the strong callused fingers caress his cheeks as he slid his hands back to tangle in his hair.

Magnus heard the little whimper escape from his companion as he pulled his head in and brushed his lips softly across his lips. Kurt closed his eyes and pivoted his hips forwards so his erect member pressed firmly against his lover's stomach. Magnus moved one hand lovingly down the older man’s back and settled it upon the taught round globes of his ass. Magnus smiled as he felt Kurt open his lips, as he swiped his tongue lovingly over his lips. He slid his tongue between his lips and caressed Kurt's gently, toying with his lover while he caressed his buttocks softly.

When he ended the kiss Kurt was breathless, but his eyes were glazed with desire. Magnus stroked the older man's cheek gently before moving his hand down to caress his buttocks more firmly, softly kneading the round globes of his ass as he raised him up onto his knees, taking the lube from Kurt, he coated his fingers liberally. He spread Kurt's buttocks so he had an unobstructed path to his entrance. Rubbing little circles around his tight pucker, Magnus continued to distract Kurt with passionate kisses, while he carefully prepared him, teasing him slowly until he was ready to take one of his long digits. Kurt gasped as Magnus pushed into him slowly. "That's it, God you're so tight." Magnus murmured as he began to slowly move his finger in and out. He carried this on for several minutes before adding a second digit, in and out causing Kurt to moan and press himself down onto his fingers. 

"Fuck Mags, I've missed this, uhhh your fingers feel so good." Kurt groaned as he continued to move, fucking himself on Magnus skilled fingers. "Uhhh fuck right there, christ Mags. Please fuck me." As Magnus curled his fingers, brushing against his prostate over and over as he prepared him. 

Pulling his fingers from Kurt's heat, Magnus wrapped one hand around his own rigid dick and carefully moved himself to line up with Kurt's body. Kurt lowered his eyes to half mast as he looked at Magnus when he felt the mushroomed head of his lover’s cock press against the puckered ring of his anus. He whimpered slightly as he felt Magnus slip effortlessly into his body. 

“So tight. Kurt you’re always so tight.” Magnus purred as he pulled the older man down until he could feel his balls pressed against his ass.

“Mags….” Kurt moaned as he threw his head back in delight when he began to thrust into him, careful not to thrust too hard and hurt him.

“Relax, its ok. You know I won’t hurt you.” Magnus told him as he leaned down and captured one pebbled nipple between his lips and sucked softly, before letting it free and caressing it with his tongue. Kurt moaned shamelessly as Magnus pushed up on his knees. Kurt moved to wrap his legs around his boy's waist and clung to him tightly. He whimpered with need as Magnus lay him down on the floor, careful not to be parted from his sweet depths.

Magnus raised the long lean legs away from his waist. Pressing his right leg down against the carpet; pushing it up so it was bent at the knee. Before pressing it out to one side so it spread Kurt wider and gave him an unobstructed view of where he was joined with the older man, while he pulled the left up over his shoulder.

Magnus smiled as he watched as his erect shaft slid effortlessly in and out of Kurt's tight arse. On each outward stroke he groaned as he saw the way the light's from the Christmas tree glistened off his lube slickened member. He watched the way Kurt purred with delight as he graced his prostate with well-timed strokes of his cock.

"Uhhh, Fuck... uhhh you feel so good." Magnus moaned as he watched Kurt’s cock bounce in time with his thrusts, as the older man whimpered boldly as he watched him with lowered eyes, watching him through his lashes. "Fuck... Kurt. I'm so close. Uhhh... Cum with me." Magnus moaned as he thrust harder as he neared his orgasm, watching Kurt's mouth fall open as he mewled with delight as Magnus reached down and wrapped his hand firmly around the rigid dick and began rapidly pumping him in time with his thrusts. He wanted Kurt with him when he reached his peak.

“Ohhh Mags...” Kurt shouted as he spilled his seed over Magnus' hand when he felt him cum, his cock throbbing deep inside him as the hot ribbons of his lover cum filled him. Magnus thrust hard several times more as the last of his semen spilled into his silken depths.

Magnus breathed deeply as he pulled his softening member out of Kurt's body, watching the way the his lover's chest rose and fell as he came down from the high of his orgasm. He loved the way the older man looked in the aftermath of their lovemaking. All flushed and at peace with his nakedness while he lay sated. His hair tousled from the intensity of their union and his pale skin glistened with sweat as it clung to his form. Kurt looked so damned hot in the dappled lights from the tree. 

Magnus caressed his cheek softly watching the way the older man’s eyes fluttered closed. He knew that he was exhausted and that he was well sated. Magnus smiled softly as he lay down beside his lover, wrapping one arm around Kurt's chest. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too Baby. That was a hell of a welcome home. Not that I'm complaining."

"Hmmm, I could get used to this." Magnus murmured as he snuggled closer to his lover. Resting his head upon Kurt's shoulder he smiled softly as his stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. 

"So what do you want for your second course?" Kurt asked grinning as he ruffled Magnus sweat dampened curls. 

"Pizza and garlic dough balls, and maybe some chocolate chip brownies for desert." Magnus murmured as he listened to the stead beat of Kurt's heart beneath his head. 

"I think we can manage that. Do you want to shower first while I order?"

"Ok. You know I wish my shower was bigger." Magnus said almost wistfully. Magnus giggled as he got to his feet, blushing as he saw Kurt watching him closely. He wiggled his ass suggestively. 

"Me too Baby. Now go get cleaned up, before I get other ideas." Kurt said as he watched as Magnus made his way from the room.


	43. Chapter 43

Magnus climbed into the shower, letting the hot water run over him, beating down on his shoulders. He placed his hands on the tiles infront of him as he bowed his head, letting out a shuddering breath as he felt his tears. 'I can't do this, not now, please don't ruin this for me.' Magnus thought as the voice started to taunt him again. "Just leave me alone." Magnus murmured as he lifted his head, tilting it back so the hot water soaked his curls. Washing away his tears as he ran one hand nervously through his wet hair, pushing the now tight curls from his forehead. 

He felt the tightening in his chest as he tried desperately to ignore the voices. He took a deep breath in, holding it in as he counted to three in his head before letting it out slowly. Over and over he repeated the breathing exercise that Rachel had taught him for whenever he felt overwhelmed. He didn't know how long it took for his anxiety to ease but once the pain had passed, he quickly washed himself down before turning off the shower and climbing out. 

Wrapping a towel around his slim hips he picked up a smaller one and rubbed it over his hair, toweling it mostly dried before crossing to the medicine cabinet. He opened it and grabbed the painkillers from inside. He popped two of the pills from the blister pack and shoved the rest back inside. He looked at his face and was relieved that he'd managed to get himself under control without it looking like he'd been crying. Filling a glass with water Magnus sighed as he popped the two pills into his mouth and swallowed them down with some of the water, before finishing the rest of the water. 

Magnus rinsed the glass before setting it aside and then made his way into the bedroom. He went to the chest of drawers and pulled open one of the drawers and took out a pair of slate grey sleep pants, feeling the soft fabric in his fingers as he pushed the drawer closed, opening another he pulled out a plain white t-shirt. Shutting it he made his way to the bed, trembling slightly as he got a flash of the last time he was in here alone. So much blood, so much pain. 'Don't do this, it's not the same bed, its not the same. Kurt's out there waiting for you. He loved you and he's not going anywhere. Just remember that you are loved. Relax everything is going to be ok. You're alright.' Magnus thought, doing everything he could to reassure himself that things were different now. He dropped the clothes on the bed and eased the towel from around his waist, he dried himself off before getting dressed. 

"Mags, do you want a coffee?" Kurt called from the lounge.

"Please, I'll be out in a minute." Magnus called back as he made his way over to the bathroom, tossing the towels into the hamper. Running his fingers through his hair he returned to the lounge in search of his lover. He could hear the sound of the kettle as he sat down on the sofa, picking up the TV remote he flicked idly through the channels as he looked for something to watch. 

Kurt came back into the room and set a cup of coffee down beside his lover. He smiled as he looked at him, he looked absolutely stunning with his tight curls. "Pizza should be here in about half an hour. Do you think you can find something to occupy yourself for a little bit while I get cleaned up?"

"I'll be fine, thanks though for checking. I'm sure I'll be able to find something to watch." Magnus said sincerely as he waved the remote towards the television.

"In case they arrive early with the pizza, the money's in my wallet in my jacket pocket." Kurt told him as he pointed at his jacket on the floor with the rest of their clothes. "You just get yourself comfortable and relax, I'll be back soon."

"Ok, I'm not going anywhere." Magnus murmured as he watched as Kurt leaned down and brushed his lips softly against his. He returned the kiss as he felt Kurt's hand slide over his cheek, his thumb brushed along his cheekbone, tracing the contour of his face.

"God, I've missed this, missed kissing you. I'll be back soon." Kurt whispered as he ended the kiss and pulled away. He smiled softly as he saw the blush staining his lover's cheeks. Magnus looked back at the TV as Kurt left for the bathroom.

***

Magnus didn't know how long he sat there watching the television as it flickered in front of him. His mind was a million miles away, so much so that he hadn't realised Kurt had rejoined him until he felt him touch us hand, making him flinch. "Jesus, you scared the crap out of me. I didn’t hear you." Magnus said as he looked up at Kurt with startled eyes. 

"I'm so sorry Mags, I never meant to frighten you." Kurt said softly as he moved to sit down beside his young lover. "So what did you find to watch?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure off hand, it's a true crime documentary." Magnus said as he reached down to pick up his coffee. 

"You missing being at the station?" Kurt questioned as he reached out for Magnus' free hand.

"I miss being useful, I don't miss all the psychopath's. But I miss my life from before. It might sound odd, but I even miss our pissing contests, when I've rubbed you up the wrong way, or you've got me riled up." Magnus said as he wrapped his fingers around the cup, it was lukewarm, so he knew that the contents was more than likely cold now. 

"I wouldn't mind you rubbing up against me again." Kurt said as he rubbed his fingers lightly over the back of his lovers hand. Seeing Magnus smile before taking a gulp of the coffee he grimaced as it was stone cold as he swallowed it. "Would you like a fresh cup?"

"Please, I'll promise to drink it before it goes cold this time." Magnus replied as Kurt got up and took the mug from him. Turning back to the television, Magnus watched as the forensics team began taking a cast of shoe prints from outside the victims home. The suspect had accessed the property through the spare bedroom window and then had methodologically made his way around the home and had slaughtered the family. 

Hearing the knock on the door, Magnus got up and picked up Kurt's jacket, searching for his wallet quickly before crossing to the door. Magnus could already feel his heart hammering in his chest as he looked through the spy hole and took in the dark haired youth on the other side of the door. Biting his lower lip nervously he took a deep breath before opening the door slowly. 'He's not Toby.' Magnus tried to tell himself as the dark haired young man gave him a warm smile as he pulled the pizza boxes and their side orders out of the thermal bag, before he reached out towards him. Magnus reached out to take the box and he could feel himself shaking as the other man's fingers brushed against his as he handed over their order. He didn't hear what the other man said over the sound of his heart thundering in his ears. 

"Hey, it's alright I've got it." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he put his hands on Magnus' shoulders and gently squeezed them, before he reached for his wallet in one of his lovers hands. Taking out the notes he handed them over to the delivery boy as Magnus stood still before him, his hands shaking as he held the boxes. "Its ok, thank you, you can keep the change." Kurt said as he stepped back slightly and gently placed his hands upon Magnus' waist and gently turned him so that he could close the door and attend to the way his lover had reacted. 

He took the boxes from Magnus hands and set them on top of the cabinet bear the door, and he looked up at his lover's face, his flesh was deathly pale and he was worrying his bottom lip. His eyes downcast as his hands shook. "Mags, it's just me. I want to hold you, alright?"

Kurt gently reached out brushing his fingers over the back of Magnus' hands, sliding his hands along his forearms all the while keeping eye contact with his love. "I'm going to wrap my arms around you and hug you. Is that alright?" He asked as he moved his hands towards Magnus' elbows. Seeing the slight nod of his head he moved his hands from his arms and wrapped them around his lithe frame. As soon as his arms engulfed him he felt Magnus wrap his arms around him, pulling him against his chest he could feel the tremors running through his love and he reached up and ran one hand soothingly through his curls as he heard the hitch in Magnus' breathing and then the soft sob as he buried his head in to his neck. "Hey, shhh it's alright. I've got you, I'm right here and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. Shhh it's ok."


	44. Chapter 44

Kurt woke from a troubled sleep to find Magnus missing from the bed, he reached out to touch the sheets and found them cold to the touch. His love had clearly been up for some time, getting up Kurt checked the bathroom only to find it empty. Padding out into the lounge he found it empty also, that only left the kitchen. Kurt felt his heart beat pounding in his chest as he looked for his lover. Entering the kitchen he felt it skip a beat as he saw his lover at at the small dining table, holding a slice of toast in one hand while he stared off into space. He seemed a million miles away but Kurt was glad to see that he was eating. 

"Good morning beautiful." Kurt said softly as he approached the table slowly as he didn't want to spook his lover. 

"Hey, sorry I had to get up. There's coffee in the pot if you want some." Magnus said gesturing towards the coffee machine with his slice of toast. 

"It's alright. How are you feeling this morning?" Kurt questioned as he moved around the table to get some coffee for himself. He knew that Magnus would talk about the incident with the delivery guy when he was ready. He wouldn't push him because he knew from experience that if he didn't want to talk about something, then there was no getting it out of him. 

"I'm fine." he said before taking a bite of his toast, looking down at his phone on the table. He idly continued to flick through the local newsite. 

Kurt nodded and just continued to make his coffee, he sighed as he took the first mouthful if coffee. "Is there anything that you want to do today?" He asked, not sure if there were any traditions that his lover had for Christmas. "I know that the stores will be bedlam being Christmas eve and all, but if you want to go out we can. You've been cooped up for a while."

Magnus sighed, putting his toast down and picking up his coffee to wash it down, before looking up from his phone and at Kurt. "I know that you mean well, but please can we not. I just want to spend time with you, watching mindless TV." 

"That's fine with me." Kurt told him as he leaned against the counter and watched as Magnus went back to looking at his phone, while he finished his breakfast. 

***

Kurt gently ran his fingers lightly through Magnus soft blond curls as he lay with his head in his lap watching the television. Although Kurt's attention was on his lover, more than the show that was on. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that beautiful mind, as he could tell that Magnus wasn't completely in the room. Hearing the knock on the door, he looked down as he saw the younger man come back to himself as he sat up, looking over at the door, he bit his lower lip as he got up and made his way to the door. 

Kurt could see the way Magnus' whole body had tensed up, he knew that the younger man was anxious as he unlocked the door and opened it slowly. His hands shaking as he reached out to take the box. A mumbled thank you before he shut the door, closing it harder than necessary and making it bang loudly in its frame. Magnus turned and he sank to his knees by the door as his body shook with the release as his anxiety took over from him. Kurt got up and crossed the room, kneeling down beside him, he reached out tentatively and felt Magnus recoil from the touch as his fingers brushed against the back of his hand as he held the parcel in a white knuckled grip. 

"It's just me. Mags you're safe. You're at home and no one can hurt you here." He murmured reassuringly as he tried again to place his hands over his lover's. He took a deep breath as he felt Magnus' hands trembling as he started to cover his hands, he felt his heart breaking as his lover tried to pull away from his touch. "Mags, it's Kurt, I'm never going to hurt you. I know, you know that. I love you baby." He looked up at Magnus' face and through the tears he saw fear in his blue eyes. Reaching up with one hand he brushed his fingers lightly against his lover's cheek as the tears began to fall. When Magnus didn't pull away Kurt reached out and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer he brushed his lips softly against his forehead before resting his own against him. Looking into the deep blue eyes he knew that he was seeing the broken spirit of his lover. His strong boy wasn't there any more, gone was the fiery spirited younger man to be replaced with the ghost of his lover. 

Kurt didn't know how long they stayed there, with him just holding his lover. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles against the back of Magnus' hand while his other caressed his back gently. Over time the soft tremors subsided and his breathing evened out. Gone was the fear that had gripped his lover in the aftermath of the delivery. "Do you want to go and chill out on the sofa, with a hot drink?"

Magnus nodded and began to move away slowly, he still felt a bit wobbly as he unfurled his legs and began to stand up. He helped Kurt to stand before taking the parcel over to the sofa once more, while Kurt went into the kitchen. Magnus carefully opened the box and removed the receipt, he opened the gift box carefully, checking the inscription details he sighed, it was perfect, he just hoped that Kurt would like it. He closed it and made his way over to the Christmas tree and set the black box with silver ribbon underneath it. He'd just sat down again when Kurt entered and set, the mug down onto the side table. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, thank you, it's perfect." Magnus said as he put the empty packing box on the floor beneath the table. 

Kurt came around the sofa and sat down beside Magnus and he couldn't help but smile when his lover moved closer snuggling into his side as he picked up the remote once more and started flicking through the TV guide. Kurt wrapped his arm around Magnus, gently running his fingers through his hair, teasing it at the nape of his neck. Magnus looked up at Kurt and smiled softly as he stopped scrolling through the television guide when he reached The Grinch. "Do you mind if we watch this one?"

"Not at all, its a guilty pleasure of mine." Kurt said as he placed a soft kiss to the top of Magnus head. He really did love this movie and he was honest, right now he would have watched anything including paint dry if it caused his lover to smile.

***

The rest of the day seemed to pass relatively smoothly, relaxing on the sofa as they watched several Christmas movies, with Magnus smiling and giggling at some of the antics of the various different characters. Kurt really could get used to seeing this softer side of his lover. He'd really not expected him to love the Christmas comedy's with likes of Elf and The Nativity making up their viewing. Kurt really hadn't been surprised that Magnus had picked Home Alone and then Die Hard to end the evening. Not that he believed that Die Hard should be considered a Christmas essential viewing must. 

They ended the night with Magnus winning the debate that yes Die Hard was indeed a Christmas movie. Having taken place entirely during a work's Christmas party, and to have the fact confirmed with the scene involving one of the criminals meeting their end with 'Ho Ho Ho, now I have a machine gun.' Emblazoned on their sweater. Magnus had taken his winnings in the form of a lazy blow job from the older man. Kurt had skillfully undone Magnus with his oral skills while the lights of the Christmas tree sparkled in his blue eyes. 

When Magnus came down from his orgasm, Kurt smiled as he moved to sit beside his lover, glancing at the clock on the wall he saw that it had gone midnight. It was officially Christmas Day. "Happy Christmas Mags."

"Merry Christmas Kurt." Magnus murmured as he moved to kiss his lover, brushing his lips softly against Kurt's he smiled into the kiss, he could feel Kurt's fingers buried in his curls, and he groaned as he tugged on them lightly. 

"I love you so much baby. I'm so glad that you are here with me." Kurt said breathlessly as he ended the kiss. "Do you want to open your presents now or in the morning?"

"I love you too." Whispered as he caressed Kurt's cheeks softly, feeling the beginnings of his five o'clock shadow against his fingers. His mind wandering slightly to thoughts of what it would feel like to have Kurt kissing his inner thighs with a beard. Would it tickle, or scratch. Would it heighten his pleasure. "I honestly don't mind. If you want to do them now before we go to bed then I'm happy to do that." 

"I was just thinking that we could do them now and have a lazy day in bed tomorrow." 

"I like the sound of that." Magnus said as he got up, taking Kurt's hand in his he gently tugged it as he moved towards the Christmas tree. 

Kurt followed Magnus eagerly as he moved so that he was sitting down cross-legged across from his beautiful boy. Magnus had never looked more angelic or beautiful than he did in thus moment. Kurt smiled brightly, Magnus really did look like a kid at Christmas with his soft blue eyes filled with wonder. The rainbow lights from the tree cast a warm glow over Magnus' body, filling his eyes as he looked up at him and returned his smile. 

Kurt reached for one of the gifts and checked the tag before handing it to his lover, before reaching for one of the others that he knew was from Linda. Kurt watched as Magnus carefully peeled off the tape and unpeeled the wrapping paper, even in this he seemed so controlled and at peace. Seeing a blue gift box he looked up at Kurt and smiled as opened the lid seeing a soft grey scarf. He ran his fingers over the soft material. "Anne-Britt has great taste, whose gift is yours from?"

"From Linda." Kurt said as he tore at the paper to reveal a chunky black cashmere sweater.

"You're going to look so hot in that." Magnus said blushing slightly as he reached out for the next gift. Checking the tag, he saw that it was for him from Svedburg. Setting it down beside him, he reached for another and saw that it was for Kurt from Lisa.

Magnus smirked as he saw that Kurt's gift was another sweater, but this time it was a deep forest green. "Do you think they're trying to tell me something?" Kurt questioned as he held it up in front of him. 

"Perhaps, your wardrobe could do with a little more updating. I think they'll really suit you, bring out the colour of your eyes. Besides it could be worse. At least its not all deodorants, too many of those can give a person a complex."

"It's a good job I love you, a comment like that off anyone else might earn a spanking."

"Promises, promises." Magnus said sticking his tongue out playfully at his lover as he revealed the latest Dan Brown novel from Svedburg. 

"Don't stick your tongue out unless you intend on using it." Kurt murmured as he leaned across and caressed Magnus cheek gently before pressing his lips against his in a chaste kiss. Hearing Magnus whimper into the kiss as he opened his mouth allowing him to deepen the embrace. Kurt continued to stroke his tongue against Magnus' while he kissed him passionately. When he ended the kiss, he was breathless and Magnus had a glazed look to his eyes as he breathed deeply. "I'm never going to get enough of the taste of your lips. Of hearing your heady little whimpers as you lose yourself in the moment."

"I love the way you kiss me." Magnus whispered as a soft blush covered his cheeks as he reached for his gift for Kurt. He could feel his fingers shake as he handed it over, biting his lower lip he watch Kurt closely as he carefully opened the box. 

"Mags, it's beautiful." Kurt murmured as he took in the watch, he carefully removed it from the box and turned it over so he could unfasten the clasp. He felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the inscription on the back.

... To My Love,

Always on my mind, Forever in my heart. 

Your Mags ...

"Mags it's perfect, just like you. I love it." Kurt murmured as he felt tears run down his cheeks as he looked up from the gift to see his boys worried expression. 

"You really mean that?"

"Every word. Thank you sweetheart. I shall treasure it always." Kurt reassured him as he reached out and took his lover's hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "This ones from me." Kurt told him as he handed over a long rectangular box with black ribbon. "I hope you like it."

Magnus wet his bottom lip as he carefully removed the lid and he looked up with tears in his eyes as he saw a Stirling silver identity bracelet, with his name engraved into it. Easing it from the box he turned it over in his hand so he could unfasten it, underneath he saw the inscription.

... I'm eternally yours. 

Love Kurt ...

The inscription had the infinity symbol either side of the text. Magnus tried hard to keep his emotions in check, but he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he fumbled in his attempt to fasten the bracelet around his left wrist. He looked up at Kurt as he reached out and stilled his trembling fingers. "It's ok, let me." 

Magnus nodded as Kurt fastened the bracelet and then brought the younger man's hand up to his lips, so he could place a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist. "Take me to bed." Magnus whispered as he looked at Kurt with desire blown eyes. 

Kurt nodded as he got to his feet and gently helped Magnus up, twining his fingers through his, Kurt lead Magnus from the lounge and into the bedroom. Pulling him closer he wrapped his arms around his lithe frame, his hands moving down to cup his buttocks gently as he backed them up towards the bed. Falling back onto the bed, he spread his thighs, breathing deeply Magnus stepped between them and carefully leaned down over him, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss, his fingers buried in Kurt's hair as his own hands slide over his ass, pushing his sleep pants down so he could cup the warm flesh beneath as he felt him rock against his own erection. "Oh god Mags, please..." Kurt moaned breathlessly.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - CHARACTER DEATH DUE TO SUICIDE 
> 
> If you or someone you know of is suicidal, please call one of the numbers below. For your country. If someone in IMMEDIATE danger, please call your local emergency number e.g. 911 in the US.
> 
> United Kingdom: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 08457909090  
> United States: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255
> 
> MORE NUMBERS IN THE END NOTES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really wasn't the way I'd hoped for this story to end, I love these characters with every fiber of my being and this was heart breaking to write. I've agonised over posting this for several days now. 
> 
> My muses are as real to me as my husband is and each and every one of you my readers. I write the stories that my characters show me or tell me to write. So it was as emotional for me to write, having lived through every moment of this story with Magnus and Kurt. I've felt every one of their feelings over the past few months, many sleepless nights and emotional floodgates have been opened while I wrote this. 
> 
> Magnus in this story is indicative of many men sadly who go through similar events, but if anything is achieved by this story, then I hope that you will take away the message that  
> There is help out there, You are not to blame, You are not weak, You are not your abuser, You are worth it. You are loved. You are worthy and It's Ok to admit that you need help, It's OK to not be OK. 
> 
> When I wrote this particular chapter of this story, I listened to my Magnus playlist. I don't know if any of you want to listen to the songs while you read it.  
> Always Remember Us This Way - Lady Gaga (a star is born)  
> Joanne - Lady Gaga (Joanne)  
> I'll Never Love Again - extended version - Lady Gaga

Christmas came and went in a blur of happy tears and broken and breathless moans as Kurt couldn't seem to satisfy Magnus' desire for intimacy. His lover seemed almost insatiable, but it was clear that there something weighing heavily on his lover's mind, there was missing from the way Magnus acted around him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Magnus almost seemed to be his usual self, unless someone came to the door, it was in those moments that Kurt knew that something still haunted his love, although he tried so hard to school his features, trying desperately to hide the fear that lingered in his eyes long after the event. But he daren't bring it up in conversation less he upset the younger man. In a couple of days he would be retuning to the clinic, to continue with his treatment, for Rachel to go through how he'd managed his Christmas away from the clinic so she could adjust his treatment accordingly. 

That evening Magnus seemed particularly restless, squirming on the sofa almost as if he couldn't get comfortable. As it got later in the day Magnus began to worry his lower lip as he nervously watch him closely. His mind really wasn't on the movie. 

"Mags, baby what is it?" Kurt asked as he reached out and gently grasped his hand in his, rubbing soothing circles against the inside of his wrist. "You know that you can tell me anything."  
Magnus lowered his eyes shyly as he felt his cheeks flush, he was anxious because they'd not been together since that first night all those months ago, before his world turned to shit. "Mags, look at me, please." Kurt said softly as he slid two fingers beneath his jaw and gently lifted Magnus chin so he could look into those beautiful blue eyes. 

Wetting his bottom lip with his tongue, Magnus let out a soft breath before closing his eyes momentarily. "Kurt I need you." He whispered as he looked up, he could feel his nervousness as his heart started to pound in his chest. "I need you so much."

"Oh baby, you know that you don't need to be nervous around me."

"I know. Please take me to bed, I need this." 

Kurt nodded as he allowed Magnus to lead him through into the bedroom. He wasn't sure why Magnus was so nervous, but he was going to do everything in his power to make his young love completely at ease. Stopping at the foot of the bed, Kurt watched as Magnus took a shuddering breath as he reached out to pull Kurt's t-shirt from his body. Dropping it to the floor, he smiled as his hands settled upon his hips, fingers brushed lightly along the edge of the waistband of his black sleep pants. Several moments passed as he just rhythmically caressed the warm flesh while his eyes remained fixed upon his.

"Mags, its ok." Kurt murmured reassuringly as he reached out and gently trailed his fingers along his forearms, back and forth as his young love let out another shallow breath. "If you've changed your mind we can just snuggle."

Shaking his head, no, Magnus looked up at Kurt and gave him a soft smile and he brushed at the stray tear that had started to run down his cheek. Reaching up Kurt cradled Magnus' face in one warm palm as he could see that whatever was going on inside his love's head, that he needed this right now. Rubbing his thumb back and forth against his cheekbone he returned the smile as Magnus' fingers lightly traced his treasure trail, before dipping beneath his waistband, causing Kurt to gasp. 

Magnus gently pulled the sleep pants down over Kurt's hips, freeing his erection as his pants fell to pool around his feet. Kurt groaned as he stepped out of the pants, when he felt his soft fingers brush against him softly.

Magnus bit his lower lip nervously as he ran his hands across Kurt's chest, hands splayed out over his pectorals, fingers brushed through the soft fur on his chest before stroking over his nipples, making him groan at the contact. Capturing the tight buds between finger and thumbs, lightly squeezing them causing, the older man to hiss. "Mags..." Kurt moaned as he reached out to touch him.

"Kurt please let me?" Magnus begged, seeing the questioning look on Kurt's face he smiled softly. "Trust me." Seeing the older man nod, Magnus gently pushed against Kurt's chest, pushing him down to lay upon the bed. "Move up, further please."

Kurt did as he was asked, watching as Magnus pulled off his red t-shirt that he'd taken to wearing whenever they were apart. Licking his lower lip, Kurt couldn't take his eyes from his young love as he pushed the soft black sleep pants down over his thighs, slowly revealing the darker curls surrounding the root of his gorgeous cock. 

"You're so fucking beautiful Mags," Kurt murmured reassuringly as he watched as Magnus' glorious cock sprang free of the confines of his sleep pants, already so hard, standing proudly from his body. The rosey hued crown peaked from beneath his foreskin, a bead of pearlescent pre-cum clung to his slit as the satin soft flesh stretched tight over his length. "I'll never get tired of seeing you like this." Breathy as Magnus pushed the sleep pants down, his full balls hung heavy between his muscular thighs. "Mags, you're gorgeous." Eyes raking down his body, even with the pink scars covering the pale flesh of his inner thighs, evidence of how far he'd come over the last few months. Kurt hadn't thought that his young love had ever looked more beautiful. 

The sleep pants dropped down Magnus' legs and he stepped out of them, kicking them to one side. He blushed hotly as he reached for his cock, stroking himself a couple of times as he stepped closer to the bed. Climbing up onto the bed Magnus lowered his eyes shyly as he carefully straddled Kurt's thighs. "Mags, you don't have to..." he started as he felt Magnus wrapping the fingers of one hand around his cock. Magnus gave him a small smile as he pressed one finger against his lips. 

"It's ok, I want to." Magnus said shifting his weight so he was kneeling astride him, reaching behind himself he whimpered softly as he pulled the butt plug out and dropped it onto the bed.  
"Please, I'm ready. Kurt I want you more than you will ever know. I need this." Magnus whispered softly as he carefully moved up onto his knees while lining Kurt's cock up with his entrance. 

"Mags..." Kurt murmured his breath catching as he felt Magnus slowly sink down over his length. It took all his will power not to thrust into the warmth of his body as he sank over him. Taking him deeper as he breathed deeply above him. His head tilted towards his chest, soft blond curls falling forwards over his forehead. 

Magnus moaned as he sank down, slowly taking every inch of Kurt into him. Eyes closed as he braced his hands against his lovers chest, he licked his lips as he slowly began to move, up and down on his length. Opening his eyes he watched Kurt closely as he placed his hands on Magnus' hips, just there for support, to let him know that he was there for him, that he wanted nothing more than for him to find his release.

"Oh god, feels so good." Magnus whispered as he felt Kurt's cock as it moved within his body. He was so hard and deep inside him, Magnus could feel him brushing against his prostate with each downward stroke. He needed more though, as much as the slow way he rode Kurt felt amazing he wanted more. Nibbling on his lower lip, he looked up with desire filled eyes, and caught sight of the tears sparkling in Kurt's. "I need you to fuck me. Please make love to me Kurt." He begged.

"Mags, are you sure?" Kurt asked, as he watched as Magnus threw his head back as he sank down, taking him so deep inside himself. It felt amazing to be buried so deep inside his young love. To be surrounded by his heat as he whimpered and moaned softly as he rode his cock in an agonisingly slow pace. 

"Please Kurt, I need you so much. I trust you not to hurt me." He said softly as he rocked his hips gently. 

Hearing Magnus beg was more than enough for Kurt, he sat up wrapping his arms tightly around him, he rolled them over on the bed. Magnus gasped as he lay beneath him, his heart was hammering in his chest as he waited for Kurt to move. Pulling almost all of the way out he watched Magnus' face for any sign of discomfort as he sank back inside slowly. Over and over he repeated the same agonisingly slow pace, hearing Magnus whimper beneath him. "Kurt, please I'm not made of glass, I'm not going to break. Please fuck me."

Nodding his understanding Kurt thrust hard and deep, hitting Magnus' prostate, making him gasp as he clung to him. "Ohhh god..." he moaned as his eyes fluttered closed as he lost himself to the sensation of Kurt's rigid cock sinking into him over and over again, hitting his prostate on each deep stroke. Magnus' fingers clawed at Kurt's back making him hiss at the sensation.

"Fuck Mags, you feel so good, so tight... ugh you keep squeezing me like that and I'm not going to last." Kurt growled as he felt the muscles clenching around him, trying to stop him from pulling out completely.

"It won't be long, I'm so close." Magnus whispered as he wrapped his hand around his own cock, feeling it pulse in his hand as he began to stroke it in time with Kurt's movements. "Ohhh... fuck... I'm gonna cum..." Magnus moaned as he arched his back as Kurt pushed him over the edge with his well timed strokes. His cum splashed hotly over his hand and onto his stomach. 

"Ohh... God.. Mags... I'm cumming..." Kurt moaned as he felt Magnus' body spasm around his stiff cock as he thrust, once, twice, three times more before he lost his control. Hot ribbons of cum filling Magnus as he whimpered beneath him. He came so hard inside the younger man that he saw stars. Pulling out of Magnus body, he rolled onto his back beside him, breathing heavily as he came down from the high of his orgasm. 

Magnus, recovered first and moved to lay on his side, curling himself up against Kurt's side, he slung one leg gently over his hip, while wrapping his arm around his waist. Resting his head upon Kurt's shoulder, he blushed hotly as he closed his eyes smiling as he placed gentle kisses upon his collar bone. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too."

Magnus sat up slowly, and swung his legs off the side of the bed. He bit his lower lip as he felt Kurt reach out for his hand where it lay on the bed. "It's ok, I just need to piss, and get some water. I'll not be gone long." He murmured as he glanced down at they way Kurt's hand covered his. 

"Ok, try not to be long, I want to fall asleep with you in my arms." Kurt told him softly. 

Magnus just nodded, unable to make his voice work, he got up and made his way into the bathroom. As he passed the sink he caught sight of himself in the medicine cabinet and he felt his breath come out slowly, Magnus didn't recognise himself as he looked at the haunted look in his blue eyes, they appeared dull even to himself and his cheekbones stood out starkly. He knew he had lost more weight and he couldn't take it, the tears started to fall silently down his cheeks. 

***

Kurt cleaned himself up while Magnus was in the bathroom and he tugged the blanket up over himself, lying on his side he waited for Magnus to return. He didn't realise when he'd dropped off into sleep but he mumbled something unintelligible as he felt Magnus lift his arm and snuggle up against him, pressing his back against Kurt's chest. "I love you Kurt." Magnus whispered softly as he pulled the blanket over himself, closing his eyes as the tears continued to fall silently. 

Kurt didn't wake fully as he tightened his hold on Magnus, as he slipped back into a deeper sleep. Magnus felt the darkness approaching him as his eyelids became heavier. He knew it wouldn't be long now, he was tired, oh so very tired. He twined his fingers through Kurt's and drew his hand up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Kurt's hand. "I'm so sorry." He whispered as his eyes fluttered as he returned their hands to his chest, the soft light from the bedside lamp started to dim as Magnus felt his breath even out as the darkness finally over took him as his eyes closed.

"Morning baby." Kurt murmured sleepily as he buried his nose in Magnus golden curls, inhaling the vanilla from his lover's shampoo. He moved his hand up over Magnus' chest feeling the firm muscles beneath his t-shirt, gently rubbing against him he smiled softly as he brought his hand down to pass over his lovers sleeping cock. 

Kurt wet his lower lip as he brushed the soft curls away from the younger man's neck, baring his pale flesh to him, placing a tender kiss to his skin, he felt his heart skip a beat. Magnus' skin was icy to the touch. "Mags?" Kurt murmured as he gently shook him, his heart beat pounding in his chest as he got no response, "Mags?" A little louder as he sat up, shaking him more firmly. 

"Magnus baby please answer me." Kurt begged as he got no response, he didn't want to believe what he was seeing. He reached out and touched his cheek and he felt his chest tightening as he was so cold. "Magnus no, please baby..." Kurt tried to pull Magnus over to face him and he couldn't roll him over. He was a dead weight, tears were falling down Kurt's cheek as he dived out of the bed and ran over to Magnus' side, his hand instantly went to his throat, pressing to the pulse point, there was nothing there, just more cold flesh. Kurt looked up at the peaceful face of his love, it was the most peaceful he'd seen him in months, but it was clear to see, that his beautiful boy was no longer with him, his lips were blue and he was so pale. Kurt felt his knees go out from under him. He crashed down onto the floor beside the bed as his vision blurred through his tears and he felt his whole world breaking down before him. He heard the keening wail and it took him completely by surprise, it took him several minutes until he realised that it was him making the noise. 

Kurt didn't know how long he sat there, just staring at Magnus' lifeless body. He couldn't believe that his beautiful boy was gone. Kurt's tears had stopped falling a long time ago. His eyes were sore as he reached up to rub at his face as he heard the phone buzz on the nightstand. Blindly he reached for the mobile phone, "Wallander." he didn't recognise the sound of his own voice as he answered.

"Kurt is everything alright?" 

"Mags, he's gone." Kurt murmured as he got to his feet unsteadily, bringing his free hand up to rub at the back of his neck tiredly. He stumbled over to the desk as he saw Magnus' journal open on the top of it near his phone.

"Kurt what do you mean gone?" Lisa asked softly as she could hear the uncertainty in her friend's voice. 

"H... h... he's dead." Said brokenly as he fell into the chair as he reached for Magnus journal. "H... he t... took h... his o... own l... life."

"Jesus Kurt, I'm so sorry. Have you called it in?" Lisa asked as she heard Kurt struggling with his grief. 

Kurt shook his head and then gave an involuntary broken laugh as he realised that she couldn't see him. "Not yet."

"Are you at home?"

"No, we're at Magnus' place." He whispered as he pulled the journal closer to him. 

"Stay put, I'll send a team over. Kurt don't do anything stupid." 

"I'll be here." Kurt told her as he tried desperately to contain his breakdown as he hung up. He picked up the journal and took it with him into the bathroom and set it on the laundry hamper before he rushed over to the toilet and lost the contents of his stomach. When there was nothing left to lose, he went to wash out his mouth and clean up. He felt his heart clench as he saw the medication bottles in the bottom of the sink a few pills lay upon the porcelain. He reached out and picked up the bottles, both were empty, both the anti depressants and the sleeping pills, Magnus had taken practically everything he'd been discharged with. 

Kurt dropped the empty bottles back in the sink and picked up the journal, headed back through into the kitchenette he picked a glass off the drainer and filled it with water, washing the taste of his own vomit from his mouth he closed his eyes as he spat the water into the sink and repeated the action a couple more times. Before filling the glass and making his way to unlock the door to the apartment before padding back into the bedroom. Setting the glass and journal down on the desk he moved to pull on a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt.

Satisfied that he was at least decent for whomever Lisa had sent out picked up the journal and glass and moved back over to the bed, climbing in beside Magnus he put the bass down and opened the journal to the last entry. 

...Kurt,

I'm so sorry that you have to be the one to find me. It really was the last thing I wanted. But I'm oh so tired, so very tired. I'm so sorry that I'm not strong enough to hold on for you, for us. You know that I never wanted to hurt you, I love you so damned much that it makes what I have to do even worse. I know how much this is going to hurt you and for that I am eternally sorry. 

But I hope that in time you'll come to understand that I just couldn't fight the voices anymore. I know it won't have escaped your notice how much fear the delivery guy and the pizza boy caused me. I wish I could say that it was a one off, but its not. I can't handle being this scared and afraid that everyone is going to hurt me again. Kurt, you're the only one I trust not to hurt me, but I can't keep on living jumping at my own shadow. Expecting everyone to hurt me again. I wish I was more eloquent but my thoughts are tangled and the darkness is approaching quicker than I expected. 

I am truly grateful for everything that you have done for me these last few months, for you sticking with me despite it all. Most men wouldn't have.

You've always been my guiding light, that's saved me from the darkness and you taught me what it was like to be loved unconditionally. 

I love you so damned much and I'm truly sorry for taking the cowards way out. I wish I was stronger but I'm not. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. 

It's with a heavy and broken heart that I write this. The darkness is approaching fast now.  
I love you with all of my damaged heart, I wish I could of given you, given us more time together.  
I'll always be your Good Boy, 

All my love, 

Mags...

Kurt dropped the journal on the bed and he wrapped himself around Magnus' body, burying his face in his soft curls as he sobbed brokenly. He couldn't believe that he was really gone. 

***

Three years later

The wind whipped through the trees blowing the autumn leaves around Kurt's feet as he stood up on the hill in the cemetery, pulling his jacket tighter around his chest he moved towards the black marble headstone. He reached out one hand and ran it over the top of the stone.  
"Hey baby, I'm sorry that I couldn't come up sooner, but you know what it's like at work. Criminals have now sense of timing it seems. But yeah, you'll be glad to hear that I'm not spending every waking moment at the station. I do have some time away." Kurt murmured as he crouched down and removed the dead flowers from the urn, and replaced them with a fresh bunch of white roses with a single red rose in the centre. 

"You'll be pleased to know that we got the bastard that raped you. It was part of an ongoing investigation and one of the other victims remembered seeing you in the club, rendered seeing photographs that the sick fucker had of you in his home. Baby I know it's all a little too late for you, but he's never going to hurt anyone ever again. Just the recordings of what he did to you too and all those other young men were more than enough evidence to get him put away for life." Kurt said as he ran his fingers over the inscription on the headstone. Tracing Magnus' name as he took a deep breath.

Kurt looked up at the headstone and closed his eyes briefly, feeling a gentle caress against his cheek, he bit his lower lip and tried not to let out a breathy whimper. He could have almost believed that it had been his boys fingers, reassuring him once more. Opening his eyes he knew that he was alone. "I miss you so much Mags, every damned day. I love you baby, I always will."

Getting to his feet, Kurt looked out over the cemetery and he closed his eyes briefly before look up at the heavens briefly. "I'll try not to leave it so long till I visit next time." He whispered as he brought his fingers up to his lips, kissing them before placing them against the top of the headstone. "See you later Mags."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Algeria: Emergency: 34342 and 43 Suicide Hotline: 0021 3983 2000 58 
> 
> Argentina: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (54-11) 4758-2554 
> 
> Armenia: Emergency: 911 and 112 Suicide Hotline: (2) 538194 
> 
> Australia: Emergency: 000 Suicide Hotline: 131114 
> 
> Austria: Emergency:112 Telefonseelsorge 24/7 : 142 Rat auf Draht 24/7 : 147 (youth)
> 
> Bahamas: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (2) 322-2763
> 
> Bangladesh: Emergency: 999
> 
> Barbados: Emergency:911 Suicide Hotline: Samaritan Barbados (246) 4299999 
> 
> Belgium: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: Stichting Zelfmoordlijn 1813
> 
> Bolivia: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 3911270
> 
> Bosnia & Herzegovina: Suicide Hotline: 080 05 03 05
> 
> Botswana: Emergency: 911 National Lifeline: 3911270
> 
> Brazil: Emergency:188 
> 
> Bulgaria: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0035 9249 17 223
> 
> Canada: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 1 (833) 456 4566 
> 
> China: Emergency: 110 Suicide Hotline: 800-810-1117
> 
> Colombia: 24/7 Helpline in Baranquilla: 1(00 57 5) 372 27 27 24/7 Hotline Bogota: (57-1) 323 24 25
> 
> Croatia Croatia: Emergency: 112 
> 
> Cyprus: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 8000 7773
> 
> Czech Republic: Emergency: 112
> 
> Denmark: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline:4570201201
> 
> Egypt: Emergency:122 
> 
> Estonia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 3726558088 ; in Russian 3726555688
> 
> Finland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 010 195 202
> 
> France: Emergency: 112 Suicide number: 0145394000 
> 
> Germany: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 08001810771 
> 
> Ghana: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 2332 444 71279
> 
> Greece: Emergency: 1018
> 
> Guyana: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 223-0001
> 
> Holland: Suicide Hotline: 09000767
> 
> Hong Kong: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 852 2382 0000
> 
> Hungary: Emergency: Suicide Hotline: 116123
> 
> India: Emergency: Suicide Hotline:8888817666 
> 
> Indonesia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 
> 
> Iran: Emergency:110 Suicide Hotline: 1480
> 
> Ireland: Energency number: 112 Suicide Hotline: +4408457909090
> 
> Israel: Emergency: 100 Suicide Hotline:1201 
> 
> Italy: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 800860022
> 
> Jamaica: Suicide Hotline: 1-888-429-KARE (5273)
> 
> Japan: Emergency: 110 Suicide Hotline: 810352869090
> 
> Jordan: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 110
> 
> Latvia: Emergency: 113 Suicide Hotline: 371 67222922
> 
> Lebanon: Suicide Hotline: 1564
> 
> Liberia: Suicide Hotline: 6534308
> 
> Luxembourg: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 352 45 45 45
> 
> Malaysia: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: (06) 2842500 
> 
> Mauritius: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: +230 800 93 93
> 
> Mexico: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 5255102550 
> 
> Netherlands: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 900 0113 
> 
> The Netherlands: 0800-0113
> 
> New Zealand : Emergency: 111 Suicide Hotline: 1737 
> 
> Nigeria: Suicide Hotline: 234 8092106493 
> 
> Norway: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: +4781533300 
> 
> Philippines: Emergency: v911 Suicide Hotline: 028969191 
> 
> Poland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 5270000
> 
> Portugal: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotlines: 21 854 07 40 and 8 96 898 21 50
> 
> Romania: Emergrncy number: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0800 801200 
> 
> Russia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0078202577577
> 
> Saint Vincent and the Grenadines: Suicide Hotline: 9784) 456 1044
> 
> Serbia: Suicide Hotline: (+381) 21-6623-393
> 
> Singapore: Emergrncy number: 999 Suicide Hotline: 1 800 2214444 
> 
> Spain Spain: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 914590050 
> 
> South Africa: Emergency: 10111 Suicide Hotline: 0514445691 
> 
> South Korea: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: (02) 7158600 
> 
> Sri Lanka Sri Lanka: Suicide Hotline: 011 057 2222662
> 
> Sri Lanka Sudan: Suicide Hotline: (249) 11-555-253
> 
> Sweden: Emergency number: 112 Suicide Hotline: 46317112400 
> 
> Switzerland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 143 
> 
> Thailand: Suicide Hotline: (02) 713-6793
> 
> Tonga: Suicide Hotline: 23000
> 
> Trinidad and Tobago: Suicide Hotline: (868) 645 2800
> 
> Turkey: Emergency: 112
> 
> United Arab Emirates: Suicide Hotline: 800 46342 
> 
> United Kingdom: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 08457909090 
> 
> United States: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255


End file.
